Jase lets out a deep breath as he falls back on his heels, sitting next to me. “You were having a nightmare. You scared the shit out of me, screaming and thrashing around.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t even know what I was dreaming about,” I say as a slowly lie down on my side and try to calm my erratic breathing.
Lying down facing me, Jase asks, “How are you feeling?”
“Numb,” I answer and close my eyes. Maybe I cried out all the emotions I had, because I can’t seem to feel much right now. When I open my eyes, Jase is staring at me with concern written all over his face. I really wish he wouldn’t look at me like that; it makes me feel weird, like I’m suddenly different now. I know that I am, but can we just pretend that I’m not?
“What time is it?” I ask.
He rolls on his back, reaches over to his nightstand, and swipes his phone. “It’s almost three in the afternoon,” he says as he rolls back to me.
“Three?”
“Yeah, we didn’t even leave the hospital till after five this morning,” he says, and then reaches his arms out as a request to hold me. I scoot over and allow the embrace. He kisses the top of my head before asking, “Do you want to talk about it?”
I haven’t spoken one word to Jase about what happened last night. I’m not sure I can. But I know that I don’t want to. I swallow hard against the lump in my throat and simply shake my head. How am I supposed to talk about it? What do I even say?
The tears start to well in my eyes; the tears I thought I no longer had. It’s hard to fight them with the tightness in my throat. Jase must feel my body trembling when he kisses the top of my head and whispers, “I’m sorry, sweetie. I didn’t mean to push you.”
As the tears spill over, I silently curse my unanswered prayer. I try hard not to cry, but it only makes my body jerk as I try and hiccup the sobs back. Jase moves one of his hands up from my back, cups my head, and whispers in my ear, “Please don’t hurt yourself like this, Candace. Just let it out. It’s just me here.”
I shove my head harder and deeper into his chest as a desperate attempt to hide. Hide from the cloud that is suddenly looming over me. He tightens his grip on me, and I let it out. I lie against his chest and just cry. I cry like a baby—helpless. I’m so desperate for someone to save me. To make it all go away.
The heat of Jase’s bare chest against my wet, teary face suddenly makes my skin burn. I push back off of him and cup my cheek, unable to stop the free-flowing tears. He removes my hand and looks at the cuts on my face.
“I’ll be right back, sweetie,” he says as he jumps out of bed. I hear him in the bathroom, and when he returns, he’s holding a large square bandage and some ointment. He sits on the bed in front of me and starts tending to the scratches on my face. Once he is done, he adheres the bandage to my cheek, then walks to his closet, and throws on a t-shirt.
“You hungry?” he asks.
“No,” I say as I shake my head and lie back down. “I just want to go back to bed.”
Walking towards me, he says, “You really should eat. Just try.”
I lie there with my eyes closed. “Please, Jase.”
He doesn’t say another word. He simply crawls back into bed behind me and holds me until I fall asleep.