We finally got out of bed a while later. I resisted the urge to follow Olivia into the shower, deciding to make breakfast for her instead. When she emerged—looking unbelievably sexy with damp hair and wearing my tee shirt—I handed her a cup of coffee and led her to the table where I had two omelets waiting for us.
“Wow,” she said between bites. “Where did you learn to cook like this?”
“Teddy,” I answered. “Throughout high school and boot camp, he was always the guy who took care of everyone. We’d wake up hung-over after partying too hard the night before and Teddy would have these huge breakfasts laid out for us. He drank just as much as the rest of us, but somehow he always woke up cheerful and ready to go. It used to drive our friends crazy, especially when they were fighting wicked hangovers, but it’s the way he always was.” Pain twitched in my chest at the memory. “He had such a great attitude about life… like he was just grateful to be here. Total glass half-full type, you know? He took everything in stride. No matter what happened, he was always positive, loving life. It was impossible not to be happy around him. He had this infectious personality that pulled people in. I always wished I could be more like him.”
“Sounds like a really great guy,” Olivia said, placing her hand over mine.
“He was.”
I never discussed Teddy, with anyone, ever. It was too painful for me to talk about him, and yet, here I was chatting to Olivia about him without even thinking. She made it easy to open up and share those parts of myself that I kept hidden from everyone else. I was completely hypnotized by her. She knew what it was like to lose someone who she loved, and she understood a lot of what I was going through.
Olivia didn’t ask any more questions or press for details, and she didn’t tell me how sorry she was. I loved that about her. It was as though she could sense how much it hurt for me to talk about him, so she changed the subject to make it easier for me.
There was still a part of me that worried what she might do if I opened myself up to her completely. There was so much bad shit inside me. I couldn’t help but fear what would happen if she saw the darkest parts.
Olivia had to leave for work shortly after we finished eating, so I walked her out to her car before we went our separate ways. She was working for the next three nights, and I wouldn’t be able to spend much time with her. At this point though, I was glad to have any time with her at all.
We stood at her car, looking at each other awkwardly for a moment, neither one of us knowing what to say. After spending the last twelve hours in our own perfect little bubble, it was time to get back to the real world.
“So, what now?” Olivia laughed. “I guess I’ll, um… see you later?”
I put my hands on her hips and pulled her toward me. “Now, you give me a kiss… a good one… and call me when you’re done working. No matter how late it is.”
She smiled. “That can be arranged.” Standing on her tiptoes, she wrapped her arms around my neck, softly brushing her lips against mine. I swiped at her bottom lip with my tongue, and with a faint moan, she parted her lips. Because I couldn’t help myself, I took full advantage and deepened the kiss until my mind was hazy and we were both breathing heavily. Then, after placing one last soft kiss on her lips, I reluctantly let her go and turned away.
***
Despite the fact that I was stuck working the next few nights, Dex and I managed to find time to see each other. We would go out to lunch in between my shifts at the aquarium and the restaurant, or he would come in when I was working to have dinner or grab a beer. Not to mention that he sent me sweet—and sometimes dirty—text messages throughout the day, and every night when I got off work, we would talk on the phone. He hated the fact that I got home so late after my shifts at the restaurant, and I knew he wouldn’t sleep until he could confirm that I’d gotten home safe.
For someone who didn’t do relationships, Dex sure was good at it. When I teased him about it, he would say that it was easy with me because he wanted to do all this stuff anyway, so he didn’t even have to try.
Pretty damn sweet, right? Yeah, I was in trouble.
Aside from a few lingering kisses here and there, we hadn’t done anything physical since our first night together. I was aching to be with him again. Never once had it been this way with Steven, or anyone else for that matter. Every little touch from Dex left me heated and eager for more. I lay in bed with images of him drifting through my head and no way to cure the ache.
In other words, I was horny as hell.
Fortunately, I only had one more night shift at the restaurant, and then I would have a couple days off. Dex would be taking me on our first official date, and I was practically counting the minutes.
I met Nora in Charleston to go shopping for something to wear, since my clothing selection was limited, and I wanted to wear something nice that Dex hadn’t seen before. I didn’t have a lot of money to spend, but Nora suggested a boutique thrift store downtown with a selection of high-end clothing, most of which had been dropped off by wealthy women after being worn once or twice.
After browsing through multiple racks, I found a coral dress that caught my eye. It had a low neckline and was fitted through the bodice with a slight flair at the waist. It was the perfect combination of pretty and sexy, and it fit like it was made for me.
