chapter Nine
By the time Gavin made it back to the house, Allie had logged on to his laptop and into her Netflix account and found some old TV episodes on demand. She met him at the door in her pj’s. She handed him a spoon and a bowl and then took his other hand.
He looked down at the cereal, then back to her. Then to the tent she’d constructed in the living room by pushing furniture together and draping blankets over the couches, chairs and tables.
And finally, he smiled.
The relief was crazy. Was this how he’d felt all those times she’d come home from the harbor? The rush of Thank god? The thrill of being the one to get the smile? The burn to do anything and everything necessary to fix whatever was wrong?
Wow. It really could be addictive.
“Thanks,” was his simple response.
She held up the side of the tent and gestured for him to crawl in.
“Just a warning,” she said, following him on hands and knees, “when Lydia helped me get the blankets, I promised we wouldn’t have sex under here.”
He grinned and started to respond, but the TV screen, paused on the first episode of his favorite TV show, caught his attention.
“Big Bang Theory?”
She laughed. Looked like there was no risk of grossing Lydia out now that his attention was firmly on episode one, season one.
“I know you said cartoons, but that’s me. You need this.”
Gavin settled back against the pillows she’d propped along the front of the couch for that purpose.
“Ah,” he sighed. “This really is a great idea.”
He took a big bite of cereal and she hit play, then settled in next to him and munched on her own Froot Loops.
They were starting the third episode when Allie realized what had happened. This was a lot like the scenario Gavin had wanted to create the night with the movie and lasagna—the quiet time together, just being, like a normal couple.
She thought about it as he chuckled at the show, and she felt that same relief and contentment she had before. He was okay, good even, in part because of her. She liked this. And just sitting here doing nothing in particular was also good.
Allie leaned into him, running her hand over his chest as she soaked up the emotions of the moment, along with the feel, smell and sound of Gavin.
She liked the idea of being there when Gavin’s day, week or just life in general went sucky. Or maybe it was more that she hated the idea of not being there. When he was sad, upset, hurt…or even happy. It had definitely felt good to be the one he’d opened the door for.
She wanted to do this forever.
Forever.
Forever.
The thought sank in slowly, but when it—and all it really meant—hit her consciousness, she sat up quickly, knocking the corner of the sheet off the arm of the chair.
Just like that, the outside world flooded into their cocoon.
“Al?”
His husky voice made her press her lips together.
“Yeah?”
“You okay?”
How did he know that she might not be? He had been absorbed in the show.
She turned to look at him and knew immediately how he sensed something had changed—he was in tune with her and she with him. They were connected. Somehow. Inexplicably. On a level she hadn’t even known existed until Gavin.
How could she not be with him forever?
But how could she?
His life was here. This was vacation for her. A few days ago he’d insisted that wasn’t true, but she’d just—typically—ignored that rather than deal with it. Now it was right in front of her and…she didn’t know what to do.
“I have to…get a refill,” she said, scrambling to her feet before he could detain her—or do something that would make her want to stay even more. She made an even bigger mess of the blankets, tripping over one that wrapped around her ankle as if trying to keep her in place.
“Allie—”
But she didn’t stop, didn’t even look back—because that was all it would have taken for her to dive right back in and never leave.
She was shaking a little as she headed into the kitchen. She couldn’t stay. She couldn’t stay. This was Alaska. On a map, two places didn’t get much farther apart than Bend and Promise Harbor. And she wanted to be in Promise Harbor.
Swallowing hard, she made herself at least admit the truth to herself—she needed to be Promise Harbor. Not so much wanted to be.
The question became—could she more easily live with the guilt of not going home or the heartbreak of leaving Gavin?
Lost in thought, she didn’t notice Lydia sitting at the center island in the kitchen until she heard her brother’s voice.
Allie spun to find Charlie’s face filling up Lydia’s laptop screen. Lydia’s back was to her, and for the girl who was aware of everything—especially Allie’s moves—to not notice that Allie had set foot on sacred ground meant that she was completely absorbed in her conversation with Charlie.
Knowing she was eavesdropping, but unable to stop, Allie watched them for a minute.
“I have three,” Lydia said.
“Where?” Charlie asked.
There was something light and teasing in his tone. Something that Allie hadn’t heard in his voice for a very long time. Of course, there hadn’t been a lot to be light and teasing about for a long time.
