Destined to Change

chapter 9



Loralei



I hadn’t seen Cade since I left his room yesterday morning. I hadn’t really been trying to avoid him, I had just been lucky. Emma left last night. She needed to get home to Eric and I needed to go back to being Loralei. I didn’t know what had happened to me over the past couple of days, but I needed to get myself back. I had been acting like a totally different person. The Loralei I had always been was not the person in this hotel room today. I had changed, and not for the better.

I just had one more event that I had to attend. Then I could head home. The final event was basically a “we’re so glad you came and spent all of your money on our cattle” party, but it was really an integral part of the schmoozing process. I had a bad feeling that I wouldn’t be able to avoid Cade tonight, but I knew I wouldn’t be ending up in his bed.

The event tonight wasn’t formal, so I brought a lacey white dress and my hottest pair of pink cowboy boots to wear. I had to look the part of the country bumpkin, and I was pretty good at it. I took a long bath in the amazing tub in my suite, applied a little bit of make-up, and pulled my hair up into a ponytail, tying it with a pink ribbon.

I headed downstairs and prayed I wouldn’t run into Cade. I never expected what I found when I got off the elevator.

The elevator dinged, the doors opened, and before me stood Jaxon, my pierced, tattooed knight in shining armor. He had on his “fancy” jeans, a white button up shirt, and a pair of cowboy boots, that he must have borrowed from Jake. He gave me a really sheepish grin and reached his hand out to me.

I was so surprised to see him. “What are you doing here?”

“Do you want me to leave?” he said with a really sad look on his face.

I ran over to him and threw my arms around his neck and screamed, “No!”

He pulled back. “We need to talk, but I know that you have to go to this party. So can we just put a hold on the bad feelings and enjoy this party before we go upstairs and talk?”

“Yes, I think we can do that. We do have a lot to talk about, but right now, I am just so happy to see you, you have no idea.”

“Oh, babe, I think I have a pretty good idea.”

We walked into the party, and I could tell that people were looking Jaxon up and down. He had the sleeves of his white button-up rolled up to his elbows so his tattoos were prominently displayed and his eyebrow ring was shining.

I was so proud to be there with him, even though I couldn’t forget everything he said. I was just so happy that he made the first move to fix things.

The sultry voice of Patsy Cline singing Crazy filled the room. Jaxon reached his hand out to me. “Loralei, would you give me the honor of this dance?”

I jumped at the chance to be that close to him. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him as we began to dance. We were swaying to the rhythm of the music. We danced and he held me. All of the horrible things we said were disappearing from my mind as his eyes danced with my heart.

Before I knew it, we had been dancing for over an hour. We finally had a seat at one of the tables in the back of the room.

“I’m sorry, Lor.” Jaxon said as he leaned over and took my hand in his.

I squeezed his hand, “Me too, Jaxon.”

“You look beautiful tonight, baby,” Jaxon said as he leaned over and kissed my cheek. That kiss sent shivers down my spine. “You thirsty?” he asked.

“Um, yeah. I am actually.”

“I’ll go grab us a couple of drinks. I’ll be right back.”

As I was watching him walk away, I felt a large hand on the small of my back and immediately knew it was Cade.

He leaned down and whispered in my ear, “Looks like you and asshat have kissed and made-up. So I guess that means you won’t be in my bed tonight, hon.” I could tell he was not happy about this.

He grabbed my waist, pulling me up to him. “Does he know you woke up with me today? Does he know the way I make you feel with just the touch of my hand or the sound of my voice?”

I flipped around, looked him square in the eye and pleaded, “Cade, you have to get out of here. I don’t feel anything for you. I love him and I want you to leave, now!”

“That’s sure not what you were screaming at me last night, hon.” He swooped down and kissed me hard. Without even realizing what was happening he had walked me toward the bathroom and pushed us through the door locking it.

He reached around and started to unzip my dress. It was hanging halfway down my back before I broke away from him. I tried to tell him to get away from me, but I couldn’t say anything. The look on his face was mesmerizing. I couldn’t break away from his stare, and I couldn’t speak.

