chapter Twelve
He kept hold of her hand as they stepped out of the little alcove into the kitchen. Josh was leaning back against the sink, clearly waiting for them.
Gavin drew up short, keeping a shoulder in front of Allie, putting him between her and her ex.
Josh noticed. He lifted an eyebrow and straightened from his slouch. “Everything okay?”
Gavin didn’t do the everyone-in-his-business thing well and he was hardly ready for Josh, of all people, to act possessive or concerned. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Josh seemed unruffled. Typical. And annoying. “I’m not kidding.” He looked at Allie. “You okay?”
Gavin stepped forward before she could answer. “Her being okay is my job.” He said it firmly, meeting Josh’s gaze directly. He knew the other man would know what he meant.
Josh’s jaw tightened. “We just care about her.”
“Now it’s even ‘we’?” Gavin asked. Of course. They were all her bodyguards as long as she was here doing what they wanted her to do.
“It’s always been ‘we’.” Josh’s words were steady and sure. “We’re a family. Whether Allie and I are married or not, our families and our lives are mixed together. It will always be that way.”
Gavin worked on not reacting. He wasn’t going to let Josh get to him. He wasn’t even entirely sure that Josh was trying to get to him.
Gavin recognized that he was likely riled up, at least in part, because he was damned uncomfortable here. There were a lot of people here at once who knew each other too frickin’ well and had for a long frickin’ time. They were at ease being in each other’s personal space as well as each other’s business.
In Gavin’s life, people knew what he wanted them to know and he asked only about the things he wanted to know from them. There wasn’t a lot of deep-dark-secret-sharing in his life, he didn’t have a lot of history with anyone he spent time with, and there definitely wasn’t a lot of touchy-feely-hugging going on. It certainly never got to whatever-this-was between the Ralstons and the Brewsters. Here it was really hard to tell where one family stopped and the other started. Watching Josh with Danny and Charlie, he was sure most people would assume they were all brothers. Seeing how Sophie watched Allie, with pride and affection clear on her face, a stranger would very likely believe that Allie was Sophie’s own. And watching Owen and Sophie together, it was very hard to believe they weren’t more than friends and neighbors.
So Josh felt protective and concerned. Fine. Gavin wasn’t going to tell Josh to f*ck off. He also wasn’t going to punch him in the face. If the other man was testing him, he’d try to understand. If Josh was warning him, Gavin would probably be smart to heed it. But he would not back down, he would not tuck tail and run and he would not show Josh—or Allie—how Josh’s words about family stabbed Gavin in the gut.
Family was something Gavin wasn’t good at. That and being there for Allie when she needed him. But he was working on it. All of it. And it was none of Josh Brewster’s business anyway.
F*ck. He really wanted to punch Josh, though.
“I appreciate you looking out for her,” Gavin made himself say.
Not that he thought Josh had done a very damned good job of it, considering how sick and exhausted she was when Gavin got to her. He could just f*cking keep on looking out for her the way he’d done after she left the wedding with Gavin—from afar.
“I’m not just looking out for her,” Josh said. “Family goes deeper than that. It’s forever, no matter what.”
“I’m good with forever, no matter what,” Gavin said, trying not to growl. “We’ll just have to put another chair at the family dinner table. Because where Allie is, I am.”
Josh didn’t look impressed. He moved his attention to Allie. “So you are okay?”
Gavin heard her sigh. “Yes, Josh, I’m fine.”
“Your dad doesn’t realize—”
“I know,” she broke in. “I’m fine.”
Gavin felt satisfaction course through him and barely kept from grinning smugly. He’d talked to her about her dad and she’d listened. She’d cut Josh off. Ha.
“If you need—”
“She’s good,” Gavin said.
“Everything okay in here?”
Jackson strolled into the room, looking casual, but Gavin knew he was there as Josh’s backup.
“We’re fine,” Gavin said tightly.
“Completely fine,” Allie agreed.
Josh even nodded. “Yeah.”
“You sure? You’ve been in here a while. The three of you are kinda full of surprises lately, so we were wondering.”
There was that “we” again. Gavin gritted his teeth.
“Just talking,” Allie said.
“Just making sure everyone is good,” Josh added.
“Brewster,” Gavin said with warning, “I think we’re straight on that, don’t you?”
Josh hesitated and Gavin came that much closer to hitting him.
Then Hayley Stone came through the doorway. “Everything okay in here?”
