Destined to Change

chapter 5



Loralei



I couldn’t understand why I was so hot and sweaty. And why I couldn’t move? And what the hell was poking me in the ass? Suddenly, all of the memories of last night came back to me, along with the fear of God.

Jaxon kissed my neck. “Mornin’ sunshine, sleep well?”

Before I could respond I heard, “Mom! Mags hid my backpack and she won’t tell me where it is and I can’t go to school without it!” I heard the footsteps on the stairs and before I knew it the door flew open. Sammy stood there, staring at Jaxon and I snuggled up in bed together. I didn’t know what to say or how to react. I had no idea what to do so, I just laid there in stunned silence.

Jaxon broke the silence, “Hey little man, could you give your mom and me a minute?”

Sammy didn’t move, his eyes were glued on us.

“Mommy, why is Jaxon in bed with you? Oh my God, did you see his penis mommy? Grandma, mommy saw Jaxon’s penis!” That was the moment when I decided I had officially entered hell and my son was apparently obsessed with Jaxon’s penis.

My mom yelled from downstairs, “Sammy, honey please come downstairs and leave your mommy alone. Oh and Loralei, I’ll take the kids to school and we'll talk later. Jaxon hope you have a great day.” I could literally hear the shit-eating grin on my mom’s face. Jaxon laughed, and I elbowed him in the ribs. I didn’t find anything about this funny. I was mortified.

As much as we wanted to spend the day wrapped in each other’s arms, we knew we both had work to do. We got dressed and went our separate ways. He went out to get the four-wheeler that we got stuck in the mud yesterday, and I went to the barn to meet with the farmhands about the big cattle sale coming up next month in Joplin, Missouri.

This sale was always the most important sale of the year. It was where the best cattle were sold and if you didn’t get there and get first dibs, you were stuck with the second best options. Second best was not good enough for the Harper Farm. We had to be there early and schmooze at the big Cattle Baron’s Ball the night before the sale.

It was about a three hour drive from Kipton to Joplin, so I usually took Jake with me and we would stay up there for the whole weekend. Every year, I would make Jake go to the Ball with me. I think he hated it a little more each year. Maybe this year Jaxon would want to go with me. We could spend the whole weekend alone. Wouldn’t he surprise the hell out of all of those cowboys that tried to get in my pants every year? I was pretty sure that I had convinced all of them that I was gay. I had tried really hard every year. I still always ended up with at least one drunk cowboy following me around all night and Jake threatening to kick their ass.

It was about time for me to head home for lunch, so I jumped in my jeep and headed that way. When I got home I had a message from Sammy’s school saying they needed me to come in and meet with the principal. I immediately returned the call and asked what was going on. The secretary informed me that Sammy had an incident at school today, and I would need to come in to discuss it with the principal at three o’clock.

“There is no way I can make it in today. I have a big conference call this afternoon, and I won’t be able to get away.” This conference call was regarding the cattle sale. I had to coordinate with a few other farms regarding which herd we wanted to try for. I couldn’t miss it.

The lovely older woman informed me that someone would need to come in to the school today or Sammy would be suspended from the fourth grade for three days. She said I could send my mom, dad, or anyone, but someone would need to come in.

I called my mom but she had driven into town and wouldn’t be back in time to go. She let me know that dad was with Uncle Max fishing and wasn’t expected back until tomorrow.

There was a knock at the door. Jaxon was standing on the front porch. I told him what was going on.

“Uncle Jake and I can go Loralei. I don’t mind at all and I don’t have anything I have to get done this afternoon. Do you think it would be okay if we went?”

The secretary just told me I had to send someone, and Jaxon and Jake would actually count as two someone’s. Even though I don’t know Jaxon that well, yet, I had known Jake my entire life. Jaxon is his nephew, and he wouldn’t let him be around me and the kids if he was a bad guy. I could do this. They could take care of this for me.

“I would really appreciate it, Jaxon. I’m not sure what’s going on, but Sammy is always getting into trouble, so it’s probably nothing major. Thanks so much for doing this for me.”

He grinned and pulled me towards him. “Maybe you can think of a way to pay me back later, maybe over dinner or a drink, after the kids go to sleep?”

I shook my head, “You’re a bad influence on me, Jaxon!” He agreed to meet with the principal and find out what my little monster did this time and then bring Sammy and Mags home.



Jaxon



I was happy to help Lor out. She was in quite a bind and I was glad that I could be there for her. I called Uncle Jake and let him know what was going on and we headed over to the school to meet with the principal.

