Chapter Eight
Later that night Jocelyn tossed and turned, punching her pillow and switching positions. There was no use. She couldn’t sleep. Since she’d been home, it hadn’t been easy to sleep, especially knowing Cade was so near. With a frustrated groan, she slid out of bed and walked to the window. It was the kind with the deep seat she could fit her entire body on. When she was a kid, she used to sit in the window for hours sketching outfits, doing homework or simply daydreaming.
Scooting on the windowsill, Jocelyn pulled her knees against her chest and stared up at the moon, wishing she could turn back time when she didn’t look at everyone she met with such distrust. Didn’t constantly look over her shoulder. Didn’t cry herself to sleep most nights wondering why she was dealt such a devastating hand.
At this moment, she’d give anything to be the girl she’d once been, so carefree and full of hope and love in her heart and to a time when all she wanted was to be Mrs. Cade Devlin. They’d started out as friends even though she knew he had a bit of a crush on her. To Jocelyn, Cade had been like a little brother, and his efforts to steer their relationship into a more romantic direction had been amusing at first, but then one hot summer, she’d recognized him as a man.
From that point on, she’d tried to avoid him, but Cade wasn’t having it. He’d convinced her to meet him by the pond one balmy night. She’d never forget it.
“What’s this all about, Cade?” she asked when she saw a picnic dinner set out on a blanket. “You said you had something important to discuss.”
He gave her a lopsided grin. Cade had the kind of smile that drove women of all ages to distraction. “I couldn’t think of any other way to get you alone because you’ve been avoiding me these past few days.”
The last thing she was going to do was admit how hot she’d gotten seeing him shoveling manure with his top off. The way his sinewy frame glistened with sweat, defining all the muscles and hard planes of his body. He was only eighteen years old, still a boy by a lot of people’s standards, but seeing his tanned six-foot-two, broad-shouldered body screamed otherwise.
Jocelyn crossed her arms across her chest and took a couple steps back, putting as much space between them as possible without making it too obvious. “I haven’t been avoiding you, Cade. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” A trill of nervous laughter tore from her throat.
“You’re a terrible liar, Jos. Did you like seeing me working the other day?” He wiggled his eyebrows knowingly, his grin widening. “Yes, I noticed you watching me.” Cade moved closer until she could practically feel his breath against her face. “And I liked it.”
“Don’t.” She turned her head away from him, not wanting to notice how chiseled his face was, or the cute way his nose wiggled when he spoke.
“Jocelyn, you know how I feel about you. I’ve been in love with you since I was thirteen.”
“You can’t possibly know what love is, Cade, you’re only eighteen.”
His smile dropped and eyes narrowed to icy blue slits. “I may be young, but it doesn’t mean I don’t know what love is. You’re my first thought when I wake and the last when I go to sleep every night.”
“But I’m twenty-one.”
“Whooptie-f*cking-doo. A whole three years older. When you’re eighty I’ll be seventy-seven. In the grand scheme of things, do you think it matters?”
When put like that he had a point, but she was crazy for even entertaining the idea of being with him. “You’re talking as if we’re going to get married.”
“If I had my way, it will be forever.”
“You’re nuts.” Jocelyn shook her head, turning her back to him.
“Only for you.” He placed his hands on her shoulders. “I know I’m young, but you don’t have to be thirty to know your own heart and I know you’re the woman I want. And I think you want me, too.” He placed a kiss against the side of her neck.
A wave of pure delight zoomed up her spine. Her mind said no, pull away, but her body yelled yes! “This is wrong,” she groaned.
Cade molded his body against her back. “Nothing has ever felt so right.” He slid his hands down the length of her arms and grasped her waist. His erection pressed against her bottom. “Do you see what you’re doing to me? You’ve been the star of my wet dreams for years.”
To hear him talk this way should have turned her off, but instead it had the opposite effect. Her p-ssy tingled to life and she pressed her thighs tightly together to temper the building heat within.
“Cade, we shouldn’t.” Even as the token protest escaped her lips, she pushed her rear back, squirming against him, wanting more but too frightened to ask for it.