“For f*ck’s sake,” Gavin muttered, starting toward the living room with Allie in tow.
It was anyone’s guess if Hayley had come in because of Jackson, because of Gavin or just because she was the only one who carried a gun, but Gavin was done reassuring anyone about anything. He was still trying to get used to having five conversations going on around him all at the same time and having so many people in one space at one time that he couldn’t keep track of which coffee cup was his.
Having everyone constantly making sure everyone else was “okay” and “fine” and “good” was really getting on his nerves.
He strode past Josh, Jackson and Hayley and headed straight for the couch, where he deposited Allie next to her father while he sat on her other side. There was no room for anyone else, and here he could just sit back, touch Allie and not talk for five frickin’ minutes.
Forty minutes later, his head was pounding. It was so loud and chaotic in the room, and, he could admit, he was tense. His neck and shoulders for sure—feeding his headache—but he felt the tension all the way to his gut.
Looking over at Lydia, expecting a similar reaction from the girl who made keeping to herself an art form, he was surprised to see her grinning and talking and laughing right along with them. She’d never be as animated as Charlie, but he seemed to bring something out in her that Gavin hadn’t seen until now.
He glanced at Allie. He knew the feeling.
Never would he have imagined sitting in her father’s living room with her entire family plus the Brewster embellishments, plus the embellishments of the embellishments. He suspected that Hayley and Jackson were here equally for Josh and for Gavin himself. Hayley knew him well. She had to have known this would be so far out of his comfort zone he’d need GPS to find his way back.
She gave him a wink and saluted him with her coffee cup.
He rolled his eyes at her.
Then he tuned in to Allie again. She was doing a good job just being. She hadn’t refilled any coffee cups, hadn’t cleared the dishes off the dining room table—Devon and Jackson had done that actually—and hadn’t unpacked her father’s suitcase that still sat in the corner. It might be driving her crazy, but she was putting true effort into just sitting and talking with her family.
He kept his hand on her knee though. He’d only needed to squeeze three times and say “let it go” twice.
He glanced over at Josh. He had his hand on the back of Devon’s neck and was laughing at something Danny was saying, but Gavin knew Josh was keeping his eye on him and Allie.
Or maybe he wasn’t and Gavin was just paranoid.
Yeah, maybe that.
Josh glanced over just then and Gavin wanted to flip him off.
And it wasn’t even really Josh’s fault. He was in love with Devon. Obviously. And why not? Devon was gorgeous, smart, sweet and clearly loved him back.
No, it wasn’t that Gavin was worried about Josh wanting Allie. Or vice versa.
It was more that Josh fit with her better than Gavin did.
Gavin lived in Alaska. Josh lived here. Gavin didn’t know Allie’s family. Josh was part of them. Gavin could barely say the right thing while Josh couldn’t do anything wrong.
He wasn’t worried about Allie wanting Josh or vice versa. But Brewster was like a big old reminder of the things Allie needed.
Which made Gavin very tense.
And that was even without thinking about the fact that Josh had seen Allie naked.
Gavin rolled his neck and tried hard not to squeeze Allie’s knee too hard as his tension ratcheted up. He was going to have to get over the urge to hit Josh. Allie and Devon had apparently made amends and Gavin’s best friend was with Josh’s best friend. It seemed inevitable that he’d be spending time with the guy.
Truthfully, Josh might have a few reasons for wanting to punch him too, Gavin admitted. Like the whole ruining-his-wedding thing. For instance.
Gavin rubbed a hand over his face. God almighty. He was sitting in the middle of the living room, literally surrounded by everyone who had been most affected by him storming into the wedding. Suddenly he felt like the biggest ass in the world. He was drinking coffee with the people whose lives he’d turned upside down.
Sure, it might have been for the best and everyone here might even admit that—but he still felt like an ass.
He quickly stretched to his feet, causing Allie to jump slightly. He strode to the kitchen, knowing she’d follow. He concentrated on breathing deep. He just needed a break. This was all a lot to deal with at once.
He downed a glass of water and turned in time to see Allie enter the kitchen.
“You okay?” She looked…like she didn’t want to be here.
“Yeah. Sure.”
She sighed and came forward, wrapping her arms around him.
Gavin buried his nose in her hair, breathing deep and absorbing the feel of her. Her warmth, her softness, just her.