And maybe that was partly her fault. The thought hit her suddenly and Allie frowned. She knew she’d ridden both Charlie and Danny hard in the past year, but…she glanced toward the living room…had anyone made sure they also smiled and laughed and let go of the sad, serious stuff?
Allie leaned slightly, wanting to see her brother’s face, but not wanting him to notice her in the background. He was clearly in their kitchen in the harbor—she’d recognize the bright white cupboards with glass fronts anywhere. In fact, those cupboards brought a lump to her throat.
Damn.
Lydia giggled and Allie drew upright. A giggle?
“I don’t think I should tell you.”
Charlie grinned, obviously focused enough on Lydia to not notice Allie—or anything else.
“Why not? I’m going to wonder and use my imagination if you don’t.”
Lydia laughed again. “Okay, where do you think they are?”
“I hope there’s one on your hip,” he said without pause.
Allie’s eyes widened.
“You hope so?” Lydia asked. “Why?”
“’Cause that’s sexy as hell.”
Allie’s eyes got wider and her mouth opened. She’d never heard her brother use the word “sexy” in her life.
“And it fits you,” he added.
“It does?” Lydia asked.
It did?
“Definitely. If you don’t have a sexy little angel tattooed on your hip, I want you to go out and get one tomorrow.”
There was that giggle again, but Allie hardly noticed.
Her brother was talking to Lydia about being sexy and having tattoos? And imagining where they were on her body?
“An angel?” Lydia asked.
“Yeah,” Charlie said, his voice a little gruff. “A cute little innocent cartoon angel girl…completely at odds with the naughty stuff you like.”
Oh god. Enough eavesdropping. Clearly this was more than Lydia talking to Charlie about their dead mothers and his lack of ambition. However it had started, it was now at a very new and different level. One that Allie did not need to know about.
She backtracked outside the kitchen, then made a lot more noise coming in this time.
Lydia spun on the stool to face Allie. “Oh, hi!” she said too brightly.
Way too brightly considering she rarely smiled at Allie.
“Hi.”
“Allie, that you?”
She leaned in, trying to pretend she was surprised to see her brother—and pretend she was not aware that he was aware that Lydia had a naughty streak. “Charlie?”
“Hey, girl.”
“How are you?” She resisted asking about the job, asking about how messy the house was, and asking what grade Danny had in his English class.
“Great. I’m great,” Charlie said.
And she believed him.
“You look great,” he said with mild surprise.
“I…do?” That gave her pause. Charlie didn’t say stuff like that to her. It must mean she looked different.
“Definitely. You’re not pale and skinny. You looked like crap at the wedding.”
Ah, well, leave it to a little brother to take the shine off of a compliment quickly.
“Thanks,” she said wryly.
He chuckled and she found herself smiling at the sound.
“No, seriously. You look good. Lydia said you’ve been taking it easy.”
Lydia coughed and Allie narrowed her eyes. So they had been discussing her as well. And Lydia commented she was “taking it easy”? She might like to know that Allie routinely got up at five a.m., went to bed at midnight and barely sat down during the hours between.
“I’ve been sleeping in, working out and eating well.” There, that was as close as she was going to get to giving Lydia any credit. She also left off the lots-of-great-sex and falling-in-love-all-over-again part of the equation. He was her little brother. He didn’t need every detail.
“Good for you. Keep it up,” Charlie said.
Then she couldn’t resist one question. “How’s Dad?”
“He’s great too, I guess.”
Uh-huh. It was the “I guess” that got her. “Is he eating?”
“I’m sure he is,” Charlie said with a chuckle.
“Are you doing laundry?”
“You’ve only been gone a little over a week,” Charlie pointed out.
“Meaning?”
“I’ve got enough clothes to go a couple weeks.”
Allie gritted her teeth and tried to tell herself it didn’t matter. She didn’t need to get on him. He was the one who’d be smelling bad—or going naked—if he didn’t take care of the laundry. But she just couldn’t let it go. “What about Dad?”
Charlie sighed. “He’s fine, Allie. I talked to him on Sunday and they were having a nice time.”
“Sunday?” Allie repeated. “Why haven’t you talked to Dad in three days?”
“They left on Saturday.”
“They left? Who left?”
“Dad and Sophie.”
Allie was sure her expression was comical, but she felt her heart stop and then restart with a hard thump that she felt through her whole body. “Dad and Sophie are…where did they go…why?” She stumbled through all her questions at once.
“They went up to Greenbush Island. They were just going to spend a few days, getting away.”
