Chapter Fourteen
Cade rolled off Jocelyn and pulled her within the crook of his arm, alarm filling him. He thought they’d shared something pretty special, but had it been too much for Jocelyn? The last thing he wanted was to make her feel obligated to be with him intimately, which was why he’d kept asking her if it was okay. Now, he silently cursed himself. He should have been more firm in his resolve to give her time. Feeling like a major a*shole, he cuddled her against him. “I’m so sorry, darling. Please forgive me.”
She raised her head with a sniff, a bewildered look on her face. “Why are you apologizing?”
“Because we probably shouldn’t have done this. You weren’t ready for this, but I couldn’t keep my hands off of you. Not that it’s an excuse.” Releasing her, he sat up, raking his fingers through his hair. “Dammit, I’m no better than those animals who—”
“Please don’t say it, Cade. You’re nothing like them. Do you hear me? Nothing!”
Shame washed through him. “But you weren’t ready.”
She snorted, wiping a tear away. “I think the only person qualified to know whether I’m ready for this is me, don’t you think?”
“But you were crying.”
“I was crying because it was a beautiful moment, you idiot! I was crying because I love you, and because I never thought I’d ever feel this way again. I believed I’d been robbed of my capability of being aroused, and of loving. Tonight, you helped me to heal.”
He opened his mouth to speak but she raised her hand to stop him.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’ll never forget what happened to me and I may never get over it completely. Something like that stays with you, you know? But you showed me how it was meant to be between a man and woman. You showed me love. They were tears of joy, Cade, not sadness. Now, stop being silly and come over here and hold me.”
Cade found himself grinning from ear to ear. She didn’t need to tell him twice. Sliding his body next to hers, he pulled her in his arms and held her tightly, not wanting to let go. Dropping a kiss on the top of her head, he stroked her back. “I love you so much. Jocelyn, no matter what happens, promise me we’ll be honest with each other from here on out. I don’t think I can take another seven years without you in my life.”
Her bottom lip poked out in a pout and a forlorn expression crossed her face. “Oh, Cade. I’m so sorry for what I did to you. I wish I could take it back. If I knew now what I knew then, I would have told you the truth, but I was so afraid of how you’d react. I didn’t think it was fair to burden you with my problems.”
“And that decision was mine to make. I was angry when I first learned what happened to you and that you lied to me, but I’ve had time to think about it. Not once did I blame you for what happened. Oh, I admit to being mighty miffed about you keeping it from me, but I could never be upset with you for what happened. It wasn’t your fault. Those bastards are to blame, and let me tell you right now, I will find them one day and make them pay for what they did to you.”
“But I don’t even know who they are. I don’t know their names, for all I know they could have been aliases. Besides, after all this time, if we did find those guys, it would be hard to get a conviction.”
Cade raised a brow, fury boiling in his blood. When he looked at his precious Jocelyn, knowing what was done to her, he could commit murder. “I never said anything about taking those motherf*ckers to court. I said I’d make them pay by handing out a little Texas justice Devlin style.”
She placed her hand against his chest. “Cade, don’t do anything stupid. You’re no good to either of us if you’re in jail.”
“I’m not going to kill them if that’s what you’re thinking, although I’d very much like to. No, I have something else in mind. You forget, we Devlins have connections around these parts and I have some buddies in Dallas who owe me a few favors. If those punks are still hanging out in the same spots, I’ll find them.”
She shivered. “Cade, I appreciate the gesture, but I don’t want you getting in trouble with the law. I know you care about me, and knowing that is enough for me. You don’t have to seek revenge on my behalf. Don’t get me wrong, I want to see those bastards strung up by their balls but I know it won’t change what happened to me. Besides, I wouldn’t even know where to find them.”
“We can start with the person throwing that party and go from there.” Seeing the apprehensive look enter her eyes, Cade realized this probably wasn’t the right time to have this discussion. There’d be time to go over this, later. But for now, he simply wanted to bask in the aftermath of what they shared. “We’ll discuss it later.”
“You can’t just bring something like that up and expect me to forget about it. Don’t you think this should be my decision?”
Cade saw the fear lurking in her eyes. More than anything, he wanted to take away her pain, turn back time and make things the way they used to be. He sighed, knowing he’d need patience. “Are you scared about confronting them?”
She lowered her lids and nodded.
He caressed the side of her face, his thumb grazing her soft cheek. “Just some food for thought, but if they could do what they did to you, it stands to reason you weren’t their first victim, or their last. If anything, they deserve to be punished to prevent them from doing to someone else, what they did to you.”
