“Rayna, it’s me!” he spoke firmly as he turned my body to face him. It was Azmir. I was scared shitless! I don’t think I’d ever been so terrified in my life.
I screamed, “What the fuck!”
“A’ight, god, you good from here?” The one big guy with a petite voice mumbled as he and the others moved towards the door to exit the small suite. Suddenly, they appeared far less harmful than they did when I opened the door. My heart still hadn’t found its relaxed rate. I was still in shock, trying to process what had happened. It all had happened so quickly. Azmir gave a firm nod dismissing them.
Once the door was shut, with adrenaline still running on high levels in my body, I looked to him for answers. He didn’t quickly offer them. He kept gazing at me as if I was the one in the wrong. We had a stare down for a while before I broke the ice with, “You can start with what the hell you are doing here.”
“I could ask you the same. I don’t hear from you in damn near three weeks. I call, text, e-mail, and show up to your office. What the hell is this all about? And what I really need to know is how the fuck did Michelle pass away and you not tell me?” Azmir was seething, he had never taken that tone with me before.
I shot him a look that could kill for that outburst. He didn’t react.
“What is wrong with you? Why do you keep running? At first that shit presented a romantic challenge but now it’s straight fucking neurotic!”
His beautiful nose had flared and I saw his brows knit with deep concern. In a nano-second I appraised his handsome features, even when he was outraged. Feelings of familiarity started rushing in.
I didn’t have a response. There was so much going on in the moment. Just minutes ago I thought I was being violated and now Azmir is yelling angrily in my face. Did I mention I had no idea how he was able to get into my room? Speaking of which, “How the hell did you get in here?”
He scoffed, “After day nineteen of trying to contact you I got the memo that you were avoiding me. I eventually contacted your job. So, yeah, once Sharon told me where you were I decided that I would have to be forceful. And I used my fucking spare key!” He tossed his right arm toward the door, I’d supposed referring to the big brutes that just left. I was still speechless.
“Rayna, I don’t know what to do. You said you have a problem trusting people so I try and make myself more available to you emotionally. Before that bullshit with Tara, I thought we were finally in a good space. You have no damn idea what I've done in terms of extending myself to you. What more do you want from me?”
His baritone voice was calm and unnervingly even over controlled breaths as he stood feet away from me with his hands resting on his hips.
For the first time since my dear friend's death I lost it, I exploded. “What more do I want from you?” I broke into a fit of giggles. They vanished almost as soon as they’d arrived. “I don’t need a goddamn thing! Not from you or anybody else! I’ve been at this thing by myself long enough! I’m not asking you for shit! The only person that ever gave a damn about me is gone! Could I at least get some room to grieve? I just need my space!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. The tears gushed after each word, I had lost all sense of control.
With that, Azmir grabbed his jacket and charged toward the door. He was leaving. I didn’t know how I expected him to respond to my meltdown or even if I wanted him to respond at all. But I didn’t expect him to turn his back and leave. His brisk actions snapped me back into reality. His pending departure represented loneliness to me. If Michelle was gone, who would I have to call on?
“You cannot go through life alone. If you’re planning to, you’re taking a detour to an early grave.” Michelle’s haunting words whispered into the deepest of my psyche.