chapter Ten
Allie awoke three hours into the flight and turned her head to find that Gavin really was beside her. For a moment, she’d thought maybe she’d dreamed it.
He was sleeping too, his head turned toward her, his hand still holding hers.
She felt her throat tighten at the warmth and strength that seemed to spread from her hand up.
He just wanted to hold her hand.
That had been sweet. Just what she’d needed to hear.
She hoped like hell it was true.
She sighed, her gaze running over his face. Every feature was so familiar—the laugh lines around his eyes, the little flip of hair at the crown of his head that didn’t like to lie flat, the lips that said and did the most wonderful things to her.
And he was here, really here, with her, beside her, heading for Promise Harbor.
For what?
She couldn’t stop the thought or the frown that accompanied it. He was coming with her to…what, exactly? Help her? That was nice, but how?
She sighed. Gavin wanted a relationship. He wanted to be a “normal couple”. That meant being involved with her family and seeing her every day and being a part of everything she did.
She wasn’t sure she had it in her. Mostly because she wasn’t doing a great job with the people who already depended on her. She wasn’t sure she should add anyone to the list.
But she also couldn’t imagine her life without him.
Josh was the only guy who’d ever been involved with her family. That had been easy though—he’d already been there, a part of things, understanding the ins and outs, not being frustrated or impatient or…jealous. That was one advantage to being with a guy who wasn’t madly, deeply, head over heels for her. He didn’t mind when her family came first. All the time.
Allie looked down at Gavin’s hand. When they’d been talking—okay, arguing—earlier he’d asked when she was going to let them go. The answer to that was never. They were her family. She would be there as long as they needed her to be.
That was going to frustrate Gavin at best. It was going to run him off to Alaska again at worst. If that happened, it would be for good this time.
Of course, if he stayed, there was no guarantee that things would work out either.
They were both from the harbor, but had never been a couple there. They didn’t know each other’s families, didn’t hang out with their friends together, and didn’t show up at the Barney’s Chowder House together. They hadn’t done the sharing-everything-no-matter-what thing.
It could very well blow up in their faces.
Yeah, this was a great idea.
A great idea that she couldn’t quite let go of.
Seven hours and sixteen minutes later, Allie, Gavin and Lydia landed in Boston. Lydia, bless her heart, curled up in the backseat of the rental car and went back to sleep. Or pretended to anyway.
Gavin insisted on paying for the car and then driving. Every mile they traveled closer seemed to wind them both tighter.
When Allie had pulled her wallet out to pay for the fast food they picked up, he’d snapped, “Let me do it.”
“You don’t have to do everything,” she’d snapped back.
“Let me at least f*cking do what I can,” he’d said, with a scowl at the girl in the drive-through.
“What’s that mean?” Allie had demanded.
“It means that I don’t know what the hell’s gonna happen in Promise Harbor so I’m gonna at least pay for the damned burgers.”
Okay, clearly she wasn’t the only one feeling anxious about what was coming.
They pulled into Promise Harbor an hour later.
“You need to find a place to stay,” she said to Gavin as they passed the sign that said Welcome to Promise Harbor.
He didn’t answer and was frowning again—or still—when she looked over at him.
“You can’t stay at my house.” Surely he understood that.
“Fine.” The word was flat and delivered with a deeper frown.
“Well, really, what did you think?” she asked, exasperated and knowing that it wasn’t all about Gavin.
“I didn’t think about it period.” Same flat tone.
“I can’t bring you to my dad’s,” she pointed out. “For one, he barely knows you.” In fact, she wasn’t sure her dad knew him at all beyond his name. “For another…” Shit, she couldn’t say that. She bit her lip.
“For another?” he asked, glancing over at her.
“Nothing.”
“Allie,” he said warningly.
“Never mind. It’s my dad’s house and I can’t just bring some guy to stay.”
“What,” he bit off, “were you going to say?”
She sighed. Fine. “Josh will be around.”
Gavin growled. Her eyes widened.
But it was true. She couldn’t really bring the guy who’d broken up their wedding home to stay right in front of everyone, could she?
“Well, he will.”
“You sure? Thought he was out of town,” Gavin sneered.
“He was,” she acknowledged. “But he’s back.”
“Great.” Gavin’s tone was even more clipped, if that was possible.
