I turned to Phoenix, who appeared deep in thought. ‘And I only see the light because of it,’ I said, acknowledging the value of the dark, and the role that the angels malign have in the universe. Telling him, in my own way, that I understood.
Phoenix flinched at my words and looked at me, his eyes instantly tearing. He quickly turned. ‘You should get going,’ he said, already walking away.
‘You have a lot of intense relationships, you know that?’ Rainer said beside me.
Understatement of the century.
‘I know. And it has to end.’ I looked up and took a quivering breath. ‘But first thing’s first.’
Together, Rainer and I walked towards the vast nothingness. Her eyes locked on the blackness, mine on the countless shimmering images, floating like stars, soundlessly searching.
The shimmers started to stir as we neared. ‘Remember,’ I cautioned, ‘if you want to find her, you have to open yourself to her, find the piece of her that only you know.’
Rainer nodded. ‘I’ve got it. We’re twins, Violet. I’ll find her.’
I nodded, though I knew that only time would really tell. ‘Just make sure, no matter what happens, that you—’
‘Don’t let go,’ she cut me off, squeezing my hand.
‘Right.’
The reflections were moving in on us now. I knew how this went and that we wouldn’t have long.
I stopped walking when we were far enough. ‘Stay focused. You’ll only get one chance at this, so make it count.’
Rainer nodded and tilted her head back, closing her eyes as she began to call to Nyla’s soul.
Oh, Nyla, forgive me.
The shimmers encircled us. They were bolder than last time and I knew I would need to hold on to give Rainer the time she needed.
I gripped her hand tightly as they closed in on me, pouring through me, feeding on me, draining me. As the intrusions became violent I heard myself cry out as they crushed me from the inside and outside.
‘Violet, you’re bleeding!’ Rainer said.
I looked at her. ‘Keep going,’ I ordered, ignoring the blood that I could feel trickling from my nose and eyes.
She nodded, refocusing.
Painful time is slow and gradual in its release.
The shimmers pounded through my being, grabbing like tentacles and sucking all they could from me. There was no way to fight back and I could not endure much more. But then I heard Rainer cry out.
‘I can feel her, Violet. She’s coming to me!’
And so there was no choice. I would hang on. I would give Nyla and Rainer their chance.
Blood ran down my throat and poured from my ears as pressure built with lost souls filling me, siphoning from me. My body jolted as the force of each intrusion became more aggressive and my strength to hold them back deteriorated.
‘I have her! Violet, I have her!’ Rainer was pulling me.
My legs were buckling beneath me. I wanted to fall down, I wanted to crawl or lie just for a time. Even if it was a gradual time.
But I couldn’t take Rainer from Wil. And I had to get back to find Spence. So, my feet stumbled again and again as Rainer pulled me along. I heard her screams: ‘Phoenix! Help us! She’s not going to make it!’
Arms caught me as I fell back; a perfect game of trust.
He was there.
‘She’s not strong enough to cross the realms,’ he said, sounding panicked. I wanted to reassure him but my mouth would not move. ‘I can’t … I can’t,’ he floundered. ‘Damn it! I can’t heal her here and she can’t … We have to … Oh, what the hell!’ And it sounded like he’d decided something and I was grateful, because right then my mind could not work.
Suddenly, I was on a cold floor, choking on my own blood.
Rainer was by my side, calling my name, shaking me even as I felt her tremble. Something was bashing on the door and I felt an odd sense of déjà vu. Then a massive cracking sounded as the door splintered and the sun whooshed in, enveloping me.
People were yelling. One voice so commanding, screaming my name and ordering me over and over to live.
And even as the world went dark, I was painfully alive when I felt the most devastating kiss of warmth.
CHaPteR NINeteeN
‘We pay a price for everything we get or take in this world …’
Lucy Maud Montgomery
when a person forces herself to live in a world that has no sun, it is a dreadful existence. Most would be better off never having known the sun existed than to be left cast into perpetual shadow with nothing but the memories set on constant repeat. Memories cannot – do not – recreate the sun.
It comes from every angle, attacks every sense and fibre of our beings. The sun, more than anything, is the very assurance that we are real and that there is life.
Awareness slowly returned and I was conscious of one thing and one thing alone.
I’m lying in the sun.
And before I’d even opened my eyes, I was crying my heart out, for the first time in two years.