God, he wanted her. He did. She was worth all the discomfort, the questions and concerns from her friends and family, the constant desire to punch something. Or someone.
“I know they can be a bit much.”
He laughed softly. “Yeah.”
“They’re just protective. They just—”
“Allie, I literally carried you out of your wedding in front of all of them. They have a right to think this is weird, to be unsure of me.”
She pulled back to look up at him. “Is it weird for you?”
He looked her straight in the eye. “Yes.”
She winced. “Sorry.”
“I just need to ease into it, I think.”
“They’re not used to you being here. It will get better,” she said.
“Devon and Jackson aren’t usually here.”
She lifted a shoulder. “They are, actually. I mean, we’re used to having them around at different times. Jackson and Josh have always been friends, and through middle school and high school Devon was a pretty regular fixture here.”
“Right.” Gavin drew back, pushing a hand through his hair. He was the new guy, the one who didn’t quite fit, the question mark.
“Gavin—”
“I’m gonna go for a drive.”
Allie clutched his forearm. “No, just—”
“I need some breathing room.”
“Let me come with you.”
He shook his head. The last thing he should do was whisk her away from them again right now. She needed to be here with them, if for no other reason than so they could see she was okay. And frankly, he wanted to be alone.
If he wanted to be with Allie, he had to be with them too. At least for awhile. Until they all got to know him and understood how much he loved her. But he needed to take them in smaller doses. Which meant figuring out a plan to stay in Promise Harbor and not need psychiatric attention.
“No, you stay. I’ll be back. Or I’ll call you later,” he said, stepping back.
“Gavin, I know this isn’t your thing, but give them a chance. They mean well. And no one blames you for anything.”
Oh, that so wasn’t true. He gave her a little smile, kissed her forehead and then headed for the door. “I’ll talk to you later.”
Allie felt sick and numb as she watched Gavin pull the truck he’d borrowed from Hayley out of the driveway and disappear down the street. She hugged herself tighter and tried not to cry.
He said he’d be back. She had no reason not to believe him.
That wasn’t the problem.
What bothered her was that even though he’d come back, he wouldn’t want to.
“Dammit,” she breathed, her stomach cramping. She wanted him happy. She hated the idea that being here with her, and her family, was making him unhappy.
She knew it was a lot for him to take in and deal with at once. She’d been around all these people—often all at the same time like this—her whole life and they could still overwhelm her at times.
But she’d really hoped… She breathed out. Hell, she didn’t know. What had she hoped? She had barely had time to think about Gavin’s integration with her family. She’d been so focused on getting home and checking on everything that she hadn’t thought much beyond the moment, to be honest.
And now, here they were. They had no experience here.
“F*ck.”
She turned and bumped into Hayley.
Hayley’s eyebrows went up. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you swear.”
Allie gave her a weak smile. She didn’t know Hayley well. They were friendly acquaintances for sure. Maybe more than that. But they hadn’t spent a lot of time together, and certainly not one-on-one. “The swearing has been happening more and more often lately,” Allie admitted.
Hayley glanced at the door Gavin had left through. “I can imagine.”
“No, not because of him,” Allie said quickly. Then she shrugged. “Yeah, okay, partly because of him.”
“Gavin is one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met,” Hayley told her.
Allie nodded.
“But he’s a great guy.”
Allie nodded again. “You don’t have to sell me on him, Hayley.”
“Okay, good.” Hayley smiled. “He’s a little spooked. But give him time. He loves you, Allie. He’s not going anywhere.”
Her words poked at Allie’s heart. They were what she wanted to hear. Or so she thought. They were meant to be reassuring, she knew. But something about it bothered her.
“He’s not going anywhere because he loves me?” she asked.
“Right.”
And, of course, she knew that. Gavin hadn’t chosen to come back to Promise Harbor for any reason other than because she was coming back. He never would have otherwise, she was sure.
Allie pinched the bridge of her nose. He won’t get on the plane without saying good-bye, she told herself. He’s spooked, but he won’t leave you.
But that bothered her, too. He wouldn’t leave no matter how miserable or uncomfortable or sad or frustrated he became, because of her. That urge to take care of him was strong, just like when she’d seen him after the polar bear died.
“I might have to break into your house later,” Allie told Hayley. “He’s sleeping on the couch, right?”
Hayley chuckled. “How about I leave the front door unlocked? Unless you’ve changed a lot, I don’t see you being real great at breaking in and I don’t want to have to replace a window or my door.”
