“How’re you feeling?” I asked. She only shrugged her shoulders and continued to stir the soup. Her hands were shaking like she was freezing cold. Slowly, I walked around the table and sat next to her in the chair. Maisha looked at me and then turned to Terrell.
“You know what? Have you eaten yet?” She asked him. Terrell shook his head ‘no’. “Good, we should go get something and give them some privacy,” she added. Maisha smiled at me sympathetically and shoved Terrell toward the door. When it shut, Sam stared at it like she didn’t want Maisha to leave her. Was she scared to be alone with me? There was an awkward silence between us. Sam finally stopped watching the door longingly and put both of her hands in her lap and stared at them.
“You should try to eat something,” I said quietly. She shook her head and stood from the table like she couldn’t wait to put distance between us. I saw that she was moving slowly which meant that she was still in a considerable amount of pain. She pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged her pillow. As she lay there with her back to me, I wanted to lie beside her and comfort her. Seeing her like this made me more certain that I had to follow through with my plan.
“It was my fault,” she whispered, interrupting my thoughts.
“What?” I asked, unsure that I’d heard her right.
“It was my fault. The whole thing. I went over there at my own free will and it was my fault”
“No, it wasn’t. You didn’t make him do this to you,” I assured her.
I could hear her crying now. “It was. I should’ve just left well enough alone.” There was a pause while she gathered her thoughts and words. “We started hanging out again.”
Her admission came as a shock, but I hid it.
“We were supposed to be chilling at his place last night, but when you came by…I changed my mind. All I wanted to do was tell him face to face why I was canceling, but he got soooo mad,” she sobbed. “I’ve never seen him like that – not with me.”
I lowered my head and continued to listen.
“The whole time it was happening, all I wanted was you.”
My heart broke at the thought of her going through what she went through, and me not being there to save her.
She lost control and couldn’t talk anymore. I moved toward her slowly and touched her arm. If it hadn’t been for me not wanting to leave her there in the hotel alone, I would’ve already been halfway to his apartment already.
The feel of her hand on mine caught me off guard and made me look. Her eyes looked reluctant, but I could see that there was something that she wanted to ask me. Her lips separated for a moment like she was getting ready to speak, but then she lost her nerve. After another couple seconds, she finally asked, “Will you come lay with me?” I moved toward the other side of the bed cautiously and got behind her. At first I just lay there motionlessly, but then she pulled my arm around her slowly and held my hand.
I felt like less than a man for not being there to protect her that night. He should’ve never been able to get that close. The only thing that kept me calm was her touch. It was hard to be angry and vengeful when I was with her. She moved her feet back to where they were touching my legs but kept the rest of her body separated from me. Antonio left her emotionally scarred so deeply that it’d take years for the wounds to heal, and even then there would probably always be some trace of the trauma. Another bout of anger temporarily came over me, but I stored it in the back of my mind so that I could recall it at the appropriate time.
Sam dozed off and I was glad that she was at peace enough with me there that she could sleep. Terrell and Maisha came in loudly, but Sam must’ve been extremely tired because she didn’t even move. I kissed her forehead and then pulled away slowly, trying not to disturb her. Maisha smiled weakly when she saw that Sam had let me get close to her.