I returned and was relieved to see Paul wasn’t back in his office yet. I set my purse down and dove into my work. I had to verify with the caterer for next weeks ribbon cutting ceremony and make sure she had the correct menu. After the actual ceremony, we would be serving lunch at a nearby hotel and I wanted to make sure everything was perfect.
The aroma of my roses filled my nostrils and I took a deep breath. Ethan was absolutely perfect and was mine if I wanted him. I did, but someone else refused to exit my heart.
It was then he came back to the office and of course my body reacted at the sight. He was on his cell in an obviously deep conversation. He didn’t even acknowledge me as he passed by me and went into his office. I felt the sting of being ignored, then felt the anger for feeling the sting. It was better that way. I didn’t want him to fawn all over me, did I?
Not willing to continue obsessing about him, I went about finalizing the rest for the ribbon cutting ceremony. It was going to be a big day and I was looking forward to it. I was happy that Ethan was going to be there, I knew I’d need him. I would have to spend the majority of the time by Paul’s side, but knowing Ethan was near helped.
I noticed that Paul kept his door closed for most of the afternoon. I had to keep reminding myself that this was how I wanted it because, if I was completely honest, each time I heard a movement in his office I’d get a little excited, thinking he was finally coming out to talk to me. He never did.
Finally five o’clock rolled around and while I could have done more work, I was done. It was time to go home and say good-bye to this day. I was debating if I should tell Paul I was leaving when he opened his door and came out. He had his stuff with him so it was obvious he was leaving for the day as well.
“I’m leaving for the day, Aly. I have a dinner engagement to go to tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said as he strode out, never looking back.
I stood there stunned. What had happened? Why the complete change?
Refusing to cry, again, I walked out of the office and straight to my car. I didn’t even want to see Ethan at that moment. I just wanted to go home, dive into my Ben and Jerry’s, and veg on my couch. This whole getting over Paul idea wasn’t working very well.
I got home and immediately changed into my sweats and a t-shirt. I tossed my hair up into a haphazard bun, skipped dinner, and went straight for the ice cream. Today didn’t go so great, which made me, dread the rest of the week. The fact that Paul pretty much ignored me after lunch was what I’d been hoping for, so why was I so upset?
Suddenly feeling ridiculous for wallowing in self-pity over Paul’s behavior, I tossed my spoon in the sink and put the ice cream away. Pouring a glass of wine, I made some spaghetti and a small salad. It felt good to finally eat more than a few bites of food and the alcohol began soothing my nerves. My iPod started playing one of my favorite playlists and I couldn’t help swaying to the beat when Taylor Swifts “Red” came on. As she started singing the chorus, I couldn’t resist and found myself belting out the words along with her, at the top of my lungs. Being so caught up in my singing, I screamed when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I saw Ethan doubled over at the waist, laughing.
“Ethan!” I yelled, crossing my arms.
He stood and walked toward me. I didn’t move away, but I did start tapping my foot, waiting for him to say something. When he reached me, I raised an eyebrow at his goofy smile. I found my anger starting to evaporate at his silly expression.
“Aw Aly, I knocked a few times, but you never came. I knew you were here because I could hear you singing so I tried the doorknob and it was open. You must be more careful and have your doors locked at all times. You’re lucky I’m not a creep coming to take advantage of you, or trying to steal your iPod,” he said, teasing me.
I swatted him on the arm then turned away to walk back in the kitchen. Before I got very far, he grabbed me around my waist and lifted me off the ground. I squealed in surprise and started laughing.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked, nuzzling my neck as he set me back down. He felt so good, so right. I never felt anxious or uneasy around him, even now, after we’d changed the course of our relationship. At that moment, I was wondering why I was even debating about Paul, why I still had feelings for him when Ethan’s arms were around me and he was kissing my neck.
I started giggling when he found my ticklish spot and he raised his head, his eyebrow lifted. “Hmm, have I discovered a sensitive place here?” he asked as he went back to it and started sucking. I howled with laughter, trying to get away from him, but he held tight. I beat my fists on his back, the torture more than I could handle.
“Stop!” I said, barely able to get it out.
He finally lifted his head and released me. I collapsed onto the couch, taking deep breaths. He followed me over, lifting me onto his lap.
“Oh Aly, you make me laugh,” he said as he stroked his fingers through my hair. I languished in his touch, enjoying its relaxing affect. I could hear his heartbeat racing from our tickling episode and I started to run my fingers through the back of his hair. I heard his breath hitch and I smiled, loving the affect I had on him.
We stayed like that for a while, but were interrupted by his growling stomach. I burst out laughing and lifted my head to look in his eyes. “Is someone hungry?” I teased.
He grinned. “Well, maybe. I admit I haven’t had anything to eat yet. Have you?”
I nodded. “I’d just finished eating when I got that bit of energy and started dancing. I have some spaghetti leftover if you want some.”
He nodded and tossed me off his lap. “Hell yeah, I want some,” he laughed, looking back at my startled face. I jokingly flipped him the bird and stood to get his spaghetti. He followed me to the kitchen and perched on a barstool. He rested his chin in his hands as he watched me reheat his food and set out his plate.
“You’re beautiful, you know that?” he asked.
I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. He was just sitting there, casually watching me with the sweetest look on his face. My heart lurched and I was frozen.
His brows drew together. “I mean it,” he said.
I gave him a small smile. “Thank you,” I said quietly as I got his food out of the microwave. I put it on his plate and handed him a beer from the fridge. He smiled at me as he twisted up a mouthful on his fork and dove in.
I leaned on the counter, drinking another glass of wine, and watching him eat. He popped the cap off of his beer and took a long drink. He set the bottle down with a big, “Ahh,” and gave me a silly grin.
