Chapter Four
“You little shit! I ought to break your goddamn neck for that stunt you pulled back there,” Stone practically roared when he approached Cade standing by the pond.
Cade didn’t bother to acknowledge his brother as he skipped another rock along the water’s surface. He wasn’t a bit sorry for what he’d said and refused to apologize for it, especially when Jocelyn had sat there as cool as she pleased, playing the innocent in her self-created melodrama. She had no right to be there, pretending she hadn’t cast them all aside—cast him aside. She had no right to sit there and smile so smugly over her success pretending a false modesty. And most of all, she had no right to be even more beautiful than he remembered or to make him still want her, for that matter.
Stone grasped his shoulder, forcing Cade to turn around. “Look at me, when I’m talking to you, dammit!”
“From where I’m standing you weren’t talking to me, but at me. Can’t you see I don’t want to be bothered?”
“Obviously, but I’m not going anywhere. You owe every single person in that house an apology for acting like a spoiled brat. Aunt Earlene worked hard planning that meal. She and Gertie spent hours cooking in the kitchen to make everything perfect. And furthermore, if I was Jack I would have knocked you on your self-righteous ass.”
Cade shrugged off the hand still gripping his shoulder. “Piss off, Stone. I meant every goddamned word I said and everyone knew I was right. I think I might have gotten through that mockery of a meal had she not tried to play the innocent. She ignored her father’s heart attack for chrissake and now she’s pretending to not know about it? I don’t buy that shit for a second.”
“You were hostile from the minute she stepped into the dining room. Don’t use the heart attack excuse.”
“But it’s true. Admit it, Stone. You’ve had to wonder why she couldn’t be bothered to at least call to find out if her father was okay when he had a heart attack. Jack is like a father to us and when I found him in the stables that day bent over the stall, I was scared. I swallowed my damn pride in my attempt to contact that selfish little bitch but did she bother to return anyone’s calls or answer our letters?”
Stone frowned. “I wondered about it myself at the time, but there has to be some rational explanation. There’s got to be some logical reason for us not hearing back from her. There’s no doubting she loves her father. I mean, you should have seen the look on her face when you mentioned the heart attack. She was genuinely surprised.”
“Or she’s a good actress.”
“You’re being way too harsh, bro.”
“Your point?”
“Cut her some slack, man.”
Cade scooped up another rock from the ground and skipped it across the pond. “If that’s what you want to do then you’re a fool, but it’s my prerogative if I choose not to. I’m not going to be roped in by those lying eyes again.”
Stone grabbed his arm. “Stop it, Cade. You can’t do this her entire stay.”
Cade pulled away from him. “Says you.”
“And Decker and Ridge for that matter. I think Ridge wanted to come to get you instead of me, and you know what a hothead he is. The two of you would have ended up throwing blows. Look, all I’m trying to say is, you made everyone at the house damned uncomfortable, even before you uttered a single word. I understand the two of you had a history together, but you have to start thinking about the people around you.”
“I am thinking about other people. It’s why I couldn’t sit around and listen to you all get lied to.”
“What exactly is she lying about?”
Cade didn’t have a ready answer so instead he searched the ground for the perfect skipping rock.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Whatever your problem is, you’re going to have to get over it quick because it’s starting to affect the operation around here.”
Cade glanced at his brother with raised eyebrows. “What the hell are you talking about? I work just as hard as anyone else around here.”
“No one’s disputing that, little bro, I’m talking about how you’ve been treating the boys lately. I had a hell of a time trying to convince Otis not to quit after you ripped into him for not repairing the fence to your satisfaction. Jack even mentioned how you’re taking your temper out on everyone. Morale has been down lately and if you keep it up, we’re going to have a strike on our hands.”
Cade lowered himself to the ground and stretched out his legs as he gazed at the stars just beginning to appear in the purple hazed sky. He didn’t bother to reply. Hell, he knew he had been a jerk lately, but realizing it didn’t make a lick of difference. Nothing would as long as she was around.. Damn her, and damn him for still caring. All the hard work he’d put in to forget her all went up in smoke the moment he set eyes on her again.
