Destined to Change

chapter 13



Loralei



I was so comfortable. I hadn’t been this relaxed in years. I opened my eyes, and I was in a very familiar place. I looked all around the room. Declan’s room. I was lying in his bed. I could feel someone nuzzled up to my side. I turned and looked down and was staring into the most beautiful crystal blue eyes I had ever seen. Declan’s eyes. I reached out and touched his face. How was this happening? This couldn’t be real. Declan had been gone for so long.

“Declan, sweetie, is that really you?”

In that sexy southern drawl I had missed so much, he said, “Good mornin’ sweetheart. How ya feelin’?” Then he gave me that smirk. Oh my god, how I had missed that smirk. I couldn’t help it, I broke into tears. He leaned up and kissed my cheek, kissing my tears away. “Lor, please don’t cry. I love you so much - I always loved you. What happened to me was not your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become. I’m so sorry that I haven’t been there for you and our babies, Lor. You have no idea how much I wanted to grow old with you. How I wanted that destiny we had always dreamed of. The two kids, the big front porch to sit on and watch our grandkids play. I wanted all of that with you Lor, but sometimes your destiny has to change. Sometimes life gets in the way, and you have to change your plans. But you rolled with the punches, and you became the amazing, strong woman that is here today.”

I turned over to where we were lying face to face. I reached up and placed my hand on his cheek and just stared into his eyes. I didn’t want to look away. I didn’t want this dream to end. “Dec, what’s going on? Why am I here like this? Oh my god, did I die? Where are my babies?”

Declan wrapped me in his arms. “You are not dead baby, but I am. You can’t live another minute for me. This life is yours, and you have to start living it. I want you to be happy. Do you hear me, Lor? You deserve to be happy. Do you think Jaxon would make you happy?”

I didn’t know how to answer that question. I believed that I did love Jaxon, but after everything that happened, I just didn’t know anymore. “I don’t know, Dec. I just don’t know.”

“Would Cade make you happy?” He tucked my hair behind my ear.

“No Declan, I don’t think he would. I don’t feel for him the way I felt about you. I’ve never felt that way about anyone.”

Declan looked down at me, piercing me with those beautiful crystal blue eyes that I had missed so much. “Does Jaxon make you smile, Lor? When he looks at you, does your heart skip a beat? Does he give you those butterflies deep in your belly?”

I knew the answer - he did, he did all of that. “Yes, he does Declan, he really does. But so much has happened. I don’t know how to fix it.”

“Lor, if you love each other, ya’ll will find a way. You need to make it work. There is nothing I want more for you than happiness.”

I couldn’t stop crying. I knew this was gonna end. I didn’t want him to leave. I didn’t want to wake up. I wanted to stay here like this forever.

“Dec, you know how much I loved you, right?”

He nodded, and kissed my hand that he was holding. “Sammy looks just like you. He is such a handful, but he has such a big heart. Your mom has a really hard time watching him play sometimes. I know it’s because he reminds her so much of you. He looks and acts just like you. Mags is my little princess. She’s perfect, Dec. She’s got your eyes, but otherwise she looks like me. She is a sweetheart. She’s a little shy, but I think she’ll come into her own soon.”

He said, “Sounds like she’s a lot like her mom. Beautiful, shy, and my sweetheart.”

“Lor, it’s time for you to wake up. Always remember I loved you more than anything. You were my heart. Now let me go, but never lose the memories from the times we shared. Promise me, Lor, promise me you’ll move on and do everything to be happy. For you and for the kids. Promise me.” He placed a soft kiss on my lips.

“I promise you, Declan. I promise.”

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Opening my eyes slowly, I looked all around the small, bright room. The fluorescent lights were shining down brighter than the sun. I quickly shut my eyes, and then tried to squint to see who that was sitting in the chair beside me. I tried to turn my head to get a better look at them, but my head hurt. Really, really hurt. It felt like someone was using a jackhammer on the back of my head.

What had happened to me? Obviously, I was in the hospital, but why? I guess I hadn’t been feeling well for a bit. I came to the conclusion that I was probably dehydrated and they just needed to give me some IV fluids before they sent me home. That sounded reasonable.

In my peripheral vision, I saw movement to the left of me. The person stood up. I looked up, way up, and saw that it was Cade. After my dream with Declan, I really hoped to wake up and find Jaxon here. But that was just a dream. A dream that I was going to somehow make a reality. I promised Declan that I would move on. I had to talk to Jaxon and find out if he still loved me. I had to know what we needed do to move forward. I just hoped it wasn’t too late.

“How’s your head, hon’?” Cade whispered. He looked liked he hadn’t slept for days. His shirt was a wrinkled mess and his hair was all over his head.

“It’s okay. How are you? You look like somethin’ the cat dragged in.”