She took a deep breath. It wasn’t like they’d run away and not told anyone. Obviously her dad had his cell phone if he and Charlie had talked. He was with someone who knew him well and cared about him. She told herself all of those reasonable, rational things. But her blood pressure continued to rise. “Josh thought this was okay?” She was so calling her ex-fiancé. If he did think this was okay, she was going to have to yell at him. If he didn’t, she was still going to yell at him for not stopping them.
“I don’t know if Josh knows. He wasn’t here when they left.”
She froze. “What?”
“Josh wasn’t here when Dad and Sophie decided to go,” Charlie repeated.
“Where was he?” Surely Charlie meant that Josh hadn’t been there at the exact minute they’d decided to take off. He wouldn’t really be gone.
“He took off the same day you did, sis,” Charlie said. “He’s been gone. Just got home Saturday.”
Allie felt a little dizzy. Josh hadn’t been there to take care of things? And something was going on with her dad and Sophie. And Charlie was having cybersex with Lydia.
Allie put a hand to her forehead.
All hell was breaking loose.
Because of course it was.
Allie had been gone far longer than it took to get a drink refill, and Gavin had finally waited long enough.
There’d been something going through her mind when she suddenly sat up and bolted. He had no idea what, but after a reasonable amount of time without her returning, he knew he needed to go after her. Either something was going on in her head, or she and Lydia were destroying his kitchen.
She was in the kitchen with Lydia, all right, but they weren’t fighting.
Lydia was chewing on her bottom lip, watching Allie worriedly.
And he saw immediately why—Allie looked like she was going to faint, throw up or throw something. Or all three.
“Al?” He went straight for her.
“Bye, Charlie,” he heard Lydia say quickly.
He glanced over to watch her close her computer screen, grab the laptop off the counter and head for her bedroom.
Uh-oh.
“I have to go home.”
Allie’s voice wavered and he stopped with several feet still between them.
The words were not at all what he’d been expecting. Gavin had to concentrate so hard on what she’d said that he couldn’t even put one foot in front of the other. He drew up short and just stared at her.
“Gavin? Did you hear me?” she asked, coming forward. “I have to go. To Promise Harbor. Right away.”
“What’s going on?” Concern finally overrode his shock.
“Dad’s gone.” She looked like she was equally pissed and worried.
“What do you mean gone?”
“He left town. With Sophie.”
“Sophie? Josh’s mom? Are they…involved?” Okay, that could be a little awkward for Allie.
“I don’t know!” She paced a few steps, then turned back to him. “I don’t know anything. Charlie just said they were gone. He doesn’t even know for how long. And apparently Josh took off after the wedding.” Now she looked more pissed.
Um, yeah, actually Gavin knew that. Hayley had told him that Josh had left shortly after the wedding fiasco. Telling Allie her fiancé had run off with his ex might not be a good move at the moment. Telling Allie he’d known about that all along would definitely not be a good move at the moment. Shit.
She ran a hand over her forehead. “I assumed he was there with Dad, making sure things were okay. And now Josh is back in town, but Dad’s gone. Now…I don’t know. No one’s really making sure anything’s okay.”
“Your brothers are there.”
“I told you that they’re not holding things together,” she said. “I have to go.”
F*ck.
Promise Harbor. How could such a small place—relatively speaking—so far away cause him so many problems?
“Allie, you don’t have to go. They’ll figure it out. They need to learn to cope without you.”
She focused on him with a frown. “Why? Why do they need to learn to cope without me?”
“Because…” he suddenly felt like maybe he needed to proceed with caution here, “…you’re not there.”
“Which is why I need to go.”
“But…” Okay, he was about to sound like a jackass. He figured knowing that made it slightly better. Slightly. Maybe. “You’re here. With me.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Yes. At the moment.”
At the moment. That sounded a lot less permanent than he wanted it to. He gritted his teeth, then said, “When are you going to let go of them?”
She sucked in a quick breath, her eyes going wide. Several seconds passed with no sound. Then she said, “Let go of them?”
He knew he should just shut up. If he didn’t, they were going to fight. But this had been the elephant in the room since she’d gotten here. He’d even talked about marrying her without talking about this directly.
He couldn’t shut up.
He wanted her. She wanted him. Life here was good and good for her. God knew, having her here with him was what he needed more than anything.
He couldn’t just shut up and let her leave. If what he was going to say made it hard for her to choose, then good. He didn’t want it to be easy. Unless she chose him, of course.
