After gathering my belongings and my courage, I made my way to the lunchroom. My friends were sitting at our usual table, already laughing and having a good time. It was going to be hard to separate myself, but I didn’t really have a choice if they all felt as strongly about my actions as Kyla did. There was an empty table not too far from theirs, so I took a deep breath and walked toward it. I was of course not in the mood to eat, so I just sat there and watched the people around me.
AJ walked in about five minutes after me and went straight to the table where he always sat with his friends. First, his eyes darted to the table where he was used to seeing me, but then he quickly became aware of my absence. After searching around hastily, his gaze finally met mine and without hesitation he was on his feet and coming toward my table. He stood there. “Want some company?”
“Sure,” I replied.
He took a seat and watched my fingers drumming nervously on the table while he spoke. “I tried to call you last night, but I kept getting your voicemail.”
“Yeah. I had my phone off most of the day. I needed to think.”
“You ok?”
That should’ve been a simple question to answer, but not in this case. “I’m just trying to wrap my head around everything. A lot’s changed.”
AJ was silent for a moment, still watching my hands. “I’ve been thinking about what happened the other night. You put yourself out there for me and I didn’t really get to respond. I just didn’t think that it was a good time to talk after everything that happened.” He looked up and into my eyes. “But I wanted to let you know that when you’re ready, I want to be with you. No rush or anything; I just wanted you to know where I stand.”
I was relieved and overwhelmed all at the same time. While I was sure of how I felt about him I was still unsure of so many other things. “AJ, I want to be with you too, but there’s just….so much going on that I can’t really think straight.”
His face was so sincere. “Just remember that you’re not going through this alone, though.”
I was relieved to see that he hadn’t changed after everything that transpired on Saturday and I began to think that he was the one thing that I could count on to be the same. “Thanks. I needed that.”
During our brief conversation, I hadn’t paid any attention to our audience at my friend’s table. They were all staring in our direction disapprovingly. It was an uncomfortable feeling knowing that they were all so upset with me. They didn’t turn away when I met their gazes, so I lowered my eyes to the table. AJ could see the tears welling in my eyes, so he reached out and held my hand reassuringly. It was quite possible that after the dust settled he could end up being my only friend.
We walked to Government together and I wasn’t totally sure what to expect from Leslie. AJ could sense that I was nervous, so he continued to keep my slow pace as I trudged toward Ms. Jamison’s class. I knew that Leslie had formed a tight friendship with Antonio too, but our bond was stronger than that. Or at least I hoped it was. I could only hope that she would eventually forgive me and we’d be able to move past it. A. J. and I took our seats and not two minutes later Leslie entered. She went over to her seat and put her things down, stood there for a minute, and was obviously at war within her own subconscious before deciding to come toward us.
“Can I talk to you in the hall?” She asked. I nodded and followed behind her anxiously.
“What’s up?” I asked, once we stopped in front of a locker.
“I should be asking you that. I thought you said there wasn’t anything going on between you and AJ?”
This was ten times more uncomfortable than I imagined it would be. My palms were sweating and I tried to wipe them on my jeans inconspicuously. “Les, I didn’t want to lie to you, but I didn’t know what else to do. I do like AJ and I wasn’t really sure what was going to happen, so I thought it would be best if you stayed neutral. Think about it. What would you have said if Terrence questioned you about it?”
Her expression softened a bit. “I would’ve come up with something.”