“That’s it, baby. Don’t fight what we both want.” Cupping her breasts in his palms, he gave them a healthy squeeze. Her nipples hardened under the ministrations of his calloused palms.
Cade planted kisses along the column of her neck. The scent of his aftershave mixed with an earthy scent all his own filtered to her nostrils, titillating her senses. Jocelyn could not remember a time when she’d been so aroused. The few men she’d dated hadn’t gotten further than second base and she’d never been more than mildly turned on. She’d gotten more excitement by touching herself but that wasn’t the case with Cade.
He lowered his hands, only to turn her around. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” he whispered before lowering his head to capture her lips. Moving his lips over hers, Cade took his time in a gentle exploration. He ran his tongue along the seam of her lips and Jocelyn threw her arms around him, pressing her breasts into his rock-hard chest. Any thoughts of denying him fled.
“Open up for me, darling,” he whispered against her mouth.
Jocelyn complied, parting her lips slightly to grant him access. His tongue drove forward in an act of aggressive passion. It was as if he was bent on conquering and devouring the recesses of her mouth. Not willing to remain passive in his arms, she slipped her tongue forward to meet his, tasting, whirling around and dancing with it.
She threaded her fingers through his hair, holding his head to hers. Her body was on fire and she wiggled against him, wanting to get closer to him. Jocelyn’s panties grew damp in her need for him, and she couldn’t think beyond how he was making her feel.
Without breaking the tight seal of their lips, he lifted her into his arms, carried her the short distance to the blanket and gently laid her down. Kneeling beside her, Cade devoured her with his eyes. The way he looked at her was just as intimate as his touch. She shivered underneath the heat of his stare. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You’re so beautiful. I can’t believe you’re actually here with me right now.”
“I can’t either,” she answered breathlessly.
“Do you know if we continue, I’m going to make love to you?”
Now was the moment to tell him to stop, that they shouldn’t risk their friendship on something that may not last, but when he looked down at her with his hungry blue gaze, the words got stuck in her throat and she could only nod in agreement.
He hesitated for a moment as though waiting for her to protest. When she didn’t, Cade slid his body on top of hers, his lips crushing hers once more. Her hands roamed the hard contours of his back as she reveled in his weight pressing against her body. Nothing felt more right than being here with Cade like this.
Jocelyn lifted her pelvis against his hardness, wanting more but too inexperienced to vocalize her desires. She groaned as he moved down the length of her body. Cade slowly undid her blouse and pushed it aside, exposing her bare breasts. Her nipples grew tight against the cool breeze, making the taut points extremely sensitive.
The lazy smile returned. “You’re not wearing a bra. You have perfect breasts, Jos. Made just for me. Even better than I imagined them.” His thumb grazed one hardened tip.
“Oh, Cade.”
“Say that again.”
“Cade.”
“I love it when you say my name.” He lowered his head to take the nipple he’d just caressed into his mouth.
Jocelyn writhed beneath the insistent pressure of his mouth. Arching her back, she offered more of herself to his questing tongue and lips. Cade licked and laved the puckered tip, circling it with his tongue. “Mmm, you’re delicious,” he murmured before transferring his attention to her other nipple.
A fire burned through her very core, threatening to consume them both. A pool of moisture soaked the inside of her thighs. She wanted him so badly she thought she’d go insane with lust. Frantic to feel his naked skin against hers, Jocelyn grasped a fistful of his shirt and pulled it out of the waistband of his jeans.
The feel of his flesh beneath her fingertips sent a thrill racing through her but she wanted more. Needed it. Craved it. Cade obviously had other plans for her as well. Releasing her nipple with a decisive wet pop, he unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them down her hips, discarding them along with her shoes, leaving only her panties.
Though he was the first man to ever see her in this state of undress, she wasn’t ashamed of her nudity. With Cade it felt natural.
“God, you’re beautiful. And you’re mine. All mine.” Cade traced a line in the center of her body starting between her breasts to her navel.