Allie smiled. “I think it’s really in my best interest for you to believe that I would have no clue how to break in, no matter what the truth is.”
“Agreed.”
The girls headed back for the living room full of the people Allie loved most in the world. Well, all but one.
She glanced once more at the back door.
The main one was missing. But he’d be back.
She was pretty sure.
The clock said two a.m. Allie was just digging in her suitcase for her left shoe and mentally rehearsing how to tiptoe across her bedroom floor, skip over the creaky step that was eighth from the top, slip out the side door and borrow her brother’s car to drive to Hayley’s when she heard three quick taps, a pause and two more taps on her window. She spun, transported for a moment to third grade, fully expecting to see Devon’s face in the window.
But it was Gavin.
“Oh, thank god,” she breathed as she slid the screen out of the window and opened it for him. “Did Devon tell you how to get up here?”
“Yeah.” He climbed through awkwardly, but before he was even solid on his feet, he was cupping her face in both hands. “God, I need you.”
She felt the same way. The moment his mouth covered hers, she felt the tension and worry melt away. She drew in his heat, the firmness of his chest and shoulders, and completely immersed herself in the reality that he was here. He was here, with her, because of her…
She tried to pull away, to ask how he was, where he’d gone, but he wouldn’t let her get far.
“I need you, Allie. I need to have you right now.”
Hunger slid through her, attempting to block out the other emotions. She wanted him to have her right now too—to feel him big and hot and solid against her, surrounding her, moving in her. She craved the way he made her feel like she was the most important thing in the world.
If she was the most important thing to him, he wouldn’t leave, right? He wouldn’t break her heart.
But the intensity of his kisses, the way his hands gripped her hips and pressed her against the very obvious erection, the need in his voice all made her hot…and panicked.
God, just like always, the love and panic warred. But this time the panic wasn’t for what he was making her feel, but for how she was making him feel. He’d do anything for her. Even something that was bad for him.
“Gav…” She wedged her hands between them somehow and pushed.
He relented enough to rest his forehead against hers, but his big hand cradled the back of her neck and the other stayed at her hip, not letting her pull away.
“Are you okay?” she asked, running her palm over the prickliness along his jaw.
He turned his head and kissed the middle of her hand, sending desire zinging through her. “I am,” he said. “Everything’s fine.”
“I was wor—”
“Allie, you love me, right?” he interrupted.
She frowned slightly. “Of course.”
“Then everything’s fine.”
“You just seem…” She trailed off, not sure how to describe him. He seemed determined. Like he had when she’d first come to Alaska. Determined to make things right, to make her happy, to make it work.
Which was okay, wasn’t it? Things took work. Relationships weren’t easy. This was all new territory for them. She had to expect it to be a little rocky. Right?
“I just need you,” he said, tipping his head to kiss her again. He kissed her softly at first, then opened slightly and licked along her bottom lip. “I need your body, your heat, your softness,” he said huskily against her mouth. “Let me have you. Tonight. Now.”
Sure, she was going to say no to that.
“Gavin.” She whispered her surrender, her hands gripping the front of his T-shirt.
He lifted her to her tiptoes and she could feel the delicious, incredibly hard length of his desire behind his zipper.
When he let her up for air, all she could do was nod. If Gavin needed her, she couldn’t deny him. For anything.
He started to back her toward the bed, but she dug her heels in. “Can’t,” she said shaking her head and grinning. “The headboard will bang against Danny’s bedroom wall.”
Gavin chuckled. “It’s been a long time since I had to worry about a girl’s little brother overhearing us.”
She shook her head. “Don’t want to hear your sordid stories. Just kiss me again.”
He did. Hot and thoroughly. As he turned and walked her back to the wall beside the window. He pressed close, his hips to hers, making her moan.
She had been planning to go out to find him, but she certainly wasn’t dressed in many layers. Gavin made short work of stripping off her light T-shirt and tossing it over his shoulder. Her bra followed and his hands cupped her, tugging on the tips that begged for his attention.
Her shorts and panties landed on top of the T-shirt and bra seconds later. Then his hands were everywhere. Insistent. Hot. Bringing her to the edge he knew so well. He stroked and sucked, pressed and plucked until she was writhing against the wall.
“Please, Gavin, please.”