Jocelyn didn’t respond for a long time and for a moment, Cade wondered if he’d gone too far. But finally, she met his gaze once more. “You’re right. I don’t want anyone else to go through what I did, and if there’s a way to stop it from happening, I-I’ll do what I can to help you find them. But, I’m not sure if I have it in me to go through a long trial where I’m scrutinized as if I’m the criminal. I’ve seen it before and I-I know I sound like a coward but—”
“Sweetheart, I think you’re very brave. Don’t ever let me hear you say that about yourself again. You’ve already gone through so much. All I need is your assistance in finding them and you leave the rest up to me.”
Placing her palms against his chest, her eyes widened. “Promise me you won’t kill them. They’re not worth it and I don’t think I can lose you again.”
Holding her close, he placed his head against her forehead. “I promise. Leave it up to me. By the time I’m done with them, I’m sure they’ll prefer death.”
“What are you—”
Covering her mouth with his, he silenced her. “Shh. We’ll talk about it later, okay?”
She nodded. “Okay.”
“Besides, we have other things to discuss, like you telling me all about New York. Do you think the Big Apple is ready for a country boy like me?”
“Oh, Cade. Would you really be willing to leave all this behind to come to New York with me?”
“You’d better believe it, sweetheart. This has been my home all my life, but I realized without you, it means absolutely nothing to me. My home is wherever you are.”
A tear slid down her cheek. “I love you so much. Thank you.”
He brushed her lips with his. “There’s nothing to thank me for. I’ll be stuck to you like glue, lady. You won’t get rid of me so easily.”
“This sacrifice you’re willing to make on my behalf is humbling but I can’t let you do it.”
His smile faded and eyes narrowed. Instinctively his hold tightened around her. If she thought he’d let her go, she had another think coming. “Jocelyn, we belong together. There’s no way I’m letting you walk out of my life again. I’ve made up my mind.”
“And I’ve made up mine. I can’t let you give up everything you have here. There might be a lot to do in New York, but you’d be bored within a week of moving there. You wouldn’t feel right if you didn’t have to wake up at the crack of dawn and work until sunset. You love it here. Devlin Ranch is in your blood and I won’t let you give it up for me.”
“Jocelyn, I’ve already told you, my life means nothing to me unless you’re in it. Yes, it will take a little adjustment on my end, but I’m sure I can find something to do.”
“Let me finish. What I’m trying to say, is it won’t be necessary for you to uproot yourself because I’m willing to move back here to be with you.”
Cade shook his head, not sure if he’d heard her correctly. He’d already come to terms with the idea of relocating, although the thought did fill him with some trepidation. He’d be a fish out of water, but somehow, with Jocelyn by his side, he figured they could work things out somehow. But if she was willing to live here… “Jocelyn, I did mean everything I said.”
“I know you did, and I appreciate it, but I won’t allow you to make that sacrifice, especially when it would be so much easier for me to move back here.”
“What about your business? Isn’t your home and business in New York?”
“Like you said, my home is with you, Cade. As far as my business concerns, I don’t need to be in my office to create my designs. I can set up an office here. As far as my condo, I’ll probably hold on to it because I’ll need to travel to Manhattan quite a bit until I get my affairs settled.”
It almost seemed too good to be true and Cade felt like jumping for joy. “Do you really mean it? You’d be willing to give up the bright lights to come live back here?”
She giggled. “Cade, while I’ve grown accustomed to city living, it doesn’t compare to the fresh air, wide open spaces, and you. I liked living in Manhattan, but I’m a country girl at heart. I never realized how much I missed this place until I came back. Besides, being with you, I look forward to reconnecting with my father and getting to know my new stepmother better. I miss sitting at the kitchen table in the big house while chatting over a cup of coffee with Aunt Earlene. I miss riding the horses, Decker’s jokes, Ridge’s teasing and Stone’s advice. But most especially, you’re here. I knew I was fighting a losing battle when I came here because I knew once I set foot on the ranch again, I probably wouldn’t want to leave. Like you said, my home is wherever you are, but I’d prefer my home to be here.”
Cade’s heart contracted. He didn’t think it was possible to love Jocelyn anymore than he already did, but she’d just proven him wrong. Unable to control himself, he tightened his arms around her and gave her a hard hungry kiss, not breaking the tight seal of their lips until his lungs screamed for air.
“Whoo!” Jocelyn panted. “That kiss was something else.”
“You’re something else. Something special. Would you really be willing to come back to the ranch to live? I mean it’s not as glamorous as what you’re used to. We may have some parties every now and then, but they’ll be nothing like the glamorous shindigs you’re used to. No celebrities or—”
She placed a finger against his lips, silencing him. “Shut up, Cade. If I wanted those things, don’t you think I would have jumped for joy when you offered to go to New York with me? Honestly, all I’ve ever wanted was to create clothing behind the scenes, but when a few celebrities began wearing my designs, I became bigger than I thought I’d ever be. I admit it, seeing my work come to life on the runway is a dream come true, but the other stuff, not so much. I hate the parties and all the traveling. I haven’t earned the reputation as a recluse for nothing.”