“Mr. Daniels and Mr. Marshall, I assume you are here today to discuss the incident with Mr. Harper.” Principal Michaelson said as he looked me up and down. I didn’t think he was used to seeing people who liked like me around here.

“Yes, sir. Ms. Harper was unavailable this afternoon, so we offered to take her place. So, how much trouble is he in?” I asked.

“Quite a bit actually. Samuel has had several incidents this year, well, actually every year. He is quite the prankster.” Mr. Michaelson said as he raised his eyebrow. “He accosted another child on the playground today. He pushed him down to the ground and referred to him as an ‘asshat’. He also told the child that he was getting a new daddy and he was big and mean and had tattoos. He also mentioned that his new daddy could kick his butt. This behavior is simply unacceptable. I’m afraid we will have to suspend him for three days.” I didn’t know what to say to that. Mr. Michaelson was looking at me as if to say, “Apparently he’s talking about you.”

“Now, sir. Isn’t there something he can do to avoid the suspension? Help around the school or extra homework or something?” I really hated to let Loralei down. I couldn’t let Sammy get kicked out of school.

“I just don’t know, Mr. Daniels. If this was the first offense, I would say yes. But he has caused problems here since kindergarten. His kindergarten teacher retired after Samuel graduated to the first grade. Yes, it was that bad.”

Uncle Jake and I couldn’t help but laugh at that. Mr. Michaelson didn’t think it was very funny.

“Let me talk to his teacher and see if she would be willing to work something out. I’ll be right back.” He said as he left the office and started down the hall.

Uncle Jake looked at me and we both broke out in laughter. “That kid is a right mess.” Uncle Jake said.

“He seems to be. He really cracks me up though. I hate to see him get suspended. I hope we can work something out,” I said as Mr. Michaelson walked back into the room.

“I spoke with Samuel’s teacher and she feels that his punishment should fit his offense. She doesn’t believe that suspension is the right answer either. She would like for Samuel to write a letter of apology to the boy he accosted and also help her in the classroom during recess for the next two weeks.”

“That seems more than fair, Mr. Michaelson. I’ll let his mom know what happened. Where is Sammy?”

“He’s in his classroom. I’ll take you down there.” Mr. Michaelson stood up and led us down the hall to Sammy’s classroom. When we walked inside Uncle Jake went to talk to Mr. Michaelson, while Sammy’s teacher was at her desk grading papers. I sat down at a desk next to Sammy. He looked scared. I hated to see him like that.

“Hey Sammy…you got yourself in a little trouble today, huh?” I asked.

He was fiddling with his pencil. He finally looked up at me and said, “Yeah, I guess. Where’s my mom?”

“She had an important call to make so she asked Uncle Jake and me to come get you. Do you want to talk about what happened today?”

He nodded and shrugged his shoulders. “Well I want to talk about it, okay?” I asked. He agreed and I continued. “You know that it’s never okay to hurt somebody, right?” He nodded. “When you get really mad like that and use your fists it hurts everybody, not just the person you’re hitting. You can’t fix anything by using your strength. You’re going to be a man. Men don’t hurt people. The only exception to that is if they are hurting you. Then you can fight back, but never throw the first punch. Remember that, okay?” He stood up from his desk and put his arms around my neck. I could feel his little chest heave as he started to cry.

“He was talking about my daddy. He said I didn’t have a daddy, but I did have a daddy.” He was sobbing. “He died. And that makes my mommy and my grandma and grandpa so sad. I just want to have a daddy like the other kids. Jaxon, will you be my new daddy?” His words hit me like a ton of bricks. Me? Be his new daddy? How was I supposed to respond to something like that?

“Sammy, nobody will ever replace your daddy. He was very special to your mommy. I don’t know what’s gonna happen, but I’m here for you, little man. If you need to talk or if you feel like you need to use your fists to fix something, you come see me okay? We’ll talk it out.”

He stopped crying and smiled at me as he released me from his bear hug and started to put his jacket on.

While Sammy was getting his stuff ready and his teacher was lecturing him again about his stunt today, Uncle Jake pulled me out into the hallway.

“Son, I warned you. That boy thinks you’re gonna be his new daddy. You need to figure out what the hell is going on back in Richmond. Get your shit together, and decide what you’re gonna do. You cannot hurt those kids and their momma. You hear me, boy?”

“I hear you. That’s the last thing I wanna do.”



Loralei



When I got home around five thirty, Jake’s truck was in my driveway and Mags was sitting on the front porch listening to her iPod and playing with Tinkerbell, her cat. When she saw me, she came running over, whispering, “Mommy, I think Sammy is in a lot of trouble.” I could tell she didn’t really feel bad for her brother.

