And just like that, I leave my old life behind and walk into a new one with him.
He takes me home. It’s warm in his apartment. He takes me to his room, pulls me into bed and holds me until I fall asleep. All I can smell is Luke. I feel safe here, lying on his chest, listening to his heart beat, listening to him.
When I wake up only hours later he’s still here, holding me in his arms. I move so our faces are only inches apart on the pillow. I feel exhausted. He looks the same and I wonder if he has slept at all. It’s only just dawn.
"Are you okay Luke?" I ask him quietly, running my hand over his hair, across his cheek. "Is your arm hurting?"
"I’m alright Ash," he says, pulling me tighter against him.
"I’m sorry about your family, about your Dad doing that to you."
He presses a kiss to my forehead. "It’s okay beautiful, it was a long time ago. I’m okay with it all now."
"What about Mia?" I ask. "Does she speak to them?"
Luke lets out a big sigh. "No she stopped speaking to him after she learnt what he did. I think she still speaks to Mom though, every now and then anyway, but it’s strained, I know that."
I take a deep breath. "That day you threw the phone, were you talking to him?"
Luke closes his eyes. "Yeah," he whispers. "I was. I was trying to protect Mia."
"Is she like you?" I ask. "You know, gifted?"
He runs his hand over his face, over his head. He looks so tired as he says, "No, it was just me, although she’s definitely not stupid. She just isn’t doing what he wants her to do. He still thinks he actually has a say in all this, in her life."
His face is so sad, so lost. I want him to be happy again. I want to make him happy. He’s done so much for me, so much more than I ever thought possible. I look at him, forcing myself to smile. "So you’re saying, underneath this sexy rock star lurks a total maths geek?"
He laughs now and there it is. His eyes are bright again. The worry and tiredness leaves his face. My heart surges with happiness, finally. I smile at him, kiss him softly. He pulls me even closer, dragging the covers over us.
"You think I’m sexy?" he whispers teasingly.
I laugh now. I feel like I’m home.
It’s been twelve days since Luke’s accident and I’m still living with him. His burn is healing and he will be okay. I’ve officially given up my apartment now and all of my stuff is either here, in storage or gone. I’m living in the apartment with him and Jared. I’m welcome here and it’s nothing like before. I want to be here. Luke wants me to be here. Jared laughs when he says I should’ve always been here. I don’t know how I ever thought I could leave him.
Luke makes space for me in his bedroom. We are lucky because he has the biggest with a bathroom too. He finds places for all of my stuff and he lets me be at home here. I smile as I put my toothbrush beside his in the bathroom. Stack my CDs with his. Hang my clothes next to his in the wardrobe.
And I hang the guitar picks in the window above our bed.
The last two weeks have been like a new start and I feel so different, so completely different to the old me. Luke knows everything now, he’s seen me at my worst and he’s still here. Every day with him is like a new chance and I don’t want to lose that. I want to believe this is all possible. I want to believe things really can be different this time.
I’m lying in bed reading when I hear Luke come home tonight. Mia is here again, staying with us for Christmas. I know now that she always stays with them when she comes to town and I know now how much Jared loves it. I also know it isn’t just a little one sided crush at all, that he is absolutely crazy about her and when I ask him why he doesn’t just tell her, he shakes his head and says, "She’s the sister of my best mate Ash, it’s complicated."
"He knows Jared and he doesn’t have a problem with it," I tell him. "You have to know that."
He smiles sadly at me and says, "Yeah I guess, I mean he didn’t seem to before."
"So what’s the real problem then, why can’t you just tell her how you really feel?" I want them to be happy. It’s torturous watching them both feel the same way about each other and do nothing about it. I don’t know how either of them can stand it.
"I don’t know," he answers quietly. "Too much has happened and too much has been said. Mia, she knows how I….I just, I just don’t know."
He blows out a deep breath and I realise how much all of this affects him, how much it must’ve been affecting him for a while now. I also get the feeling there’s a lot more going on here than I ever realised. Things have definitely happened in the past I know that, but there’s a gap neither of them can cross, no matter how much they both want to. I want to help them, after everything they’ve done for me.