Destined to Change

chapter 16



Loralei



Jaxon and I decided it would be best for him to stay with Uncle Jake until we could figure things out. We loved each other and wanted to spend our future together. Now we needed to figure out how to do that.

I told him we needed to sit the kids down and talk to them about what was going on. We didn’t need to mention the baby yet, but we needed to let them know that Jaxon was back and here to stay. I didn’t want them to be surprised when they saw him around the farm. And I hoped to be spending time with him, lots of time, and I didn’t want that to upset them.

We decided Jaxon should come over for dinner, so we could have this conversation with the kids. Why was I so nervous? This was crazy. This part shouldn’t be so hard...should it? The kids loved Jaxon. But they knew how hurt I had been over the past few weeks. They could tell how much I missed him and I knew they missed him too.

When Jaxon got there and walked up to the door, my heart melted. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. That shaggy brown hair, those beautiful brown eyes with the golden flecks, he was wearing black jeans, boots, and a button-up white dress shirt. He had the sleeves rolled up to showcase his tattoos. When our eyes met, neither one of us could look away. It was like an electric current was pulling us toward each other. He opened the screen door and stepped inside. I touched his cheek, and he did the same to me.

“I missed you, Lor. I can’t stand to be away from you. Even just for the night. Did you miss me, too?”

I was lost in his eyes. “I missed you so much, Jaxon.”

He leaned in to kiss me, but as soon as his lips touched mine, we heard voices. “Jaxon!” The twins crashed into him. They threw their arms around him and Sammy said, “You’re back. Are you really back? You won’t leave again, right?”

Jaxon looked up at me. “I’m here for as long as your mom will have me, little man. And I missed you guys too.” The kids wouldn’t let go of him and Jaxon didn’t seem to want to let them go either.

We finally pried the kids off of him and walked into the kitchen. The kids sat down at the table and Jaxon said, “Need any help, babe?” I loved hearing him call me that. I had missed that so much.

“No, I think I can put the pizza and salad on the table.” He laughed and sat down with the kids. We enjoyed the meal so much. It took me back to the last time we had all sat at this same table and ate pizza. Back before everything changed. Before I learned about Stacy and Jaz. Before Cade. Cade, God, I felt so bad for hurting him. He was not the kinda guy to have feelings for someone, but he definitely had feelings for me.

The baby. His baby? In my mind and my heart, it was Jaxon’s baby. But my brain understood that it could be Cade’s. Cade was a good guy and he would love this baby more than anything. I could see that in his eyes every time he had mentioned her. He thought the baby was a girl, his little cowgirl. We needed this test. I had to know.

When we finished eating, Jaxon got up and helped Mags clear the dishes. She was so happy he was back. She hadn’t smiled this much in weeks. That made my heart smile. They loaded the dishwasher, and Sammy and I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch.

He snuggled up beside me and said, “Mommy, I missed Jaxon so much. Is he gonna stay this time? He’s not gonna leave us again, is he?” He put his little hand on my cheek and pulled my head down toward him, and whispered, “He loves us, right Mommy? Like we love him.”

I felt a hand on my shoulder. Jaxon reached over and picked Sammy up. Pulling him into his arms, he said, “Little man, I never stopped loving you. Not for a minute. I love you, Mags, and your Mommy more than anything. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

Sammy nodded and grabbed Jaxon around the neck in a big ole bear hug. Jaxon was looking down at me with the biggest smile on his face. Mags walked in and sat down by me on the couch. She was smiling too. Everyone was so happy. We needed this to last. We all deserved to be happy.



Jaxon



After dinner at Lor’s place, we kissed goodbye. It was really gentle and sweet. We were trying to get back to where we had been. As much as I wanted to tear her clothes off and carry her upstairs caveman-style, I couldn’t do that. We had things to work through first. I called her the next morning and asked her out that night. I wanted to do something special with her. She accepted, and I told her I would pick her up at seven o’clock.

I was so damn nervous all day. This shit was killing me. I couldn’t stand being that close to her, but not being able to be with her. I decided I would go down to the barn and help Uncle Jake out a little bit. It never entered my mind that the f*cking cowboy would be doing the same thing. When I got around to the side of the barn, there he was. That cocky a*shole. The man didn’t walk, he strutted. It f*cking killed me that I pushed Lor toward him.