I walked into my house, and Jaxon, Jake, and Sammy were in the kitchen, Jaxon and Jake were chopping veggies for a salad. Sammy was sitting at the table, staring at the pizza boxes sitting in front of him like he was starving to death. I caught Jaxon’s attention and nodded for him to come upstairs with me.

When we got to my room he gave me a quick kiss and I asked “What happened at the school?” He chuckled, and explained to me that Sammy got into a fight at school and apparently called another boy an “asshat”.

“Why were they fighting?” I asked.

He explained, “The principal said that the other kid was giving Sammy a hard time about not having a dad and Sammy told him his dad had died, but he was getting a new daddy and he was big and mean and had tattoos and would kick his butt. Then he called the kid an ‘asshat’ and pushed him down on the playground.”

I didn’t know which part of this statement I should tackle first. The part where Sammy was in a fight, or when he cursed at another child, or that he thought Jaxon was his new daddy. And the worst part of the whole thing was that Jaxon thought it was really funny.

“I’m glad you find this humorous.” I said in a very sarcastic tone.

He smirked. “Some parts of the story are funny, babe. I straightened everything out with the principal, Sammy didn’t get suspended. All he has to do is write a letter of apology to the kid and help the teacher for a couple of weeks during his recess times.”

But didn’t he understand which part of the story upset me the most? “Sammy thinks you’re going to be his new daddy?”

Jaxon looked confused. “I know we aren’t there yet, Loralei, but wouldn’t you rather him think that than not like me. I talked to him about it and explained that I wasn’t his new daddy and that he shouldn’t ever use his fists or his strength to solve his problems, because it doesn’t work that way.” When he said that, he had a look in his eyes that told me he was speaking from personal experience.

We went downstairs and Mags had set the table and Sammy was looking at me with a complete and utter look of fear on his face. I informed him he would be grounded for this, and we would talk about his punishment after school tomorrow while he was helping Jake muck the stalls in the barn. He actually looked relieved, I think he thought I was going to freak out, but amazingly enough I remained perfectly calm.

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Jaxon and I were getting along so well. We were always catching each other in the barn or out in the field. We made-out like teenagers. It actually reminded me a lot of the time I spent with Declan. I noticed, since I had started spending time with Jaxon, my thoughts didn’t turn to Declan quite as much as they had.

Dusk had always been my favorite time of the day. I loved to sit out on my big porch and watch the sun go down. I was doing that when I heard Jaxon’s motorcycle roaring up the lane.

He drove up to the porch. I couldn’t look away. He was so sexy. Like, incredibly sexy. He had on faded blue jeans with the knees ripped out, black motorcycle boots, a white t-shirt, and a leather biker vest. His helmet was all black with flames on the sides. When he pulled his helmet off of his head, it looked like a bad shampoo commercial. I couldn’t look away. He took the helmet off, shook his head, and ran his fingers through his, as Emma would call it, “f*ck me hair.” I didn’t think his lips could be any sexier. Then he ran his tongue over his bottom lip, before biting it. Oh my God they could be sexier. He rose up off of the bike, hung his helmet on the handlebar, and walked up the stairs to me.

“Beautiful night isn’t it?” he asked.

“It really is. This has always been one of my favorite things to do. Just sit out here and have a glass of wine, enjoying the sunset.” I motioned for him to have a seat in the rocking chair next to mine.

“Actually, I was wondering if you would like to go for a ride?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

“I’ve never been on a motorcycle before.”

He gasped, “We need to start by teaching you the difference between that amazing piece of machinery in your driveway and a motorcycle.”

I laughed, “Uh, okay. That’s not a motorcycle?”

He placed his hand on his chest, looking at me as if he was in pain. “No. No, Lor. It isn’t. It’s a Harley Davidson Fatboy Lo in Midnight Pearl. That my dear is so much more than a motorcycle.”

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

“Well now that you do, I think we should go for a ride, don’t you?”

I could do this. The kids were spending the weekend with Declan’s parents. “Sure. Why not? Let’s go.”

“Okay, then. You might want to grab a jacket. It can get a little chilly on the back of a bike.”

I went in the house and grabbed my old denim jacket. I walked outside and he was already on the bike. He was holding a helmet out for me. It was pink - bright pink. “Do you always carry a bright pink helmet around with you? You know, just in case you find some girl to take for a ride.” I realized that last part sounded suggestive.

