Fire Always Burns

chapter 12

Flames devoured the trees as they exploded from the inside. Nests abandoned to the heat blazed in a short glory. Young green leaves wilted and browned before succumbing to the fire's will. The landscape shuddered with the heat, the trees groaning for mercy. The fire showed no lenience.

Andrew held my hand as we both stared out the window, watching the world zoom past. It was quiet in the car as Audrey maneuvered the car towards the city. We were on our way to Elitch Gardens, an amusement park in Denver, courtesy of Ray and Audrey. The park had only been open for a week, but Ray had gotten discount tickets from a customer and invited us all to go. Luke turned down the opportunity to come with us. He was still avoiding us, so it was just Andrew, Audrey, Ray, and me.

Sprigs of green were starting to appear on the trees as we approached the city, the tiny leaves struggling to grow under a bright blue sky. It hadn't rained in weeks, but the grass was attempting to turn a pale green, the world full of growth and opportunity. We were all quiet as we drove, our minds busy with thoughts. I closed my eyes, feeling the car hum along the highway, remembering the past two weeks with Andrew. They were the happiest weeks I had experienced in years.

There was our date night at the pizza place, the flirting at my work, watching movies cuddled on the couch, the hot tub. The hot tub made me smile. We snuck into Andrew's neighbor's hot tub at two in the morning and messed around. I loved the way his fingers felt under the water, the jets, and the the splashing.

Just thinking about it made my insides start melting. It had never felt so comfortable with anyone. With Andrew, I could just be myself. Best of all, I liked who I was with Andrew. When I was with him I was the smart, sexy, and happy person I always wanted to be. The broken me didn't exist when he was with me.

There was some dark spots the past two weeks. Luke refused to speak to me since catching Andrew and me in the store, even leaving the grocery store when I was working. Andrew said Luke switched all his shifts so the two of them would never even cross paths.

He wasn't the only one mad with the two of us; Britney and Eli both avoided Andrew and I like we had the plague. Britney spoke to me once when she bought groceries and I was the only lane available. The anger and disappointment in her voice broke my heart. I had never felt so guilty in my life as when she reminded me how seriously Luke took his promises. The looks of disappointment they shot us on the street told us all we needed to know. I wished I had a way to make them see how happy Andrew and I were, a way to make us all friends again.

I felt the car slow as we exited the highway and turned onto the exit ramp. We quickly parked and headed into the park. I could see the Ferris wheel slowly turning, surrounded by the giant colored tentacles of the roller-coaster tracks. My adrenaline started pumping just looking at the coasters, feeling my excitement grow with every step into the park.

Andrew bounced around the parking lot like a kid on sugar, excited to ride the rides with me. Audrey and Ray followed slightly behind us, a distance between the two of them. It only struck me as odd for a moment before the childlike excitement of entering the park overwhelmed me.

Ray handed over our tickets at the entrance and the four of us entered the park. Carousal music floated on the spring air, the smell of cotton candy and popcorn winding through the street. I couldn't wait to get to the rides, but I waited patiently as Ray picked up a map.

"We don't need a map, Ray. I can see the coaster we want from here, and besides we have all day to get to the rides," Audrey said with just a hint of anger in her voice. I wondered what was going on between them. I looked over at Andrew, but he wasn't paying any attention.

"I'm using a map, because I like to have a plan. Seriously, this will take me five minutes and save us from wandering all over the park like idiots," he growled back at her. This time Andrew turned to look at the two of them, his face surprised.

"I know where we should go for the first coaster. If you two want to follow me, then we can look at the map in line and come up with a plan there," he said trying to break the tension. Audrey turned smiled at Andrew. It was a fake smile that I knew meant trouble.

"You know what Andrew, you and Holly go on ahead. We'll catch up."

"Thanks Mrs. Miller. We'll save you two a spot in line," I jumped in quickly grabbing Andrew's hand. He looked baffled for a second but let me lead him away. Just as they were almost out of sight I could see Audrey round on Ray, her face angry. Ray began to wave the map around and I was glad we were out of earshot.

"What was that about?" Andrew asked glancing behind us as we walked.

"I have no idea, but I didn't want to be there," I replied still pulling on his hand. "They don't need us there to watch them argue." I could tell he wasn't happy about the situation, but we continued on.