I hollered at Uncle Jake, “Need some help?” Cade’s eyes locked with mine. Neither one of us was gonna back down.

Uncle Jake walked over toward me. “Don’t stir anything up, Jaxon. He’s helping us out. We don’t need any shit here.”

I broke the eye contact. I looked down at Uncle Jake. “No problem. I think I’ll just head back to the house.” I couldn’t work with him. I decided to just go back the house and wait until I could pick Lor up. I had to hear her voice, so I decided to call her.

“Hi, Jaxon.”

“Hi, babe. What are you wearing?” I loved to ask her that, it always made her laugh.

She giggled, “A smile?”

God, I loved that woman. “I miss ya. God, I really miss ya. Are the kids home?” I knew they were probably at school, but I needed to make sure.

“They’re at school, why?”

“Can I come over? Please? I really need to see you.” I was almost pleading, I needed to see her.

“Uh, sure. I’ve been cleaning house, so I’m kinda stinky.”

“That’s perfect. I’ll be there soon.” Thank God she was letting me come over. I started my bike up and headed to her house.

I couldn’t get parked and inside the house quick enough. When I made it to the door, she was standing there, waiting for me. She had shorts on and was wearing my blue Elvis t-shirt. She had it tied up in a knot on the side. I wondered where that shirt had gone. She looked so hot! I guess what they said about pregnant women was true. She was glowing. Even standing in front of me all sweaty with her hair pulled up in a messy bun, she looked perfect. And I wanted her so bad.

I wouldn’t attack her. I couldn’t do that to her. I had to go slow after what I had pulled. She opened the screen door and just about knocked me over. She jumped up into my arms, wrapped her legs around my waist, and she made me fall up against the wall. She wanted me.

Her eyes were locked with mine, and she had this sexy smirk on her face. “Are you gonna kiss me or not?”

That was all it took. I smashed my lips to hers. I turned us around and pushed her up against the wall. I couldn’t control myself. I wanted her too bad. We were kissing each other so hard. She was rubbing my chest and pulling on my jeans.

She whispered, “Inside, now.” I started to unzip my jeans, she shuddered. She looked horrified, “Oh my God, no, inside the house, now. You damn pervert.”

I laughed at her and carried her upstairs to her bedroom, gently laying her down on the bed.

“Are you sure, Lor? We don’t have to do this.” I really didn’t want to push her into anything, but she had just about attacked me on the porch. She pulled her shirt over her head, took off her bra, and started to slide her shorts down.

“I want you, Jaxon. I’ve missed you so much. Please, make love to me.”

I pulled my shirt off and took my jeans off. I was standing in front of her in my boxers. She stood up and stepped toward me. “Let me, please?” I nodded and she kneeled in front of me. She pulled my boxers down. When her breath hit my piercing, I couldn’t think. I needed this...I needed her. This was beyond physical. This was my heart, my soul, my everything. They all resided in this beautiful woman, who no matter what happened, would do everything she could to make me happy.

She looked up at me through those long eyelashes. “I’ve never done this before Jaxon. Tell me if I do it wrong, okay?” She was worried about doing something wrong after everything I had done to her?

“You are amazing, Lor. Nothing you do could be wrong.” When I said that, she licked the tip of my erection around my piercing and I almost collapsed to the ground. I was literally shaking. She felt so good. When she sucked the tip into her mouth and flicked my piercing, I grabbed her hair. I really tried to be gentle, but I couldn’t do it. I tugged and pushed further into her mouth. I went a little too far and she gagged. “Shit, I’m sorry, Lor.” She looked up at me and sucked in my entire length. She was using her hand around the base and pulling and sucking and I was so close. She didn’t stop, she sped up. I saw stars as I came so damn hard.

She stood up and kissed me. “Did I do okay?” She asked with a giggle. I pushed her back onto the bed and settled between her legs.