He didn’t even undress. He unzipped—somehow keeping fingers thrusting deep, though not quite hard enough—and shoved his clothing out of the way so that when he bent his knees and surged upward, he slid home.
He filled her, stretched her, set every nerve on fire. She used his broad shoulders to lift herself and wrap her legs around his hips, pressing close and taking him fully.
“Yes, god yes, Al,” he panted. “This. You. All I need.”
His words, his strokes, the look of desire and love on his face were all she needed to thunder toward the crest and shoot over the top as her orgasm swept through her, shaking every cell.
Gavin continued to thrust, his gaze intent on hers. One hand cupped her butt, keeping her in place against the wall, while the other snuck between them and found her *, circling, then pressing, then circling again.
Allie quickly felt additional tremors begin deep inside and sucked in a sharp breath. She tightened on his length, digging her heels into his butt so she could move with him. This time the orgasm came over her slowly, like lowering herself into a warm bath. But it was no less satisfying.
Gavin still thrust beyond her climax. She kissed him, curled her fingers into his hair and finally licked up the length of his neck, then whispered hoarsely in his ear, “I love you, Gavin.”
He let go of his control then and pounded into her, coming hard in only minutes.
Gasping for air, he slumped forward, his forehead to the wall over her shoulder. Allie just held on, her arms and legs still around him, her cheek against his shoulder.
“Damn, girl, that was good.”
She laughed softly. “Feel better?”
“Much.” He squeezed her ass before pulling back and letting her slide to the floor.
She felt pretty damned good herself. “Wish you could stay.”
“Me too.” He cupped her face and kissed her, then tucked himself back into his jeans.
Allie pushed her hair back from her face. She’d gotten used to sleeping in his arms. This was going to suck. “I won’t be living here forever,” she told him. “I’ll um…have to…get a place.” For some reason she felt like an idiot.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He leaned in for another kiss, then started for the window.
“Barbecue. At the Brewster’s. Eleven o’clock, okay?”
He nodded as he swung a leg over the windowsill. “Hayley told me. I’m bringing chips.”
She smiled, wishing it was all as easy and comfortable as it sounded. “See you then.”
“Love you.”
“Love you too.”
Then he disappeared through the window and into the night.
In spite of the two a.m. booty call, Gavin awoke early.
He knew it was the tension that had been swirling in his gut since Allie had told him she was coming home to Promise Harbor, but hanging out with Allie’s family, a long drive, an even longer run and half a bottle of Rolaids hadn’t helped.
He heard Haley banging around in the kitchen and headed in for hot caffeine. Hayley made fantastic coffee.
“Morning, sunshine,” Hayley greeted him with a grin. She was being annoyingly perky this morning and he knew it was just to drive him crazy.
“Hey.” He poured coffee and drank without even letting it cool.
“So, two a.m., huh?” she asked, handing him a piece of toast.
It was an old house with plenty of creaking boards and squeaky hinges, but he’d been incredibly quiet sneaking out and back in. “How’d you know?”
“I’m a cop, Gav. You really think I’m not going to hear somebody going in and out of my house in the middle of the night?”
“Right.” He grinned. “Thanks for not coming after me with your billy club.”
She winked. “I won’t do that unless you try to leave here without Allie, ’kay?”
He swallowed his coffee wrong and started to hack. He set his cup down, braced his hands on the counter and breathed until he could do it without coughing.
When he looked up, Hayley was leaning against the counter, watching him, munching on her toast. She was dressed in a simple T-shirt and shorts, her hair pulled back, but somehow she managed to look intimidating. “I’m serious, Gavin,” she said when he stopped making so much noise.
“I’m not going to leave her,” he said crossly. “Why’d you think that?” But he felt heat rise along his neck. F*ck. He wasn’t actually going to leave her, but he couldn’t deny that yesterday, for just a minute, he’d wondered if that would be best. Leave her here where she wanted to be, where she thought she needed to be.
“You looked pretty spooked yesterday.” Hayley tipped her head, studying him. “And right now.”
“I’m just not used to all of this.” That had to be it. This would pass. Like a pair of new shoes: things felt tight and uncomfortable right now, but over time things would ease—or he’d build up some calluses.
Hayley gave him one of her cop looks. “Don’t lie to me, Gavin. You don’t want to be here.”
“I’ll get over it.” He paced to the other side of the room, feeling crowded by his best friend.
“Yeah, probably. Maybe. But the harbor doesn’t have everything for everyone. And that doesn’t make you a bad person.”
