“Well, what do you want?” she yelled.
“I want you to listen to me. I want to talk this shit out. I don’t want you angry. I need things to be right between us.”
“Right?” She pivoted toward me. “What’s right to you? Please tell me the role to play since you’ve always held all the cards. Oh, Great One Stenton, how should I conduct myself with you?”
“Zoey, don’t go there.”
“Then tell me where to go, Stenton!” she screamed.
And there was the question. Where do I go from here? What do I say? Anybody from the outside, judging our situation would say, “Just talk about it. All you need to do is communicate.”
Bullshit!
This was going to take more than a conversation. To get us back into a better place would take more than mere words. I’d gotten us so far out there that I could have told Zoey right then and there that I never wanted anyone but her and all my bullshit ass relationships since her were all plotted for her. For us. To give us time. To give her the time she needed to grow before I could have the life I’ve been wanting with her since meeting her. I couldn’t blurt that I wanted her to be my wife, for her, Jordan and me to be a family finally. Would that shit fly with her yelling in my face right now? Hell no!
“That’s what I thought. You have nothing. You can’t offer me anything, but money to keep up with your pity act for me. Well, I don’t need your pity, Stenton. I’ll be just fine alone. I’ll figure me out alone. Go!”
Zoey charged to her room and I leaped into action behind her, but not fast enough to keep her from slamming the door in my face.
“Damn it, Zoey, open the fucking door!” I banged on it with force.
“No! Just leave, Stenton! Just go!” She screamed. “I can’t do this with you anymore. I’m…tir—” That’s when I heard sobs.
“Zoey!” I banged again. I needed to hold her.
“No! Leave me alone! You’ve done enough! I’ve done enough! It was my stupid slip up getting pregnant. You tried to do the right thing by taking care of us, but you don’t have to keep up the act. This stuff is messing with my head now!”
“What?” I yelled through the door. “What’s messing with your head?”
“Being attached to you!” I hear her cry through the screaming. “You don’t want me! You didn’t want me before I got pregnant. Now that I have your child, the only thing I’m seen as is your discarded lover or a connection to your status. I can’t even get a man to take me seriously!” She laughed hysterically in her fit. “Remember Jae?” I didn’t answer. I’d already decided I’d beat the shit out of him the moment she uttered his name while crying. “He wanted an interview and a screw. I guess that was better than Chris last summer who wanted to bypass sex or dating and get right into you investing in his sports bar. Oh, and before then, Lewis wanted to be your barber.” She laughed again. “I’m not good enough for Stenton the Great, I’m not good enough for a layman! That’s how it goes!” She belted out guttural cries. I mean deep, hard sobs.
She was tipsy…maybe even drunk, but this was her truth. This had been her struggle for years. My chest tightened. When you hear the love of your life, the claimer of your soul cry out helplessly with senseless assumptions, it makes you want to do some crazy shit. It brings about temporary insanity. As I conjured plans in my head and unbuckled my belt, I knew I was crossing the line. I knew I was once, again, manipulating shit between Zoey and me.
“Open the fucking door, Zoey,” I called out. Nothing. “Zoey, please, baby, just open the damn door!” Nothing but the sounds of her tears.
I backed away and used all my might to ram into the door, knocking it off its hinges. As soon as I located Zoey, she jumped to her feet with eyes big as saucers.
“No!” she screamed. “Stenton, just go! I don’t want you to see me like this!”