None of her wildest fantasies could have prepared her for such a turbulent bolt of desire surfing along every single nerve of her body, sending her to the edge of sensory overload.
The things Cade was doing to her were the things she’d only read in romance books. Not until this moment did she understand what those women were going through. Instinctively, she opened her legs to him when he removed the barrier of her panties.
Seeming to be in no rush, Cade grasped her ankle and kissed his way up her calf, then her knees all the way to her inner thigh, stopping short of her damp heat. He raised his head to meet her gaze. “You’re already wet and ready for me. Tell me you want this as much as I do.” To compound his point, he lapped at the moisture on her inner thighs, sending a rush of pure intoxicating delight to her very core.
“You know I do. I haven’t stopped you, have I?”
“It’s not enough. I want to hear you say the words.” His gruff plea penetrated her heart, and Jocelyn realized not only how much she wanted him but loved him. Maybe she always had, but because of their age difference she’d tried to push the thoughts away. Perhaps some people would say he was too young for her despite their only being three years apart but even if they did, it didn’t matter. What did matter was how they felt for each other. Besides, how could anything which felt so right, be wrong?
“I want you, Cade. More than you could know. Please make love to me.”
“You have no worry about that, baby, because that’s exactly what I intend to do, but first I’m going to taste you.”
Jocelyn watched with eager anticipation as Cade lowered his head to press one deep, lingering kiss against her slick folds. She bit her bottom lip to hold back the whimper that threatened to escape. Using his middle finger, he parted her labia and eased it into her damp heat.
She gasped at the unfamiliar intrusion, but her surprise was quickly replaced by a wild fluttering of excitement. “Cade.” Her voice came out in a ragged whisper.
He captured her blood-engorged * with his teeth, biting down with carefully calculated pressure, making her cry out at the delicious sensation it caused. Cade nibbled it for several seconds before sucking it fully into his mouth.
Jocelyn threaded her fingers through his hair and grinded her p-ssy against his face, unable to contain the animalistic craving to be claimed by him. Slipping another finger inside of her, he stretched her virgin p-ssy to its limits. The world spun in a tizzy around her, feelings she didn’t know existed rocked within her being.
Cade slowly fingered her, his mouth never leaving her pulsing *. Just when Jocelyn didn’t think she could take anymore of the decadent torture, he pulled the dew-soaked digits from her passage. She was unable to tear her eyes away from him as he licked her juices from his fingers. “Mmm. You’re delicious.”
She raised her hips, silently demanding more. “Please, Cade, don’t stop.”
He chuckled. “I didn’t intend to, baby. Did you think I’d want to rush our first time together?” Resettling himself between her thighs, he spread the swollen, wet tissue and lapped the length of her p-ssy with his tongue, seeming to relish each lick.
Just when Jocelyn thought she would explode, he pushed his tongue deep inside her tight sheath. Then he pulled it back out and slid it in again, repeating the motion over and over until she yelled out her release and her body shook uncontrollably.
An internal blaze roared to life within her trembling body, making it impossible for her to speak coherently. When she attempted to say Cade’s name, it came out as a hoarse croak. Cream oozed from her hot, stimulated p-ssy, but Cade wasn’t finished with her yet.
Burying his face between her legs, he licked and sucked her like a starving man getting his first taste of food in days and she was a particularly tasty morsel. Unable to handle more of the mind-blowing sensations, she pushed at his shoulders. “I can’t take anymore,” she groaned helplessly, tossing her head from side to side, thinking she could possibly die from pleasure overload.
At first she didn’t think Cade had heard her, but after several more seconds and one last stroke of his questing tongue, he raised his head with a huge grin on his face. “Did you like that?” Too high from the pleasure he’d just given her, Jocelyn could only nod. His smile widened as he stood and pushed his shirt off. Then he unbuckled his pants, and slid them down lean hips.
Jocelyn’s breath caught in her throat at the sight of his perfectly formed body. Long hours of working on the ranch had toned his body to a series of rock-hard muscles. She licked suddenly dry lips, her gaze sliding down along every ripple and valley of his body.
