Fragile Bonds

“I missed you, buddy,” I whisper as I kiss the side of his head. I’m not sure how it’s possible, but he seems to have had yet another growth spurt since I last saw him. “Are you being a good boy for your daddy?”


He starts wiggling in my arms, trying to see Brody, who is trying to jump up and play with Jacob. I set him on the ground and watch him pull Brody onto his lap. Jacob giggles as Brody gives him puppy kisses. Xavier bumps into my hip, handing me that all-important first cup of the morning and we stand, side by side, watching the little boy’s face light up with joy.

“That is a welcome sight,” Xavier murmurs, his eyes looking the slightest bit glassy. It’s a welcome relief to know that, for once, the tears threatening all three of us aren’t out of sadness. “I need to start breakfast. Any requests?”

I can’t quite wrap my head around the concept of Xavier Ross cooking. Thinking back, I’m not sure it’s something I’ve ever seen him do, but given the absence of pizza boxes and take-out containers, he must be learning.

“Let me,” I say softly, running my hand down his arm. I need to put distance between us because the feel of his worn cotton t-shirt is too inviting. I want to wrap my arms around him, resting my head against his chest as we watch Jacob and Brody roll around on the laminate flooring. “You go relax this morning, I’m sure you need it.”

Xavier’s blue eyes soften as he assesses me. “Melanie, you’re our guest. You don’t have to cook for us.”

“No one said I had to, but you’re letting me stay here for free, so I’m going to make breakfast. Go.” I shoo him out of the kitchen and start pulling out ingredients for a hearty breakfast. If I have anything to say about it, and I will because he just handed me the “guest card” we’re going to be spending most of the day outside. I can’t wait to have willing subjects to practice some new photography tricks I read about last night. We’re all going to need the energy.

“Miss Melanie, can I show you the dooms later today?” Jacob asks around a mouth overflowing with syrup-saturated pancakes. I figured it was a bad idea to let him put syrup on his own food, but it wasn’t my place to tell Xavier how to parent, so I watched as Jacob created a lake of maple goo on his plate.

“Jacob, they’re dunes, not dooms,” Xavier chuckles, leaning back in his chair, hands resting on his stomach. It’s the type of move I would expect from someone with a sizeable beer belly, but watching Xavier sitting that way just looks strange. “And yes, we’ll take Miss Melanie and show her your favorite places. But first, you need to get dressed.”

I’m impressed when Jacob places his fork neatly on his plate and carries it to the sink. It’s something simple, but I know how he and Xavier used to fight about the task. Maybe they’re finding their natural groove, father and son trying to work together to find a way to co-exist in peace.

“Miss Melanie, do you want to see my bedroom?” Knowing from my conversations with Xavier that the two of them are sharing a room right now, I’m reluctant to follow when Jacob grabs my hand, pulling with all the force his small body will allow. It feels like an invasion of privacy to go into Xavier’s room. I don’t belong there. But then I see the twinkle in Jacob’s bright blue eyes and I’m unable to resist. “My daddy lets me sleep with him because it keeps the bad dreams away. I hope you won’t have bad dreams in my old room here. Do you want me to show you my old room?”

Excellent idea. As much as his rapid-fire questions and comments generally make my head spin, this morning I’m grateful for a reason to put off entering Xavier’s space for a bit longer. As soon as we cross the threshold into the smaller of the two bedrooms, Jacob’s shoulders slump forward as he kicks the carpet. I want to know what caused the mood shift, but I don’t ask because I have a pretty good idea of what’s going on.

“This is a great room, Jacob!” I say with feigned enthusiasm. I scoop him into my arms again, hoping that he’ll feel safer being so close to me. For as long as Xavier will allow me, I will make sure Jacob knows I’ll do everything I can to keep him smiling.

“I liked it, but I kept waking up at night. If bad dreams live here for you too, you can come sleep by me and Daddy, okay?” I just about choke when I hear Xavier clearing his throat behind us. I look to him, hoping he’s going to field this statement because I’m not going to be the one to break Jacob’s heart by telling him there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell I’ll climb into bed with Xavier.

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