“That’s the one. it’s absolutely perfect!” Nora said when I stepped out of the dressing room.
“I don’t think I have any shoes to wear with it…” I mentally went through the three or four pairs of shoes I had in my closet and came up empty.
She smiled. “No, but I do. Pay for that dress and then let’s go raid my closet.”
We hurried over to the house that she and Jake were staying in, and she immediately brought me inside and led me to her closet. It reminded me of college when she would dress me for big dates, job interviews, or anything that required me to look somewhat decent. She’d always been so generous.
“How’s the wedding planning?” I asked while watching her dig through her closet.
“Good! I mean, we haven’t given it a ton of thought, but it’s not as though we’re in a rush. Right now, we’re getting used to our new life and enjoying being together.” Nora got a dreamy look in her eye whenever she spoke about Jake and for the first time I understood it. “We’re probably going to do something small, keep it simple, you know?”
“Simple is nice,” I agreed. “No sense in putting more pressure on yourselves. It should be the happiest day of your life, not something to stress over.”
“Exactly! We thought about doing a beach wedding, but then Jake had the idea to do it at his grandfather’s old fishing cabin where we had our first date. He recently fixed it all up, and it’s beautiful. It’s right on the water with a dock that we could turn into a makeshift aisle, and there’s a field nearby where we could set up a tent for the reception… it would be really special. And you should have seen how excited Jake was with the idea; it was adorable!”
I laughed. “He’s a sweetheart, that one. I can see why you held out for him all those years.”
“Totally worth it,” she smiled. From the corner of her closet she pulled out a pair of tan strappy heels. “Aha! Found them!”
After finding me the perfect shoes and a chunky, teal necklace to go with the dress, Nora and I spent the rest of the afternoon getting our nails done at a salon down the street. I was happier and more relaxed than I’d been in a long time, and I couldn’t wait for my date tomorrow.
I said goodbye to Nora and got in the car. As I was driving away, she called out to me, “Have fun tomorrow. I’ll be expecting details!”
A few minutes into my shift at the Seaside, Melanie approached me with a weird look on her face.
“Do you know that guy over there?” she asked, pointing to the man she had seated in my section. “He requested you, which seemed a little strange, so I wanted to give you a heads’ up.”
He was an older man, probably in his fifties, with gray hair and a rough look about him. I didn’t recognize him, but I must have known him from somewhere if he asked for me specifically.
I shrugged. “I don’t think so, but I’ve seen so many people in here that it’s hard to keep track. I probably waited on him at some point and made a good impression.”
Grabbing a menu, I walked over to his table with a friendly smile. “Good evening, sir… how are you doing tonight?”
He barely smiled in return, and he didn’t look at me with any familiarity. Instead he seemed to examine me; his hard, steel gray eyes probing me as if searching for something. When his lips turned up in a half smile, it seemed forced, like he was hiding behind it.
“I’m good,” he answered. “How’re you doin’, Olivia?”
Obviously, he knew me somehow, unless Melanie had given him my name, which was unlikely.
“Great, thank you,” I replied. “Can I start you off with something to drink?”
“Scotch, neat.”
By the time I returned with his drink, his intense demeanor seemed to have toned down a bit. Shortly after that, when I brought his food over to him, he was actually somewhat friendly.
“Have you lived here long?” he asked casually, grabbing a handful of fries from his plate.
“A few months or so,” I answered vaguely, wanting to avoid personal conversation. “It’s a great place though.”
“Yeah, it seems like it. It’s my first time here. I’m passing through on my way back to New York. I wish I could stay longer.”
I was momentarily distracted when I saw Dex and Sadie walk into the restaurant, and I couldn’t help but smile. My customer noticed when I stopped paying attention and followed my gaze across the room to where Dex and Sadie were waving at me.
“That your boyfriend?”
My focus snapped back to him, and I blushed furiously, searching for a way to steer the subject toward something else. “You, uh, said you’re from New York?” I muttered, hiding my flushed cheeks. “I used to live up there.”
“Is that so?” His lips curled in amusement. “What brought you here?”
“Just a change of scene, I suppose.” The topic of conversation made me uneasy, and I really wanted to get out of there. “Can I get you anything else?”
His eyes flickered to where Dex was sitting before he answered, “Just the check, please.”