“And you’re willing to walk away from everything you’ve worked so hard to build?”
“I won’t be walking away, Cade, just refocusing my attention on other projects. I have a handful of up and coming designers working for my company who are quite capable of taking care of the high end stuff that appears on the runways and in overpriced boutiques. I’d like to turn my energy into designing an affordable line of clothing for regular women of all shapes and sizes. I’m actually already in talks to partner with a major retail store. I can just as easily perform my negotiations here, as I can in Manhattan. But what I can’t do, is go back there feeling the way I do about you. Cade, I love you. There’s been too much time wasted already and a lot of catching up to do, starting now.” She captured his face between her hands and pressed her lips against his.
For so long, Cade had gone through life as though a part of him was cut off—his heart. But finally, it was whole once again.
Jocelyn stirred, stretching her arms above her head, a feeling of delicious contentment flowing through her body. The warmth of Cade’s body next to hers felt so right. His arms were wrapped around her waist, his lean frame curved against her backside. The even sound of his breathing told her he was still sleeping.
Careful not to wake him, she rolled away and turned to face him. He looked so peaceful and handsome in his slumber. Seeing a stray lock of blond hair resting on his forehead, Jocelyn used it as an excuse to brush it aside. A moan rumbled in his throat, but he remained asleep.
Words couldn’t adequately describe all the emotions running through her in this moment. Being with him again like this was like a huge weight lifted off her shoulders. Jocelyn knew she still had a ways to go before she was completely over the trauma she’d suffered, maybe she never would be, but unlike before now, there was hope. Hope for a better future and happiness with Cade. His love was a balm to her heart—the kind that would ease the passage to her healing.
For so long she’d been so afraid, ashamed, and anxious that she’d forgotten what it was like to be so thoroughly happy. Coming home was the best thing she could have done. Jocelyn only wished she hadn’t stayed away so long. Tears sprang to her eyes as she thought of all the years she’d dealt with her pain alone. But then again, would things have turned out this way? She’d never know for sure. Unable to keep still, she leaned over and pressed her lips against his brow before rolling off the bed. She picked up Cade’s shirt and slipped it on.
Silver beams of moonlight illuminated the room through the window, beckoning her to them. Wrapping her arms around her body to stave off a shiver, she walked toward the window and sighed. Home. This is where she belonged. It would be no hardship to uproot and live here. In fact, she could hardly wait for the next stage of her life to begin.
Her mind drifted to Kyla, who’d come to mean so much to her over the past few years. She was going through her own private hell and Jocelyn hoped her friend could obtain peace in her life and perhaps find someone who would love and nurture her the way she deserved to be. Perhaps, Jocelyn could convince Kyla to stick around past the wedding.
She was so deep in thought that she didn’t hear Cade slide off the bed and join her. Strong arms wrapped around her. With a smile, she leaned against his hardness. “Hmm. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“No worries. I missed you.”
Jocelyn giggled. “I was only standing a few feet away, silly.”
“But you weren’t in my arms where you belong. If you’re not near me, I miss you.”
Her heart skipped a beat. “Aww, you’re so sweet.”
“No, you are. And I could just eat you up.”
“You already did,” she laughed.
“And you were delicious.” He nipped her earlobe playfully. “So, what were you thinking? You looked deep in thought.”
Jocelyn released a sigh. “I was thinking about how happy I am right now and also about Kyla.”
“What about her?”
“I wish for her to be happy one day. She’s been through so much. People judge her based on what they’ve read in the magazines and on gossip blogs, but she’s nothing like that. I know she seems standoffish to people who don’t know her, but she’s been through a lot in her life.”
“Well, if she’s a friend of yours, she must be a good person, besides I owe her one. If she hadn’t told me the truth, we might never have talked things out. For that, she’s okay in my book. But enough about her, I’d rather focus on us right now.”
Cade turned her around to face him until their lips met in a hungry kiss. Jocelyn parted her lips to grant his tongue the access it demanded. She wasn’t willing to let him dominate the kiss, however. Thrusting her tongue forward to meet his, she gave as good as she got, devouring and exploring the deep recesses of his mouth. She loved this man so much, and she couldn’t think of anyplace she would rather be than here in his arms.
The hardness of his erection pressed against her thigh, making Jocelyn pull back slightly. Raising an eyebrow, she asked, “Are you ready again? We’ve already made love three times tonight.”
He gave her a lopsided grin. “Darling, I don’t ever think I can get enough of you. Besides, we have a lot of lost time to make up for.”
She couldn’t argue with that line of logic. “Then by all means, let’s go back to bed.”
Chuckling, Cade scooped her up and carried her the short distance to the bed. As he lay her down and covered her body with his, Jocelyn shivered in anticipation of what was to come. “I love you, Cade,” she whispered as their lips met.
No matter what lay ahead in the future, Jocelyn had the courage to face it head on because finally she was whole.