“So you’ll stay—”
“Jesus, Allie, I’ll stay out of precious Josh’s f*ckin’ way, okay?”
She glared at him. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Wasn’t it?”
She opened her mouth, shut it, then said, “I just don’t want to rub his nose in it.”
“I do,” Gavin muttered.
She huffed out a breath. This was a ridiculous fight. “You don’t have to be jealous of Josh.”
Josh wasn’t going to be the man she needed to concentrate on.
But neither was Gavin.
“I’m not jealous of Josh,” Gavin said firmly. “You’re in love with me and in my bed. I’m not worried about Josh.”
His words made her heart trip even as her frustration bubbled higher. “I’m not in your bed right now.” That was the least of the things she needed to worry about. Even if staying cocooned in bed with Gavin, shutting the real world out, sounded absolutely perfect. And so familiar.
They’d done that as a substitute for a real relationship for so long that now they were jumping in without any practice.
Now it was sink or swim.
He looked over at her, his expression full of challenge and possession. “You are in my bed right now, Allison. In every way that it matters, you are.”
Okay, so figuratively that was true.
She swallowed, liking that more than she should. It was all a moot point right now anyway.
Except that it wasn’t.
There was something about knowing that no matter how bitchy or unreasonable or unfocused she was, he still wanted her, still knew she was his. That made her breathe easier.
He reached across the seat and took her hand. “Listen, this is new for us. But here’s the deal. In the past, I let you leave, let you deal with all of this alone. That’s over. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m going to be there.”
She liked that a lot too. “Be where?”
“There,” he said again. “I don’t know. Wherever I need to be.”
That sounded really nice. She didn’t know where she needed him to be either, but knowing he was willing was…nice.
Josh had always been there. He’d taken a lot of weight off her shoulders, but this felt different. Bigger. For Josh it was natural and he barely gave it a second thought. In fact, she wasn’t sure he gave it any real thought. He just did it. He’d take her dad for coffee, or give Danny twenty bucks, or ride Charlie about his latest resignation. But it wasn’t a big deal.
For Gavin it was. This wasn’t natural for him. This wasn’t easy. In fact, he looked pretty damned uncomfortable thinking about it. But he was here, doing it anyway.
She squeezed his hand. “Okay.”
He glanced over quickly. “Okay? As in, you’ll call me if you need something?”
She thought about that, then slowly nodded. “Okay.”
That wasn’t natural for her either. She just took care of things. Except for the things Josh took care of. But she never really asked him. She didn’t need to, and she’d always chalked that up to proof of what a good match they were—he knew how to help her without her asking.
But…she wasn’t sure she would have asked him. Leaning wasn’t easy for her. She would have worried about what he’d think if she couldn’t handle something.
With Gavin she didn’t. Gavin would like her—love her—even if she broke down sobbing for no apparent reason. Or stayed in bed for three days straight.
She sighed. No, she didn’t need to worry about seeming weak or Gavin seeing her at her worst.
Been there, done that.
Gavin pulled the car up to the curb in front of a big old house at the end of the dead-end street next to the lake.
It wasn’t his parents’ place.
“Who lives here?”
“Hayley. This was her grandfather’s place. She owns it now.”
Allie was so grateful he had somewhere to go. “Does she know you’re coming?”
“Nah, but it won’t matter.” Gavin put the car into park and turned to look back at Lydia. “Lyd. We’re here.”
As Lydia was yawning and stretching, Gavin turned his attention fully on Allie.
“You will call me,” he said firmly. “I might suck at this at first, but you will call me and give me a chance. And I’ll get better at it.”
Something warm spread through her chest, and she felt the vise that had been squeezing her heart loosen. She smiled. “A chance at what?” she teased lightly. She actually really appreciated his honesty about not knowing what he was doing exactly.
The bumbling attempt outside his comfort zone meant more than all the perfect words and actions from everyone else in the past two years.
“The chance to be there,” he said with a little grimace.
“And ‘there’ is…?” she prompted.
“Hell if I know.” He gave her a half smile. “We might both need to work up to the big stuff. You don’t ask for help well and I don’t give it well.”
She smiled. “I’ll try.”
“Like changing a lightbulb, or something,” he said. “Or running to the grocery store for something you forgot.”
