Destined to Change

chapter 3



Loralei



It had been exactly two weeks since that day at the pond. I had only seen Jaxon once, and it was just in passing. I hadn’t made it to Sunday dinner last week because the kids had a stomach bug, but Mom told me I hadn’t missed anything.

Today we went straight to my parents’ house after church for lunch. This time Jaxon went home and changed into jeans and a green Aerosmith t-shirt before lunch.

I heard Jaxon tell my mom, “Mrs. Harper, I apologize for my appearance, but I couldn’t stand to wear that damn tie a minute longer.”

My mom chuckled, “It’s okay, hon. That thing looked like it was strangling you to death anyway!”

Of course, Mom didn’t have a problem with his appearance. She raised me to believe that it didn’t matter what someone wore or how they looked on the outside; what really mattered was what was inside. She definitely saw something in Jaxon, but for the life of me I didn’t know what it was. He was really sexy, but that better not have been what my mom liked about him…ewww.

She had called me last night and told me to wear a pretty dress to church today. I always dressed up for church, but usually I would wear slacks and a blouse. She insisted I wear a dress. I relented and wore a white lacey dress with little pink flowers around the hem. I felt so girly - I hadn’t felt that way in a long time.

I even spent a little extra time curling my hair, which now lays all the way down my back, and I wore a little eye shadow – I actually looked like a girl, instead of a farmer. It was almost like I was dressing up for someone. Subconsciously, I probably was. I knew Jaxon would be at church, and I enjoyed the thought of him liking what he saw.

Lunch went by with no awkward questions from my children, which was really nice. Unexpected, but nice. I believed they were still a little weak from their stomach bug and didn’t have the energy to cause a scene. After lunch, my mom informed me that Jaxon and Jake were driving into town to pick up some supplies, and she wanted me to go with them.

“Why do I need to go? They’re grown men who are perfectly capable of getting supplies without me.”

“Honey, just go and have a good time. Maybe you and Jaxon can get to know each other a little bit better. Jake says great things about him. He’s had some problems, but he seems to be doing better here. Jake thinks he just needed to get out of the big city and relax for a bit.”

“Mom, I don’t want to get to know him. And what problems? Is he in trouble or something? And besides that, I have a million things to do today, and I have to take care of the little monsters.”

My mom gave me her best “I am your mother, stop arguing with me face.” “Lor, I’ll keep the kids, and there’s nothing that you need to do that can’t be put off until tomorrow. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but Jake seems to think staying here will be good for him. Honey, I just want you to be happy. I see the way Jaxon looks at you. It wouldn’t hurt anything to get to know him a little better. Declan wouldn’t want you to be alone.”

That last statement made my breath hitch. “Mom I’m not alone. I have Mags and Sammy and I just don’t want to complicate things.”

Mom huffed, exasperated. “I’m not taking no for an answer, honey, you’re going into town with them. Now go get prettied up, and they’ll pick you up after lunch.”

Great. I was twenty-six years old, and my mommy still told me what to do. The worst part about it was, I normally listened.

I tried to come up with a reason why I couldn’t go into town. But as hard as I tried, I couldn’t think of anything. So, I pouted to my mom, went home, and got ready. Then I patiently waited for Jake and Jaxon to pick me up. Get prettied up? Uh, no. We were going shopping, not to a party. I put on a pair of blue jeans, my brown cowboy boots, and a light tan sweater. My hair was still curled from this morning, so I piled it loosely on my head in a bun, with some tendrils hanging down on both sides.

I heard the old pick-up truck roaring down my drive, and I went out the front door. Much to my surprise, Jaxon was alone in the truck. It was not Jake and Jaxon, nope. It was just Jaxon and Loralei. Shit!

My mom had totally set me up.

Jaxon flashed that sexy smile, “Ready to go?”

“Um, isn’t Jake coming with us?”

Jaxon looked a little confused. “Uh, no your mom said you wanted me to drive you to town to pick up some supplies. Don’t you still need a ride?”