“They’re not your responsibility, Al. They’re your family. They’re your dad and your brothers—your life isn’t supposed to revolve around them. If you go home to them, you’re giving up what you really want and need. You shouldn’t have to do that. You have a right to a happy, fulfilling life.”
“What am I giving up if I go home to them?” she asked, her voice gruff. She was holding herself stiffly, her arms crossed tightly across her stomach.
He knew that she knew what his answer was going to be, but she was going to make him say it.
“Me.”
“Because if I go home, we’re done, right?” she asked.
“My life is here,” he said stubbornly, sounding like an ass but seemingly unable to help it.
Yes, he had bad feelings about his hometown. He kept in touch with his mom, heard from his brothers at times, but he didn’t expect to reconcile with his father. His past, for better or worse, was in Promise Harbor, but his future was…somewhere else. He’d accepted that a long time ago.
But even more, he was concerned about Allie going home. If it was a visit, if it was a few days, maybe even a few weeks, that was different. But she wouldn’t be able to leave Promise Harbor again. Or rather, she wouldn’t choose to leave again. They would need her so much, purely out of habit, that she wouldn’t be able to cut the strings.
Her time in Alaska with him had, however, proven that she needed to get away from there. She was healthier in just the few days she’d been here than she had been in over a year. Her skin had a faint tan from her long walks outside, she’d put on a little weight, and her skin, hair and eyes shone from eating well and sleeping deep and long. And—if he did say so himself—the great sex couldn’t be hurting anything either.
She was happy. She was relaxed. She felt good. She wasn’t running on empty physically and emotionally here.
Two days ago, she had finally let herself sit down and just be. Once she realized it wasn’t anything to be afraid of, she’d found sitting still was quite conducive to reading and watching movies, and—since she did love cooking and Lydia had yet to concede her spot in the kitchen—she’d gotten hooked on the Food Network. She’d also mastered eight of the twelve levels in the video game she’d “borrowed” from Lydia’s stash.
Lydia was just so happy to not have her underfoot that she didn’t make noise about Allie using her stuff—much.
Bend was good for her. Promise Harbor wasn’t. How could he let her just go back without a fight?
Allie hadn’t said anything and Gavin stepped forward. “I love you, Allie.”
She bit her bottom lip. And didn’t say she loved him too.
“I want you to stay,” Gavin went on. “This is where you belong. You’re happy here. We’re happy here. Marry me.”
“And if I stay,” she finally said. “I’ll feel guilty every single day. Is that what you want?”
“Guilty about what? Making your dad and brothers do things for themselves for a change?”
She was clearly fighting tears and it hurt to watch her hurt like that. But he had to do it.
“You don’t understand,” she argued. “My dad needs help, Gavin. His…injury… He can’t…”
Gavin frowned. “Injury?”
She sighed. “He was in a motorcycle accident when I was seventeen. He has a mild brain injury. He has trouble remembering things and making appointments and…stuff.”
Gavin’s frown deepened. Mr. Ralston had been a teacher at the high school until their junior year in high school. Gavin had never had him for class, but knew that he’d been well-liked. Gavin remembered the accident, and he knew there had been some injuries that had resulted in Mr. Ralston no longer being able to teach full time, but Gavin had assumed that the trauma had been physical only. No one in town ever talked about any other issues—and in Promise Harbor that was incredible. “I didn’t know about that.” But it made a lot of sense.
“I know. I…we…tried to keep it pretty private. Mom was obsessive about covering things up for him. The school—and the town—thought he quit teaching so he could help the Brewsters with their business and the Brewsters helped protect him too.”
“Including Josh. And you.”
She nodded.
Of course.
Gavin shoved his hand through his hand. “Dammit, Allie.” He looked into her eyes. She looked worried and sad and frustrated. And in the midst of being pissed at her, he still wanted to hug her and make it okay. “You don’t think that’s something I might have wanted to know?” he asked, feeling his gut knot. “This is a big part of your life. It explains a lot of things. Why wouldn’t you tell me?”
She met his frown with one of her own. “We didn’t do the serious stuff, Gavin. We didn’t talk about our families. It was all just fun and good times. Remember?”
He did and he suddenly wanted to throw something. F*ck. It was all backfiring. He’d done those things because he loved her, because he didn’t want to see her hurting or sad. But what it had done was engrain in her the idea that that was all he had to give. And it was all his fault.