Her smile grew and she nodded. “Okay. When a lightbulb goes out or I run out of milk, you’re my guy.”
He leaned in and rested his forehead against hers. “I’m your guy anyway, Al,” he said huskily. “Any time for anything. Promise.”
“I promise,” she said softly. “But you have to promise not to get all upset or offended if I don’t call too. I have…stuff to figure out.”
“You need to talk to Josh,” he interpreted. With a sigh, he leaned back.
She nodded. “I do. I need to figure out what’s going on. And I just think maybe it would be best if you weren’t there. At least at first.”
He just looked at her for three heartbeats. Then he leaned in and kissed her sweetly.
Lydia slamming the door as she got out pulled them apart.
“I will see you,” he said, firmly.
She nodded.
Allie watched them lug their suitcases up to the door and Gavin pound on the door. Then wait. Then pound again. It was just barely six a.m., so it was understandable that it might take Hayley some time to wake up and get to the door.
Allie just hoped Hayley was a morning person and didn’t Taser people who showed up uninvited.
Finally the big door swung open. There was a moment when Allie couldn’t see anyone else before suddenly Gavin caught Hayley in his arms in a tight hug. Allie swallowed hard and put the car in drive. Thank god for Hayley. She’d take care of Gavin until Allie could.
She turned the car toward the Promise Harbor fire station and speed-dialed the sixth number in her cell phone, hoping Josh was at work. She’d be less likely to use expletives if there were other people around.
He wasn’t there. And no one—predictably—answered at Sophie’s or at Allie’s dad’s house.
Five minutes later, Allie pulled the rental up in front of the house that would have been her address if Gavin had been ten minutes later in getting to the church.
She shivered at that thought—how close she’d come to making such a huge mistake. Then she put that in the maybe-I’ll-think-about-that-later box—which was getting damned full of stuff, frankly.
Instead, she got out and headed for Josh’s front door, hoping he was home. It was Wednesday, so if he wasn’t at work, typically he’d be at his mom’s for breakfast. But his mom wasn’t in Promise Harbor.
She was gone. With Allie’s father.
The world was going crazy.
Allie pounded on Josh’s door for a full minute, but there was no answer and she had to accept that this wasn’t going to be as easy as she’d hoped.
She had Greta’s cell number. She supposed she could try to get a hold of her. What would Greta think about Sophie and Owen getting it on?
Allie frowned and dropped onto Josh’s top front step.
Sophie and Owen? Getting it on?
She made herself breathe. They could just be antiquing, she supposed. Maybe they just both needed to get away. They were friends, after all, and they’d both had a child starring in the Wedding That Wasn’t. Maybe they were just drinking mai tais and shopping.
And maybe they were getting it on.
“Argh!” Allie covered her face with her hands, propping her elbows on her knees. It was true that not knowing was the hard part.
She didn’t really care if they were involved, she realized. She loved Sophie and neither of them should be alone. They’d known each other forever.
Good for them.
But she’d like to know what the hell was going on.
Was Owen okay? Was Sophie reminding him to take his blood pressure meds and to watch his salt intake? Did she know that he was allergic to mangos?
More, did she know that he watched NCIS nonstop? And that he’d tell her about the same story he’d read in the newspaper three or four times? And that she’d have to physically take him to get his haircut or he’d never remember?
Yeah, there was more to being involved with Owen than Sophie might realize.
He might drive her nuts.
This little getaway might be the first and last.
Allie looked up at the sound of a car pulling in to Josh’s driveway. Josh got out a moment later. Then the passenger side opened. And Devon Grant stepped out.
Allie got to her feet.
Um…
“Allie, Jesus, I went to your dad’s. What are you doing here?” Josh asked, rounding the car and coming toward her.
He didn’t seem surprised to see her, exactly. “Why’d you go to my dad’s? He’s not there.” She put her hands on her hips. “Did you know he was with your mom?”
Josh stopped at the bottom of the steps. “Gavin told me you were back and needed me. What’s going on?”
That tripped her up. “Gavin told you I was here? And needed you?”
“Yes. What’s going on?”
“What’s going on?” She stomped down the steps. “My father is gone. And you weren’t here. I’m the one who needs to know what’s going on.”
