“Buddy, I bet Brody will be able to keep Miss Melanie safe at night,” Xavier says quickly. Good to know one of us adults is able to think on our feet. Jacob looks over to me and I nod, confirming what his father has said. “Now, why don’t you go get dressed? Your clothes are on the chair.”
I set Jacob on the ground and watch as he runs into the other room, leaving me alone with Xavier. I know this bedroom is small, but it feels as if the walls are closing in around me with every step he takes closer to me. This makes no sense to me because I am not interested in Xavier. I’m here because he and Jacob need me. That’s all. I back up until the back of my knees hit the bed and he keeps moving closer. He’s firmly planted in my personal space when he swings my heavy suitcase onto the bed. We stand there, staring into one another’s eyes for what feels like minutes. When I begin to chew the bottom of my lip, Xavier’s gaze briefly drifts down before he shakes his head and walks away from me. I can’t hear what he’s mumbling as he walks out of the room.
Maybe asking her to stay here was a bad idea. There aren’t enough pep talks and warnings in the world to keep me from being drawn to her. And doesn’t that make me the king asshole? While I have no clue what would be considered an acceptable amount of time to berate myself for noticing another woman after Alyssa’s death, I know without a shadow of a doubt that it’s longer than a month. Especially when the said woman is an ex who also happened to be a friend to my wife. But, what can I do now that she’s here? Jacob will be crushed if I tell her that I think it would be better if she stayed in the motel down the road.
“Daddy, can we take a picnic with us? I can help make the sandwiches,” Jacob offers as he runs down the hall. I’m fairly certain the boy only has one speed and that’s full. No matter how many times I tell him to walk, he runs everywhere. And I let him because I’ve learned to pick my battles and this is one that can wait. He flings open the cabinet door and starts transferring food onto the dining table. “We can take cookies and oranges with us. And juice boxes. And grapes. And crackers.”
He keeps rattling off just about everything we have in the small pantry and I can’t help but laugh. Jacob is filled with life today that I haven’t seen from him since we came back from the cruise. Things got serious within days of being home and I think he knew it. It’s good to see more than fleeting smiles which quickly fade. “Buddy, we’re not going camping. I don’t think we need to take all of the food with us.”
Melanie walks out of her room wearing a long cotton skirt and simple white tank top, her hair pulled into a messy bun and sunglasses perched on top of her head. She leans against the wall, cupping a hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle. I glance back at her and she winks at me, motioning for me to go back to helping Jacob.
I start putting snacks back into the pantry, leaving a few of Jacob’s favorite items on the table. Brody slides across the laminate floor as he tries to stop, making both of us double over in laughter. It feels really fucking good to be living again, even if just a little bit.
Chapter 11
After spending the entire day on the beach, Xavier and I escorted one overtired and cranky preschooler and an exhausted dog back to the condo. It wasn’t ten minutes after Xavier got Jacob out of the shower that those two were curled up on the couch, fast asleep. While Xavier finishes getting dressed, I pull out my camera, grabbing a few quick shots of Jacob and Brody snuggled up together.
“Are you turning into one of those crazy women who is constantly taking pictures of unsuspecting people?” Xavier laughs as he heads for the kitchen. I catch myself breathing in deeply, taking in the spicy smell of body wash that has been left in his wake. I really need to get a grip. He hands me a soda and I follow him out to the balcony, camera still in hand.
“I’m not that bad,” I reply, knowing that yeah, I am turning into that type of person. After so many years doing what I thought I loved and then realizing that it was slowing sucking the life out of me, it’s good to have something to feel passionate about.
Xavier looks down at my camera before I feel his eyes creeping slowly up my body. He’s not leering and it doesn’t feel sexual, but it’s definitely a different vibe than we had before. Everything about today is different than it was just a month ago and I think we’re both struggling with how to process the changes. “I dare you to take it back inside,” he challenges me.
“Done,” I say, reluctantly opening the sliding glass door. When I look back to him, I wish I hadn’t been so quick to answer because I would love to get a shot of him standing there, looking more relaxed than I’ve ever seen him, with a nearly full moon low in the sky as a backdrop. “See, I’m not that girl.”