Arion looks at them as well and then rests her forehead against mine. As we sit together like this, I can almost taste her. However, my mind and body are on two different axes, both wanting something totally different. My body wants her so bad. From my hands, to my mouth, to my cock, every bit of me wants to claim her. But my mind is telling me that one wrong move could ruin everything. It could cause her to have another breakdown, or freak out and leave.
Finally she pulls her head up, her plump lips parted and tear-stained cheeks all yank on my heartstrings.
“I don’t even know where to start,” she says and pulls away from me.
“Please don’t do that. Please, A, just stay where you are.”
She comes back to me, my dick now so hard that I have to put one hand in my lap to cover it.
“You can ask me anything.”
“What happened to our baby?” she asks in a broken tone and begins to cry again.
I tilt my head back and exhale heavily. Then I cup her cheek, to get her to look at me and to my surprise she leans into my touch. “I took him to the dog park, like I have so many other times. You know how good he is, I normally don’t even take a leash. I park close enough and he just runs to the gate to go in. It’s been a way for both of us to get out of the house.” Suddenly, the events all replay in a flash and I have to stop talking. How do I tell her? “I parked and let him out of the car, then before I knew it, he ran off after a squirrel and across the intersection. I tried to get to him, A, I really did, but with my leg and my crutches, I couldn’t. It all happened so fast. By the time, I had him in my arms, he took a few breaths and—”
I can’t finish the sentence. My throat closes telling her that I’m the reason our dog is dead. Because of me. Both of us break down crying again and in that moment, all we have is each other. I cling to her like my next breath and she does the same.
I’m not sure how long we sit like this, tears rolling and our bodies just together. After a while, both of us are quiet and I fear what will come next. So I continue the conversation, in hopes that if I keep talking she will stay. I never want her to leave.
“I’m sorry about Zeus. And the other day, too. It was way out of line for me to catch you off guard like that at your home. I don’t know what I was thinking, I was just going mad without you.”
She gives me a small smile. “It’s okay, Nate. The more I thought about it, I’d probably have done the same thing. Except had it been me, I would have come to see you the second I was back in the States. Why did you wait?”
“My parents told me that you had moved on and I wanted to respect that. At one point I’d planned on possibly never telling you. But then when I came home and I didn’t have you, I started to lose my mind. You are all that I think about, and finally one day, I just called a cab and the rest is history.”
“Oh Nate,” she says and puts her head in her hands. I stroke her blonde hair and hope I’m not upsetting her any further. “As much as it hurts being pulled in two different directions, I’m glad to know you’re alive. I wouldn’t have wanted to go through life with you alive and me never knowing.”
Her words give me hope. Hope that she is here to mend our relationship so we can move on to the future – together. Jesus, I’d love nothing more.
“Then, I’m glad I told you.”
“I’m sorry that I didn’t take Zeus to the city with me,” she says.
“Don’t be. I’m glad I got some time with him when I got home.”
I can’t believe she’s gone. She’s really fucking gone. My biggest fear in life is living without her and right now that is exactly what I’m fucking doing.
I knock back another glass of Highland Park. It’s so smooth, but still not enough to take me to the level I need to relieve this pain. There are only two things in the entire world that can do that, Arion and…pills. I know I swore when I stopped taking pills that I’d never start again, but I also stopped because of Arion and now she’s gone.
I can’t get ahold of her, she’s not texting me back like normal, and I just don’t know what to do. I could pay someone to kill Nate, that’s what I could do. Without him in my life, fucking everything up, things would be exactly as they should be. I know it’s just the Highland talking though. This was Arion’s favorite, we bought it when we moved into our condo to celebrate and she loved it so much that she wanted to savor every glass. Now here I sit, drinking it all alone.
My phone rings again, and of course, it’s not Arion. I ignore James knowing he will leave a voicemail. Fuck, he’s so much to handle right now. I listen to it curious about what he wants.
“Glad to hear you went to practice today. I heard you came down pretty hard on your knee again. I hope it’s doing okay.”
As I set my phone down and take the last drink of my ten thousand dollar bottle of Scotch, something clicks. I know that I shouldn’t do this, but I have to find some relief somehow. I function well on pills and if the team prescribes them to me, then I can’t get in trouble for taking them.
I grab my phone and scroll through the contacts ’til I land on the team physician’s number. It might be a long shot, but what the hell. I clear my throat while it rings, hoping I sound sober enough to talk to him.
“Hello,” he answers.