He stared down at the pattern on Hayley’s kitchen floor and let himself really feel all the things he’d been trying to keep tamped down since setting foot in his hometown. Finally he lifted his head and met Hayley’s eyes. “You sure?”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t want to live here in my hometown with my family and old friends. I want to take Allie away from her home, family and friends. Are you sure that doesn’t make me a bad person?”
Hayley set her cup down on the counter beside her and crossed her arms. “I guess that depends on why you don’t want to be here.”
He could be honest with Hayley. She wouldn’t judge him. She knew him. “I don’t think it’s good for her. There’s a whole big world out there, Hayley. She loved Alaska. She relaxed. She saw new things, met new people. She could carve out the life she wanted somewhere else. Here there are expectations and history and…her mom’s ghost. I don’t think she’ll ever be totally who she wants to be here.”
Hayley swallowed and nodded. “See, that doesn’t make you a bad person.”
“Well, it’s all convenient, considering I don’t want to live here either.”
“Why? Still your dad?”
“That and…” He took a deep breath. He was going to be honest and hope that he didn’t hurt her feelings. “There’s a lot more in the world than this little town, Hayley. Staying home is great for some people.” He gave her a pointed look. “But it’s not for everybody. Around here, though, you’re a black sheep or selfish or just plain wrong if you don’t want to live here with your family in your backyard, hanging out with the same people you’ve known your whole life.”
Hayley cocked an eyebrow.
“I love you, you know that,” he said quickly. “But our relationship is great, it’s strong, even across a distance.”
She nodded and said softly, “I know.”
“So, am I a bad person?”
“Not at all.” She pushed away from the counter. “You could come visit more often though.”
He smiled. “Yeah, well, in spite of my big speech, I’m not going anywhere.”
Hayley sighed. “I knew you were going to say that.”
“I can’t.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “She’s not ready to go. If she ever is, I’ll definitely be the guy to show her the world, but…” he sighed, “…until then, I’m here with her.”
Hayley crossed the room quickly, wrapping her arms around him. “I have fantastic taste in best friends,” she said against his shirt.
Surprised, he hugged her back. Hayley was definitely showing a softer side since meeting Jackson. “So, everything good with you?”
She pulled back and nodded, giving him a big smile. “Really good.”
He was glad. This was certainly one bright side to staying in Promise Harbor. He’d love to spend more time with Hayley and Jackson. The guy seemed perfect for her. Which was a good thing. Gavin would have felt compelled to kick Jackson’s ass and, frankly, he wasn’t sure that would have gone his way. He didn’t think it would be the smartest move to try to take on an ex-hockey player.
As she headed to retrieve her coffee cup again, Gavin finally accepted what he had to do today before he saw Allie. “Hey, do you happen to know where Dad and the guys are working today?”
Hayley looked over her shoulder in surprise. “Yeah.”
She always knew stuff like that. She was a cop, and Montgomery Contracting was a big company with lots of employees and trucks out and around town.
“I need to talk to him. And not on the phone.”
“Your dad?” She turned to face him.
Gavin nodded.
“Today?”
“Right now.” He said it firmly and that was enough for Hayley.
“The church,” she said.
“The church? There are like eight churches in town. Which one?”
“The church,” she said, changing the emphasis.
“Wha…” Then what she was saying hit him. “The church?”
“They’re adding on to the social hall,” she said. “They were just waiting for the biggest wedding of the season to get over with so they could tear things up.”
Gavin closed his eyes and ran his hand over his face. This had to be bad karma or something. If he believed in that kind of stuff.
“Okay,” he finally said.
“You’re going over there?”
“Have to.”
Hayley looked worried and intrigued at the same time. “If things get bad, call my cell, not 9-1-1. I’m not on duty today and I want to be first on that scene.”
“You’re hilarious.” But as Gavin headed for the shower, he had to admit that a big Montgomery family brawl in the middle of St. Mark’s Methodist Church wasn’t last on the list of possibilities.
Twenty minutes later he was on his way to the church, the knot in his gut tightening further with each block.
“Dammit,” Gavin swore ten minutes later as he pulled up in front of St. Mark’s for the second time in as many weeks.
Sure enough, his father’s truck was here. He could tell by the Garth Brooks CD case, the empty Snicker bar wrapper, and the very faded orange Grand Canyon National Park cap on the dash. He couldn’t believe his dad was still wearing that cap.