I did my best to shake the awkward feeling before heading over to Dex and Sadie’s table. It was adorable to see them sitting together, and my mood immediately brightened. Fortunately, it was still early for dinner, and they were my only other table so I could spend a little bit of time with them.
“Well, it must be my lucky day,” I said, walking over to them. My heart jumped in my chest at the way Dex’s eyes greedily took me in, making it difficult to keep my composure. “What brings you two here tonight?”
“Well, I wanted to get pizza,” Sadie told me excitedly. “But then Uncle Dee said that if we came here, he would take me out for ice cream after!”
“Oh, yeah?” I turned to Dex, who was grinning.
“What can I say? The service here is excellent… I can’t get enough of it,” he said cheekily.
I dropped the mystery man’s check off while he was outside talking on the phone so I wouldn’t have to endure any more uncomfortable interaction with him. I noticed him watching me while I was talking to Dex and Sadie, and it gave me an eerie feeling.
“Who is that guy?” Dex asked, noticing my discomfort.
I knew how protective he was, and I didn’t want to make a big deal out of what I was feeling when it was probably nothing. “Nobody. Some customer from a while back that I can’t seem to remember. He was a little nosy, that’s all,” I reassured him.
They left when they were finished with dinner so that Dex could take Sadie to get her ice cream, as promised. He gave me a quick kiss goodbye and leaned in close.
“Can’t wait to see you tomorrow,” he whispered. His warm breath caressed my neck and a shiver ran down my spine as I watched him walk away.
When I next looked up, the creepy, mystery man was already gone. It wasn’t until later that night when I finally picked up on something he said. “This is my first time here,” he’d told me. So, if he had never been in here before, then why did he request me? And how did he know my name?
Since Olivia and I had already slept together—which I was not complaining about, by the way—it felt like we’d skipped ahead and missed a few steps. I’d never even taken her out on a proper first date, and I wanted to make up for it. I was determined to do everything right with Olivia. If that meant taking a step back from the physical stuff and keeping my dick in my pants, then I would do it. I didn’t want to do anything to mess this up, and I definitely didn’t want her to think I was only interested in sex. I mean, yeah, I couldn’t stop thinking about it because it was hands-down the best sex I’d ever had and I was dying to do it again, but it was only a part of it. I loved everything about her, and I wanted her to know it.
After three agonizingly long days, she finally had the night off from work. I was taking her out for a nice dinner in Charleston. I’d even dressed up for the occasion, something I almost never did. I felt awkward and uncomfortable wearing a navy blue dress shirt and gray slacks with a matching tie that I’d let Amy pick out for me. I was starting to regret my decision to do a fancy dinner, until Olivia opened her door and literally took my breath away.
She was in a gorgeous dress with her hair falling loose over her shoulders and sexy heels that made her legs look like they were ten miles long. Every inch of her was f*cking flawless. I stood there with my heart in my throat as my eyes wandered over her, speechless, frozen in place and suddenly nervous.
When I didn’t say anything, she eyed me with concern. “Dex? Are you all right?”
“You’re beautiful.”
“Thank you.” She smiled shyly. “You’re looking pretty darn good yourself, Mr. Porter. Where are you taking me?”
“You’ll have to wait and see, Ms. Mason.” I led her to my truck and helped her climb inside. Her sweet, tantalizing smell filled the cab, and I wasn’t sure I could make it all the way to the restaurant without pulling over to get a taste of her.
As we walked down the cobblestone street to the restaurant, I reached for her hand and wove her fingers with mine, unable to go any longer without touching her. She looked at me with her gorgeous smile, and my chest tightened. I couldn’t believe that she was here with me… that I was lucky enough to be with her.
The restaurant I took her to was on the rooftop of a hotel overlooking downtown Charleston and the harbor. The setting sky glowed with the city lights—specks of blazing fire dancing across the twilight. Olivia’s eyes brightened when she took in the view, with a look of pure enchantment that thawed my heart and made everything worthwhile.
It was a warm summer night, but with the breeze from the rooftop, the temperature was perfect. There were only a few other tables besides ours, so our meal was quiet and peaceful with the twinkling lights and the city below serving as an ideal backdrop. The conversation came naturally between us, as it normally did, and we stuck around for drinks once we finished dinner. The longer we sat there, the more difficult it became not to touch her. We kept inching closer to each other, unable to fight the pull between us, until we were nearly touching. She leaned back, crossing her legs and causing her dress to ride up even further, exposing the soft skin of her thigh that I was aching to run my hand over. The way she licked her lips when she looked at me, like she wanted a taste, drove me crazy and made me want to devour her mouth and suck on those perfect lips. I could hardly stand it.