He smirked at me. “No, ma’am, I don’t. I went into town and bought that today for the only woman that I want to take for a ride.” He winked at me as I took the helmet from him.

I climbed on behind him. He grabbed my hands and placed them snugly around his waist. “Hold on tight, babe. This will be a ride you’ll never forget.”

I had no doubt. When he took off down the lane he scared the shit out of me. I almost jumped off the bike. “What the hell was that?”

“My baby doesn’t like to go slow. She takes off pretty fast.”

He took off down the road leading to town. It was such a beautiful night tonight. The wind was warm, not at all uncomfortable. The irrigation systems were going off in the field. The moon was shining down on the water, making it look like rainbows sparkling in the field. That mixed with fireflies flashing their lights all around us, was beautiful. I would never get tired of the beauty of this place I was lucky enough to live in.

Jaxon had slowed down after the initial take-off. When we got to town, he pulled into the local diner, Leona’s Place. This place was famous for its pie. People drove from other states just to try a piece of Leona’s pie.

Jaxon shut the bike down and stood up off the bike. He took his helmet off and damn, he looked even sexier than he had before. This was insane. He could not get sexier by the minute, could he?

“I thought we could try some of this famous pie all the guys have been telling me about.”

I took off my helmet and he looked at me funny.

“What?” I asked.

He said, “Uh, you have a bad case of helmet hair. Let me help you with that.” He took the helmet from me. Then he scooted in closer to me and ran his fingers through my hair. His eyes never left mine the entire time. I could look into those eyes all damn day.

His gaze drifted down to my lips and then back up to my eyes. “Whew, we better get inside. Or we might not ever make it to the pie.” He said as he placed a light kiss on my cheek and lifted me off the bike.

Leona’s Place didn’t have many customers at this time of night. Leona was actually the only one there.

“Loralei Harper. How are ya, gorgeous? You haven’t been in to visit me in ages.”

“Miss Leona, sorry it’s been so long. I’m just so busy. So much to do on the farm, so little time. You know how that goes.”

Leona was such a sweetheart. I had known her since I was a little girl. She was a short, round older lady. She had curly brown hair and a tendency to wear a hairnet and an apron with a weird saying on it. Tonight’s apron said: Big Girls Don’t Cry – They’re Happy Because They Eat Pie.

“Oh, baby girl, I understand that.”

“What are you getting?” I asked Jaxon.

He responded with a questioning look on his face. “Uh, could I order one of everything? Would that be crazy?”

“They have eight different pies tonight, Jaxon. Can you eat eight pieces of pie?”

“I’d sure be willing to give it a good try,” he said with a little grin.

Leona said, “Son, you’re a man after my own heart. I’m gonna bring you out a little sample of all of the specials today.”

Jaxon stood up and grabbed Leona in a big ole bear hug. “I think you’re a woman after my own heart, Miss Leona.”

She was blushing and smiling from ear to ear. Apparently, Jaxon’s charms were effective on all members of the opposite sex. Didn’t matter how old they were.

Leona disappeared into the kitchen to fetch our pie. Jaxon took my hand in his and started rubbing the pad of his thumb back and forth. He was smiling at me. The feelings I had for him were getting stronger every day. It was like we were drawn to each other. He was great with the kids and they were really starting to like him. That scared me and made me really happy at the same time. Jaxon was so different than Declan. I never thought I could fall for someone like him, but I was and I wanted more with him.

Leona came out to our table with a cookie sheet covered in pie. I mean covered in pie. I bet we had sixteen slices. So many different kinds: coconut cream, chocolate cream, lemon meringue, raisin cream, apple, blueberry, cherry, peanut butter, gooseberry, and my personal favorite chocolate-peanut butter. I ate at least one bite of each kind. Okay, maybe I also ate three bites of the chocolate-peanut butter pie. But my goodness, it was so delicious. I couldn’t let it go to waste. I was amazed at the amount of pie Jaxon ate. There was barely anything left on the cookie sheet when Leona came out to take it away.

She smiled at Jaxon. “I love to see a man with a healthy appetite. You better hang on tight to this one, Loralei.”

“That sounds like excellent advice to me,” Jaxon said with a grin.

He settled the check with Leona and we got ready for the ride home. On the way home he turned down the lane that leads out to the pond. I was really enjoying the ride and it didn’t hurt that I got to have my arms wrapped around Jaxon, holding on tight.

When we got to the pond, Jaxon cut the engine and climbed off the bike. He took my hand and helped me get my helmet off and get off the bike. Then he climbed back on the bike.

“Come here and sit down in front of me,” he said.

