Destined to Change

chapter 15



Loralei



The look on Jaxon’s face broke my heart. He looked completely defeated. His eyes went blank. It was like he was looking right through me, as he stared at Cade’s hand on my stomach.

Jaxon stepped back. “I’m sorry, Lor. I, uh, I shouldn’t have come here. I won’t do anything else to hurt you.” He turned around and walked outside.

Cade was still holding me up with his hand placed protectively over my stomach. He helped me stand up and steady myself. “I’m sorry you had to witness that, hon’. But he deserved everything I gave him. We’re havin’ a baby. Now that he knows that, we can start plannin’ our future.” Cade leaned in to kiss me, and I placed both of my hands on his chest and pushed him away. I felt horrible, but I had to be honest with him.

“Cade, I don’t know what the hell was happening when Jaxon got here, but I don’t have feelings for you. If this baby is yours, we will raise it. I want you to be a part of the baby’s life. But I don’t see a future with you.”

Cade cupped my face in his hands. “But hon, that kiss. You kissed me back. I know you feel what I feel when I kiss you.” He leaned toward me and pressed his lips to mine again.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let him kiss me again. “Stop. When you were kissing me, all I could think about was him. It’s always been him. I love him, Cade.”

He was still holding my face in his hands. “I don’t f*ckin’ believe you.” Then he smashed his lips into mine and pushed me up against the counter. He lifted me up onto the counter and worked his way in between my legs. I wasn’t kissing him back, I was pushing him with all my strength.

I finally broke away from his lips. “Cade, no. Don’t do this. I don’t want this with you. Please, stop.”

He pulled his mouth from mine and started kissing a trail down my neck. All the while I was pushing his chest and trying to get him off of me. “You feel it, Lor. I know you f*ckin’ feel it,” he said as he continued down my chest.

The next thing I knew Cade was flying across the room.

Jaxon was screaming, “Get the f*ck off of her. What the hell is wrong with you?” Jaxon jumped onto Cade, who was lying on the floor trying to catch his breath. Jaxon laid into him, hitting him over and over and over again. Cade didn’t hit him back. He just took it all. His eyes met my mine, and I could see the sadness. He really had feelings for me, and it was killing me to see him hurt like that.

“Jaxon, stop! Let him go.”

Jaxon dropped Cade’s collar and let him fall to the ground. “If you ever lay another hand on her, I promise you, you will not live to see another goddamn day.” He climbed off of him and started toward me.

He leaned in and placed his hand on my cheek. “Are you okay, Lor? Did he hurt you?” He was being so gentle with me, after just beating the shit out of Cade. I loved this man so much. When I looked at him I saw my future. I wished it was that easy. I wished that we could just forget all about Stacy and Jaz. But we just couldn’t do that.

“Babe, are you okay? Is the baby okay?” he asked when I didn’t answer him.

“Yeah, Jaxon, I’m fine. He wouldn’t hurt me.”

Jaxon dropped his hand from my cheek and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

I looked him in the eye. “I think we need to talk.”

He nodded in agreement and I said, “I need to talk to Cade for a minute. I’ll meet you at my house, okay?” He agreed and started out to his motorcycle.

I walked over to Cade, who had sat up and was leaning against the wall. His head was up against the wall, and he was rubbing his hand over his cheek. It looked like he was trying to rub the pain away.

I scooted down the wall and sat down next to him. “Why didn’t you fight him, Cade? Why’d you let him hurt you?”

He gave me that belly laugh, “I got no reason to kick his ass, Lor. He won fair and square. You love him. You never loved me. I shouldn’t have been touching ya like that. Kissin’ ya that way. The man had every right to kick my ass.”

I reached down and grabbed his right hand and laced my fingers through his. “Cade, you have been a great experience for me.”

He laughed again, “An experience, huh, hon?”

I smiled at him. “Yes, sir. You have been quite the experience. You were what I needed. You showed me what I want my future to be.”

“Lor, if that baby in your belly is mine, I ain’t goin’ away. I will take care of it and its momma.”

I placed my hand on his cheek. “Cade, if this baby is yours, I will not keep you away from it. I want you to have a relationship with him or her.”

“Her, it’s definitely a her.” He said with a smirk on his face. “I always wanted a little cowgirl of my own. Lor, I will always be here for you and the baby. Even if it’s not mine. I’m just sorry you don’t get those damn butterflies in your belly for me. I saw the way you looked at him. He’s your future. As much as it’s killing me. Deep down inside, really deep down, because you know I hate that asshat.”

I chuckled at him, and he said, “You belong together. Do whatever you need to do to make that happen. Just know that I will be here for that baby, no matter what. Even if she ain’t mine. I won’t let him hurt you ever again. You understand me, Lor?”

I removed my hand from his cheek and placed it in his. “I understand you, Cade. And I wish things were different. I wish...I just want you to be happy. Promise me, okay?”

“Hon’, you can’t ask me to make a promise like that right now while you’re breakin’ my heart. Damn, woman, you’re cold.” He laughed that big belly laugh at me and started to stand up. He was a little unsteady on his feet, but he got up and wiped the blood from his lip. He started toward his truck. “I’m gonna need a day or two to lick my wounds. If ya need me, ya know where to find me, okay?”