I couldn’t believe her. I decided I would exact my revenge on her soon. For now I needed to figure out how to handle this situation.

“Nope, mom told me that you and Jake were going into town to get supplies, and I should go with you.”

Jaxon laughed, shooting me the sexiest damn look I had seen in a long time. “Sounds to me like your mom wants us to have some alone time. Why do you think that is?”

Holy hell.

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just climbed in the cab of the truck and pretended his sexy little grin wasn’t affecting me. Because it wasn’t - it couldn’t be, right? Oh hell, I didn’t know what to think. This man was seriously hot and sexy. So – damn - sexy. I thought to myself my lady parts deserve to be happy, don’t they? I decided to get through this trip without any embarrassing experiences, and we would be home before I knew it.

The forty-five minute trip into town seemed like it took hours. We barely spoke. If it hadn’t been for the classic rock playing on the radio, the entire trip would have been silent. Jaxon and I didn’t make eye contact. He looked straight ahead with his hands perfectly at ten and two on the steering wheel.

As much as I tried to not think about him, I couldn’t help myself. He was so close and he smelled so amazingly good. His scent was hard to describe. It just screamed man.

I started fantasizing about what it would be like for him to kiss me - to press those beautiful lips against mine. And what it would feel like when he slipped his tongue into my mouth, or how amazing it would feel to have him touch my breast, or for him to unzip my jeans and slide his hand down...

Finally, from the corner of my eye, I caught him sneaking a peek at me. I wondered what he was thinking. I was so embarrassed. My cheeks were bright red and my heart was about to beat out of my chest. I was worried that he somehow knew what I had been thinking about. But apparently that wasn’t the case.

Jaxon asked me the one question I had hoped I wouldn’t have to answer, “So, where’s the twins’ dad?” That question completely squashed all of the amazing fantasies I had been having about Jaxon and brought me back to the real world, real quick.

I couldn’t believe he was asking me this question. Didn’t Jake or my mom or anybody in this little town tell him? I said the only thing that came to mind, “Dead,” I deadpanned as I fixed my eyes straight ahead of me. That was it. That was all I had to say about it. Jaxon looked baffled. He didn’t mutter another word all the way into town. I just sat there wondering why I had said that. There were so many other things I could have said or I could have explained what happened, but I didn’t do it. Dead seemed to sum it all up.

After the shopping was done - in complete silence - we headed out to the parking lot. Jaxon noticed the little, dingy dive bar across the street.

“Wanna grab a beer before we head back?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. We have a ways to drive, and I don’t want to ride with someone who’s been drinking.”

Jaxon gave me a little grin, put his hand out to me wiggling his pinky. “I’ll only have one beer, pinky-swear.”

I laughed at him and we headed across the street. Dave’s Place was a hole-in-the-wall dive bar. It was very small with an old oak bar along the right side of the wall, a stage in the back for the band or anyone feeling brave enough to sing karaoke, and about ten small tables. The walls were plastered with neon signs from just about every alcohol brand, and an old jukebox sat back in the corner. I had been there before with Emma and Eric, but I never really noticed how small it was.

When we walked inside there was an older “cowboy” sitting at the bar, sipping on a beer, and a couple dancing on the makeshift dance floor in the back of the room by the stage. The jukebox was blasting an old Hank Williams song and I had never felt so out of place. I was standing here with a pierced, tattooed man. All eyes - granted there weren’t many - but still, shifted to us when we walked in.

Jaxon led us to a table along the wall. The waitress was an older woman who looked like she was barely surviving a hard life. She had really frizzy hair that was dyed a really unnatural shade of red. Her face was covered in deep wrinkles and she was definitely a smoker. Her long fingernails were stained yellow from the nicotine. I actually felt bad for her in the few moments that I knew her, well I did until she started ogling Jaxon. She couldn’t take her eyes off of him. I swear she looked at him like he was a lollipop she really needed to lick. I had to agree with her, he was lickable.

