“Everyone goes through a process.” She settled in and got more comfortable. “Everyone starts as a piece of unformed stone; untouched. Over time you’ll meet people and have experiences that chip away at pieces of the stone. Some of them remove things that you’re better off without and some of them remove things that were never meant to be taken from you. But in the end, you have a beautiful piece of work…..even with the flaws. We’re all unique because no two people go through the same process.” She put her hand on mine and then continued. “Baby, this is going to pass and when it’s all over you’ll be a better person because of it. I know you feel bad about hurting Antonio, and there may never be a way to mend that relationship even into a friendship, but if you hadn’t told AJ how you felt, don’t you think you would’ve regretted it?” She asked.
The question forced me to search the depths of my heart for the truth. While I loved Antonio, I would’ve never forgiven myself for letting AJ slip through my fingers without even giving it a try. “Yeah, I think you’re right.”
“Then baby, let go of some of that guilt you’re carrying around with you. The only mistake you made was not burning one bridge before you built another one. Now, I know that isn’t usually the advice people give, but the rules are different when it comes to love. You’ve learned your lesson from it and now it’s time to move forward.”
We hugged and I felt the burden on my shoulders lift. Her insight made me see her as more than just my mother, but as a woman who had experiences of her own that were part of her process. Perhaps she too had faced similar difficulties that made her so wise. She kissed my cheek and then got up to go to her room, looking back one last time. “Don’t stay up too much later. You do have school in the morning.” She smiled and shut the door behind her as she went off to bed.
I couldn’t believe how much better our talk made me feel. Who would’ve ever thought that she could see things in such an unbiased light? Not once did she talk to me like she was my mother, but as another woman who had once herself had to feel her way blindly through love.
Only one hour remained before I was due to meet AJ, so I decided to hop in the shower to freshen up. I pulled on my favorite pair of jeans that fit me just right and a top I’d picked up from the mall a few weeks ago. My hair wasn’t cooperating, so I decided to just pull it up into a ponytail. Ten more minutes. I sprayed on some of my favorite perfume, slipped my tennis shoes on and then there was nothing left to do but wait.
I sat there nervously on the edge of my bed. There were so many things that could go wrong; like losing my keys and not being able to sneak back in; getting caught leaving or coming back, but I didn’t want to think about any of that. My excitement overshadowed all of my random worries and in a few short minutes it would just be me and AJ and I couldn’t wait to be near him again. My imagination ran away with me and in an instant I was consumed. Seeing him…..breathing him…..touching him. The desire I felt to be with AJ gave me the courage to go through with the plan.
11:58…..I could feel my breathing speed up as I made my way to my bedroom door. I turned off the light and eased the door open slightly. The house was silent. Closing the door quietly behind me, I slipped out of my room. My movements were stealthy as I stalked quietly down the stairs. I checked my pocket for my keys, and then slipped out the front door. I stood there on the porch for a minute making sure that my parent’s bedroom light didn’t turn on, and once I was sure that I was in the clear, I made a run for it.
As my feet thudded against the pavement I felt a rush that made me move faster than I’d ever moved before. Driven by the thought of AJ being just beyond my reach, I smiled and made my way down the driveway, up the street and to the corner where I saw his car parked at the stop sign. I didn’t stop running until my hand was on the handle of the passenger-side door, and by the time I jumped in my smile had turned into laughter. AJ smiled back at me and then leaned in for a kiss. The next second we were off. I wasn’t sure where we were going, but it didn’t really matter to me. Sitting there next to him, I couldn’t worry about anything.