I glance at our intertwined fingers and decide that I have to make this easier for him. We both have a lot of fears we’re dealing with and the only thing worse than not being with him is having something happen to him. I would never be able to handle that again. If he were to not make it back home, it would be the end of my heart.
“Maybe we can have tomorrow’s goodbye be easier on both of us?”
“How?”
“Know that I love you and every moment you’re away you have half my heart with you. And when you come home, you’ll make me whole again. I don’t want you to worry about Aaron, and we’ll handle everything so when you come home we can move forward,” I say with conviction. I need him to believe me, because it’s the truth.
Liam links his fingers with mine. “I’m a lucky son of a bitch.”
“Yeah, you are,” I joke with him. “There’s a part of me I never knew was missing until you came along. I thought I had it all. I really believed my life was perfect because it was easier than seeing the cracks. If things hadn’t happened the way they did, I wouldn’t know a love like this exists. I wish we could be . . .” I pause as I remember how hard this is for him. “I just want you home already.”
“And when I come back, if you still want me, then I’ll do everything in the world to make you mine.”
I press my fingers against his cheek. “I look forward to that.”
“Me too.”
“Ready, asshole?” Quinn slaps my back as Natalie and I stand here looking at each other. “Wheels up in ten.”
I nod and grip her hands. Even though she didn’t want to come to the airport, she said she couldn’t leave me at the apartment. This is the first time I’ll leave someone behind. Even though we are in a good place, it feels like I’m leaving my life behind. She’s everything I need. I love her more than I can ever explain. All I can do is pray when I get home, she’ll be fully ready to move forward. And if she chooses him, then I’ll know what six months apart feels like. Maybe that’ll make it more bearable.
I’m fooling myself, but I know we’ll be called up and I need to be ready. It’s not just my ass on the line, it’s the men in my team.
“Hey,” she says drawing my attention back. “I’m going to miss you.” A tear forms, but she wipes it before it can fall.
“No tears. You’ll make me have to kiss you.” I try to joke and lighten the moment.
Her laugh is short and then she looks down. “Maybe I should cry then.”
“Lee,” I pull her chin toward me. Her blue eyes look gray and hollow. “You have no idea how much I’m going to wish I was here with you. Usually, I love deployments, but I can already tell I’m going to hate this one.”
Her perfect lips attempt to smile. “I need to say this,” she hesitates. “If you . . . I mean . . . if you get lonely . . .” She gnaws on her bottom lip and looks away, but I turn her face back.
“If I get lonely?” I know what she wants to say, but I’m going to make her say the words. First, it’s keeping my mind off the fact that I’m going to touch her lips for the last time in a few minutes. Second, it’s kind of cute.
“Just tell me. Please don’t let me find out the other way. If you meet someone and you fall in love or whatever . . .”
“If I get lonely, how about I call or email you?”
Her eyes snap up. “That would work.”
“Good,” I say and lean down so she hears me clearly. “No one is going to fill the void of you. There’s no woman in the world that will be able to make me forget you.” I hope she hears the conviction in my words, because there’s no one else. Selfishly, I want to add on, “Unlike your husband.”
The announcement comes over, “Three minutes. Say your goodbyes.”
Natalie’s chin quivers, and her hands grip my shirt. “I hate this.”
“I do too, but remember our trip. Remember what I said. I love you.”
She pulls me close against her and my arms are locked around her. I want to hold on to how it feels right now. When the nights get long and I need to feel peace, I want to have this moment. And if God forbid she decides she can’t do this again . . .
“Be safe, be smart, and please come home to me,” Natalie says quickly. “I love you, Liam. You can’t even begin to know how much you own my heart. I wish this were different right now. I wish you had no doubt that you’re who I want, but I’ll prove it. I’ll show you that in six months when you come home, I’ll be standing here waiting for you.” Tears fall and once again my heart breaks.
“And then I’m going to marry you.”
“I’m going to hold you to it.”
“I’ll call you as soon as I can,” I promise.
She nods and presses her lips to me. “Okay.”
“And then we can naked Skype,” I smile.
She shakes her head and kisses me again. “You can keep your eggroll in your pants.”
“And I’ll be home as soon as I can,” I assure her.
Natalie eyes lock with me as I bend to kiss her. “Not soon enough.” Another tear falls and my throat dries.
Fuck. How the hell am I supposed to get on that damn plane? This was a bad idea and I should’ve listened to her. Walking away is going to break me. It’s my job, and usually I’m the first on that plane, but I can’t get my arms to release her.