Stone hunched down, taking the spot next to him. “Cade, I know you’re hurting, but making snide comments when she’s around won’t change the past. I can’t begin to know what’s in her mind or imagine why she’d stay away so long without a sufficient explanation, but I think there’s more to the story than what you think. Call it a hunch, but I think she’s suffering, too.”
“Probably her guilty conscience,” Cade muttered, not buying that theory for a second. After all, they had been as close as any two people could be. They were lovers and best friends and yet she couldn’t tell him if there was a problem? Bullshit.
“I’m serious. She doesn’t look one hundred percent healthy. She’s a lot thinner than she used to be, maybe she hasn’t been eating properly, but I also detected some circles under her eyes. Something’s going on with her.”
“Maybe it’s called Nuu York livin’. It’s a superficial place. I bet she throws up after her meals.”
“Now you’re starting to sound ridiculous. That makes absolutely no sense, and what the hell do you know about New York anyway? You’ve never been.”
“I watch the occasional movie.”
Stone raised both brows. “Are you serious? If everyone thought like you, people watching movies would think Texans are a bunch of gun-toting yokels. Now stop being such an ass. I think you should go talk to her and find out what the matter is.”
Cade pulled up a clump of grass and tossed it as far as he could. “If you’re so damn interested in hearing her excuses, then why don’t you ask her yourself?”
Stone sighed. “Cade, I’m trying my best to understand your feelings, but you’re not making this easy for me.”
“I didn’t ask you to come out here and analyze me, Dr. Phil.”
“No, you didn’t, but someone had to set you straight. If I didn’t care about you I wouldn’t nag so much, but since she’s been back, you haven’t been yourself and I’m worried. Taking your anger out on other people and being mad at Jocelyn for something that happened seven years ago won’t change anything except drive a wedge between the people who love you. Unless you talk to her, nothing is going to be resolved.”
“I doubt it would accomplish much. I think she’s made her feelings abundantly clear.”
“Did she? I saw the way she looked at you—the way you looked at each other. If the two of you no longer shared any feelings, why are you carrying around all this anger? And why did she look so damn sad when she looked at you? She reminded me of a hurt puppy. Jocelyn certainly didn’t remind me of someone who doesn’t give a damn.”
Cade turned to shoot his brother a glare. He’d had enough. The more he talked about Jocelyn, the more he hurt and he hated Stone in that moment for not letting it go, and he hated Jocelyn for being the source of his pain. Shit. It’s been seven years dammit. It shouldn’t still be this way. “Can’t you see I don’t want to talk about this?!” He wobbled to his feet, and began to walk away, but Stone was on his heels.
When his brother grabbed his arm, Cade had had enough. Turning around with balled fists, he took a swing at Stone. But his brother ducked just in time, grabbed Cade’s arm and twisted it behind his back.
“Get off of me!” The more Cade struggled, the harder Stone’s grip became. In most circumstances, Cade could have given Stone as good as he got, but in his state of fury, he couldn’t think rationally or focus properly making it easier for the other man to best him.
“No dammit! I’m not going to let you go until you agree to talk about this like men.”
Despite the shooting pain racing up his arm, he stubbornly struggled against the pain-inducing grip, uncaring that if he continued his bone was likely to break.
“Cade, please.” Where the harsh words hadn’t worked, Stone’s gentle heartfelt plea finally penetrated Cade’s senses. He didn’t want to fight his brother. He’d come out to the pond for privacy, God knows he deserved it. But seeing as how Stone wouldn’t leave him alone, the battle just wasn’t worth continuing.
With a resigned sigh, he relaxed his stance. “I won’t fight you anymore, but I can’t promise we’ll have the talk you want.”
“Then will you at least listen?”
Cade nodded, not wanting to commit anything in words.