“Mom and Owen went up to Greenbush Island for a few days. Everyone’s fine.”
Allie waited for him to continue. “And?” she finally demanded.
Josh frowned. “And nothing.”
“Did you talk to them?”
“I…” He cleared his throat and glanced over at Devon, who had come up beside him. “Briefly on the phone. I just got back Saturday. We just missed them.”
Allie narrowed her eyes. “Yeah, heard you were gone too.”
“And you wouldn’t think of being pissed about that, everything considered, right?” he said, eyebrows up as if daring her.
Allie blew out a breath and crossed her arms. She’d love to be self-righteous here and yell at Josh for letting all of this happen. But, of course, she couldn’t. It was her fault.
All of it.
Losing what little energy she’d pulled together with adrenaline and ire, Allie let her shoulders slump. “Sorry about the wedding.”
That was a really stupid way to apologize, of course, but she didn’t know what else to say.
“Me too.”
She looked up. “You’re sorry? You didn’t run out on me.”
“No, but,” Josh glanced at Devon again, “I never should have proposed in the first place.”
Allie looked at her ex-best friend too. Then she nodded. It was true. “Okay.”
“Okay,” Josh repeated. “Now why is Gavin texting me about you?”
Allie felt her heart cramp. She lifted a shoulder. “He’s worried about me.”
“But he’s not here with you?”
“He’s here. He’s just not here.”
“Why not?”
“Because I thought it might make you uncomfortable.”
“Oh. Right.” Josh looked a little uncomfortable that he clearly wasn’t all that uncomfortable seeing his ex-fiancée for the first time since she’d left him at the altar.
Suddenly, the whole thing hit Allie as really funny.
Allie started laughing. And couldn’t stop.
She was here with her ex-fiancé and her ex-best friend, who were obviously now a couple—again—talking about her father and her ex-almost-mother-in-law, who may or may not be a couple, and telling them that she was now home with the guy who’d stolen her away from the wedding that neither her nor her ex-fiancé were upset hadn’t happened.
She had no idea what was going on with anyone—including herself.
And that was actually…okay.
Not knowing what was going on was never okay with her. Except that now, suddenly, for some reason, it was.
She laughed until her eyes watered and she had to sit down on the steps again.
“Oh god,” she finally gasped. “This is the craziest situation.”
Josh was looking at her like he was afraid she might actually be crazy, but Devon was smiling.
“Okay.” Composed again, Allie stretched to her feet. “I’m going…home. I guess.”
Her mind flickered briefly to a house with a huge back window that looked out on the highest mountain peak in North America. Home.
Yeah. She was going to her dad’s house.
“Call if you need anything,” Josh said.
Allie paused halfway down the sidewalk and gave her friend and almost-husband a smile. “Sure. Thanks.” But Josh couldn’t give her what she needed anymore.
A few minutes later, Allie let herself into her dad’s house.
It was quiet. But that wasn’t what she noticed first.
It smelled good.
And it was tidy. Clean even.
She dropped her bags by the door, staring at the living room she hadn’t been in for over a week. How was it possible that there weren’t dishes and mail everywhere?
She turned on two lamps and looked around. The only good explanation was that her dad had forgotten to get the mail. Or eat. For over a week.
She frowned. No way had her brothers gone without eating for that long. There should at least be empty chip bags and soda cans sitting around. She swore they acted more like they were thirteen than twenty-five and twenty-four.
Dreading what she’d find, she headed for the kitchen.
But it too was clean and neat.
If her wedding invitation hadn’t been hanging on the fridge door next to the white dry-erase board where she left her dad reminders, she would have gone back outside and checked the house number. But this was the right house.
Kind of.
Allie turned in a full circle. Everything was put away, the sink was clean and, sure enough, there was a pile of mail on the table. But it was neatly stacked and she could see that it had been opened. Flipping through it quickly showed that none of it was bills to be paid. So someone had paid the bills or tossed them. And even Danny wouldn’t toss the bills.
Mostly because Danny didn’t ever throw anything away.
Huh.
She checked the fridge, but there was no expired or rotten food and there were even a couple of containers of leftovers that were new. So someone had cooked? Sophie? Maybe.
There was only one last place she needed to check in this Twilight Zone house.
