I nod. “Yeah. It’s cool, B. We can slow our roll. Tonight is evidence of us not being ready to go there.”
“But I want to date you, Zoey. I really do. I want to get us to that point.”
“So do I. We’re on the same page,” I attempted to assure him. “Right now, though, I need to get in the shower, which I’m sure you can appreciate.” I stood with an honest smile.
“Oh. Oh. Oh!” He jumped to his feet. “I need to get back to Jersey anyway. I have to be at church first thing to practice with the senior choir.”
I started out to the foyer. “I won’t be there. I have an early shift, but I’ll call you when I think you’re done.”
“Okay,” he answered behind me.
At the door, Bernard pulled me into a hug, squeezing me with heartfelt emotions before leaving. I drug myself into the shower and thought over the night’s events. I was hugely disappointed, but not in Bernard. I was angry with myself for rushing things once again. I’d now had three sex partners, but chemistry with just one—undefeatable chemistry. Something had to give. One thing I would not do again was give my body away in the name of finding someone new. Sex with another man wouldn’t dull the pain. I now got that. With that revelation, I amended that Bernard may not have caused my toes to curl, but he’d made it clear he wanted a future with me.
When I climbed into bed, I got on my iPad, going through social network for Ni?a Sweet Cakes. I found myself on Stenton’s pages, finding pictures of him either alone or with Jordan. It had been five months since his reported breakup with Jenna and he’d still not been photo’d with anyone else but Jordan. A couple of weeks ago, I covertly asked my mother about Stenton and specifically his dating life. She gave me some indistinct reply about him gaining higher ground, but to keep him lifted in prayer. Anger couldn’t describe my feelings at the moment. Sarah Barrett was my mother! Why did I feel like I was sharing her with Stenton? It was bad enough that I shared a child with him, my home was technically his—heck, even my business was attached to him in name. And considering that night, even my third sexual partner was linked to him.
Holy mother of Joseph!
~~~~~~~~~~
May 2013
I woke up in a cold sweat, breathing erratically. I rose my left hand and sure enough, there it was. That was the moment I felt the first tingle of an itch in the very place the ring clenched on my finger…over the permanent ink of initials. It brought the memory of the night before back crisply.
“Elizabeth Ardell Barrett, will you marry me?”
The entire Delta’s restaurant in New Brunswick went silent. I don’t think anyone was paying attention to us; it just seemed as though the world stopped. Marriage? Bernard and I together was so… unexpected. He invited me out with his friends one night after service after the holidays and now he was on one knee asking for my hand in marriage. For me it was too much. How did we get here?