I stood there, looking at him. What did he mean the rules had changed? I’d barely been back to work a half-day and the rules had already changed?
He kept my hand in his as he stood there looking at me. My mind was going a million miles a minute as I tried to figure out how to handle this latest curveball. I was snapped out of my thoughts by his lips brushing my knuckles.
I instantly tried to take my hand away, but he kept a tight hold on me. He lifted his mouth from my hand and looked at me closely. “I take my challenges very seriously, Aly, no matter what they are. I take you extremely seriously and I will not sit back and watch you walk away. I know I messed up, and I will always have to live with that, but it doesn’t mean I can’t make up for it, that I can’t show you I’m worthy of you. I know it will take a lot of time and a lot of effort, but I will do it. I promise you.”
I couldn’t say anything. I just stood there, staring at him under his spell. He meant what he said and I was scared. I had two men who had declared themselves to me and I loved them both in very different ways.
Paul’s green eyes were burning into mine. I could feel the electricity from his gaze shoot straight to my core. He began kissing my hand again, brushing his lips along my knuckles. Once his lips reached the divot between my index finger and thumb, his lips parted. Very gently he ran his tongue along the surface. My body heated and my heart beat grew rapid. His lips parted into a smile, knowing the affect he had on me. I stood there powerless as this man gave me the most intimate kiss without ever touching my lips.
His tongue glided around my wrist, then he stopped to suck on a few places. I grew warm all over and closed my eyes, unable to stop myself from loving what he was doing. He continued up my arm, looking at me the whole time. When he got to the start of my sleeve, he bit down on it and moved it up to my shoulder, trying a few times until it finally stayed. He went back to where he was and started kissing up my arm again. He stopped as he got close to my shoulder and swirled his tongue around my skin. Fire completely erupted inside of me and I let out a moan. This was the sexiest moment I’d ever experienced and I knew if he tried to do more, I wouldn’t stop him.
He reached the top of my shoulder, sliding his tongue along the top of my bra strap until my shirt stopped his access. He detoured to my neck and started dropping light kisses there as I felt his hands go to my waist and pull me close. His lips were warm against my neck and when I felt his tongue start tracing my ear lobe, I visibly shuddered.
He smiled against me. “Ah, Aly. You don’t know what you do to me,” he whispered, his hot breath brushing against my ear. I grasped his arms; I could no longer hold myself up on my own. He was slowly but breaking down the strong barrier I had built around my heart.
He lightly bit my earlobe as his lips traveled to my face, traveling down my jaw line. My hands moved to his shoulders and he pulled me harder against him, slamming me against his chest. I gasped at the contact and when his lips met mine, I didn’t push him away. Instead, I pushed his head toward me more.
We stood there kissing like our lives depended on it, hardly taking a breath. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed him, missed this. Even though I’d barely had a taste of what being with him was like, I’d had enough to know I liked it, and always wanted more.
Paul gave a low growl when I started tracing his lips with my tongue, threading my fingers through his hair. He tasted like cloves again and I loved it. When he started to loosen my shirt out from my skirt, I felt like cold water had been poured all over me and I suddenly realized what I was doing and who I was doing it with.
I tore my mouth from his and took a few steps back. I started shaking my head and folded my arms over my chest. He stood there looking at me, surprised and breathing rapidly. I felt my eyes start to water and I backed up to the door.
“Aly, wait,” Paul called out to me, his voice rough with passion.
I continued shaking my head, my hand searching for the doorknob. When he started to walk toward me, I held up my hand. He stopped and my tears started streaming down my face.
“Don’t,” I told him. “Don’t come any closer. I need you to keep your distance. This can’t work, us working together. I thought it could, but obviously it can’t,” I cried, my heart breaking even more when he started shaking his head.
“Aly,” he choked out the word. “Dammit. I keep messing up,” he stated as he put both off his hands behind his neck, bending over a little. “I just told you that wouldn’t happen, that I’d give you the space you need, and I already went back on my word.”
It hurt me to hear the confusion in his voice, to see it on his face. The problem was that I loved what he did, too much. I wanted him more than I ever had, and that scared me, it scared me for so many reasons. It was too soon after what had happened and I respected myself too much to just give into mindless passion. At least I was trying to respect myself. He wasn’t making it easy. He never had.
“I don’t know how many times I have to say it, but we can’t do that, we can’t do us,” I said as I motioned back and forth between us.
His eyes filled with pain at my words, and he started to walk toward me again.
“Don’t,” I said, forcefully this time.
He stopped, but the look on his face almost shattered me. “I’m sorry. I will respect you, your wishes, but I must say something. I know you want it as much as I do, I feel it every time we touch. I’ll try to be patient, try to wait for you to give into it, but it’s there. I know you feel it.”
I did feel it, so much. What he made me feel, no one ever had. It was magnetic, hot, powerful. It was taking all of my strength to deny him, to keep him at bay.
But I shook my head again, not able to admit this to him. I couldn’t give him the knowledge that he was right, that I felt it so strongly and wanted more. I was shaking from what just happened, and knowing I had to stop it. He continued pleading with his eyes, but I found the knob and started to open it. He sprinted over, putting his hand on mine, shutting it again.
“I’m sorry. It’s obvious you weren’t ready for that. Please know I didn’t plan it, it just happened, but I don’t regret it and never will, no matter what happens.” He brushed my tears away with his thumbs and planted a light kiss on my cheek before releasing me. “I think we’d better have our lunches separately after all. I need some time to myself as well. Will you be all right?”