We just stood there staring until I heard a knock at the door that broke the trance between us. Cade gazed at me with a look I never dreamed I would see from him - defeat. He said, “Here let me help you with that,” as he zipped up my dress.

“I don’t know what’s happening here, but I love him Cade. I can’t be with you. Please just stay away from me. If you care about me at all, you will stay away.”

I had to get out of this room. It was so hard fighting my attraction to Cade while standing so close to him. I had to get back to Jaxon.

I took a few minutes to relax and gain my composure, and then I headed back to the party and found our table empty. Where did Jaxon go? Oh my god - did he see what just happened? Did he see Cade kiss me? I ran to the elevator as fast as I could. I had to get to our room. I prayed that Jaxon would be there.

On the ride up I kept thinking about Cade. About the look on his face when I told him I loved Jaxon. He looked so defeated, so sad.

Everything with Cade was intense. We were only in that bathroom for a couple of minutes, but it felt like forever. I couldn’t fathom who I had turned into. I was not this person. I was not a woman who did things like this. I was a good Baptist girl. I was a mother, and a daughter. I was not whoever this was that I had been for the past few days.

I needed to get back home. I needed to get back to my life and get away from all of this craziness. The craziness called Cade.

I stepped off of the elevator and made my way down the hall to my room. When I opened the door, the room was empty. Finally, I heard water running and headed toward the bathroom. Jaxon was standing at the sink with his shirt off. He looked different. He didn’t really seem mad, he just seemed upset.

“Everything okay?” I asked, with a definite tone of concern in my voice.

“Uh, yeah. I’m sorry I left you down there. This waitress ran right into me and spilled her tray all over me. So I came upstairs to get changed. Uh, I was gonna come back down.”

I walked up behind him and placed my arms around his waist. “You scared me. I thought you left me.”

He didn’t say anything. His eyes met mine in the mirror. “Sorry, Lor. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Jaxon and I decided we would wait until we got home to discuss our future. We slept in the same bed, but did nothing more than hold each other. It was the most peaceful night’s sleep I could ever remember.



Jaxon



I was walking toward the bar when I saw him. The f*cking tall cowboy. I had no way of knowing that he was the guy, but I just did. The way he was looking at Lor from across the room. That a*shole couldn’t take his eyes off of her. I stopped dead in my tracks. He was walking toward her. What the hell was he going to do? An even better question was what was Lor going to do when he got to her? I was stunned. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He just had this f*cking air about him, like he was a god or something.

Stupid bastard was ruining my future. I watched as he got to the table and leaned down to whisper something in her ear. Lor didn’t move. I could see her body tense. She turned around and said something to him. Then he said something to her before he grabbed her and pulled her up toward him. She didn’t f*cking stop him. Maybe she really did have feelings for this a*shole.

And then it happened - he kissed her. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. How could she let him do that to her? He was pushing her toward the bathroom, kissing her hard. I wanted to kill him. I had never felt that way before, unless you count the time when I almost killed Ratz for what he did to Stacy.

I had to do something, but what? I decided to follow them to the bathroom. I got there just as the door slammed shut and I heard the lock twist. I was losing everything, and it was all my fault. Killing the f*cking cowboy wasn’t going to change what I had done. I lied to the woman I loved and that lie was gonna cost me my future.

I had to know. I had to know if he was touching her. I had to know if he was screwing her in the bathroom. I stood at the door and listened. I could hear her moaning. Those moans were meant for me, not that bastard. I was sick. I could feel the color drain out of my face. I wanted to go through the f*cking door, but instead I just slammed my fist into the wall. I kept listening and finally I heard her speak.

“I don’t know what’s happening here, but I love him Cade. I can’t be with you. Please just stay away from me. If you care about me at all, you will stay away.”

Thank god. She loved me. She pushed him away. She made him stop. She was mine. But that didn’t change the way I was feeling about that f*cking cowboy. He needed to stay the hell away from her. She was not his. He had used her for sex, and he was trying to do that again tonight. The f*cking cowboy and I were going to have a little “come to Jesus” meeting.