Cade kicked off his boots and hastily removed his underwear. Her eyes widened at the sight of his cock. This was the first one she’d seen up close and personal. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but it seemed awfully large, at least nine inches in length and impossibly thick. Jocelyn didn’t have to be experienced to know that thing would hurt.
“Dear God,” she whispered, finally finding her voice, not able to tear her eyes away from his hard shaft.
He fisted his dick with a trembling hand and knelt before her. Cade glanced at her almost expectantly and she wondered why he was hesitating? He’d seemed so confident and sure of himself with every move he’d made earlier, yet now his shoulders trembled and the way he briefly chewed on his bottom lip spoke of his anxiety.
Jocelyn lifted herself enough to support her weight on her elbows. “What’s the matter?”
A half smile curved his sensual lips. “I’ve never done this before.”
She gasped at his admission. Cade was young, but she wasn’t unaware of the many girls who threw themselves at him wherever he went. She knew it couldn’t have been from lack of opportunity. “Why?”
“Because…you’re the only woman I’ve ever wanted to do it with.”
Her heart skipped a beat at the obvious sincerity in his voice. Her insides melted like a lump of butter in the sun. “Cade, it’s my first time, too.”
His blue gaze roamed her face as though he were committing her every feature to his memory. “Do you…do you still want to do this?”
Jocelyn’s body was on fire for him. To send him away now would have been like a slow death. She needed him right now as much as the air to breathe, to feel the press of his body against hers, their hearts beating as one.
“Yes. I want you, Cade.” Lying back, she held her arms out to him, ready to receive all he had to give.
He pushed her thighs apart with his free hand and gently pressed his cock at her entrance. “Are you sure, Jos?”
“More than I’ve ever been in my life. Please make love to me, Cade.”
He shoved forward. And missed. His cock slipped between her thigh and outer labia. They both laughed.
“Here, let me help.” Jocelyn spread her legs further apart and gently separated her slick nether lips.
This time, when he pressed forward, Cade hit mark. He hesitated once he had a couple inches inside of her. “I love you, Jocelyn.” Then he thrust again with one powerful motion.
Jocelyn braced herself for his intrusion, but the pain she’d expected was nowhere near as painful as she thought it would be. Instead there was an incredibly tight, straining feeling within which would take some getting used to. She silently applauded Cade his control as he remained still.
He dropped a kiss on her brow. “Are you okay?”
She nodded, appreciating the time he gave her to adjust to his size. Once her body adjusted to him, she lifted her hips to signal she was ready. Needing no further encouragement, Cade move deeper into her hot sex, and then pulled out almost until he was completely out of her before thrusting even further into her. Jocelyn gasped at the delicious heat swirling inside of her as he stretched her p-ssy to its limits.
Cade’s movements were slow and steady for several strokes, but something within Jocelyn wouldn’t allow her to remain compliant beneath him. She wanted more. Wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, she gyrated her hips, meeting him thrust for decadent thrust, until she wasn’t sure where his body ended and hers began.
They pushed and strained against each other, slowly moving toward a mind-blowing climax. When she reached her peak, it was pure nirvana. Cade cried out her name, pulling out before spilling his seed. And then with a groan, he collapsed against her, his breathing ragged. “I knew it would be like this.”
So did she.
That perfect night under the stars changed their lives forever. From then on, they’d become inseparable. She could share her deepest, innermost feelings with Cade without recrimination. He was her best friend, confidant and lover. Their love making had become better with each time they came together. Jocelyn knew he would be the man she wanted to be with for the rest of her life, but he was still young. Though Cade was gung ho about settling down, Jocelyn as well as his brothers, believed he should wait a few more years.
In the meantime, Cade had encouraged her aspirations to one day open up her own little clothing boutique in town. He’d even shown her the ad for the internship in the newspaper. If only he hadn’t shown it to her. If only she hadn’t taken it. If only she hadn’t gone to that party.
If only she could stop loving him.
Tears coursed down her face as the memories flooded her mind. There was no point in dwelling in the past. What was done was done and there was no turning back. She would have to accept her life as it was—one without love.
If only…