“Would you like me to call someone for you? Sometimes it’s easier if you have a friend here with you.”
Looking up at Allie, my eyes begin to fill with tears again. I do want my friend here. I want him here so badly, but I am so embarrassed. What will I even say? All I know is that I want Jase here.
“You’ll call for me?” I ask, my voice shaky.
“Of course,” she says softly.
“Jase. You can call Jase,” I say. I give her his number, and she leaves the room.
I am only alone for a few minutes when a doctor wearing a white coat enters my room, along with another nurse who is carrying a white cardboard box. She sets it down on a table, walks over to me, and stands next to the doctor who is holding a steel box clipboard and is looking at it intently. When she looks up at me, she says, “Hello, Ms. Parker, I’m Dr. Langston. I am ordering a CT scan to rule out any evidence of a cerebral hemorrhage and a set of x-rays to be certain you don’t have any fractures or broken bones.”
I hear her words, but nothing makes sense to me. So I just lie there while tears stream down my temples and into my hair.
She sets the clipboard down, walks over to me, and assesses my face. She shines a small flashlight into each of my eyes then steps away as she puts the light back into the pocket on her white coat.
“This is Julia, and she is the Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner for the hospital. She’s going to talk to you while we are waiting to run those scans, okay?” She says this all so matter-of-factly, and I’m not sure how to even react, so I just whisper, “Okay.”
Dr. Langston proceeds to walk out of the room and closes the door behind her.
“Hi, Candace,” Julia says in a soft, pleasant tone. I wonder if they teach everyone here how to talk to people like me, because they all sound the same. Gentle, as if they could break me with their words. “I need to know if you want to complete a sexual assault evidence kit examination.”
I feel my heart rate pick up and anxiety kicks in. “I’m sorry. What?” I ask.
“A rape kit,” she says. “It is an exam that is used to collect DNA evidence.” She continues to talk to me and goes into more explanation, but her voice becomes distant. How is this happening to me? I don’t know what to do. I look back at Julia to see her looking at me, and she’s no longer talking.
I shake my head and say, “I don’t know. I . . . I don’t know.”
“How about if we just talk? Can I ask you a few questions about what happened tonight?”
“Okay,” I say unsurely.
She picks up her clipboard and pen, and then asks, “Do you know who did this?”
I hesitate before answering, “Uh huh.”
“Can you tell me his name?”
“Why? What’s going to happen?” I’m extremely nervous, and I’m not sure how much I should say.
“Nothing will happen unless you want to press charges.”
“I don’t,” I immediately say. God, I don’t want anyone to know about this.
The door slowly opens, and Allie pops her head in as she quietly says, “Jase is here. Would you like me to send him in?”
“Does he know?” I ask. “Did you tell him?”
Stepping in, she closes the door behind her. She walks over and sits down on a chair that’s next to me.
“No. All he knows is that you were brought here by ambulance,” she says softly.
“I don’t know what to say.” I look at Allie with a pleading expression on my face. There is no way I can tell Jase. I mean . . . I want him to know, I just don’t want to be the one who tells him.
Nodding her head, she says, “It’s okay. We will help you. Would you like me to bring him in?”
“Can you talk to him? Alone?” I ask. I don’t want to hear what she is going to say, and I definitely do not want to see his reaction when she tells him.
“If you want me to, I will. How much do you want me to tell him?”
“Everything,” I say softly.
“Okay. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Allie stands up and makes her way out of the exam room.
I let out a sigh, and Julia continues asking questions about what happened. I don’t tell her Jack’s name, but I go ahead and tell her everything that happened tonight, starting from my house. She asks me to go into detail about the attack. She wants to know every part of my body that was touched, all the places his saliva could possibly be, and the questions seem to go on forever.
I look up when the door opens again, and Jase is there. I fall apart when I see the horrified expression on his face, and he rushes over to me and wraps my head in his arms. He keeps kissing the top of my head and repeating that he loves me as sobs wrack through my body. I slowly start to calm down, and the tears begin to subside. Jase sits down and looks at Julia.
“So, what’s going on? Is she okay?” he asks her while holding my hand.
“We have just completed the written account of the assault.” She looks at me and continues, “The next step, if you choose, is to complete a physical exam to collect evidence. We can do this whether you choose to press charges or not.”
I look at Jase and shake my head, not knowing what to do.