Taking the steps two at a time, she went to her brothers’ rooms.
They were messier than the rest of the house but they weren’t disasters. There were clean clothes in their drawers and no dirty dishes that she could find. And she tried.
Feeling very confused, she pulled her cell phone out and called Charlie.
“Hey, Al,” he greeted. “What’s up?”
“Where’d the leftovers come from?” she asked without preamble.
“What leftovers?”
“The ones in the fridge.”
“The fri… You’re at home?”
She frowned as she headed back for the kitchen. “Yes, I’m home. You told me Dad was gone. So I came home.”
“Jesus.”
She heard some bangs and rustling on Charlie’s end of the phone.
Then he said, “He’s not gone. He’s on a trip.”
“Yeah. He’s not here.”
“And hopefully he’s having a great time.”
“Charlie, you don’t understand…”
“I do, Allie,” he interrupted. “I do understand. You’re usually in charge. But when you left, we made do. And that might surprise you. It might even piss you off. But we’re okay.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Why would that piss me off?” Surprise her? Definitely. But was she mad? She didn’t think so.
“You like being in charge. It was the way you bonded with Mom, and now that she’s gone it’s your way of staying close to her. But our world didn’t fall apart without you.”
She opened her mouth to respond and then closed it again. The world didn’t fall apart without her? Huh.
“Where’d you get that insight?” she asked.
Charlie sighed. “I always knew that you were trying to be like Mom.”
“And who pointed out that it was my way of staying close to her?” Because Allie hadn’t actually realized that herself. At least not in so many words. She’d felt the need to fill her mom’s shoes, to pick up where Lily left off, but she hadn’t realized that she was actually comforted by it. She was, though. It was the routine, the familiarity, looking through her mom’s files, reading notes in her mom’s handwriting—it had all kept Lily close.
“Lydia,” Charlie finally said.
Ah. Of course. “And she talked you through making dinner a couple of nights,” Allie guessed. “That’s where the leftovers came from.”
“Yeah,” Charlie muttered.
Allie took a deep breath. A million things were flying through her mind, but one thought seemed to sum it all up—Holy crap.
Her world really had changed in just over a week.
“Did the dinners turn out well?” Charlie didn’t have a lot of kitchen experience, so even with a live chat with a fantastic cook, they might have been less than perfect.
“Edible,” he said. Then he chuckled.
Allie couldn’t help but smile. He sounded…good.
“And how’s Danny?”
“Fine. He got an apartment with some guys he met in class.”
Well, at least he was in class.
“And Dad’s with Sophie.”
“Yeah.”
“Are they…”
“Hell, Allie, I don’t know,” Charlie said quickly. “I’ve decided it doesn’t matter.”
“It doesn’t matter?” But in the next moment, Allie couldn’t really come up with a reason why it did matter.
“Sophie’s fantastic. She and Dad get along. Let’s just leave it at that.”
Sophie was definitely fantastic. Okay. Allie was going to take some advice from her brother for a change. “Okay, we’ll just leave it at that.”
“Okay. Now I have to get back to work.”
“Work?”
“Yes. It’s how I spend some of my time now.” Charlie paused, then said, “And it’s not so bad.”
They disconnected and Allie stood staring at the phone. Her dad was okay, Charlie was okay, Danny was okay. What the hell was going on?
A knock at the kitchen door made Allie jump, then her heart pounded as she thought it might be Gavin. She quickly crossed the room and pulled the door open.
The person on the other side hadn’t even made the list of the top ten possibilities in her mind.
“Devon?”
The other woman wet her lips and gave Allie a smile that seemed nervous. “Hi.”
“Wh…what are you doing here?”
“I…um…think we should talk.”
Well, sure why not? Everything else was crazy. Allie propped her shoulder against the doorjamb and crossed her arms. “Okay, go ahead.”
The familiar fatigue was starting to settle in. She hated that Promise Harbor did that to her, but it did. She felt heavier here.
“Are you okay?” Devon asked.
“Well, my mom’s still dead, my dad’s missing, and half—or more—of my hometown hates me. I’ve been better.”
“You’re the one that left.”
Allie blinked at her. Okay. Wow. “That’s true.”
“Are you sorry you left with Gavin?”
That was easy. “No.”