Gavin gripped the steering wheel and tried to calm down.
He needed to get this showdown with his father over with. The sooner he laid down the rules and said what he had to say, the sooner he could have some peace. And if he was going to live in Promise Harbor, he was going to have some peace. Even if it killed him.
But he really didn’t want to do this.
He climbed the steps at about a fourth of the speed he’d used the last time. Two weeks ago he couldn’t wait to get in there. Literally. If he’d waited, Allie would have belonged to Josh.
This time, he wanted to be anywhere else, doing anything else. Even having a picnic at Sophie’s place with Josh and company.
He really didn’t want to see his father.
He supposed he didn’t have to. But…well, yeah, he did actually have to. He’d gotten a call on his cell yesterday while he was running. It was from Ken Martin, the long-time vet in Promise Harbor. He said he’d heard that Gavin was moving home and he wanted to talk about selling his practice.
Wasn’t that convenient? It wasn’t like Gavin didn’t know his father and Ken had been friends and golf partners for years.
Convenient his ass. He had to nip this shit in the bud or his father was going to keep manipulating and interfering. There was no way Gavin was taking over the local practice. No way.
Gavin paused with his hand on the handle of the big, heavy oak door.
But maybe he should take it.
He didn’t love his dad getting involved when Gavin had specifically told him not to, but he also couldn’t deny that it was the perfect setup. This wasn’t like his sophomore science class where his dad leaned on the right people to get Gavin the B he needed to stay on the football team. This wasn’t like the party where the high school principal’s car ended up in the river and his dad worked it so Gavin hadn’t paid a penny or done even a minute of community service.
This time it made sense. It fit. It was something he’d earned—at least in part. He’d graduated top of his class in college and vet school. He was a great vet. Promise Harbor would be lucky to have him.
Even more, it would prove to Allie, and her friends and family, that he was serious. He was staying and that was that.
“F*ck.” He arm outstretched, hand still on the handle, Gavin let his head drop forward and his eyes close.
He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t take something that had come to him through his dad’s connections, whether he wanted it or would be good at it or not.
He’d made his life, his reputation, his relationships on his own, away from this place, for ten years. He could do it again. He’d work his way into the community and eventually establish his own practice.
And in the meantime, he’d make some money and work on his family relationships and see what happened.
“Dammit,” he breathed. His stomach was churning, his heart and head pounded, but this was what he had to do. To be with Allie, he’d do anything.
He shoved the door open, the old hinges creaking, announcing his arrival.
But he’d stepped into the sanctuary. The social hall was the east wing of the church. He strode down the aisle with purpose, just as he’d done two weeks ago. He, of course, replayed every second of that day in his head and knew that he’d do it all over again. He didn’t have a single regret.
Even as he crossed past the altar and then through the doorway that would lead to the hall where his dad and brothers were.
He wouldn’t change anything.
His dad was up on a tall ladder, facing where Gavin emerged.
“Gavin!”
His face broke into a wide smile that brought Gavin up short. He’d seen photos of his family over the years. His mother made a point of emailing him pictures from family gatherings and an annual Christmas card with a photo of her and his father. But he wasn’t prepared for the new lines on his father’s face and the gray in his hair.
“Hey, Dad.”
Greg Montgomery descended the ladder faster than he should have, but it only wobbled slightly as he jumped past the final three rungs and headed for Gavin.
He looked like he was going for a hug and Gavin instinctively stepped back. He definitely wasn’t ready for that.
“It’s good to see you,” Greg said, stopping a few feet away instead of enfolding Gavin.
“Thanks.”
“I’m glad you came by. Surprised, but glad.”
Gavin pulled in a deep breath. “Dad, up front, stay out of my business.”
“I…yeah.” Greg cleared his throat. “You mentioned that on the phone.”
“And I meant it.”
“Okay.”
He seemed sincere and Gavin felt his chest tighten. He wanted his dad to be sincere about a lot of things. He wanted this to be like any other son going to see his dad when he was home visiting.
But it wasn’t. It just wasn’t.
“Dad, this is going to be…” F*ck, he didn’t even know what it was, not to mention what it was going to be. He tried again. “This is hard.”
His dad looked uncomfortable, but he nodded. “I know.”
“I just…” There were a lot of things he wanted to say. Things he probably should say. Things he definitely shouldn’t say.