“Um, sure.” I climbed on in front of him. I leaned my back against his chest. My head was resting on his shoulder. This moment was perfect. The weather was perfectly warm. The moonlight shining down on the pond was perfect. The crickets chirping in the distance were making the perfect mood music for us.

I could feel his breath on my neck. Then I felt his tongue on my ear. He kissed my earlobe, whispering, “Thanks for going for a ride with me, Lor. Tonight, has been perfect.”

How did he know what I was thinking? I thought it was perfect too.

He kissed my neck. His hands were resting on my thighs, until they started moving up to my breasts. He cupped them in his hands, and I heard a groan escape his lips as they were caressing my neck. I reached back and placed my arms around his neck and I turned my head to give him easier access to mine.

All of a sudden, he stopped. He moved his hands back to where they had been resting on my thighs and he rested his chin on my neck. He was breathing heavily.

“You don’t have to stop, Jaxon.”

“Oh baby, yes, yes I do. Let’s just enjoy this beautiful night, okay?”

“Um, okay? You don’t want to…do anything?”

“Damn, it woman. You’re going to be the death of me.” He said with a laugh. “Of course, I do, Lor. But I’m trying really hard to be a good boy.”

We stayed at the pond for a couple of hours just talking and enjoying each other’s company. I was really getting used to being wrapped up in his arms. He made me feel so safe and special. Like that was where I needed to be. This night had been perfect.

We rode home and I decided I really liked his motorcycle. He drove right up to the steps at my house. We climbed off the bike, he pulled our helmets off and hung them on the handlebars then he walked me to the door.

“Would you like to come in?” I asked.

“I would absolutely love to, but I think maybe it would be better if I didn’t. I want us to take it slow, and I’m afraid if I come in I won’t be able to do that.” He was looking at me with a pained expression.

“Okay, I understand. But someday, hopefully soon, I want to be with you. You know that, right?”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Woman, you are gonna be the damn death of me. I am trying so hard to be good.”

He leaned in and very softly pressed his lips to mine. He kissed me so gently, it was beautiful. He pulled away and then kissed the corners of my lips and then he ran his nose along my jaw. I could feel his warm breath on my face. “Someday soon, Loralei. Someday very, very soon.”

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It had been a month since Jaxon and I spent that night together in my house. I couldn’t believe how right this all felt. He might be more than just the right guy for right now, he might be my forever. The kids adored him, my parents loved him, and I kinda thought maybe I did too.

I asked Jaxon last week if he would like to go to the cattle sale with me. He jumped at the chance of us spending an entire weekend together away from the kids in a hotel in another town. I was pretty excited about it too. I was nervous too, but mostly excited.

After the kids went to sleep that night, I called Emma to chit-chat. She told me she and Eric were celebrating their six year wedding anniversary with a huge party at the lake this weekend.

“Lor, you have to bring Jaxon with you to the party. I can’t freaking believe you won’t introduce him to me,” Emma whined.

“Ems, you know I love you, but I just don’t know if Jaxon is ready for a party with a bunch of country folks. You know he’s not exactly a cowboy. I don’t want him to feel out of place. And I explained to you that it’s not that I won’t introduce him to you; you’re just so busy all the time with your new catering business. I never get to see you anymore.”

I couldn’t explain it, but I did feel kinda weird introducing Jaxon to Emma and Eric, especially Eric. He and Declan were best friends, and he and I had shared a special bond since the night of the accident. He had always treated the kids like his own. They adored their Uncle Eric, and he adored them. I was really afraid of what his reaction to Jaxon would be.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s what you keep saying, but I think you're embarrassed of me. I’m not a total hick, you know. I do have all my teeth, and I don’t wear overalls everyday!” I really hated to make Emma feel that way, but I felt that it was best to keep them away from Jaxon until I figured out my feelings for him.

I relented, “Okay, I’ll bring him to your party, geesh, woman, calm down!” As I was saying this to Emma, I was worrying about Jaxon. I would never want to put him in a situation where he would feel out of place, and I was really afraid this party might do just that. But I decided to hope for the best and invite him anyway.

Once I got off the phone with Emma, I called Jaxon to share the invite with him.

“Hey babe, what’s up?” he asked in a way that made my toes curl. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t pushed for us to have sex so far. I would’ve been concerned that he didn’t want me, but we made out like a couple of teenagers every day.

“Did I wake you up?”

“Oh, no baby. I just got out of the shower.”

“Well, I wanted to ask you something. I was wondering if you would like to go to a party with me on Saturday night?”

“What kinda party?” he asked.