“That’s why you always had to be there?” he asked.
She nodded. “My mom took care of things, but she took on so much that I felt like I had to be there when I could to take some of the load.”
Gavin felt his chest tighten. God, she’d been there for all of them. How could he…
Despair swept over him and he felt like he was being suffocated. He clenched his fists and worked on breathing. Despair because he couldn’t keep her.
He couldn’t make her stay. In fact, he should probably encourage her to go. It was the right thing, in many ways. If she stayed, her mind and heart would be four thousand miles away in Promise Harbor anyway.
Did he want to live that way? Knowing that her life with him made her feel guilty?
“My dad’s basically alone, Gavin,” she said. Her tone had lost its intensity. Now she just sounded…tired. “If Josh isn’t looking out for him and I’m not there, there’s really no one. My brothers are too wrapped up and honestly…” she took a deep breath, “…it’s not all their fault. Mom and I kept things from them too. We’ve covered Dad’s deficits up for so long, I doubt my brothers really understand there are problems.”
“Is he in danger?” Gavin asked. “I’ll call Hayley.”
She squeezed her eyes shut and sniffed. “I don’t think so, but…I don’t know.” She pulled in a long breath. “No, he’s safe. He won’t wander off or have a car accident or burn the house down. Not stuff like that.”
She seemed to be trying to calm herself. “He’ll just forget stuff. Not take care of himself. If I’m not there to cook dinner, he’ll think about making something for dinner but not remember all the ingredients to use. So he’ll try to find it in a cookbook, but he won’t remember which one so he’ll pull them all out. He’ll look through them and get distracted looking at other recipes and the whole thing will take him so long that he’ll completely miss dinnertime. Then he’ll finally be so frustrated and hungry he’ll just eat a can of soup and go to bed.
“Oh,” she added, “and he won’t put any of the cookbooks away. They’ll stay spread out on the dining room table for days. He’ll also not think about doing any laundry until he has no clothes left. Then he’ll go to work in some old ratty thing he pulls out of his drawers and embarrass himself.”
She stopped and pressed her lips together, hugging herself. “That’s what I really hate—the idea that he might embarrass himself. Forget a meeting or not pay a bill or not remember to pick someone up when he promised to.” She rubbed her forehead. “And I hate talking about him like this. None of it’s intentional. He has damage to the part of his brain that helps him remember things and organize and plan.”
Gavin was watching her, literally aching all over.
F*ck. She had to go.
Even if it weren’t for her dad—and he obviously needed her—she would never really settle here. She’d always be torn, always think she needed to be there.
He couldn’t keep her like that.
He cleared his throat. “I’ll call Major. He can fly you home as soon as he’s free.”
“I can get a flight—”
“Major can get you there sooner and easier,” Gavin cut her off. He was also going to call Hayley and have her check on Owen and Sophie’s trip. She’d make it seem casual, but she could dig up the details, he was sure.
“I, um…” She licked her lips and looked at him. “I don’t know what to say. I…”
“You have to go.”
She didn’t answer right away, but finally she nodded. “Yeah.”
“I get it. I understand. Hell, Allie,” he shoved his hand through his hair, “I would have understood all along if you’d told me.”
“We didn’t do that.”
She’d said the same thing before and it pissed Gavin off more each time.
“Yeah, I know,” he snapped. “We had some fun, but none of this. I know.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” she said quietly.
“How can I be hurt by this?” he asked, actually asking himself the same question. How could he actually be mad at her here? “It’s not like you’re going home to marry some other guy.”
He’d meant it as a joke, but as he heard the words out loud, his chest tightened again. Maybe she wasn’t going home to get married, but at some point in the future another guy would come along, another Josh, and he’d help her out, take some of her burden, and she’d decide that it was pretty great to have someone on her side like that, and when he asked her to marry him—because, of course, he would—she’d say yes.
F*ck.
Could he live with that? Could he keep himself out of that church and that wedding?
Only if he cut himself off again. Only if he didn’t hear or see or know anything about her and her life.
“I’ll call Major.” He stepped around her, careful not to touch her—because he knew he’d never stop—and went to find a phone as far away from her as he could get.
Three hours later, Allie was on her way to the Bend airport to get in his plane. Major had agreed to pick her up since they were going the same way. Which worked out great for Gavin because he’d rather cut off his arm than say good-bye to her at another airport. He’d done that more times than any man should have to say good-bye to the woman he loved.