When he walked out of the bathroom, I saw the look on his face. He knew he had lost her. But that didn’t matter to me. I needed to explain the situation to him. I walked up behind him as he entered the stairwell. I caught him off guard. This bastard was big, but I had always been strong. I pushed him up against the wall and slammed my elbow across the back of his neck.

“I know what you did to her, cowboy. And I heard what she just said to you. You stay the f*ck away from her.” I slammed my entire body up against his back. “Because if you don’t, I will kill your ass. That’s a f*cking promise, cowboy.”

He didn’t fight back. F*cking pansy. I should’ve known he would be spineless. Anybody who takes advantage of a woman who was obviously going through something, is an a*shole.

I had to get the hell out of there. I couldn’t see that bastard again. I needed a drink. I made it halfway to the bar when a little blonde waitress slipped around one of the tables and slammed right into me. Her whole tray of drinks spilled down the front of my shirt.

“Oh no! I am so, so sorry, Sir. Please let me help.” She tried to clean my shirt off, but it wasn’t gonna help.

“It’s really fine,” I said. I decided to head up to our room. Thank God Lor had given me the key to hold on to. That would give me some time to calm down. I would just go upstairs and change my clothes. Then maybe I could pretend that I hadn’t seen what happened. I was gonna give it my best shot. She chose me, not him. I hated him, and one day I would show him exactly how much. But right now I needed to focus on Lor and our future.



Loralei



We decided to get up early and headed home arriving about 10 a.m. I couldn’t wait to see my babies. Jaxon went home, and I picked up the twins. We didn’t want to admit it to ourselves or each other, but this was a conversation we didn’t want to have.

I asked Jaxon to come over after I put the kids to bed, so we could finally get this discussion over with. I probably shouldn’t have looked at it that way, but I needed to get everything I was feeling out in the open.

I needed Jaxon to know why I did what I did. Most importantly though I needed to understand how he could've said those horrible things to me.

Tucking my kids into bed had always been the best part of my day. I missed them so much while I was away. It felt like they had been spending a lot of time away recently. We all needed to get back to our regular routine. I read them a story and tucked them in. Once I was sure they were asleep, I called Jaxon and told him it was time for him to come over so we could have that discussion.

“Can I come in?” Jaxon asked through the screen door.

I opened the door and motioned for him to come in. When he got inside, we headed into the living room. I grabbed Jaxon a beer and made some iced tea for me. While I was in the kitchen getting our drinks, Jaxon had sat down on the couch.

I walked in and wasn’t really sure where to sit or what to do. If the look on his face was any indication, he felt the same way. He finally motioned for me to sit down next to him, so I did.

“Loralei, you have every right to hate me after the horrible things I said to you. I was just so mad at you for what you did, that I couldn’t think straight. You have to know that I didn’t mean what I said about Declan.” He was so focused on his beer bottle. He was peeling off the label and trying so hard not to look up at me. I could tell he really felt bad about the way he had talked to me. He wouldn’t make eye contact and he was all slumped over.

“We both said things we shouldn’t have Jaxon. I am so sorry for what I did. You know that I am not that kind of person. You know that I hadn’t had sex for ten years when we were together. I was just so upset with you, and I had way too much to drink. You’re married. That’s something that you should have mentioned before we got close.”

“I know I f*cked up, Loralei. I know that I should have told you about Stacy and so many other things about my past, but I just couldn’t let you know the kind of person I was. I was so happy to be able to be a new person here, without all of my shit hanging over my head,” Jaxon said while keeping his gaze on the beer bottle in his hand. He looked so sad.

I reached over and grabbed the beer bottle from Jaxon’s hands and placed it on the coffee table. I took his hand in mine and he finally looked up at me. “I want to be with you Jaxon. He meant nothing to me. It was just sex.” I could see Jaxon’s jaw clench. “I was so pissed off at you. He was there, and I was drunk. It was a mistake, but you are not in the clear on this. I might have committed the act, but you pushed me toward it.”

Jaxon’s entire body tensed. My words had really struck a nerve. The next words out of his mouth shocked me. “I’m sorry that I drove you toward that f*cking cowboy.” His entire face changed. He caught my gaze and grabbed me by the back of my neck and pulled me toward him on the couch and kissed me.