“Emma and Eric are having a party at the lake to celebrate their anniversary. It should be fun and I would love for you to meet them.” I really did want him to meet Eric and Emma. As worried as I was about him fitting in, selfishly, I wanted my friends to get to know him. And I really wanted to hear Ems thoughts on him.

“You really want me to meet your friends? I was starting to think you were ashamed of me. You talk about Emma and Eric all the time, but you haven’t ever said anything about introducing us.” He sounded really sad when he said that last part. Had I made him feel that way? I hadn’t meant to.

“Jaxon, I’m so sorry if I made you feel that way. Of course I want you to meet my friends, please say yes.”

And in the sexiest voice I have ever heard he said, “For you baby, my answer is always yes.” Yes, that man could definitely make my lady parts dance. As I was standing by the bed thinking about my lady parts dancing, Jaxon asked, “So, what are you wearing right now?”

I couldn’t help it. I started giggling. The way he said it was just too funny.

When he didn’t say anything and I noticed he wasn’t giggling, I asked, “Um, are you serious? You really want to know?”

“Baby, I just got out of the shower. I am standing in front of my bed with only a towel wrapped around my waist. And just hearing your voice has made me hard. I miss how it felt when I slept beside you. The way it felt when I held you in my arms all night. I wanted to do so much more. You know that, right Lor?”

I couldn’t believe this was happening. Jaxon wanted to have phone sex with me. Surely, I was misunderstanding this.

I knew I sounded scared. “Yes, yes I know you wanted more. I did too. I was just scared, because it’s been so long.”

“Lor, do you want to have a new experience with me? I mean I just figured - you’ve never, uh, done this before, like on the phone?”

“Of course not Jaxon! You know I haven’t. Have you?”

“I’ve never wanted to before.”

“I would love to share my first time with you. I want you so much Jaxon. I’m about to explode.”

I heard something crash and then I heard Jaxon say, “Holy f*ck.”

“Jaxon, are you still there? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, baby I’m here, um, wow, you just surprised me is all. I kind of dropped the phone.” I giggled and he said “Are you laughing at me?”

“Why yes I am Jaxon, now what are you gonna do about it?” I couldn’t believe I said that. But of course it’s a lot easier to say things like that over the phone. I never would have said that had he been standing in front of me.

“You didn’t answer my question, Lor.”

“What did you ask again?” Of course I knew what he asked. I just wanted to hear him say it again.

“What – are – you - wearing?” He really drew that question out, stressing each word.

“Actually, I just got out of the shower also. But I’m not wrapped in a towel. I let it drop to the floor when you dropped the phone.”

“Baby that was the hottest f*cking thing I’ve ever heard. Are you in bed?”

“No.”

“Get in bed. Naked. Get under the covers and follow my instructions.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Oh my God - you’re killing me here.”

“You could just come over. We could do this in person. Please.” I was almost begging.

“It pains me to say this, but I am not coming over tonight. We are going to experience this together for the first time. Now do exactly as I say and nobody will get hurt.” I laughed out loud at that.

“You know I don’t like it when you laugh at me, baby. Are you in bed yet?”

“Yes.”

“I want you to pretend that I am lying beside you. Can you do that, Lor?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, I want you to play with your breasts for me. Take your hands and start at your stomach and make your way up to your breasts. Cup them in your hands. Now pinch your nipples, squeeze them, close your eyes, Lor, pretend it’s me touching you. Can you feel my mouth on your nipple? Can you feel me squeezing them? Can you feel my teeth as I nip at them?”

“Oh wow, yes Jaxon, I can feel you. Oh, yes!” I could hear Jaxon moving around. It sounded like he was – maybe - I don’t know. Sheepishly I asked, “Jaxon, are you, um, touching yourself too?”

“Uh huh...Lor, this is amazing. You’re amazing.”

I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. “Can you feel me touching you, Jaxon? Can you feel me kissing you? Can you feel how much I want you inside me?” I couldn’t believe those words had come out of my mouth. I didn’t know what had come over me. And then I could definitely hear him rubbing himself. He was moaning, “Touch yourself, Lor. Put your fingers inside. Imagine me there. Touching you, inside you. Do it for me. I’m so close Lor, are you close?”

“Uh huh – Jaxon - I’m coming. Oh Jaxon!” My orgasm seemed to last forever. Then I heard Jaxon moan loudly and he screamed my name.

We were both panting and coming down from our amazing first phone sex experience when Jaxon broke the silence, “That was amazing for me. Are you okay? Did you enjoy that?”