Jaxon ordered us both a beer, and then he asked a follow-up to his earlier question. “So, what happened to the twins’ dad?”

I was really hoping he would just let it drop, but I knew he wouldn’t, so I told him the whole story. I didn’t mince any words. I gave it to him straight.

“Basically, Declan was the love of my life. We were born for each other. The term ‘destiny’ was used a lot when our parents were talking about us. When I was sixteen and Declan was seventeen, we were in an accident. Declan didn’t make it. Shortly after the accident, I found out I was pregnant with the twins. They really saved me. I don’t know how I would’ve survived losing him, if it hadn’t been for them.” I really hoped that I hadn’t sounded too pitiful, when I was explaining what had happened. I didn’t need the PPL (Poor Pitiful Loralei) from Jaxon. I had coined that term ten years ago when everybody gave me the look.

Jaxon reached over and placed his hand on my arm. His eyes were so caring. I was surprised that I felt so comfortable talking to him about this. I was never comfortable talking about Declan, but Jaxon made me feel like it was okay, like I needed to talk about it. He never looked at me with sadness. I wasn’t sure what kinda look he was giving me, but it didn’t feel like he felt sorry for me.

“Seems like Declan was a really great guy. I’m sorry that the twins won’t get to know him.” Wow, he really surprised me. Those words and his gorgeous brown eyes were melting my heart.

The waitress brought us our beers. Her hand lingered a little longer on Jaxon’s bottle than mine. Her eyes were just looking him up and down, and back again. I couldn’t believe she was blatantly flirting with him right in front of me. Sometimes I just couldn’t understand what the hell was wrong with people. It’s not like we were a couple or anything. But she didn’t know that.

We sipped our beers and talked a little. Jaxon told me he was from Richmond, California. “I needed to get away from the big city for a while. There was some shit going on, that well, it was just better for me to get away.”

“Are you running from the law, mister?” I joked.

He shot me that sexy smirk, raised an eyebrow, and shrugged his shoulders.

He could’ve been for all I knew. I didn't know anything about this guy. Since he was Jake’s nephew, and I trusted Jake with my life, I could only assume that he wouldn’t let me spend time with Jaxon if he was a bad guy.

“What do you do? You know, for a living.”

His eyes lit up as he explained, “I work on cars. Old cars are my specialty. I’ve always been kind of fascinated with them. My mom says when I was little, I took everything in the house apart, just so I could see how it worked and then put it back together. I kinda feel that way about cars. I like to take a look under the hood and see what I can do to make her purr.”

I don’t know if he meant to make it sound that way, but I was definitely blushing. He gave me a little grin and took a swig of his beer.

When we finished our beers, the waitress came over, and Jaxon ordered a couple more. I shot him a pissy look.

“I know, pinky- swear and all, but I’m really having a good time getting to know you. And it’ll take more than a couple of beers to get me drunk,” He said with that damn, sexy smirk of his.

I nodded as the waitress skulked away to get our order. When she got away from our table Jaxon leaned over, “Wanna dance?”

I tried to slink down in my chair. I don’t dance, unless you count when I have the radio blaring and dance around my house, and I don’t think you count that. “I don’t really know how to dance.”

“Just follow me, honey, and you’ll be a pro in no time.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me out to the makeshift dance floor, pressing me against his strong muscular chest. I couldn’t tell if the room was spinning, or if it was just my head. Just being that close to him was making me crazy. And then I did the one thing I shouldn’t have done - I looked up. Big, gorgeous brown eyes were staring down at me. I gulped and my heart literally skipped a beat.

We danced through several slow country songs, never taking our eyes off of each other. I had never felt that connected to any other man besides Declan. Declan. He was never far from my thoughts, but I had to admit, I hadn’t been thinking about him much while Jaxon and I danced.

When he started to lean down toward me, it just seemed natural. He brushed his lips along my neck right below my ear. I shuddered from my head to my toes and everywhere in between. He looked down at me through those long brown eyelashes and gently pressed his lips to mine. The kiss was soft and sweet.