I wiped at my eyes, and opened the door. “Yes. No. I don’t know. I worry so much we can’t work together anymore, that it’s too much —“
“Stop,” he demanded. “Don’t go there right now. We are both too upset at the moment to make a sound decision. Just go to lunch and take some time. Please don’t make a decision right now. We work so well together, and we are doing great things. Just keep that in mind, okay?”
I nodded. “Okay,” I said as I stepped out the door, shutting it behind me.
I stopped at my desk, grabbed my purse, and rushed out. I had to get as far away from him as I could. I had to get my bearings. I was angry with myself for falling under his spell so easily and I was even angrier as thoughts of Ethan entered my mind.
I felt the horror of knowing it would kill Ethan if he ever found out. I had been open with him, telling him I still had strong feelings for Paul, but it didn’t mean this wouldn’t hurt him if he knew. I sat in the drive-thru parking lot and rested my head on the steering wheel, despondent. I heard a horn honk and looked up; I needed to move forward in the line. I resisted the urge to flip off the driver behind me, ordered my lunch and drove to a favorite park of mine and parked. I needed to just sit there and think, no interruptions.
Thoughts of Ethan and Paul filled my head as I sat there in my car. I kept asking myself how I went from no male attention to that of two in just a matter of days? I tossed and turned over each of their pros and cons and while I kept going back to Ethan, Paul wouldn’t leave my mind. Our chemistry was too strong, too enticing to ignore. The chemistry I shared with Ethan was just as hot, but in a different way. Both men ignited something inside of me. I just needed to figure out which one was the right one.
I felt my phone vibrate and I picked it up to see who was calling.
Ethan.
Smiling, I clicked over and answered.
“Hey, where are you?” he asked.
“Hey,” I sighed. “I’m at Sheridan Park, eating lunch in my car.”
“What, why?” he asked, worry in his voice.
“I just needed to chill, don’t worry. Where are you?”
“Leaving your office. When I didn’t find you there, I called. I was hoping I could catch you for a last minute lunch.”
I frowned. “Oh, I’m sorry. That would have been really nice.”
“I can drive up to the park and meet you there if you’d like,” he said, hope in his voice.
I was surprised to find that I really wanted that. I thought I needed this time to be alone, but now all I wanted was to be with Ethan. “Sure, that’d be great,” I replied. I told him where I was parked and we hung up.
A few minutes later, I saw his red Audi Q7 enter the parking lot and I smiled. When he parked, he got out of his car and came over to mine, sitting in the passenger seat. He immediately leaned over and kissed me lightly on the lips.
“Hi,” he said as he lifted his head.
I gave a little laugh. “Hi yourself.”
“Everything okay?”
Normally I would tell Ethan what had happened, pour out my heart, but not now. Now that things had changed with us, I couldn’t tell him what was going on with Paul. That realization shattered me.
“Yeah, I just needed to get out of there, get some space.”
His eyes narrowed. “What happened?”
I blew my hair out of my eyes. “Oh, nothing,” I said, averting his eyes.
“Aly,” he said as he turned my head to face him. “Never be afraid to share with me, even though some things have changed between us. Please.”
I looked at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes. I debated sharing what had happened with Paul and decided to limit it. I knew I should be open, but there was no way I was telling him everything that happened.
“Well, Paul could tell things had changed between us and basically let me know he wasn’t giving up on me,” I said, keeping my eyes on my lap.
The air was tense as I waited for him to respond. I finally looked up at him. Ethan was looking back at me and he didn’t look mad.
“Is that all?” he asked. When I nodded, he burst out laughing. I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’m sorry, angel, but seriously, I expected nothing less from him. While I hate him for what he did to you, he has good taste. I’d be disappointed if he gave up so easily.”
I was stunned. “Are you serious?” I asked.
“Yes. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely going to fight for you. All I am saying is that I was fully prepared for his reaction.”
I relaxed against my seat. “Okay. Well, good.”
He chuckled and took hold of my hand, rubbing circles on my wrist. “Everything’s going to be okay,” he told me, and I could tell he meant it. I did my best to take on his attitude as I stared into his hazel eyes. He really was a beautiful man. Why did it take me so long to see it?
We sat there in silence, just enjoying each other. Ethan traced each line on my palm with his finger and I closed my eyes, relaxing in his touch. When he lifted my hand to his lips, I looked over at him and saw him smile.
“You are beautiful,” he told me as he kissed the lines he’d just been tracing. It was eerily similar to what had just happened with Paul, yet completely different. I sat there mesmerized by his touch, his look. Knowing he loved me suddenly made me feel at ease, more at peace than I had in a long time.
Ethan’s hand came around my neck and he pulled me to him, just holding me against his chest, knowing that was what I needed. He stroked his fingers through my hair, lightly kissing the top of my head. We sat there quietly, listening to the music on the radio, not needing to do anything more.
A little while later, he sighed and hugged me close. “Aly, we do need to talk about us, about what’s going on, but not now. Are you okay with that?”
I looked at his eyes and felt them pierce my soul. He was exactly what I needed. “Of course. Everything comes so naturally with you, Ethan.”
He touched his hand to my cheek. “That’s good,” he whispered.
The sound of his cell phone broke the moment. He looked at who was calling and said, “Shit. Sorry. I need to take this call, it’s for work. I’ll see you back at the office?”
“Yes, for sure. Go on and take the call. I need to get back there anyway.”
He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on my cheek before getting out of the car and giving me a wink. I watched him get in his car and set his elbow on the open window, talking animatedly. I loved watching him. I felt I could never get enough.
I started up my car and put it in reverse. He looked over to me and waved. I waved back and drove to the park exit, turning left to head back to work, to head back to Paul.