My body felt limp and weak when I lifted myself from the couch to follow her to the car. We drove to the restaurant in silence mostly except for the few insignificant questions that she asked me about school. I was still considering whether I could really bring myself to disclose everything to her.
Inside the restaurant, the hostess seated us promptly and I did nothing but stare blankly at the table. Mom took a deep breath as she prepared to speak. “Are you sure you wouldn’t feel better if you just talked about whatever it is that’s bothering you? I won’t judge you and if you don’t want my opinion I won’t give it, but I think that once you get it out you’ll feel so much better.”
I thought about her words for a minute before deciding that she was probably right, so I sighed and then began to give her the rundown. “I really hurt Antonio’s feelings and he’ll probably never forgive me.”
Her forehead creased and a confused look came over her face, but she didn’t speak.
“Mom, I have feelings for someone else and now Antonio knows about it.”
“Another boy?” She asked, shocked no doubt as she remembered how big of a crush I had on him my sophomore and junior year. I must’ve driven her crazy talking about him and whining about how I thought he’d never notice me.
“Yeah, another boy,” I admitted.
“What…..when…..how did this happen?” She stammered.
“Everything was fine and then it got……complicated. This other guy……he just kinda came out of nowhere.”
“Is he new?” She inquired.
“No, he’s not new, but….all of a sudden I can’t seem to avoid him. I think about him all the time and he seems to really like me too.” Subconsciously, I paused to picture his face. “But, anyway we started talking more and getting to know each other, but somewhere along the way I realized that I love Antonio. And…..it’s just…..complicated.” I sighed.
Mom gazed at me attentively and I searched her face in an attempt to decipher her thoughts. She didn’t look lost despite my incoherent babbling. I waited for her response, but we were momentarily interrupted when the waiter came to take our order. Seconds later, he was gone and I waited for Mom to continue.
“Hmmm…..so the argument with Antonio was about this other guy?” She asked.
“Yeah. Antonio was suspicious…..and I was kind of forced to admit it to him last night,” I stated vaguely, not wanting her to know that the whole event had taken place in our house.
She was silent for a moment while she gathered her thoughts. “So this other guy, he means enough to you to sacrifice your relationship with Antonio?”
“I’m not really sure what I’m doing. I’m so confused right now.”
“Then, honey…..you have to do what your heart is telling you. You’re young and you’ll probably change your mind a thousand times before you’re ready to settle down. You’re allowed to explore your options.” She paused. “Whatever you decide, it’s your choice. Whether you and Antonio work this thing out or you decide to take a chance on this other boy.” She smiled at me and I was definitely glad that I’d decided to talk to her. Her advice helped to relieve some of the guilt I was carrying. “So, tell me about this other boy,” she inquired.
I hesitated because I wasn’t sure what she’d say once she found out that it was AJ after finding us at the house alone the night before. But I remembered that the truth was innocent enough that I had nothing to be afraid of.
“Well, are you gonna tell me?” She said smiling.
I looked away and admitted softly, “Mom…..it’s AJ.”
A look of shock crossed her face. “AJ? The AJ I met last night?”
“Yeah, and I know what you’re thinking.” I needed to explain before she jumped to her own conclusions. “We weren’t doing anything when he was there last night. We really were just talking. He was just consoling me because he knew I was upset about Antonio.”