But when he tried to slide his tongue into my mouth, I pulled away and found myself screaming, “What the hell?” I ran to the bathroom and as soon as I slammed the door behind me, he was knocking on it.

“I’m so sorry, Loralei. I didn’t mean anything by it.” He was quiet for a moment. “Oh, shit I did, I needed to kiss you. I still do. But if you don’t want to, I won’t push you, I promise. Please just open the door and let me in.”

I leaned against the bathroom door. “I can’t believe you did that. I didn’t ask you to kiss me. I didn’t want you to kiss me. Why would you do that?”

Utter silence. Jaxon didn’t say a word. I slowly opened the door and he was gone. I couldn't believe he just left me there. I ran to the table and noticed my purse was gone.

I headed outside and found Jaxon sitting in the truck, holding his head in his hands. If I didn’t know better I would’ve thought he was crying. But he was definitely not the kind of guy you would find crying with his head in his hands, right? I opened the door, and he never moved. I climbed into the truck and shut the door.

Finally, he looked over at me. “Loralei, I’m so sorry I did that. Something is wrong with me, I f*ck up everything. I was having such a great time with you, and I just couldn’t help myself. I wanted to kiss you so bad. I’ve been dreaming about what you would taste like since the first time I saw you on the farm. But you’re scared. I get that. I won’t let it happen again. You can trust me.”

I kept my eyes glued to the floorboard, unable to look at him. “It’s okay, let’s just forget this ever happened, alright?”

When I finally looked at him, he nodded, and we drove all the way home in silence; not even any classic rock on the radio this time.



Jaxon



I was right, I was in trouble with this damn woman. When she explained what had happened to the twin’s dad, my heart hurt for her. I could tell by the look in her eyes that her heart broke that night. I just wanted to hold her. I wanted to take all of her pain away. I hadn’t known this woman long enough to feel this way about her. I have too much baggage. I can’t add that shit to her life. It’s bad enough that I have to deal with it, she shouldn’t have to deal with it too.

When the waitress brought our beers, she was staring me down. Did she not f*cking see that I was with someone? It wasn’t like Loralei and I were together, together, but still. This skank needed to back the hell off.

I explained to Loralei, “I needed to get away from the big city for a while. There was some shit going on, that, well, it was just better for me to get away.”

She asked, “Are you running from the law, mister?”

I wasn’t running from the law, but I had had some run-ins with the law. So I just shrugged my shoulders and smirked at her.

I was so happy when she asked me about my work. I had always loved to talk about my passion for cars. “I work on cars. Old cars are my specialty. I’ve always been kind of fascinated with them. My mom said when I was little, I took everything in the house apart, just so I could see how it worked and then put it back together. I kinda feel that way about cars. I like to take a look under the hood and see what I can do to make her purr.”

I would love to make Loralei purr. There was that blush again. I was really starting to love that blush. I took a swig of my beer and grinned at her.

We were having such a good time. I didn’t want it to end, so when the skanky waitress came over I ordered us a couple more beers. Boy that pissed Loralei off. She shot me a look

“I know, pinky- swear and all, but I’m really having a good time getting to know you. And it’ll take more than a couple of beers to get me drunk.”

She finally agreed and I asked her, “Wanna dance?”

I could tell by the way she tried to slide down under the table and hide, that she didn’t want to dance.

She finally answered, “I don’t really know how to dance.”

This was gonna be fun. “Just follow me, honey, and you’ll be a pro in no time.”

I grabbed her hand and led her out to the dance floor. Damn, she felt so good in my arms. Being this close to her was making me feel weird things. I couldn’t understand what the hell was drawing me to this sweet, innocent woman. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. When she looked up at me – that was it. I was lost to her.

We danced through several songs and then, God, I had to kiss her, taste her. I bent my head down and lightly brushed my lips down her neck right below her ear. I could feel her shudder under my touch. I had to take this slow. I didn’t want to scare her. I leaned in and very gently pressed my lips against hers. She tasted so sweet. I could have kissed her like this all night, but I was greedy, I wanted more. When I tried to slide my tongue into her mouth, she jumped back, screaming, “What the hell?”

