Holding hands while walking to his car feels weird to me. I know it probably shouldn’t since the last time I saw him I had my legs spread across his lap, but I guess it was the fact that I knew I was going to end things tonight. I feel like I’m being deceitful by holding his hand.
He opens my door and I slide into the car. When Jack gets in, he leans over to give me a kiss. I make sure to keep the kiss short. The silence is a little awkward as we drive to his fraternity house. I stare out the window and watch the streetlights pass.
“Is everything okay?” he asks.
I turn my head to look at him and say, “Uh huh. I’m just a little tired, that’s all. I had three classes today plus my studio.” With my head lazily leaning against the headrest, I continue to stare at Jack. I think about Jase’s words back at the house: Typical Candace, devoid of all things emotional. Do I purposely avoid relationships or is it simply because I just haven’t met the right person yet? Maybe I should try and give Jack a chance. Maybe that’s it. I never see a guy long enough to give him a chance. Maybe if I gave him time, I might wind up really liking him.
I snap out of my thoughts when I feel Jack’s hand run up my thigh. He cocks his head to the side and gives me a little smirk. I smile in return.
“You’re beautiful when you smile,” he says and then returns his gaze to the road ahead.
I don’t say anything. I simply sit there with my head resting on the seat.
I can already hear the music as we pull up to the house. Jack pulls around to a small parking lot behind the house. We get out of the car, and the muffled music and voices become clearer the closer we get. Jack opens the door and there are throngs of people everywhere. It’s a two-story house and the stairs are covered with students who already seem to be drunk. Everyone is shouting over the loud music to make themselves heard. Jack’s warm hand grabs mine, and he gives it a squeeze as he leads me back to the kitchen where he is greeted by a bunch guys that are slapping him on the back and grabbing his hand the way guys do. He doesn’t introduce me, which is fine; I’m feeling slightly uncomfortable. I look around and watch a group of girls that are sitting at a table playing some sort of drinking game with a few guys. The rest of the room is filled with people talking and laughing loudly. Everyone is drinking and having a good time.
“Want a beer?” Jack asks.
“Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks.” Jack walks away to fetch our drinks, and I’m left alone. I lean back against the center island and continue to watch the drunken girls as they giggle and act stupid. Looking at them, I’m starting to feel underdressed. Most of the girls here are wearing little skirts and dresses with nice heels. I feel a little awkward in my black retro Vans tank top, worn tattered jeans, and a pair of black Chucks. I tried dressing it up a little by adding a fitted red and black flannel that I left unbuttoned, with a vintage gold necklace. But these girls look like they have a particular goal in mind for the night.
Jack returns with our drinks, and I take a long, slow drink. Wrapping his arm around my waist, he moves to stand in front of me. When he leans in and kisses me below my ear, I quickly move my head back.
“What’s wrong with you tonight?” he snaps with his eyebrows knitted together.
I try and lessen the tension as I smile and say, “Nothing, I’m just a little uncomfortable, that’s all.”
Jack sets his beer down and places each hand on the countertop on both sides of me, locking me in. “Relax,” he says in a soft voice.
But I can’t. He backs away, takes my free hand, and walks us out to the main room where people are dancing and hanging out.
“I’ll introduce you to a few people,” he shouts over at me.
We walk over to a group of people and Jack introduces me. There are a couple girls that I have seen around campus, and we are able to strike up a light conversation. I’m not sure how much time has passed, but my head is starting to hurt from all the loud music. The girls suggest we go hang out outside. I let Jack know, and I leave him there with his buddies while I head outside with the two girls. We find a few chairs and sit down. They are carrying on a conversation while I rest my head back and close my eyes. I am somehow able to drown out the noise and focus on the light breeze that’s sweeping across my face.
“You tired?”
I open my eyes to Jack’s voice, and he is kneeling down in front of me with his hands on my knees. I look at him and nod my head. He stands up, takes my hand, and starts walking me back into the house. When he takes me upstairs, he leads me into a dark room with a couple full-sized beds.
“What are we doing in here?” I ask him and he moves to sit down on one of the beds.
“I figure we could just hang out and relax away from all the noise. Is that all right?”
I walk over to him and sit down. “Yeah,” I say, and then I turn to look at him. “I’m sorry I’m being a drag. I’ve just had a long day.”