"When I was a kid, I had a really shitty childhood, I mean really shit. My parents were really strict, very controlling, my Dad especially. But he wasn’t a nice guy. He was not a nice guy at all."
Luke takes a deep breath before he goes on. "I was a smart kid, a genius everybody called me. And my parents, my Dad, he used that against me. He pushed it, pushed me. Forced me to study and study, all the time. Took me from my regular school and sent me somewhere else. With kids who were supposedly just like me. To study all these highly advanced math programs that I had absolutely no interest in studying. I just wanted to go back to my old school, to my old friends. But they wouldn’t let me. They told me I was staying, that this was where I belonged now." He takes another deep breath, kissing the top of my head. "But I never wanted to be there. I never wanted any of it and I never got to have a normal childhood. Never got to do the things I wanted to do. All I ever wanted was learn to play guitar and hang out with my friends, play video games and watch TV, just like a normal kid. I just wanted to be normal."
He stops again, running his hand over his face and his head.
"I remember being so excited when I was about sixteen. I won this stupid big math thing that I’d never wanted to be in anyway, and my parents were finally relenting and buying me a guitar. I’d been begging them for ages and they finally caved. I don’t know why, but when they gave it to me, it was a violin and a book of classical music. Said if I was going to insist on playing an instrument, then I was going to learn proper music. I was so pissed off. I mean what sixteen year old kid wants to learn the fucking violin. I couldn’t understand why my parents never listened to me. Never heard what I wanted. I wanted a guitar and they’d promised me that, but then they ignored me and bought me a fucking violin."
He’s not smiling now and I can see the frustration and anger he still feels.
"Then by the time I was eighteen, they’d made the decision about where I was going to college and what I was going to study. They never once asked me what I wanted. Not once. They just sent off the application, paid whatever fee was due and that was it, decision made and they’d never asked me a damn thing."
I watch as Luke closes his eyes. The lingering frustration is all over his face and I can’t help but wonder if he’s ever told anyone else this story.
"Eventually I lost it. I just couldn’t stand it and completely flipped out, had enough. I didn’t want to do any of it anymore. I didn’t want my parents telling me what I was thinking or what I wanted. Knew they had no right to tell me how I should be living my own life. I was sick of never being allowed to make my own decisions about anything. Sick of never being allowed to just be me, the person I wanted to be. So after a year, I dropped out of school and I left LA. I just left and ran, eventually wound up in Boston. Not long after I learnt to cook. I shaved off my hair and I got the tattoos. And I started playing my music, finally learning the guitar and playing the music I’d always wanted to play. Along the way, I met Jared and eventually, we started thinking about forming the band."
He stops for a minute. He’s absently stroking my hair and I want to tell him he can keep going, that I’m listening to him. I run my fingers along his arm, but he’s staring across the room, his eyes not focused on anything and I’m not sure he notices.
"My Dad was so pissed when he found out," he continues quietly. "He tracked me down and came all the way to Boston. Came all the way out here to yell and threaten me. Threatened me with everything; money, my inheritance, disownment. He didn’t realise the only thing I’d ever wanted was choice, freedom, to be able to make my own decisions. But no amount of yelling at him got that message through and he couldn’t change my mind either. In the end, he figured knocking some sense in to me was the only other option."
"What?" I ask, shocked.
He looks down at me and smiles sadly. "Yeah, nothing like a punch in the face from your old man to finally get your brain in gear."
"Oh shit Luke, I’m so sorry," I whisper. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have a family out there somewhere. A family who would do something like that. I wonder if they’ve ever even heard Luke play, if they even realise how fantastic he is.
He looks down at me, gently tucks my hair behind my ear as he says, "It’s okay Ash, it was a long time ago now. And yeah, at first it was rebellion on my part, the whole school and tattoos thing, shaving my hair off even. I mean I wanted to change everything about me; who I was, how I looked. I didn’t want to be his son anymore, didn’t want to be the person he’d created, didn’t want to see that person looking back at me in the mirror every day. I just didn’t want to be me anymore, you know?"