He kissed me like we had never kissed before. He kissed me like nothing that happened the past few days had happened. He kissed me like he loved me and at that moment, I knew that I did love Jaxon and now I knew how much he loved me.

He picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. Without breaking our embrace, he carried me to my bedroom. When he shut the door, I whispered, “Don’t forget to lock it.” After our incident when Sammy walked in on us, I didn’t want to take any chances.

Jaxon was kissing me roughly now. This was unlike him. He was kissing me the way Cade kissed me. All of these thoughts of Cade were flashing through my mind. He was so rough and I loved it. Jaxon bit my lip and I could taste blood. I cried out in pain, “Stop!”

Jaxon looked up at me and said between pants, “Did I hurt you?”

“You kinda did. We don’t have to go so fast. You can slow down,” I whispered.

Jaxon said, “I thought you liked it that way. I saw the way he kissed you.” Oh my god. Jaxon did see me with Cade last night.

“What do you mean ‘you saw’?” I asked.

“At the banquet, when I went to get our drinks. I saw him kiss you and pull you into the bathroom. I waited to see what you would do and then I followed after you and I heard what you told him about me.”

I was completely flabbergasted. I didn’t know what to say. Honestly, I didn’t know how to feel. Should I have been mad at Jaxon for not saying anything? Should I have been mortified that I didn’t tell him what happened? Or should I have been relieved that he heard me profess my love for him to Cade.

All of these thoughts were taking me over, and I swear I started to have a panic attack. I jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom to splash cold water in my face. Jaxon followed after me.

He put his arms around me, “Loralei, I’m so in love with you. I will do whatever I need to do to prove that to you. If you want me to be rough, I will be. If you want me to be gentle, I can do that too. Just tell me what you want from me. Please, babe.”

We locked eyes in the mirror and I could see he was being sincere. “Why didn’t you tell me you saw us?” I asked.

“I heard you tell him you loved me. That’s all I needed to know. I saw the look on that a*shole’s face when he was walking toward you. He has strong feelings for you, Lor. It had to break his heart when you told him you love me. I’m not gonna lie to you, I wanted to break his f*cking face. But I needed to see if I had lost you. Now I know you’re mine. One hundred percent mine. And that’s all that matters to me.”

I turned around, looking him right in the eyes. “Jaxon, I love you too. And I’m one hundred percent yours. Can you say the same? What is going on with Stacy?”

“She’s still in town. We have some things to wrap up, and then she’ll be heading back to California.”I turned around and Jaxon avoided my gaze in the mirror.

“Are you talking about the divorce? Is she going to fight you on it?” I asked.

He caught my gaze in the mirror as he was sliding his hands down my hips, “We just have some things to figure out. She’ll be gone before you know it. I don’t want to be with her, Lor, I love you.” That last statement was so sincere. I had no doubt in that moment of his love for me.

The look on his face suddenly changed. He slid his hands from my hips up to my breasts. He never took his eyes off of me. He caressed my breasts so gently. God, it felt amazing. Then he reached down and pulled my shirt up over my head. He released the clasp on my bra and it fell to the floor.

Jaxon leaned in and pushed me against the counter. I could feel how excited he was and that amazing piercing. He unbuttoned my jeans and pushed them and my panties down to the floor.

He whispered, “Step out of your jeans, babe.” I complied and before I knew what was happening he was pressing into me from behind. He leaned in and nuzzled my neck. Then he nipped my earlobe. “Rough or gentle? Tell me how you want me to love you.”

I almost lost it when he asked me that. I said the first thing that came into my mind, “Rough, please Jaxon, love me rough!”

I barely got the words out before he told me to, “Hold on to the counter, baby.” He thrust into me so hard that my head almost hit the mirror. He was relentless. He didn’t let up. Over and over. Harder and harder. His piercing was rubbing me in all the right places. I looked up and saw our faces in the mirror. Jaxon looked so focused. Like he was trying to prove to me that he loved me and he would do anything for me. I looked like, well, someone getting loved rough. My whole body was shaking and the orgasms wouldn’t stop. Apparently, I liked it rough and Jaxon certainly knew what he was doing.