“Are you happy?” he asked, amending his original question.
When I lowered my head and shrugged, he probably already had his answer. “No,” I freely admitted, bearing my time with Sam in mind, wishing that more of those moments were awaiting me in the future.
“Hm…” He sat back and folded his hands in his lap while he thought. “Well…any father worth his salt would tell his son that putting the wedding on hold is probably best until you sort things out. If you’re not completely sure that – “
“At this point, I’m pretty sure the wedding is already on hold,” I cut in. Before I continued, I looked him in his eyes and asked myself why I was getting ready to bear my soul. The answer I got? I was desperate to get this all off my chest and get another man’s perspective. Perhaps just any man would do, but…deep down, I knew I was in need of some fatherly advice at this very moment. “I cheated on her – slept with another woman,” I confessed, causing my father’s mouth to drop open when I did.
“I – that wasn’t…”
“Not so proud that I’m your son now are you…” I lowered my head again and wallowed in the charged silence.
He cleared his throat. “So, uh…you told Kira this? She’s aware of – “
“She found the evidence before I got around to telling her,” I interjected. Thinking about how it was supposed to play out, I shook my head. “I swear I was going to tell her, though. I swear.”
The guilt in my tone was unmistakable. Sensing it, my father put his hand on my shoulder for a few seconds and then pulled away.
“I believe you.”
“She wants to work things out,” I added.
You could’ve heard a pin drop while the way I’d worded the statement weighed heavily on my conscience. Apparently my father picked up on it too, because, “Do you want to work things out?” was his next question.
I should’ve jumped to say that I was glad to be given a second chance, a chance to prove that I was worth loving, a chance to walk down the aisle with the woman I’d been committed to for so many years, but…at the moment, all thoughts of my future with Kira brought was a sick feeling that I’d die a martyr.
“This other woman – you love her?”
I kept my eyes trained on the table. “I do.”
“And she loves you too, I’m assuming?”
I nodded. “She does.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him who this mystery woman was, but, again, I didn’t feel like arguing. Plus, if he knew I was talking about Sam, I wouldn’t be getting such unbiased advice.
A long sigh left my father’s mouth and I waited for him to continue. “I could spend the rest of the day, the rest of the week even, telling you what I think you should do, but…” he looked my way when he paused. “I have a feeling you already know where you belong.”
That summation actually made me more restless than before. I turned away, understanding what he was suggesting, but also knowing that I’d pledged a commitment to Kira before all this went down.
Watching me toil over the mess I’d created, my father placed his hand on my shoulder again. “Son, all I’m trying to say is that you should do what’s going to make you happy.” He laughed a little. “As selfish as that may sound.”
And it did. It sounded selfish as hell.
But more than anything…it sounded tempting.
*****