"What are they fighting about?" Andrew asked as we got close to the line for the ride.

"I guess the honeymoon is over. They'll be alright. They couldn't stay lovey-dovey all the time. They'll argue a little, and then by the end of today they'll be better. Promise," I said feeling confident in my relationship reading. I knew Audrey and Ray were good together, and I wasn't worried about them. Andrew seemed to debate the concept in his head for a moment before coming to the same conclusion.

"I guess you're right," he said grudgingly but then smiled and pulled me towards the end of line for the roller coaster. Since we had arrived early there was hardly a line and we were quickly to the turnstiles guarding the platform to the ride. I could feel my stomach rising in my throat, my heart starting pound as I watched the people before me strap into the coaster cars.

My hand was sweaty in Andrew's as our turn came and we pulled the safety bar down over our heads. The coaster lurched forward and my heart threatened to pound out of my chest. I focused on breathing as we climbed the hill, Andrew laughing anxiously next to me as we teetered for a moment at the precipice before falling forward at incredible speeds. I screamed, fear quickly turning into exhilaration as we spiraled and spun, defying physics for a short moment in time.

I stumbled out of my seat and onto the exit ramp, giggling as Andrew pulled me close for a kiss. I could taste his adrenaline, his heart pounding against my hand on his chest. The ride operator gave us a dirty look to keep moving and we hurried out to look at our picture. It only took a minute before the picture of the two of us screaming like little girls came up on one of the screens. I elbowed Andrew in the ribs, both of us laughing at our silly expressions. The line was still short, so we decided to ride it again. We were half way back to the ride entrance when a deep voice called my name.

"Holly Davenport? Holy shit, it is you!"

I turned slowly, praying that I wasn't hearing that voice. I felt my blood begin to chill.

"Hi Bobby. What are you doing here?" I said slowly.

"Not expecting to see you. Who's your friend?" Bobby's handsome face filled me with fear. I hadn't spoken to him since I told him I thought I was pregnant. I had hoped to never see him again.

"Bobby this is Andrew. Andrew, Bobby," I gestured to each person as I named them. Three of Bobby's friends stood behind him, silent and waiting. Anxiety built up in my chest. I didn't want him to be here.

"Andrew? Like the one from high school?" Bobby asked stepping closer. I nodded as Andrew smiled and reached out his hand.

"So you're Bobby? Glad to finally have a face to the name," Andrew said, honestly excited to meet him. I realized that I never told him what a jerk Bobby turned out to be; to Andrew, Bobby was the boyfriend I had gushed about and then just stopped talking about. He had no idea the pain Bobby had inflicted to me and other girls like me. I wanted to run away so badly.

"We'll, it was great to see you. Andrew and I have to go," I said quickly grabbing Andrew's hand. I pulled hard, trying to get us away. Andrew didn't resist me, but he didn't move quickly either.

"You're looking good, Holly. I thought you would be waddling around by now. Glad to see you got the baby taken care of," Bobby called out. Andrew froze, confusion painting his face as he looked at me.

The world spun like I was still on the roller coaster. Time slowed to show me every detail but still went to fast for me to stop the train wreck that was coming.

I watched the roller coaster launch another train of willing participants into the sky. Blue and pink cotton candy hung in the window of a cart. I couldn't move, my feet glued to the floor with my heart plummeting through them.

"It's too bad you took off like you did, Holly. James here wanted to try you next after I told him how good a ride you were. He was excited that he didn't have to worry about knocking you up, "Bobby sneered. He always did like to go for the pain. He never knew when to stop.

Andrew glanced from him to me, from the taunting perfect face to my bloodless shameful one. Horror filled his face as Bobby continued. "Andrew, have you heard the cute little noise she makes when she cums? If you get her drunk she'll kiss girls and then give you a blow job. I haven't found a girl that gives head that good since she decided she was too good for us."

Andrew dropped my hand and took two steps, his fist whipping out like lightning. Bobby wasn't expecting a sucker punch and he went down hard. His buddies stepped up like a wall, ready to beat the living shit out of Andrew, but Bobby waved them off. Bright red blood trickled out his nose and he wiped it with the back of his hand as he stood. He looked at the smear of red and smirked at Andrew.