How could he ask me that? Of course I enjoyed it. I really, really enjoyed it. “Yes, sir.”

“Woman, you are going to be the death of me.”

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When Saturday arrived I decided to really play up the country part of my life. I wore skin tight black wranglers, my hottest pink cowboy boots, my belt with my prettiest silver buckle, a white button up shirt with pearlized buttons, tucked in with just enough buttons open to where you could just almost see my hot pink bra hiding below. I wore my hair down and put a few curls in it. I looked in the mirror and almost didn’t recognize myself, I looked HOT!

When I heard the knock at the door, my heart started beating out of my chest. I couldn’t believe how excited I was to see Jaxon. And he definitely didn’t disappoint me. When I opened the door his mouth dropped open and his eyes didn’t leave my chest. I couldn’t look away from him either.

He was everything I wasn’t tonight. He had on his “fancy pants” which were dark blue. He had on a skin tight black v-neck t-shirt tucked into his jeans, black motorcycle boots, and a black leather jacket. He was smoking HOT!

When we finally stopped ogling each other, we headed out to my old jeep and started the short drive to the lake. We rode in silence. The tension in the vehicle could’ve been cut with a knife. It was like there was some sort of electric current running between us and we had to have some sort of release.

Being around Jaxon did crazy things to me. I had never even thought about doing what I did next. I decided to take matters into my own hands, so to speak.

I leaned over to Jaxon, who was driving, and I licked the spot right behind his ear. I could feel his breath halt and his whole body shudder like the current had been zapped, the tension, starting to clear. I continued to lick a trail from his ear, across his jaw, to the corner of his mouth where I placed a light kiss.

He was driving, and I didn’t want to have a wreck, but I just couldn’t keep my hands off of him. I was rubbing his chest and then I was untucking his shirt, and trying to unzip his pants, and that’s when he pulled over onto the first dirt road he came to and before I knew what was happening he had me pulled onto his lap and I was straddling him.

The kiss, this kiss was fast and furious. It was like we had never kissed before. His tongue invaded my mouth and I accepted it wholeheartedly. He unbuttoned my shirt and when he saw my hot pink bra I heard a sexy growl escape his lips. Jaxon was an expert with his tongue. He could do magical things with it. One moment he was licking the spot between my breasts, and then he was tracing a path up my chest, neck, jaw, and then my mouth.

The next thing I knew I was trying to unzip his jeans again. He grabbed my hand, “No, not here. Not like this. Not our first time, Lor. Our first time together needs to be special, not in a jeep. I think I love you, Lor.”

His words hit me like a ton of bricks, mostly because I felt the same way about him. But I never thought he could love me. I’m just a little country girl and he definitely didn’t fit into my world.

“You don’t have to say anything; I just want you to know what I’m feeling.” He said as he looked down and clasped his hand in mine.

I used my other hand to tilt his face up to look at me. “Jaxon, I never thought I would say this to another man, but I think I'm falling in love with you too.”

After our “we almost love each other” declarations, we straightened our clothes out and started toward the lake again. When we pulled up, the party was in full swing. I spotted Emma and Eric out by the bonfire. It reminded of that night so many years ago when Declan and I had come back to the bonfire at the pond to pick up a very drunk Eric. And to see him standing there already drunk again really pissed me off. I wanted to go up to him and remind him of what happened that night and how if he hadn’t gotten so drunk I would be married to Declan now and my kids would have their father. But I didn’t. I just smiled and led Jaxon out to them.

Jaxon looked so out of place amongst all these cowboys. He was nervous, but I was the only one who knew that. He kinda looked scary. Scary probably isn’t the right word. He looked intimidating.

I squeezed his hand and looked up at him, trying to let him know that it was okay. I wanted him to feel comfortable around these people. I don’t know who I thought I was kidding. I hadn’t felt comfortable around these people for years.

The last bonfire party I went to didn’t end so well. It had been over ten years since I came to a party with my friends. It just didn’t feel right without Declan. I really wished that my mind hadn’t gone there. Now everywhere I looked I could see him. Jaxon must have noticed that my mind was wandering. He squeezed my hand and looked at me like he really wanted to help, but didn’t know what to do.

“Lor, you’re here! I can’t believe you actually came!” Emma hollered as she came running up from the other side of the beach. She looked like one of those bad tampon commercials where the girl is running across the beach towards her lover. This really helped my mood. I was laughing inside and started running toward Emma, pulling Jaxon with me.

