He tries and he’s a good father. Aaron is always here to put her to bed with me. He’s genuinely trying to be a part of her daily routine.
“I wish I could, pumpkin.” Liam’s face drops a little like the air was let out. It’s hard for all of us, but I can’t imagine knowing your family is home and living their lives while you’re gone. I hear some commotion behind him. “I gotta go, Quinn and Barnes just got here. I’m going to be down-range soon.” He looks at me, and I get what he’s trying to say.
He’s going on a mission and won’t be able to talk.
“Okay, stay safe.”
“Always, sweetheart. I’ll be in touch soon. Bye, Aarabelle.”
She waves goodbye and he blows her a kiss.
“I love you,” I say with my hand hesitant over the disconnect button.
“I love you, we’ll talk soon,” Liam says and ends the call.
I look over at Aarabelle who stares at the screen with her head tilted. “Dada,” she says looking back at me.
“Liam had to go bye-bye. Let’s go baby girl. Mommy’s gotta work.”
I take her into my arms and get ready to start our day. On the days I do get to see him, it’s harder to pretend I don’t miss him so much. When he’s on the screen, I don’t feel like he’s so far away. He’s in our house, in my room, but I wish he knew that he’s always in my heart.
“Come on, Lee. I need a reliable gym partner.” Reanell tries to pry me off the couch. The last thing I want to do is work out.
“Not this again. We barely lasted a week the last time.”
“When Mason gets back, I want him to see I have a nicely toned ass.”
She’s ridiculous. Reanell has one of the best bodies out of anyone I know. She eats like crap and yet somehow manages to stay looking like a swimsuit model.
“Go away.” I lie back down on the couch so she can’t get me up so easily. I’m not sleeping well again. I have horrible dreams of Liam being hurt where I wake screaming. Last night was so bad that Aaron came in to check on me. I was crying and flailing around.
Reanell lifts my legs and sits under me. “Still not sleeping?”
“Nope. Last night was the worst.”
“You know if I knew anything, I’d tell you. OpSec be damned. Mason told me all the cocks would soon be in the henhouse. So that’s good.”
We all speak in code. Operational Security is top priority when they’re gone. It’s one thing for the enemy to catch them because of whatever, but if it was because they heard somehow from our end, it would be unforgivable. Previously, Aaron and I had words that would alert one of us to where or what was happening.
It gave me a sense of solace through the dark times. It’s hard not knowing where or how long, and many of us have our ways of giving just enough information to keep each other calm. When they are deployed to Germany, you know they’ll be called out. But when you talk daily and then nothing . . . you can’t help but be scared.
“Mason needs a better phrase than ‘cocks in the henhouse,’” I giggle.
“He knows I like when he talks dirty to me.”
Aaron heads down the stairs slowly. “Hey.”
“Good morning.” I look at the clock. His schedule is completely off course. He can only sleep in small intervals, so he naps throughout the day. The doctors told him to rest and take it easy. He has counseling three times a week and physical therapy the same days.
“Mark is on his way over and we’re heading out for a while.”
Reanell slaps my leg and hops up. “I’m going to run. I’ll swing by and grab you tomorrow for the gym since you’re obviously not going today. But tomorrow—no bullshit.”
“Fine. Whatever.” I watch Aaron as he stares out the window. Sometimes he looks so lost and it shreds me apart inside. I wish I wasn’t responsible for some of it.
Reanell opens the door and gasps. “You’re fucking kidding me, right?”
I turn to look and see Brittany standing in our doorway.
I don’t move or speak. I wait to see what he does. I’ve made it abundantly clear that we’re not together, so Aaron has a right to do what he pleases. But I can’t deny this hurts. For the first time, I can truly empathize with what he must’ve felt seeing me with Liam.
They’re both standing there looking at each other. Brittany has tears in her eyes and she waits.
“I’m sorry. I heard and I just needed to see if they were lying,” Brittany tries to explain as she looks at me, then Aaron again.
“You shouldn’t be here,” he says from behind me.
“You’re alive and . . .” The hurt rings loudly in her soft voice.
I grab my cup sitting on the table and start to head into the kitchen. I don’t want to watch this, and I don’t want to hear their conversation. It’s too much. I may love Liam and want to be with him, but I can’t sit here and look at Aaron with another woman.
Aaron grips my arm as I pass by stopping me. “Stay,” he demands. I look at him and he doesn’t take his eyes off me. We stand here as she waits at the door of our home.
“I can’t.”
“Because you still love me.”