Stone released the death grip and put some distance between the two of them. “You can’t go on like this. I love you, Cade, and I don’t want to see you headed down that path of destruction you were on seven years ago. I thought we were past that, the anger, the sudden outbursts and your disappearing days on end.”
“It won’t come to that again,” Cade muttered, his shoulders tensing. He appreciated none of his brothers mentioning that dark moment in his life and for Stone to bring it up now ticked him off. He would never let himself get to that point again. Jocelyn Winters, Jos Song, or whatever she called herself wasn’t worth it.
“How am I supposed to know that when you acted the way you did tonight? And the reason you’re acting this way is because of Jocelyn’s return.”
“Don’t you think I know this?” Cade snapped. “Do you think I like seeing her again and be reminded what a fool I was to fall for those big brown eyes of hers and that sweet smile? I curse the years I wasted loving her.”
“But you haven’t stopped loving her have you?”
“Stone…” Cade growled.
Stone put his hands up. “Okay, maybe I didn’t word that correctly, but don’t you think you’re being too rash, little brother. I think there’s much more to this story than we’re aware of.”
“Like what? Maybe she’s gotten a taste of her own medicine in New York City and she’s come home to lick her wounds.”
Stone shook his head. “No. This definitely had to do with your hostility. After you left the dinner table so abruptly, Jocelyn ran off and I think she was crying.”
“Am I supposed to give a damn?” Cade was glad she suffered too. Well, maybe not glad but it was gratifying to know she was capable of feeling shame. She should have been embarrassed at the way she’d treated the family and especially him. Maybe she wasn’t a complete bitch, but he’d never forget what she’d said to him for as long as he lived.
“Yes, you are! You two used to mean something to each other.”
“The key word here being used to.”
“And I believe there’s still something there or else you wouldn’t be acting this way.”
And therein lay the problem. He hated that Stone was right. Jocelyn’s words came back to him, sending a shudder through his body.
“You’re not good enough for me.”
After giving his body, heart and soul to her only to hear those words was like a deep soul-wrenching blow that he doubted he’d recover from. The realization hit him hard. He’d been doing so well these past few years, but all of his efforts to move on with his life and all the strides he’d made had evaporated the moment she stepped foot on Devlin Ranch.
Shortly after the break of their relationship, he hadn’t cared whether he lived or died. She’d been his world. All his plans of the future had been based around them being together. In his mind they were made for each other and to have such a rude awakening was a painful cross to bear.
He’d started drinking heavily; often getting so drunk he could barely stand. Some nights he’d be so damn drunk he’d pass out where he stood and sometimes wake up in the damndest places. And along with those drunken nights came plenty of trouble along with it. Bar fights and jail time. He’d damn near gotten a DUI but Stone had called in some favors with a friend of his at the sheriff’s department. But his self destructive behavior didn’t end with alcohol.
There were the women. Before he’d went on his sexathon, Jocelyn had been the only woman he’d been with, but in an attempt to erase her from memory, he’d slept with so many women he’d lost count. He’d been with tall, skinny, black, white, Latina and Asian ones. Ugly and pretty ones. When it came to p-ssy, he didn’t discriminate. It didn’t matter what they looked like as long as he had a warm body to ease the ache within his soul. Nine times out of ten he couldn’t remember their names the next morning. Cade was lucky he hadn’t caught a communicable disease or something worse from one of the random partners he’d encountered. It wasn’t until his brothers had staged an intervention and beat the hell out of him, literally, did he recognize his wild antics had only been a mere band-aid over a gaping wound.
“You just don’t understand.”
“Then help me understand. You never told me what happened that night exactly—only bits and pieces that don’t quite make sense. Please tell me. If you get it off your chest, maybe you can finally heal.”
Cade knew the only way he’d be able to get Stone off his back was to open up, no matter how painful. It was either that or be hounded to death. He clenched his jaw, tightening the muscles until it ached before he was able to speak. “You already know most of it. She went to that party in Dallas, and never came back.”