“You’re making it really hard to keep my hands to myself,” I told her softly, sloping my body toward hers.
Resting her hand on my thigh, she smiled. “What makes you think you have to keep your hands to yourself?”
Her touch fired electricity through my veins, and I sighed. “Because, this is technically our first date, and I promised myself I would do it right, which means taking it slow.”
“What if I don’t want to take it slow?” she said, a pout forming on her lips. “What if I want you?”
Christ, she was going to make this difficult. “I want to give you everything that you deserve,” I told her. “And you deserve charm and magic… and perfection. I want you to know how much you mean to me.” I brushed her hair to the side and gently touched my lips to the spot below her ear. “Even if it means resisting the urge to rip your panties off and sink inside you right here.” She sucked in a breath, and I loved how much I affected her. When I pulled back, she had a determined smile on her face.
“We’ll see,” she said cunningly. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to use the ladies room.”
I used her time away to try and get myself under control. The fact that she wanted me as badly as I wanted her was such a f*cking turn-on, I could hardly stand it. When she came back to the table, there was a mischievous look in her eye that made me wonder what she was up to. As she sat down, I noticed that there was something hidden in her closed fist.
“Would you mind holding onto these for me?” She held her hand out and pressed something into my palm. “They were getting awfully damp, so I decided to take them off.”
I looked down, groaning loudly when I saw what she handed me. Her panties. She took off her f*cking panties and handed them to me. Tiny, sexy, black lace panties that most certainly didn’t cover much before, but now covered nothing. My cock was instantly hard and straining against the front of my slacks.
“You play dirty, Ms. Mason…” I said through gritted teeth. All I could think about was her bare, wet p-ssy underneath that dress, and it was driving me crazy. She smiled playfully, like she knew exactly what she was doing to me, and began seductively tracing her lips with her finger.
Damn, she was frisky. It was sexy as hell, and if she wanted to play… we would play.
I deliberately let my napkin slide off the table to the floor. Leaning down to pick it up, I placed my palm on her ankle and slowly ran my hand all the way up her leg, settling it on her thigh beneath her dress, obscured by the tablecloth. Her breath began coming in faster and her legs parted slightly. With my eyes locked on hers, I pushed my hand between her legs, running my finger over her wet heat before slipping it inside her, causing a breathless moan to escape her lips.
Drawing my hand back, I sucked my finger into my mouth while she watched with rapt attention. “Delicious…”
Her cheeks flushed pink, and she sat there wordlessly for a moment, making me think our little game was over. Then, she scooted closer to me and shoved her hand beneath the tablecloth, landing on my lap and positioning it over my massive erection. She began stoking me through my pants, and I gripped the edge of the table until my knuckles were white.
“You’re killin’ me, Liv…” I closed my eyes and let my head fall back, pleasure flooding through me. She began rubbing me harder and when my eyes snapped open there was desire written all over her face. Touching me was turning her on, and the fact that she needed me so badly was the last straw.
“F*ck it, let’s go.” I threw more than enough cash down to cover our meal as well as a generous tip, grabbed Olivia’s hand and hauled her out of the restaurant.
We couldn’t get back to my house fast enough. As soon as we made it through the front door, I had her up against the wall, locking her hands above her head and pressing my body against hers.
I’d never experienced this kind of need before. Obviously, I loved sex, but this kind of visceral, desperate, uncontrollable need was something I only felt with Olivia. I wanted to possess her—mind, body and soul—and I wanted her to possess me the same way. I craved her with an intensity that went beyond anything else and made me feel out of control.
“Feel that, baby?” I pushed my hips into her so she could feel just how badly I wanted her. “You make me so hard… I’m so f*cking hard for you.”
She moaned, and I ran one of my hands down her body, pulling her tightly against me. “I was kidding myself thinking I could control myself tonight,” I murmured. “It’d be one thing if I hadn’t been with you yet and I didn’t know what I was missing. But now that I know what you taste like…” I brought my lips to her neck, sweeping my tongue across her skin, “… what you feel like…” I dropped my hand between her legs, dragging it over her slick p-ssy, “… what you sound like…” I sank two fingers inside her, causing her to moan loudly. “There’s no way I can resist plunging myself deep inside you tonight.”
She rocked her hips into my fingers, breathing heavily.
“Do you want this as much as I do?” I asked, looking down at her.