He let out one of those deep belly laughs, “Thank God, you’re back, hon’. I was gettin’ mighty worried about ya.” He leaned in and lightly kissed my cheek. About that time a doctor walked into the room.

“Ms. Harper, glad to see you’re awake. My name is Dr. Cotter. How are you feeling?”

I was still trying to get my eyes to focus. “I’m feeling okay, but boy-oh-boy, my head really hurts. And I’m kinda having a hard time focusing my eyes.”

The doctor got out his little light pen and flashed it in my eyes. “I think the issue with focusing is just because you have been out for a while. You hit your head pretty hard when you fell. Mr. Walker brought you in, and we’ve been waiting for you to wake up.” I didn’t even realize I had hit my head. I guess Cade didn’t get to me quite as fast as I thought.

The doctor read over my chart. “Well, I do have some good news for you. Congratulations, Ms. Harper you’re expecting.”

My head started spinning. What did he just say? No. No. No. There was no way. I couldn’t be pregnant. Could I? Well, I mean I could be, but was I really? I looked up and Cade had the biggest smile on his face. And then it hit me. He thought the baby was his. Oh my god, it could be his. But, no we used protection both times. It couldn’t be his. It had to be Jaxon’s. Didn’t it? I never thought I would have this kind of dilemma. Trying to figure out who my baby-daddy was.

Dr. Cotter continued, “We believe you’re about seven weeks along. You will need to make an appointment with an OB/GYN. If you don’t have one, I can set up an appointment for you.”

“Um, I have one. I’ll use Dr. Grubbs again. She delivered my twins.”

Dr. Cotter started making notes in my chart. “I would recommend you get an appointment scheduled as soon as possible.”

I looked over at Cade and he was still grinning from ear to ear. Then I asked Dr. Cotter, “How long before I can have a DNA test? I need to know who the father is.” I couldn’t look up at Cade. I knew he had been so thrilled at the thought of this baby being his. But I had to have proof that it was Jaxon’s.

Dr. Cotter responded, “A DNA test can be done via an amniocentesis at the end of your first trimester, which would be in about six weeks. If our calculations are correct. You will need to discuss that with Dr. Grubbs. She will be able to schedule that for you.”

I had to get out this room. I had to get home. I needed to see my kids. I couldn’t handle this news right now. After that dream with Declan and now this. I was going to have a baby. A baby. I was scared, excited, and nervous all wrapped into one. I tried to get up out of bed by myself, but I was still a little woozie.

Cade grabbed me and had me lay back down. “Take it easy, hon. We aren’t in a hurry. Let me help you get dressed.”

Cade and I had been very intimate, but the thought of him getting me dressed, just felt wrong. “That’s okay, I can do it.”

He took the hint and pulled the curtain closed around me. He placed my clothes on the edge of the bed, and then stepped out of the room.

I very slowly stood up, still holding on to the side of the bed. I stood there and got my bearings. I finally slipped my shirt over my head. I didn’t bother with my bra, too much work. I sat down on the bed and slid my jeans on.

About that time I heard Cade, “How ya doin’ in there, hon? Need help?”

I actually could use some help with my boots. “Yeah, could you help me put my boots on?”

Cade stepped around the curtain, “No problem, hon. Here lift your foot up a little.” He helped me get both boots on and then we waited for the nurse with the discharge papers to arrive. We sat in silence. Cade was in the chair across from me, while I sat on the bed.

I had to talk to Jaxon. The sooner the better.



Cade



How could I go from being over the moon happy to feeling lower than the mud on the bottom of someone’s boot in less than sixty seconds? Loralei Harper, that’s how. That woman just broke my heart. I had always dreamed of bein’ a daddy. I wanted that so bad. Ever since my parents died, I had wanted a family. I had my cousins, but I’d always wanted a kid. And for less than a minute, I had it. But of course she thinks it’s asshat’s baby.

We had used protection when we were together, but I just wanted this so damn bad. I really hoped it would be mine. I guess I would have to hang around a few weeks to find out. If that baby was mine, there was no f*cking way Loralei Harper wouldn’t become mine too.



Loralei



“Cade, I really don’t want to talk about this right now.” We were on our way to my house from the hospital. My parents had the kids and were waiting for me at home.

“Hon, we need to talk about this now. I’m not leaving here until I know if that baby in your belly is mine. I know you keep tellin’ me you don’t feel a spark with me, but by God I feel one with you. I haven’t slept a wink since we parted in Joplin. I have been hurtin’, physically hurtin’, for you. You can’t tell me that you didn’t have a good time with me, hon. I know you did. And where the hell is asshat anyway? Why wasn’t he here for you when you needed him? Sure as hell wasn’t him driving you to the hospital. Or sitting up all night watching you sleep, just to make sure you were breathing okay. Where was he, huh, Loralei?”

