And when Jenna started grunting on top of me, I realized I’d missed most of this session with her. I’d been just as absent as if I’d been in a different room. Then I wondered if she shared the same grievances as Zoey about being perceived as something short of a lover. She was, after all, on top of me riding the shit out of my cock. Suddenly, I got angry. There’s no way Zoey could accuse me of not being in the moment with her during sex. She had all of me outside of the element of sex, but in that act she had the best of me. As Jenna’s body flopped on top of me, I realized Zoey’s was the only name I’d ever called out during sex. No one made me lose my shit like that fucking frustrating Zoey did. Just at the thought alone, I felt my wood getting harder. It was when I got a flashback of Zoey screaming some variation of my name…or when I fucked her that time in her dorm room and my girl told me she couldn’t hold out…
“Goddamn!” I found myself crying out, thinking about the way Zoey’s eyes squeezed and lips parted when she flooded me with her essence.
“Wow! That was excellent!” Jenna beamed as she collapsed on my chest. “I didn’t think you were ever going to finish, babe.”
I laid there collecting my thoughts. I couldn’t believe the head trip I’d just experienced. What the fuck is this? Jenna was a cool…sweet woman. She didn’t deserve this shit. Once I was able to catch my breath, I took off for the bathroom to flush the condom. Though completely unnecessary, hard habits don’t die easily. Needing to check on Jordan, I grabbed my phone and sent Sarah a text. Then I rolled into bed and closed my eyes in an attempt to block out the noises in my head.
I awakened to complete darkness. When I was able to gather my bearings, I realized I’d slept the damn day away. Shit! I shuffled in the covers, turning over to find my phone and saw Sarah said Jordan’s fever had broken. I was relieved. I then saw Jenna in the sofa chair next to the window. She sat with her feet tucked under her again, gazing outside. The light from the street lamp post shined through and into the dark room.
“You hungry?”
I cleared my throat and rubbed the sleep from my face. “Nah.”
I scooted off the bed and ambled out to the bathroom, needing to take a leak. When I came out, I searched for my clothes and put them on.
“You’re leaving?” I heard the panic in her question.
“You know I have an early flight in the morning. I need to go pack.”
“I thought you brought your things with you to Alpine?”
I shook my head.
“We didn’t even spend Christmas together, Stent. I wanted us to talk.”
I took a deep breath and sat on the bed to put my boots on. I knew I wouldn’t see Jenna for almost a week, leading into the New Year. I could spare a moment on that fact alone.
“Let’s talk,” I offered.
She turned around in the chair, dropping her feet to the floor to face me. It took a few moments for her to start.
“I know things are heating up in the season...” She took a heavy breath. “And I don’t want to be a burden to you, Stenton. I swear I don’t.” Her tone turned formal.
This was the Jenna I knew. The one I met and was taken by her primness. Jenna conducted herself as opposing party at all times. Even when she tried to lower her professional veneer, for the most part, she left her emotions out of the equation. That was until we started fucking. That’s when all things changed. That’s when we had to talk more about my demons because she wanted to connect more. That’s when I shut her out and into a place I reserved for people that wanted more of me quicker than I cared to give it.
“I just need to know where we’re going with this relationship. I feel like the more I try to make room in your cluster for us to move forward, the more you pull back.”
“Cluster?” I didn’t think I liked the connotation.
“Yes. Your intricate world with your family. You keep them locked away from me when I think we should be bonding. If you and I are going to continue to grow as friends, we should be blending families.”
“Was that your purpose for Thanksgiving?”
“It was, and then Christmas rolled around and I spent it alone. Hell, even your uncle was with Zoey and her family…at your house!”
“And? What concern of that is yours?” That was a fucked up response, but I didn’t like her undertone.
“The fact that I want more with you?”
I raked my fingers from the top of my head to my chin. I felt the first of a headache growing.
“What’s more, Jenna?” I asked calmly.
“A hell of a lot more than you’re giving right now! For starters, I want to get off of birth control and for you to stop using rubbers.”