“But why? We all thought she’d return after that internship. You were going to ask her to marry you.”
Cade squeezed his eyes shut. That memory still gnawed at him. The ring he’d bought her still rested at the bottom of the keepsake box he’d tossed into the deepest recesses of his bedroom closet. It took a moment for him to find the words to describe how he’d felt that night. “She hooked up with that fancy designer she wanted to meet. And she hasn’t looked back since.”
Stone furrowed his brows together as if he was trying to make sense out of the entire situation. “I got that part, but when you confronted her, that’s where the rest of the story gets jumbled.”
“She was still staying with that friend of hers, Hanna, I think her name was. Anyway, Jocelyn had told her she didn’t want to see me.”
“Knowing you, you probably pushed your way past the poor woman.”
Cade laughed without humor, his head starting to ache as he was assailed with memories he’d tried so hard to suppress. “Jocelyn tried to lock the bedroom door against me as if I would hurt her. Me! I would never lay a hand on her, but I damn sure came close to it that night. I kicked the door in, and that’s when it happened.” The remainder of what he wanted to say stuck in his throat, though he opened his mouth to force the words out. A tight fist of pain knotted in his stomach.
Stone patted him on the back. “Take your time, little bro,” he gently encouraged.
As a boy, Cade had never been prone to tears, but he was dangerously close to them now. No. He wouldn’t let that woman push him this far. Not sure how much time had passed since his last statement, Cade finally managed to finish. “To make a long story short, I demanded she tell me why she’d phoned me with that abrupt message about not wanting to see me again. I felt she owed me that considering we’d talked about having a future together. She told me she didn’t want to see me again and that she had no intention of returning home.”
“And then?” Stone prompted after a long pause.
“I wanted to know the exact reason, considering everything was great between us before she left. She kept telling me to leave it alone, that she didn’t want to hurt me but if I kept insisting she’d be forced to.”
Stone frowned, the disbelief on his face clear. “Really? That sounds so out of character.”
“I thought so too at the time, but I continued to demand an explanation and that’s when Jocelyn gave me this look…she looked at me with such…contempt, like I was a piece of dog shit on the bottom of her shoe and told me she had outgrown me. Then she went on to explain how I couldn’t give her the lifestyle she longed for—that I wasn’t good enough for her and that she’d found a new set of sophisticated friends she could carry on an intelligent conversation with. She had a few more choice words about not wanting to waste the rest of her life on the ranch, hanging around the dull, unsophisticated people living on it.”
Stone’s mouth fell open. “Get the hell out of here. She didn’t say that, did she?”
“I heard it with my own ears. Even after hearing it I didn’t want to believe it, but she made it pretty clear how she felt. And it wasn’t so much as what she said, but the way it was said. Her words were delivered with so much venom she treated me as if I had no feelings at all.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah, my sentiments exactly.”
“But it makes absolutely no sense, Cade. You guys were joined at the hip.”
“I know. I don’t need a reminder.”
Stone shook his head as though he was still trying to reconcile what he’d just learned. “No. She loved the ranch. I’d bet my last dime on it.” He scratched his head. “Hell, at any given time she could be found riding just as well as any of us, swimming in the pond, or helping out around the place. And you were never far behind. Even though she was a little older than you, I always sensed she had a soft spot for you, so when you became legal…I guess we all assumed…”
“I guess the enticement of becoming a big name and living the glamorous life was too much of a temptation to ignore. Who the hell knows what was going through her head. Look, Stone, I know you mean well, but this is something I’ll need to deal with on my own. I know I acted like an ass back there and I’ll apologize to Aunt Earlene for ruining dinner, hell, I’ll even be cordial to Jocelyn if that’s what it takes to keep the peace around here, but don’t expect anything more than that.”
Stone looked liked he wanted to say more, but Cade forestalled him by holding up his hand. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’ve said enough and I’d thank you not to bring it up again.” Turning on his heel, Cade walked off. This time Stone didn’t stop him.