"Holly, you got yourself a real prince. Keep her, Prince. I already used that whore up."

Red fury filled my vision, but before I could move Andrew grabbed my wrist. I struggled for a moment, Bobby's laughter filling my ears. I wanted to kill him, but Andrew held me tight as Bobby and his gang sauntered away. I could feel anger and revulsion flowing through his fingers as he clenched down on my wrist. His face was emotionless as he waited for Bobby to get out of his sight.

"What did he mean Holly?" Andrew asked quietly, releasing my wrist and pushing it away from him.

"Andrew, Bobby is a jerk, and-" I started. I could feel the tears growing behind my eyes. I wished so badly that we had just come out of the ride just a minute later. Why did he have to ruin my life again?

"That's not what I asked. What did he mean, 'glad to see you got the baby taken care of'?" Andrew faced me, staring me down. His blue eyes were cold. I held my wrist in my hand, unable to look him in the eye. He waited a moment then said with a voice cold as ice, "That's what I thought."

"No Andrew! I was never pregnant! I mean, I thought I might have been, but the test came back negative," I tried to explain. "Please, can we just sit down and talk about this?"

"So you thought you were pregnant. Was that scumbag the father?" His eyes blazed with a cold fury. I had never thought he would ever look at me like that.

"I wasn't sure," I started, trying to be truthful.

"You weren't sure? Just how many people did you f*ck, Holly? Should I be getting tested? " He was practically screaming. I glanced around, my face growing hotter. People were starting to stare.

"Can you please not yell? I made some poor choices and I have some regrets," I said trying to keep my voice low. I didn't need people hearing about by bad decisions in the middle of an amusement park with their kids.

"Some poor choices Holly? I'm seeing some real poor choices. You thought you were pregnant and you weren't sure of the father. Tell me how that happens, Holly. Tell me how that happens and you don't at least mention it. Tell me how you do that to someone you claim to love," his voice had a low growl.

"I was at a party and I got drunk, Okay? I didn't tell you because I knew you would react this way. I didn't tell you because I am ashamed of it. I saw how you reacted to poor Louise and I'm no better than her," my voice cracked with a sob. He just stared at me like I had just landed from space. "I didn't tell you because I thought you would hate me and I couldn't bear the thought of that. You know me better than anyone Andrew."

"But you kept this from me! I've told you everything- things I've never told anyone, but you kept this from me. What else are you keeping from me?" Andrew's voice quavered with pain. "I thought I knew you. But apparently I have no clue who you are," he said softly. His eyes were blue pools of disdain shining out at me.

"Andrew, I love you. You said you loved me too," I whispered taking a step towards him. He held up his hands in disgust. His lips curled with revulsion as he stepped back.

"I loved the Holly I knew. Not you." He turned his back to me and starting walking away.

"Andrew, please!" I called out chasing after him. I touched his back and he squirmed out of my touch like I was something filthy.

"Do not touch me. I don't know you anymore, and I don't want to know you anymore," he whispered. Anger and sadness fought in his eyes as he turned away.

I couldn't breathe. My lungs felt like they were made of wet rags. Another burst of screams came from the roller coaster behind me. I felt numb. Nothing hurt and everything ached at the same time. I walked to a grassy spot near the entrance to the roller coaster line and collapsed to the ground. Everything was blurry and out of focus as I stared at a pebble on the ground. I rubbed my wrist, wondering if this was all just a horrible dream.

How did I get here? I knew why I didn't tell him. If I had told him he would have done the same thing. Maybe I was just better off with someone like Bobby.

No. I felt anger rise up, a hot fire burning in my belly. I didn't deserve that. I deserved someone who treated me like I was worth something. If Andrew couldn't see past my mistakes, then he wasn't worth my time. I didn't need him either. A tear dripped down my cheek, hot and painful. I knew I was lying to myself, feeding on anger to justify my pain. I wanted to scream. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to feel some kind of physical pain just to make my chest hurt less.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. We had been happy.

I loved Andrew. I couldn't help it; I had loved him since I first kissed him walking home from school. It hurt more than anything to think that he could give us up. That he, of all people, couldn't see past my mistake. I was going to lose not only the love of my life, but my best friend too. I buried my head in my hands and cried, not caring at the people walking by and staring.