I answered as we were walking outside, “Yes, sir, I sure do. And Cade, thanks for...”

He finished my sentence, “The most amazing sex of your life? You’re welcome, hon.” And there was that big belly laugh again, but it was followed by a really sad smile. It was killing me to hurt him like this, but I had to be with Jaxon. He was my future. I had made a promise to Declan, and I intended to keep it.



Jaxon



As I headed to Lor’s house, I couldn’t stop thinking about the baby. She was gonna have a baby. I knew it wasn’t mine. She was having his baby. I loved her. How was I going to handle this? I didn’t know the answer to that, but I did know that I loved that woman more than anything in this world. She was my future, and like hell if I would let that f*cking cowboy ruin it for me. I would love that baby, just like I loved the twins. We would be a family no matter what, if she would have me.

I had to fix this. This whole thing was my fault. How could I have been so f*cking stupid? If I had been honest with her from the beginning, none of this would have happened. She never would’ve met that f*cking cowboy. We would be together now. She wouldn’t be pregnant though, and I would never take that away from her.

I pulled down the drive and parked in front of her house. It felt like home, like I belonged here. I wanted that perfect postcard family life. I wanted that with Lor. I had to f*cking fix this. I just had to.

I walked up and sat down on the front porch in one of the white rocking chairs. I decided to sit there and think about what I was going to say to Lor. I had been practicing what I would say ever since I left Richmond, but things had changed. The baby was a new hurdle, but not really. I wouldn’t treat it like anything other than mine. The same way I planned to treat the twins. I wanted this family, and right now all I could do was wait for Lor to get here.



Loralei



On the short drive to my house all I could think about was the look on Jaxon’s face when he realized I was pregnant. He didn’t look like a guy who thought he was going to be a dad. He looked like a guy who had been sucker punched. We hadn’t used protection when we had sex. I really thought he would be happy when he found out. Maybe I was just delusional. I didn’t know. We had to talk this out. We had to do what was best for all of us...and that included his family back in Richmond.

What made him come here? Did he miss me? Did he realize he couldn’t live without me? Or did he think we needed a real goodbye? I didn’t know, but I couldn’t wait to find out.

I pulled up and parked next to Jaxon’s bike. I was hesitant to go to him. I didn’t know why. I wanted him with everything in me. But I think I was scared. What if he wasn’t here because he loved me?

Oh my God, Loralei Harper, get your ass out of the jeep and go talk to that man.

I got out of the jeep and started walking toward the front porch. His gaze met mine, and I couldn’t look away. Those beautiful brown eyes with the golden flecks were mesmerizing. I took a seat in the rocking chair facing him. We both started talking at the same time.

He said, “Lor, let me explain, please?” He took my hands in his and started rubbing circles with his thumbs on my palms. “I never should’ve left here. Never. I don’t know what the hell came over me. I couldn’t believe that Stacy told you Jaz wasn’t mine and you still wanted me to leave.”

I couldn’t believe those words came from his mouth. I pulled my hands away from his and jumped out of my chair. “What the hell do you mean, she isn’t yours? Stacy told me the test came back and you were the dad.”

He stood up, stepped toward me, and grabbed my hands again. “She is a lying bitch, Loralei. Jaz isn’t mine. I thought you wanted me to be with them. I couldn’t understand why, but I thought that was why you were telling me to leave. Stacy and I tried for years to have a baby and it never happened. We don’t need the DNA test. Your baby can’t be mine. But I will raise it like it is.”

This was all too much for me. I fell back in the rocking chair. Jaxon was still holding my hands and he dropped to his knees in front of me. I said, “So, this baby can’t be yours? Are you sure?”

Jaxon looked down to the ground. After a long silence he looked up at me with a tear in his eye. “You have no idea how much I want that baby to be mine. But no, it’s his.”

Both of my hands immediately flew to my belly. I was having Cade’s baby. But I loved Jaxon. I couldn’t be with Cade. He said he understood, but would he really, after the baby came. Cade was going to be a part of our lives forever. Could I handle that? I didn’t know the answer to that yet.

“I still want the test Jaxon. I want to know for sure. I can have it in a couple of weeks. What is happening with Stacy and Jaz?”

He stood up and took a seat in the rocking chair he had been sitting in. “She signed the divorce papers. My mom is letting her stay there until she gets on her feet. My mom fell in love with Jaz, so no matter how she feels about Stacy, she will make sure that little girl is taken care of. Stacy is out of my life Lor, and Jaz is not my daughter. I want that future that we talked about. I want us to grow old together. Will you have me? Can we please try again?”

I wanted that more than anything. But I was having another man’s baby? I didn’t know what that would do to Jaxon and I. Jaxon may have said it wouldn’t change anything, but that would all change when Cade started hanging around all the time to be with the baby.

“Jaxon, we have been through so much. I just...I just don’t know. I want to be with you, but I’m so scared that some other secret will come out. Is there anything else I need to know? Please don’t tell me you have another wife somewhere else, or that you’re wanted by the law. I really don’t think I could handle it!” He hugged me and we laughed together. It felt so good being in his arms. I had missed him so much.