Before I knew what was happening she was running toward the bathroom, slamming the door, and then locking it.

I knocked on the door. “I’m so sorry, Loralei. I didn’t mean anything by it.” Damn it, I screwed this up. I went too fast and scared the shit out of her. “Oh, shit I did, I needed to kiss you. I still do. But if you don’t want to, I won’t push you, I promise. Please just open the door and let me in.”

I could hear her lean against the door, “I can’t believe you did that. I didn’t ask you to kiss me. I didn’t want you to kiss me. Why would you do that?”

God damn it! Why did I do that? I f*ck up everything. I was having such an amazing time, and then I had to screw it up and push her into something she didn’t want or need. I had to get the hell out of there, and get away from her. I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting her more. I threw some money down on the table to cover our tab, and noticed we left her purse unattended, so I grabbed it and headed to the truck.

I climbed in the truck and slammed the door behind. I laid my head in my hands. What the f*ck was wrong with me? I was so damn close to bawling like a baby. Something about this woman was getting to me. I couldn’t do this right now. My life was f*cked up and I couldn’t bring this sweet, innocent woman into my hell. I had to stay the hell away from her. That was the only way it could be.

She climbed in the truck. It took me a few minutes before I could even look up at her. “Loralei, I’m so sorry I did that. Something is wrong with me, I f*ck up everything. I was having such a great time with you, and I just couldn’t help myself. I wanted to kiss you so bad. I’ve been dreaming about what you would taste like since the first time I saw you on the farm. But you’re scared. I get that. I won’t let it happen again. You can trust me.”

She couldn’t look up at me either, she stared at the floorboard. “It’s okay, let’s just forget this ever happened, alright?”

Yes, that was for the best. We just needed to forget that any of this had ever happened. I nodded and we drove home in silence. I didn’t even want to listen to the radio.



Loralei



When we got home, he dropped me off at my house before he took the supplies out to the barn office to be put away. I decided I really needed to talk to Emma about what happened at the bar. I could never understand how every time I really needed to talk to her, she didn’t answer her stupid phone. I screamed into her voicemail, “Ems, why the hell don’t you ever answer your phone when I need you?”

God, I needed to talk to someone about this. The only other person I could think of was, well, my mom, and since she’s the one who started all of this, I didn’t know if that was the best idea.

“Mom, I really need to talk, can you come over?”

Immediately she assumed something was horribly wrong. “Oh no, what’s wrong, honey?”

Well, mom the world is coming to an end. This hot as hell guy that you forced me to spend the afternoon with had the nerve to kiss me while I was practically molesting him with my eyes...this was what I wanted to say. Instead I said, “Mom, everything is fine. I just need to talk to you about something, please come over.”

Within a few minutes, mom was standing in my kitchen, begging me to tell her what had happened. I couldn’t help what happened next. As much as I didn’t want to cry in front of her, the tears wouldn’t stop once they started. She pulled me into her arms and told me everything would be okay, but I didn’t think I really believed her.

I explained to her what had happened. She didn’t laugh at me, she didn’t give me the PPL, she didn’t look like she felt sorry for me, she just looked at me with love.

“Honey, you have to move on from Declan. It has been ten years since the accident, and you’re not happy. I can’t stand to see you like this. Please just give Jaxon a chance. He might not be the right guy for forever, but maybe he is the right guy for right now.”

That last sentence struck a chord - I liked Jaxon, and I wanted to get to know him better. I wanted him in my life, right now. It didn’t have to be forever. I believed in my heart that since Declan had died I only remained on the earth to raise the twins. That’s why I didn’t die in the accident. It didn’t matter if I was happy, as long as they were. They were all I needed, and they kept me close to Declan’s memory. But Jaxon was starting to change my thinking.

Once I calmed down, my mom went home with the understanding that I would take a chance on Jaxon.