‘True,’ Rainer said. ‘But they can also understand the true gravity of some things, better than most adults. And Simon in particular doesn’t strike me as the type to exaggerate.’ Her eyes dropped to her hands. I glanced over at Nyla, my heart tightening at the memories of that day in Jordan when Rudyard was taken from her. ‘Violet, when we spoke last, before your trials, I was hard on you. I pushed your soul connection with Lincoln and I …’
‘You couldn’t have known what would happen, Rainer.’
‘Was there any alternative?’ she asked, her guilt still showing.
I dug my nails into my palms in hope of distraction. But nothing diverts the coldness. ‘We’ll never know. Anyway, that’s partly why I’m here.’
She looked up, but didn’t say anything.
‘I presume you know that I brought Lincoln back after his soul shattered?’
Jesus. There’s a reason I never speak about this stuff willingly.
She nodded slowly.
‘What I’m about to tell you stays between us, okay?’ I added, holding her gaze.
‘Understood,’ she said, hesitantly taking a seat.
I sat down in the chair on the other side of the bed where Nyla lay perfectly still, the white sheets tucked seamlessly around her.
Give me strength.
‘You’ve heard the stories, but not everything. When Phoenix killed and revived me, I came back to discover that Lincoln’s soul had shattered. My soul didn’t shatter completely like his.’ I half laughed in the most never-going-to-be-funny way. ‘I don’t think it knew what to do, and with Phoenix’s extra gifts making me stronger, I somehow survived. Barely. It’s like being broken into a billion pieces and yet held together by some unforgiving force.’
Rainer gasped. ‘Violet. I’m … I’m so sorry. Is it painful?’
I nodded. ‘It is. Like nothing I’ve ever known. If I didn’t have the gifts that Phoenix gave me, I don’t know if my mind could survive the intensity of the physical pain.’
Rainer looked at me with such pity; that look was the reason I never told people the truth. ‘That’s why you’re so different. So … disconnected.’
‘I suppose,’ I admitted.
One of the reasons.
‘You’re telling me to let her go,’ she said, looking to Nyla.
‘I’m telling you what you need to hear and understand before I say what I am about to now.’
She looked back at me, confused.
I continued, hoping this was the right thing. ‘I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I’ve grown a lot stronger over the past two years. When I walked by Nyla’s room yesterday, I felt something familiar.’
‘What?’ Rainer whispered.
‘You. I felt recognition of you. But also Nyla. It’s hard to explain.’ I took a breath before I continued. ‘I was able to bring Lincoln back and find him amid millions of souls because he is my soulmate. I think there’s a chance you would be able to find Nyla’s, too.’ I took another breath. ‘Because I believe you were born of the same soul. It’s not the same as what Nyla and Rudyard were, but I think, as twins, you have a unique connection.’
The colour dropped from Rainer’s face and I didn’t know if it was in dread or hope.
‘But how would I go where you went? Only you can do that.’
I licked my lips, praying I was doing the right thing. ‘I think I can take you with me. It will be dangerous, and I don’t know if it will work, but we could try. You need to understand, though, what you’re possibly sentencing her to. She might come back and be okay, like Lincoln. Or … she could be like me. She might not survive that, Rainer.’
Rainer stood and walked to the end of the bed, looking over her twin. ‘That’s a decision she’s entitled to make herself. But I know Nyla, and I know that if she can fight, she will.’
I nodded slowly. ‘Okay.’
‘Okay? What does that mean? When can we try?’
I bit my lip, knowing that soon I would head to New Orleans and I had no idea what waited for me there. ‘Lock the door.’ I tried for a smile. ‘There’s no time like the present.’
Her eyebrows shot up. ‘You can do it from here?’
‘Like I said, I’m stronger than before, and doing it close to Nyla will only help.’ I held out my hand. ‘Hold onto it and don’t let go. No matter what. I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to find you again if we lose the connection. And you’ll only get one shot at this. Do you understand?’
Rainer nodded. ‘I know the chance you’re taking, Violet. I won’t waste it.’
‘You’ll still have to find a way to connect with her. It has to be pure and only about her. Give her something that will call to her above anything else.’
She thought about this, watching me. ‘What did you give?’
I pressed my lips together, my teeth biting down hard to distract me. Finally I answered. ‘I gave my heart.’
CHaPteR eIgHteeN
‘I simply believe that some part of the human self or soul is not subject to the laws of space and time.’
Carl Jung
I was nervous. And not just because I’d never tried to take someone across the realms with me before – other than Lilith, who’d been dead and, well, just different in all the important ways.
Was I being foolish? Yes.
Was I taking a risk with Rainer’s life? Yes.
And therefore with Wilhelm’s partner as well? Yes.
Would I be blamed if things went wrong? Yes.
Would I feel responsible? No doubt.