In fact, he hadn’t said good-bye to her at all this time.
It was the a*shole way out, but he was okay with that at the moment.
He was now in his office, staring at the photograph of him and the cubs and hating everything. Absolutely everything.
It had been just over a week. He was being dramatic thinking his whole life had changed in that time.
It wasn’t actually possible that he was devastated. They’d broken up more than once before. The last time had been big. And he’d survived.
Barely.
F*ck. He sure as hell felt devastated.
He spun away from the photo and paced to the window.
This was what they did. They hung out, had fun, until her family needed her and she went home.
So why did it feel so f*cking bad this time?
He rubbed a hand over his face. He knew exactly why it felt so bad. Being more than the fun guy she hung out with meant going to Promise Harbor.
It meant doing the things that he sucked at—talking, supporting, knowing what she needed, being there even when he had no idea what to say or do.
Going to Promise Harbor with her, for her, also meant he could very possibly fail spectacularly.
Letting her come home to him in Boston all those times was a hell of a lot easier than being in the throes of the chaos and crap with her. Talking about all the things he would have done if he’d been there when her mom was sick and when she passed away was a hell of a lot easier than actually sitting in the hospital and the funeral home.
He growled in frustration and turned from the window.
He was going to have to go. They both deserved to know if he could man up when needed.
He hadn’t had a great role model for manning up and doing the right thing and being there. It was an excuse, and one he hated himself for, but he’d seen firsthand the heartbreak in a woman who had been let down by the man she loved and trusted. Gavin would never cheat, but not being supportive, not understanding what she needed, not being able to deliver what she really needed would be letting Allie down in another way. He didn’t need to involve another woman to disappoint and hurt Allie—he could do that all on his own.
So he’d just never really tried. It was weak and pathetic and childish, but never trying seemed to feel better than trying and failing, and it protected Allie from heartbreak.
Until now.
He couldn’t let Allie go to Promise Harbor alone.
He didn’t want her trying to handle all of this on her own, and if he was completely honest, he didn’t want her running back into Josh Brewster’s arms when she needed someone on her side.
Allison Ralston was the only woman—the only person—in the world who could get him back to Promise Harbor. She was also the only reason that he would ever do what he did next.
He called his father.
“Hello?”
Hearing the deep voice on the other end of the phone for the first time in ten years made Gavin close his eyes and just breathe for a moment. He wasn’t nervous, exactly. But he was definitely anxious about the conversation and anxious to have it over with.
“It’s Gavin.”
There was a long, not surprisingly shocked silence. Then he heard his dad say, “Gavin?” His voice was gruff.
“Yeah.”
“Son. I…”
“I’m calling to tell you something and I really need you to just listen,” Gavin said. He couldn’t listen to his father call him “son” or say anything that might set off his temper. He didn’t want to fight. That wasn’t what this was about.
“Okay,” Greg Montgomery said. “Go ahead.” There was a touch of apprehension in his voice.
Which made sense. Gavin had said some not very nice things to his dad in the past.
“I’m coming back to Promise Harbor, but I need you to not think this has anything to do with you,” Gavin told him. “It doesn’t, at all. This doesn’t mean I forgive you or want to have a relationship. And you will absolutely not call in any favors for me.”
Again, there was a long, tense silence. Then his dad said simply, “All right.”
“I’d be willing to see you,” Gavin said, surprising even himself with the words as they came to him, “if it’s for a family dinner or something. If Mom and Garrett and Gabe are there. Maybe a lunch with Garrett and Gabe sometime.”
“All right,” Greg said again, almost carefully.
“And tell Mom that I’d like to see her. But I’m not sure I can see you alone. Or even just you and Mom. You need to know that.”
Greg cleared his throat. “All right.”
Gavin couldn’t describe the feelings churning through him. It felt…okay…to talk to his dad again. He didn’t feel angry, he didn’t feel resentful, he wasn’t waiting to jump on something to criticize like he’d done those last two years living at home. He’d…moved on. Maybe. He could still get plenty pissed off if he thought about things too hard, but he could maybe, possibly, let it go. A little.
“Is it a girl?” Greg finally asked.
“What?” Gavin pulled himself back to the moment.
“The reason you’re coming ho…to the harbor?”
Gavin realized his dad had almost said “home” but had corrected himself. Gavin thought about that. His dad realized he’d made a life, a home, somewhere else. But the thing was—if Allie was in Promise Harbor, then that was Gavin’s home.