“Yeah, babe...you did really okay.” I nipped on one nipple, while I massaged the other with my fingers. She was arching her back and she had her hands in my hair. I kissed a trail between her breasts. When I got to her belly, I gently kissed it and caressed it. I looked up into her eyes and she was smiling at me.

“I know the baby is yours Jaxon. In my heart I know it.” I couldn’t think about it right now. I couldn’t get my hopes up, but that would make me the happiest f*cking man alive.

I sat up on my knees and started to pull her panties down. She took a deep breath. “You, okay?” I asked. She gave me that look that I had missed so much. The look that said I love you and I trust you.

Then she said, “I’m wonderful, Jaxon. Really, really wonderful.”

I finished pulling her panties off and threw them onto the floor. I crawled up her body, placing light kisses all the way up to her lips.

When I got to her lips, I kissed her, “I’m gonna love you gentle, okay?”

She nodded and I started to press into her. Our eyes were locked. Those beautiful brown eyes were melting my heart. I moved very slowly. I was making love to her. This wasn’t sex...this was love. We both needed this. We made love all afternoon. So sweet and gentle. Both of us so happy. I never wanted the afternoon to end.



Loralei



I was so happy after our afternoon together. I couldn’t wait for Jaxon to pick me up for our date tonight. I took a shower and put on some jeans and a white lacey blouse. I left my hair down and was ready to go, when I heard a knock at the door.

“What are you doing here?” I asked Eric, who was standing at my door.

“I need to talk to you, Lor. I’ve got some apologizing to do.”

I motioned for him to come in and he took a seat on the couch. I walked over and sat down on the opposite side of the couch. Eric was looking down at his boots and wringing his hands.

“I’m so sorry, Lor. I’m so damn sorry for everything.” He said with a tear streaming down his cheek.

I reached over and placed my hand on his arm. I had known Eric my whole life. He had always been like a brother to me. I couldn’t stand to see him hurting.

“What’s going on, Eric? What are you sorry for?”

He looked up at me and said, “I’m sorry for the way I treated Jaxon. Emma told me he was back in town. I just want you to know how wrong I was to butt into your life like that. You are one of the smartest, strongest women I know. So if you say he’s good enough for you, then by God he is. I shouldn’t have said a damn word about him.”

“What else is going on, Eric? It has to be more than that.” I asked as I brushed a tear from his cheek.

He was sobbing as he said, “I’m so sorry for that night, Lor. I’m so sorry for making ya’ll come back and get me. I’m so sorry for being drunk and gettin’ my best friend killed. My best friend, Lor.” I leaned over and hugged him, crying right along with him.

“Dec was like my family. And ya’ll were so happy and I ruined your happiness. Lor, I tried so damn hard to be like a father to the twins. I tried to make up for the horrible pain I caused ya’ll, but I could never do enough. I could never fix what I did.”

“Eric, it was an accident. It was just a terrible accident. If anyone is to blame, it’s me. I was driving, not you.” We were both sobbing and holding each other.

We let go and Eric said, “Lor, I never told you this. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Right after the accident, I pulled Dec out of the truck. He was still alive, Lor. He said something to me. He had me make a promise and I’ve screwed it up, so bad.”

“What? He was alive? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you say anything to me, Eric? What did he say?” I was pleading.

“He asked me to take care of you and keep you safe. He asked me to make sure you found someone to love. He asked me to make sure you weren’t sad for him. Dec knew he wasn’t gonna make it, Lor. He knew what was happening. I promised him. And the way I treated you over Jaxon, I am ashamed. You deserve to be happy. That’s what Declan wanted.”

“I loved him with everything I had, Eric. He was my whole life and those babies were the only things that kept me going after the accident. Accidents happen. It wasn’t your fault, or mine. It was just life. He wasn’t meant to live past seventeen. I haven’t lived in so many years, Eric. I have been so lonely. And I’ve found someone who makes me happy and makes the kids happy. I love him, Eric.”

Eric grabbed my hand in his and said, “That’s why I’m here, Lor. I wanted to tell you I was an a*shole. If he makes you happy, that’s all that matters. I love you and I love the kids. I will always be here for all of you.”

“Eric, you and Emma are my family and you always will be.”