“I hope you’re not upset that Josh and I are together. Because…we are, Allie. We’re together. And that’s just the way it is.”
“I’m not upset about Josh at all.” That too was an easy answer.
Devon didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Then she said, “I was really pissed at you for a long time.”
Allie lifted an eyebrow. “Pissed at me?”
“For dating Josh. For marrying Josh.”
Allie straightened from the doorframe. “If you recall, I didn’t marry Josh.”
“You said yes to his proposal. Then you left him at the altar. In front of everyone.”
“Which should make you happy.” Crap. She really couldn’t handle this too.
“It does. It just…” Devon sighed. “I don’t know. It hurt me to see him embarrassed and confused and hurt like that.”
“Seems like he got over it pretty well,” Allie said dryly.
Devon’s gaze flew back to her face. She even blushed a little. “Nothing happened between us until we were both sure he was over you.”
Allie’s shoulders slumped. “I’m sure that didn’t take long. It’s not like he was head over heels, Devon.”
Devon nodded. “Yeah. I know that now. He never really loved you.”
Right. Totally true. Still not exactly something she needed rubbed in her face at the moment.
“Okay.” Allie clapped her hands together. “So, if this pep talk is over…”
Devon reached out and clasped Allie’s hand, seeming as surprised as Allie was at the gesture. She looked from their hands to Allie’s face. “I got so wrapped up in how I was feeling about Josh and losing him and him being here with you…I didn’t think about how hard the past year must have been for you.”
Allie didn’t pull away. She swallowed hard.
She and Devon had been close. She knew this woman, and right in that moment she could look into her eyes and see that, deep down, they were still the same people they’d been when they stayed up late eating raw cookie dough and talking about their plans and dreams…and, of course, guys. That had been before Josh and Gavin, but she could see the funny, sweet, intelligent woman she’d loved like a sister.
“Yeah. The past year has sucked.”
“I wish…I wish I hadn’t pulled away. I should have been there to help you through it.”
“Devon,” Allie said, feeling exhausted at the idea of there being one more thing that had gone terribly wrong, “you said you were over Josh. You said it was okay with you that we dated.”
“I know.” Devon’s eyes glistened. “But I didn’t mean it. It tore me up. I love him so much, Allie.”
Allie pulled in a long breath. Should she have known that? Should she have somehow sensed that her best friend was hurting? “I couldn’t see or feel anything past what I was going through,” she finally admitted. “I just took you at your word.”
“I know.” Devon let go of Allie and wiped at her eyes. “And it’s all okay now.”
Allie thought about that. Then she felt a smile threaten and she didn’t try to fight it or hide it.
“I guess that makes you one of Gavin’s biggest fans.”
Devon frowned, then slowly smiled. “I guess it does.”
“I thought of you while I was in Alaska,” Allie told her.
“You did?”
“Yeah. I was thinking how nice it would be to have a friend to talk to about everything that was going on with the damned wedding, and Josh, and Gavin, and my family.”
Devon sniffed a little as she smiled. “I know what you mean.”
They hadn’t been friends for a long time. They hadn’t had a heart-to-heart in forever. But suddenly Allie wanted Devon with her—if Devon agreed.
“So, there’s something I was thinking I needed to do. I could use a friend. Want to come?”
Devon nodded quickly. “Yes.”
“Okay. I just need to grab something,” Allie said, thinking through her spontaneous plan quickly. “Will you get the tequila out of the cupboard above the fridge?”
Devon’s eyes got a little wide, but she agreed and Allie headed for the stairs.
She threw blankets and sweaters off of the cardboard box in the corner of her closet. It was full of stuff from her college dorm room that she’d decided wasn’t quite appropriate for her “grown up” apartment. In that box was proof that there had been a few fun times that she had initiated. It had been her freshman year of college, her first time away from home for extended periods, the first—and only—time that she’d been out from under the roof where all her responsibilities and her mother’s expectations collected. It had felt free and, yes, for a few months, she’d been fun.
Halfway through photos and things like Mardi Gras beads from a campus party, a green tank that said I’m Not Irish But Kiss Me Anyway, a plastic luau lei, a couple of champagne corks from New Year’s Eve and other mementos, she found the shot glasses.
She met Devon back in the kitchen a minute later. “Okay, let’s go.”