Emma couldn't take her eyes off of Jaxon. She looked him up and down and up and down again. Then she looked at me and gave me a not so subtle wink and nod of approval. “And this must be the amazing Jaxon I have heard so much about?” Emma said to Jaxon.

“Well I don't know about amazing, but I am Jaxon. It's really nice to finally meet you Emma.” Jaxon wouldn't let go of my hand and I was really glad he didn't. We both needed each other to make it through this night.

“Eric is dying to meet you,” Emma said and then yelled, “Hey Eric, get your ass over here and meet the amazing Jaxon.”

Eric came walking over, assessing Jaxon from his motorcycle boots, to his “fancy” pants, to his pierced eyebrow and shaggy hair. I could tell by the glaring look of disapproval on his face that he didn’t like what he was seeing. “Hey, man, nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you from Lor and the kids.” Jaxon said to Eric as he stuck his hand out to shake hands.

Eric didn't move. He didn't say anything. He just stood there staring at Jaxon and then he looked over at me. “Can I talk to you for a second, alone?”

Jaxon dropped his hands to his sides. I winced at the loss of that connection to him. Eric grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the bonfire. Emma just looked at me with raised eyebrows. Silently saying, “I don't know what he's doing.” She asked Jaxon if he wanted to go get a beer. They headed off to the coolers as Eric, and I walked away.

“What the hell are you doing with a guy like that? Do you really think that's the kind of person Declan would want around his kids? You do remember whose kids they are, right?” Eric was being so hateful. This man had helped me so much since Declan died and now that I was finally finding happiness he was pissed at me. I couldn't help myself.

The words flew out of my mouth. “Yeah Eric, I remember who's kids they are, do you? They aren't yours, they're Declan's, and he’s dead because we had to come get your drunk ass and drive you home! And that's the reason why I’ve been so miserable for so long. Now I’m finally finding a little bit of happiness and you’re mad at me? Are you f*cking kidding me?”

I didn't need this shit and I wasn't going to deal with it tonight. I made my way over to Jaxon and I couldn’t contain the tears that started falling. I grabbed Jaxon's arm and asked him to get me out of there. He put his beer down and we rushed over to the jeep.

Emma asked as she followed Jaxon and me to the jeep. “Where are you going, Lor? Please don't leave, the party is just starting. What the hell did he say to you?”

“I can't do this Emma. I thought I was ready but I'm not. And Eric doesn't think Jaxon is the right guy for me? What the f*ck? Why should I give a shit about what he thinks? How dare he say anything about my life choices!”

I pulled the door open on the jeep and climbed in. Jaxon shut the door behind me and ran around to get in. He started it up, and I watched Emma run over to Eric. She was beating at his chest and screaming at him. Eric couldn't take his eyes off me. He wasn't angry, he looked sad. I started to tear up again and when I looked over at Jaxon he was just staring straight ahead as we drove down the road. He was acting like I wasn't there. I reached over to grab his hand and he pulled away.

“I'm sorry you had to hear that. I shouldn't have said that in front of you. I am so sorry.”

Jaxon finally looked over at me and said, “Eric's right, Lor. I don’t know who the hell I was trying to kid. I’m not the right guy for you. I was just fooling myself thinking I was good enough to be with a lady like you. I’m not. You deserve so much better than me.”

Then he stared off into the distance in front of us again. “I’ll talk to Uncle Jake and leave tomorrow. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have. You’ll always be special to me, and I hope that you’ll always remember me.”

I was crushed. I had opened my heart, my life, and my body to this man and we hit one little bump in the road and he was ready to leave?

“Well apparently our time together meant nothing to you if you’re willing to just leave when the going gets tough. I thought we were falling in love, but I guess I was really, really wrong.” I tried to hold back the tears.

Jaxon pulled the jeep over and grabbed my face in his hands. His eyes were so intense. We sat there for a long time just staring at each other until he said, “God damn it, Lor. I don't think I love you.”

My heart sank in my chest. He doesn't love me. That's why it was so easy for him to just walk away.

“I f*cking know I love you. I have never felt this way about anyone before. Saying all that shit just now about killed me. I can’t stand the thought of not being with you. Not seeing you every day. I love you and I love the kids and I want to see where this goes. I want us to try for our happily ever after. Don’t you want that too, Lor?”

I wanted to scream “yes” and “I love you too”, but I couldn't say anything. I reached up and swiped my knuckles across his jaw. “Eric is an a*shole. He doesn't know what's best for me and the kids. But I do, and I think that's you.”

He kissed me, a sweet, soft, meaningful kiss. A kiss that told me that we were going to be together and that it didn't matter what anyone else thought.