I smiled a little, not totally sure I agreed with her, but knowing that it was unavoidable. Maisha excused herself so that I could get it over with. This was by far going to be the hardest conversation I’d ever had with anyone in my entire life. And actually….it was only the first of two very difficult conversations to be had.
“Hey, baby! We were just talking about you. I made some of that caramel cake that you love for dessert,” my mother forced out all in one breath. When I didn’t respond at all, she thought the call had failed. “Hello?”
Clearing my throat, I tried to get my words together; however, this wasn’t the kind of phone call that you could prepare for ahead of time. “I’m here,” I finally replied. Without saying anything more than this, my mother detected that something was wrong.
“Is everything okay?” It was difficult for her to hide the panic that all of a sudden crept into her tone.
“Not really.” How am I supposed to say this? A warm tear raced down my face, dropping onto the comforter. “Mom, I-“
“Samantha, baby, you’re scaring me.” I could hear my father questioning her in the background, wondering what was going on. She quieted him and asked again, “Is everything okay?”
I sniffed back more tears and let my eyes close. “I need you guys to come out here. Please.”
My father’s questions persisted in the background, only for my mother to continue ignoring him. “What happened?” She was trying as hard as she could to remain calm.
“I don’t really want to say over the phone, but…I need you guys to come here. Okay?” My voice was shaking and so were my hands as I held the phone.
“We’re leaving in ten minutes,” she said hurriedly. I could hear her shuffling around.
“No, I don’t want you guys driving through the night. It can wait until morning. There’s not an emergency,” I breathed, still trying to hold it all in.
There was a long pause on both ends before my mother spoke again. “At least tell me that you’re not in any danger. Where are you?”
“I’m not in danger,” I assured her. “And I’m at a hotel.”
“A hotel? Did something happen at the dorm, or –“
“Mom….just please get here,” I pleaded as calmly as I could. “We’ll talk then.”
“We’ll be there. I promise. And I’m gonna keep calling, you hear me? And when I do, you answer,” she demanded. “I mean it. You answer that phone so I know you’re okay.”
“I’m safe now, Mom. You don’t have to do that. Just get here.”
She fell silent again and I knew that she was dwelling on that ‘now’ that I let slip out.
“We’ll be there by morning,” she reiterated, finally letting me end the call.
I sat there staring at my phone, wondering what I’d say to them when they showed up. Would I have to give them all of the gruesome details?
By the time Maisha came back, I was settled in bed like before. She turned off the lights and lowered the volume on the TV so I could rest. It didn’t take me long to doze again, thanks to the medication the doctor prescribed. When I awoke later in the middle of the night – make that early morning - I stared at AJ lying beside me. He’d changed his clothes and came back sometime during the night while I slept.
I felt like I’d been in a fog for the past two days, and I was honestly afraid of what would be left of me when it all cleared away. I imagined that all of the feelings and emotions I’d been trying to bottle up would eventually make me explode. Feeling alone despite the fact that there were two other people in the room, I was unable to help myself from reaching out and touching AJ’s face. There were so many things I needed to say to him – things that I didn’t even know how to put to words honestly. When it was all over and done with, he’d either understand me or hate me. Either way, I had to look out for myself at this point.