Then he looked into his dad’s face. Damn, maybe there wasn’t anything he shouldn’t say. Maybe they just needed it all out on the table.
“Gav, I know there are things you can’t forget.”
“You’re right,” he said. “There are things I can’t forget. And honestly, that’s what kills me, Dad.” He rubbed the middle of his chest, where everything seemed to be knotting up. “I look at you and I remember so many things. Like the time you got us behind the scenes at the aquarium. And how you had us make cards for Mom on Mother’s Day. And that you introduced me to the reruns of Night Court.”
His dad nodded, but Gavin noticed he wasn’t smiling. He knew the other shoe had to drop. Gavin hesitated. Did he need to keep going? Did he really need to say the rest? They both knew what was coming.
But he really did feel like he needed to lay it all out there.
“As much as I hate it and wish it was different, I also see the guy who hurt my mother and never got anything honestly in his life.”
Greg flinched, then cleared his throat again. “I know.”
Well, of course he knew was Gavin’s first bitter thought. But then he watched his dad’s gaze skitter from his. Greg’s neck got red and he shifted from foot to foot. And like touching a live wire, Gavin felt a shock rock through him all the way to his feet.
His dad was ashamed.
This was so far from the angry, cocky man Gavin’s remembered from high school that he had a moment of disorientation. But this was his father. He’d recognize the cowlick—the same one he struggled to control—and the calluses on his big hands and the scuffed brown work boots anywhere.
Gavin was used to his chest and gut hurting when he thought about his father. It was Greg’s fault. He’d done it, he’d been the ass who’d messed everything up. But maybe ten years had given him some perspective or something.
Or maybe Gavin was just tired of being pissed off all the time.
Or both.
“Okay,” Gavin slipped his hands into his front pockets, “we both know what happened in the past. But there are about ten years to catch up on. Maybe we’ll just do that for now.”
Greg nodded. “Sounds good.”
Gavin looked around, not sure what to do next. “Where are Gabe and Garrett?”
“In a meeting with the church board,” Greg said, waving toward a doorway. “They’re really running the show now. I just come to pound nails anymore.”
At least he hadn’t said “screw things”, Gavin thought. Then grimaced and ran a hand over his face. None of it was funny. His father’s past, his family’s dysfunction, Gavin’s inability to get past it all. Definitely not funny.
But it felt…old. And tired.
He’d been hanging on to his anger and self-righteousness for so long now that it suddenly felt as if it had dried up and shrunk a little. It was still there. Still ugly—maybe even more so now that it had rotted for ten years—but it wasn’t as big and didn’t feel like it pressed on his heart quite the same way it used to.
He took a deep breath. “I came by to talk to you about maybe working with you for a while. While I get to know the community again, maybe put out some feelers about vet services.”
Greg was clearly shocked. “You want to work with me? With us?”
Not really, but it seemed like a good way to make some cash here while he kept paying bills in Alaska. He couldn’t stay on Hayley’s couch indefinitely. This would also show Allie he was trying at this family thing. “For a while.”
“I thought Ken Martin—”
“Ken called,” Gavin broke in. “I’m not doing that and you should know that.”
“I didn’t ask him to call you,” Greg said quickly. “We were just golfing and you came up.”
“Uh-huh.” Gavin felt exhausted suddenly. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll do it on my own.”
“Gavin,” Greg said earnestly. “It was bad timing, I know. But Ken and I are friends. Of course it came up that my son was finally coming back. He told me about his decision to retire after he’d called you.”
Gavin looked his father directly in the eye for the first time in ten years. There was sincerity there. And regret.
He tried not to be moved. He wasn’t—not really. Anything his father regretted was all his own doing. But the sincerity got to Gavin.
“Fine. Okay. I believe you,” Gavin finally said. “I’m still not taking over the practice. Not right now. I just need to…”
F*ck. He just needed to take one thing at a time.
“You can definitely work with us,” Greg said, when Gavin still failed to come up with more words.
That was all he wanted. He wanted work that would provide him a paycheck, a chance to reconnect with his brothers, maybe let go of some more of his anger toward his father, and concentrate on Allie. That was all more than enough right now.
“Okay,” he said.
Greg handed him a hammer. “You take the ladder. I’m getting too old for that stuff.”
Right. Gavin didn’t believe that for a second. But he took the hammer and climbed the ladder.
It was a start, at least.