“Ethan, what did I do to deserve you?” I asked, suddenly very serious.
He stopped mid-chew and looked at me. “What brought that on?”
I sighed and set down my wine glass. “I don’t know. I just see you here, with me, being so cute, and I wonder. I mean, you know I’ve been in love with Paul for years, yet you never wavered, you stayed with me. And even now, when we’ve developed more to our relationship and I haven’t been able to give you any promises, you’re still here.”
He set his fork down and shoved off his stool, walking around the bar to come next to me. He grabbed my hips and pulled me to him, wrapping me in his arms. He kissed the top of my head, rubbing my back.
“Aly, you know better than that. I am here to stay, no matter what you decide. If you ultimately decide Paul is the man for you, or anyone else for that matter, I can’t say it won’t kill me, but I’ll always love you. We were friends first and we will be friends last, no matter what.”
I started crying at that. It was too much. He was too good for me. It was easier when we were just friends, but I knew that line had been crossed and I didn’t regret it. I did want him, I knew I loved him, but I couldn’t commit to anything because I still loved Paul. When did this mess happen?
“Shh, don’t cry, sweetie,” he whispered in my hair. “I will never lie to you and I will always be honest with my feelings. I’d rather have you in my life no matter what, then lose you because you didn’t choose me.”
I couldn’t stop sobbing. I was such a mess lately and his words were so sweet. I loved hearing them, but I felt so unworthy. I should tell him to let me go, but I couldn’t. I needed him too much.
I lifted my head from his shoulder and stared into his eyes. He looked pained when he saw me. I felt him wipe tears from my cheeks with his thumbs, then he leaned over and kissed the rest away. He continued across my nose to my other cheek, still holding onto my hips. I closed my eyes and reveled in the comfort he was giving me. I tried to imagine Paul doing this and I couldn’t. Plus, it wasn’t the time to be thinking of Paul. I had Ethan here, and at that moment, he was all I needed.
When Ethan’s mouth met mine, it made me feel everything I needed to at that moment. He kissed me with comfort, showing me he meant what he said. When his tongue slid along my lips, I opened my mouth for him. He was gentle in his assault, taking my lower lip in his mouth and sucking on it. I moaned at the feel of it and pushed him closer to me. His hands went from my hips to my shoulders, as he turned his head and deepened the kiss.
Something in the air changed between us and we started getting ravenous. He crushed me to his chest, running his hands in my hair. My makeshift bun came out and I felt the elastic hit my arm on its way to the floor. He moaned into my mouth as he brought his hands around to the sides of my breasts. I tensed with anticipation, hoping he’d continue moving forward. He rubbed his hands up and down my sides as his tongue swirled in my mouth.
His hands finally started inching towards where I needed them the most, when there was a knock on the door. I groaned loudly and Ethan lifted his head from mine. We looked at each other and sighed. The knock sounded again, so I went to answer it.
“There you are, dear,” my mother said as she breezed into my apartment. She was carrying grocery sacks and marched right to my kitchen. I shut the door and shrugged my shoulders at Ethan, following her.
She’d sat the bags on the counter and was putting things away. “I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of buying you some groceries. I know you have been swamped at work and you’ve seemed a little off to me lately so I wanted to help in some way. I know my girl and what her favorite foods are, so here you go.” She turned her head to smile at me.
Ethan had followed me to the kitchen and stood by me at the bar. He chuckled at my mom as he winked at me. It was then my mom noticed he was there.
“Ethan! I didn’t see you. I’m sorry. How are you, dear?” she asked as she stood and walked over to him, taking him into a hug. He returned her hug, laughing.
“I’m doing great, Mrs. Chase. Never better, actually,” he responded looking at me over her shoulders and giving me another wink. I blushed a little, getting his meaning, and averted my head. That just made him laugh a little harder.
My mother released him from her hug and looked into his face. “Well that’s good to hear. I’m so glad to see you. It’s been too long.”
“I know and I apologize,” he said, lightly kissing her cheek.
“Well when can Mr. Chase and I expect another visit? You too, Aly?” she said, turning her head to look at me.
“Uh...”
Ethan smiled at me. “I’m free this Sunday. Does that work for you? You as well, Aly?”
I nodded and my mother clapped her hands. “Yes, that works great for us. I’m so thrilled! Come out to the house at five o’clock. Will that work?”
“Yes,” Ethan and I said at the same time.
“Wonderful. Well I hate to rush out, but I’m meeting your father for a late dinner so I need to go.” She grabbed her purse off of the counter and dashed over to me, kissing me on my cheek, before heading for the door.
I followed her over. “Well, thanks, Mom. I uh, appreciate the groceries, but you really didn’t have to do that.”
She patted my cheek. “I know, but I wanted to. You’ll always be my little girl.” She took me in a hug and whispered in my ear, “When are you and Ethan going to finally be a couple?” before she opened the door and left, leaving me stunned.
Ethan came up behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders. “I’ve wondered the same thing,” he whispered in my ear, playfully biting it.
Electricity raced through me as I stood there, and I leaned back on him. “How did you hear her?” I asked in a whisper.
“Well, she didn’t whisper too quietly. I think she wanted me to hear,” he chuckled, turning me around to face him. “I won’t ever pressure you, Aly, but I want nothing more than to be with you.”
I traced my hand along his cheek, and saw the love burning in his hazel eyes. I had no doubt he meant what he said and I was upset with myself for not being able to give him what he wanted, yet. When I was around him, the electricity was so intense, so magnetic. I owed it to myself to figure out who exactly it was I wanted. The problem was, how long would that take?