“Last night while you were gone. They should be here within the next hour or so.” In my head, I calculated how much time AJ and I would have to talk before they arrived.
AJ fell silent and Maisha grabbed her purse to leave when Terrell walked back in with a Styrofoam cup of ice cream that he handed over to me with a smile.
“Thanks,” I smirked.
“ We probably won’t be back until late,” Maisha announced.
I nodded. “K, have fun.”
She smiled a little and then the two of them left AJ and I alone in the room. The stifling silence crept in again. Even though I wasn’t hungry, I started in on the ice cream just to avoid talking. From my peripheral, I could see AJ watching me. When I turned to meet his gaze, he looked away.
“What’re you thinking?” I asked.
He looked lost when he shrugged. “Just wish I could make this all go away for you. That’s all.” Our eyes locked again. If I stared too long, I’d change my mind and I couldn’t let that happen.
Do it now, Sam. Do it now, or you’ll lose your nerve…
“I think we need to talk before my parents get in.”
It looked like I dropped a ton of bricks right on top of him. His already weary expression dimmed even more. Did he know? Could he feel it in the air like I could?
I set the cup aside and stared at my hands. “I know we’re technically not together anymore, so this may seem like a strange thing to say, but…” I couldn’t do it.
He sat there still as ever, waiting for me to finish. As if I hadn’t cried enough, more tears fell. When he reached for my hand, that only made matters worse. As if he knew that his touch was making me weak, he squeezed my fingers gently. I swiped tears away from my cheek with my shoulder.
Look at him so he knows you’re serious…
I met AJ’s gaze, tears and all, and let the words tumble from my mouth like an avalanche – that was the only way I’d ever get them out. “I’m leaving and we can’t be together anymore.”
Stunned. Silent. Motionless. He stared with a look fixed on his face that I couldn’t place.
I choked back a tear and pulled my hand free from his.
“What do you mean you’re leaving?” He asked the question so calmly that I didn’t know what to think.
“I’m leaving Charleston.”
He took a deep breath and blew it back out slowly. “Are you going back home? Or –“
I shook my head. There was no way I could show my face in Fairfax again. Once word spread about what happened with Antonio, there’d be too much talk and speculation for me to handle. I needed to be somewhere that no one knew me, what I’d been through – a place where I could reinvent myself and start over.
“W-where? Where’re you gonna be?” Now there was panic in his tone.
“I haven’t decided yet. When my parents get here, I’ll talk to them about it and make my plans from there, but…even when I do decide…I don’t think –“
AJ closed his eyes and shook his head. “Don’t do that to me,” he replied without me even finishing my statement. “You can’t just disappear and not tell me where you’re going.”
But that was how it had to be. If I didn’t, he’d be walking up and down the streets of whatever city I settled in, just like he’d done when I tried to distance myself here at school. It’d be healthier for both of us if I just left and ceased communication. He might not understand that now, but he would eventually. One day, he’d be ready to move on and he’d get it then. He’d see how my leaving was meant to set us both free.
You could’ve heard a pin drop.
“I have to do this.”
He said nothing.
“I think we’d both be better off just going our separate ways, AJ. This whole relationship has been one continuous stream of –“
“Don’t downplay what we had – no, have – with whatever you’re about to say.”
I paused, hearing the anger in his voice. “I’ll be the first to say that I don’t think I’ll ever feel this way about anyone else –“