I couldn’t even look at him. He was right. He was there for me when I needed him. And this baby could be his. But in my heart, I knew it was Jaxon’s. There wasn’t a question in my mind. No matter what had happened, I loved Jaxon, not Cade. And I had to tell him.

“Cade, you did make me happy. You were exactly what I needed at that point. But you are not my future. I’m so sorry, but I don’t love you. And I don’t believe that you love me either. I really think I’m more of a game to you. Something you can’t have, so you want it even more. I love him, Cade. And no matter what’s happened between he and I, that hasn’t changed. We may not end up together, but I will never feel for you, what I feel for him.”

We rode the rest of the way home in silence. Every once in awhile I would glance over at Cade, but he never took his eyes off the road. He had this look on his face. I had only seen it a couple of times before. He was fiercely determined. That look scared the hell out of me. He wasn’t going to go anywhere until we knew who the father was. Oh my god! How was I going to tell my parents I was pregnant? Oh, and I would have to tell them I wasn’t sure who the father was. Wow, who’d have thought my life would come to this?

I broke the silence when we started down the drive to my house. “Cade, I don’t want to tell anyone about the baby yet.”

He didn’t even look at me. “I’ll do whatever you want, hon. You just tell me, and it’s done. You don’t want anybody to know. I won’t tell a soul. But I’m not leaving here until I know if that baby is mine.” He finally looked up at me, with his green eyes burning. “And if that baby in your belly is mine, you will be mine too. That’s a guarantee.” He finally looked away from me when my dad opened my door.

“Darlin’, we were so worried about you. We took good care of the kids, while Cade took you to the hospital. Thanks again for that, Cade. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate ya takin’ care of my baby.”

Cade tipped his hat at my dad. “The pleasure was all mine, Mr. Harper, I assure you.” He glanced over at me. “Looks like ya’ll could use a couple of extra hands with the new cattle comin’ in and all. Why don’t Clay and I stay here with ya for a bit? Mr. Davidson will be here tomorrow with the cattle from the sale. Since it’s doin’ poorly, probably wouldn’t be a bad idea, to keep ‘em all together for a while. Then we can cull the herd and go our separate ways in a few weeks probably.”

My dad looked at me, waiting for me to respond to Cade. “Uh, I guess that’d be okay. You can stay in the old cabin as long as ya need to. But we don’t want to keep you from anything at your ranch. If you need to get back, everything here will be just fine.”

Cade was getting mad. He was glaring at me. “No, hon, right here is where I need to be. I’ll send Clay to the ranch to pick up some stuff for us and we’ll see ya’ll tomorrow. Mr. Davidson is plannin’ on gettin’ here around lunchtime right?”

I nodded and my dad helped me down out of the truck. He tipped his hat at Cade. Cade drove away toward the cabin.

We went into the house and my mom came running over toward me. “Loralei Harper, this is what you get for not listening to your mother. I told you, you need to eat healthier. You don’t eat right, sweetie. It’s not good for you. And you aren’t setting a good example for the kids.”

I really couldn’t handle this right now. “So, mom, if you’re done yelling at me about my eating habits, could you maybe tell me where my kids are?”

My mom glared at me. “You know you’re never too old to bend over my knee ma’am.”

Seriously, she was going to do this now?

“Mom, I am suffering from a head injury, I cannot handle this right now. Where are my babies?”

My mom pointed toward the back hall that led to the kid’s playroom. I walked in and Mags had Sammy pinned to the floor in a chokehold. God, I loved that girl. “Whatcha doin’ there Mags?”

She looked at me with that sweet, innocent expression on her face. The one she always got when she was doing something to Sammy that she shouldn’t be doing. “Mom, I’m trying to teach your son a lesson. He keeps telling me that girls aren’t as tough as boys. But look, Mommy, he can’t get up. So, who’s stronger now, Sammy? Huh, huh? Is it you?”

Sammy grunted, “No.”

Mags won. She was thrilled. “See, was that so hard? You shoulda just agreed with me. Boys are not stronger than girls.”

Sammy ran over to me and threw his little arms around my waist. He gave me the biggest hug and looked up at me through those long black eyelashes, with his daddy’s eyes. “I love you, Mommy.” Then he whispered, “I’m so glad you got here, Mommy. I think Mags was gonna kill me.”

I had to laugh at that. “Sweetie, your sister wasn’t gonna kill you. But remember all little boys were made by mommies. So mommies must be pretty strong girls, huh?”

Sammy thought about that for a minute and then he said, “You’re right, Mommy. You’re a very strong girl.” And then he pulled my head down closer to him. “Mags is pretty strong too. But don’t tell her I think she is, okay. Can it be our secret?”

I shook my head at him and told them to go get washed up for dinner.

I had things I needed to start working on now. I made a promise to Declan and I intended to keep it.