“Dec wanted you to be happy, Lor. You do what you need to do to make sure you are. I will support you always. But if he hurts you again, I will have to kick his ass.” We laughed together, through our tears.

After that we sat for a long time sharing some of our favorite Declan memories. It was sad and happy at the same time. We both loved him so much. We needed this.

With everything that had just happened, I forgot all about my date with Jaxon, until I heard a knock at the door. I answered it and Jaxon wrapped me in his arms. Eric walked up behind us and Jaxon let go of me and stepped back.

Eric reached his hand out to Jaxon and said, “I was an a*shole. Can we try to forget it or forgive?”

Jaxon looked at me and then back at Eric. He shook his hand. “I know you were just looking out for her. I just want you to know, I love her and the kids. I’m not going anywhere.”

Eric looked at me and said, “I know ya’ll love each other. I’m happy that you make her happy.” He leaned toward Jaxon and whispered, “But if you ever hurt her again, they’ll never find your body.” He slapped Jaxon on the back, gave me a hug, and said his goodbyes.

Jaxon said, “Well, that was interesting.”

“We needed to work some stuff out. This was never about you, Jaxon. He had a lot of guilt about Declan. We talked it out and I think he’s okay now.”

“I’m glad ya’ll talked about Declan. I think you both needed that.”

I wrapped my arms around him and said, “I love you, Jaxon. Thank you for loving me.” I leaned up and kissed him before we headed out to the truck.

He drove Uncle Jake’s truck since we were going out to the pond. He held my hand all the way there. I was sitting right next to him, but I felt like I couldn’t get close enough. I leaned in and kissed his neck.

“Now, don’t start that, or we won’t make it to the pond.” He gave me a sexy grin.

I started to scoot away. “Yes, sir.”

He grabbed my leg and pulled me back next to him. “I didn’t tell you to move, I just said stop kissing me.”

When we got to the pond he got out of the truck. “Wait here a sec, I have a little surprise planned.”

He walked around toward the back of the truck. I felt him jump up in the truck bed. I turned to watch him. “You just keep those pretty little eyes looking straight ahead. What part of surprise did you not understand?”

I laughed and turned back around.

I felt him jump out of the truck and then he was opening the truck door. He extended his hand out to me. “Your surprise is ready.”

I put my hand in his and he grabbed me in a big hug. We started back to the back of the truck. He jumped up and put his arms out to pull me up. He had laid tons of quilts and pillows all over the back of the truck. He had lit candles and placed them up on the roof of the cab of the truck. Those with the moonlight were all the lighting we needed. He sat down and had me sit down beside him. “Your mom packed dinner for us. She really wanted to help me out.” He opened up a box my mom had given him. She had made my favorite meal...fried chicken, potato salad, and her delicious homemade rolls. She had also packed diet coke...my go-to drink.

“Have I told you lately, how much I love your Mom?” Jaxon asked as he was getting out the plates and silverware.

“She is pretty awesome. If it wasn’t for her, this might not have happened. If she hadn’t tricked me into going into town with you that Sunday, we might not have fallen in love.”

He stopped what he was doing and grabbed my hands in his.

“I thank your mom for pushing you that day, but I wouldn’t have been able to stay away from you. The minute I saw you out in the field, I knew I wanted you. It was like they write about in those romance novels...it was like a current zapping through me. I just felt like...well, it was you. You were what I had been waiting for. And, honestly, it scared the hell out of me.”

I couldn’t stop giggling, these pregnancy hormones had my mood all over the place.

“You know how I feel about you laughing at me,” he said, and I broke out into full-blown laughter.

He looked so confused, he had his eyebrow raised at me. “What is so damn funny? I just laid everything out for you and you’re cracking up.”

I tried so hard to stop laughing. I gained enough composure to say, “You just told me you read romance novels.” And then the laughter started again. Was he blushing? It sure looked like he was.

“Where do you think I learn all those amazing things that I do to you? I didn’t hear you complaining about it earlier today.”

Well, that changed everything. My laughter stopped and I caught his gaze. His eyes were smoldering.

I licked my lips. “Maybe we can eat later?” He nodded and kissed me. We made love, and it was amazing. I was so glad that he read romance novels.