“Yeah,” he admitted, “it’s because of a girl.”
“She’s a good one,” Greg said.
Gavin knew his parents and brothers had been at the wedding. Obviously Greg knew which girl.
“Yeah,” Gavin said, agreeing with his father for the first time in over a decade. “She’s more than good.”
“Well,” Greg said with a sigh, “nothing will tear you apart and put you back together better than you were before like loving a woman you don’t deserve.”
Gavin felt his breath lodge in his throat and had to swallow three times before he could speak. It wasn’t exactly fatherly advice, but it was a shared experience. And that was more than he and his dad had shared in a really long time.
“Yeah. Well…tell Mom I’ll be over to see her.” He’d call his brothers himself but he didn’t think he could quite handle his mom crying right now. Which she would do. Without question.
He loved his mom, but there was another woman in Promise Harbor he needed to concentrate on.
“I’m going to Promise Harbor,” he announced as he strode into his kitchen. He knew that Nancy and Carter would be there with Lydia. Concerned, maybe. Curious, definitely.
“Thank goodness,” Lydia breathed.
Gavin looked at her in surprise, but Carter jumped in with, “You staying there?”
“I don’t know. Maybe,” he said honestly. There was a lot to consider. Upending his life here without any warning wouldn’t work. But right now, he just needed to be with Allie.
“I’ll cover things here,” Nancy said. “Call as soon as you can.”
Gavin was surprised at their easy acceptance. Then he noticed there were suitcases packed by the door. “What’s this?”
“I packed for you,” Carter said.
“I supervised,” Lydia said.
There were three suitcases though. He couldn’t just take everything with him in one trip and never come back. “Look, no matter what happens, I’ll have to come back here and tie up loose ends. I only need one suitcase.”
“Those two are mine.”
He turned to stare at Lydia. “Yours?”
She lifted her chin. “I’m coming too.”
“And staying for a while,” he observed.
“Maybe.”
Okay. He really didn’t know what to say or do with that, so he just nodded. “Let’s go.”
He got a hold of Major before they’d even stowed Allie’s suitcase, so the plane was still sitting on the tarmac when Gavin and Lydia pulled up.
Gavin climbed on board to find Allie sitting in one of the window seats, legs crossed, arms crossed, staring out the window. She didn’t even acknowledge him.
Yeah, well, he wasn’t exactly thrilled about this either.
He took the seat right next to her and reached for her hand. He had to tug a little, but he finally linked her smaller fingers with his and sat back in his seat, trying to relax. He was here, with her. That was the first step. That was what mattered.
“What are you doing?” she finally asked, turning to him. “You don’t want to go to Promise Harbor.”
“No, I don’t,” he said honestly.
“Then why are you here?”
The first words that came to mind made the most sense. “Because I need to hold your hand, and I can’t do that unless I’m in Promise Harbor with you.”
She clearly didn’t know what to say to that. She pulled a breath in and then said, “That’s it? That’s all you want to do? Hold my hand?”
He thought about it. That he could do. That he wouldn’t f*ck up. So that seemed a good plan. “Yeah,” he finally said. “That’s it.”
She didn’t say anything more, but she finally sat back in her seat, leaned her head back and rolled it to look out the window. She did, however, keep her hand in his.
As they sat and waited for Major to finish his preflight check, Gavin thought about what Allie would need when she got home. He could make sure she slept, ate something decent, didn’t drive distracted.
But what she’d most need was to know that everyone was all right. She needed some answers. She needed to be reassured.
His heart lurched as he realized that he couldn’t do that for her. He didn’t know what was going on any more than she did.
He knew exactly who would though.
F*ck.
He pulled out his phone and fumbled to text Hayley with one thumb. It was a simple message: I need to get a hold of Josh Brewster.
Like a true friend, Hayley didn’t ask questions. She just replied with Josh’s cell phone number.
His text to Josh was simple too—Allie needs you. She’ll be in the harbor early tomorrow morning.
He didn’t get an immediate response and he made himself close his phone and turn it off for the flight. Not that it mattered. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew Josh would be there for Allie when she needed him.
Gavin glanced over at Lydia. She was curled up in her seat, sleeping.
He knew she’d been talking with Allie’s brothers, especially Charlie, but he was still surprised how quickly she’d jumped to coming to Promise Harbor with him.
Of course, no one knew better than he did how twisted up someone could get because of a Ralston.