My head jerked up. That shit got my attention.
“Yes! I want a child together. Perhaps that will garner me the same respect as your impermeable “family”.” She used air quotations. “Then maybe we can progress to…marriage.”
I froze. Couldn’t speak for too damn long. It was so long that my silence communicated for me. I didn’t want to hurt Jenna. I knew she’d come out of a tumultuous relationship a few years ago and took quite a while to recover from it. I didn’t want to be on the bad list of lovers for her as I now was with Zoey. I also couldn’t rebound from this confrontation. Jenna was laying her cards out on the table in a moment of honesty and full disclosure. There was no crying ‘I didn’t know’ after this. Any real man knew this was his cue to shit or get the fuck of the bowl. I couldn’t give her even half of what she was asking for. Another child…with another woman? Marriage…with another woman?
I heard the sob hurl from the back of her throat. I stood to pull her into my arms. I felt helpless as fuck for what I was doing to her. About to do. I rocked her as tightly as comfort would allow. When Jenna’s tight grip and pull on the sides of my shirt let up, I knew she no longer needed my embrace.
I pulled back. “I appreciate your honesty. But, Jenna, when we started kicking it, we agreed to no games or lies.” She nodded her head enthusiastically. “We also agreed to not pressuring each other for more than friendship.” Jenna’s eyes went big and she heaved. I was hoping she didn’t get amnesia about that covenant. It was when she captured my attention. “What you’re asking for moves beyond the bounds of friendship.”
“You expect us to stay in that place forever? How can we make love and remain easy friends? When we do what we did earlier”—she pointed to the bed—“you didn’t want to be just friends.”
“Jenna, it was your decision to move our relationship to that level. I was fine with your celibacy. I cautioned your eagerness, too.” She couldn’t deny that.
I was no kid. Too old to be playing games with women. I didn’t need the guise of a relationship to get *. Shit, before Zoey, I’d had those very arrangements. There were plenty of people in the industry who preferred sex only. I didn’t come with games, didn’t have to.
“I’m going to step off here. I can see you’re far more involved than I can be at this point in my life.” I stared her straight in the eyes.
“Wow. Just like that. Have you ever even considered more than friendship with me?”
“I’ve once survived a dark period of my life because of my friendship with you.”
“But that’s the only value I’ll ever hold,” she stated, not questioned. “If I’m not good enough, Erika isn’t good enough, and Zoey’s not good enough, then who?”
I tensed at that last name.
Jenna caught the reflexive move.
“So, you are still in love with her.” She leaped back and gasped. “My mother has been right all this time.”
I didn’t respond. What the fuck could I say?
“Please leave my home,” she whispered, eyes glossed again.