She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded.
“I want to hear you say it.” I unbuttoned my pants and pulled the zipper down as I thrust my fingers inside her.
“I want it, Dex,” she replied with breathless anticipation. “I want you.”
My lips crashed against hers. She grabbed my tie, pulling me closer and kissing me with the same urgency I felt. I reached for a condom from my wallet and rolled it on while she devoured my neck, making it difficult to concentrate.
As soon as I was covered, I hiked up her dress and grabbed her thighs, driving into her hard and fast against the wall. She cried out, wrapping one leg around my waist and gripping my shoulders forcefully, letting her head fall back against the wall. I was so far beyond taking my time, I couldn’t have slowed down even if I wanted to. Fortunately, Olivia seemed to want it that way.
“Oh God… Harder… please, Dex… Harder.”
I shifted my hips, pulling almost all the way out and then thrusting back in, over and over again until she tightened around me and screamed my name. I followed her immediately, growling my release as I exploded inside her.
Our chests heaved together as we caught our breath. I rested my forehead on hers and loosened my grip, continuing to hold her.
“Holy shit,” she breathed.
“Yeah… but I’m not nearly done with you yet, baby.”
***
Dex carried me into his bedroom and laid me on the bed before standing up to throw away the condom and grab another one. I watched him get undressed, enjoying the sight of him slowly and shamelessly getting naked in front of me. There was no way I would ever tire of seeing his powerful body and defined muscles, marked with the prominent black ink of his tattoos. Now that I knew what he could do with that body, how much pleasure he brought me, it only made him sexier.
He crawled over to me, and I sat up on my knees, letting him pull my dress over my head and remove my bra. Immediately, he took my breast in his mouth, and I grabbed his neck, holding him against me as he sucked my nipple, sending currents of pleasure shooting through my body. He made me come less than five minutes ago, and yet somehow, I already wanted more.
Dex lay down on his back and looked up at me expectantly. “I had you the way I wanted you, now it’s your turn.” His eyes twinkled, “How do you want me, Liv?”
My eyes traveled up and down his body, unable to decide where to start. He was already hard again, his arousal standing proudly, and I was tempted to run my tongue over it and taste his silky smooth skin. Instead, I climbed over him, letting my breasts graze his chest as I kissed all the way down his neck to his stomach, running my tongue over the ridges of his abs in the way I’d been wanting to ever since I saw him that day on the beach.
“Olivia.” His voice was rough and unsteady. “I know I told you to take control, but if I don’t get inside you soon I might lose it.”
I smiled against his skin and sat up, reaching for the condom behind me. “Patience, Mr. Porter…” With eager fingers, I slid it over his hot, thick length and positioned him at my entrance. I braced my hands on his chest as I sank down on him, moaning noisily as he filled me.
I rocked my hips against him, slowly at first, enjoying the way he felt so deep inside me. As I began moving faster, I grabbed his hand and placed it over my breast, desperate for more contact.
“I want your hands on me. I love the way you touch me,” I said.
He kneaded me with his large palm, teasing and caressing my sensitive nipple as I arched into his touch and let my head fall back.
“God, you’re so sexy,” he said gruffly. “I love watching you come apart. I’ll never get enough, Liv. Never. I f*cking love being inside you.”
His words spurred me on, and I moved faster as he gripped my hips, driving himself deeper. It felt so unbelievably good and I let myself go, grinding my hips against his and riding him hard until I sent us both spiraling over the edge.
“Okay, I need a break,” I panted, trying to catch my breath.
Dex and I were going for a run together, and even though I exercised regularly on my own, I wasn’t in nearly as good of shape as he was.
He slowed to a walk beside me. “I’m impressed, Liv. Not many people could keep up with me as long as you did.”
I laughed. “Well, I would have stopped a long time ago if I wasn’t trying to impress you!”
He threw his arm around my shoulder and pressed his lips against my sweaty temple. “Don’t be silly, babe. You don’t have to do anything to impress me because you’ve already amazed me in every way.”
Whenever he said sweet things like that, which he did often, my heart melted a little bit more. I couldn’t understand how one person could be so sweet and so incredibly sexy at the same time.
“How deep are we in the middle of nowhere?” I scanned the area around us, looking for anything familiar. We were in a rural part of town, along a quiet dirt road with historic looking country homes. I’d told Dex I wanted to see more of the area, since I hadn’t really been anywhere other than the beach and the city, so he took me out to do some exploring.
“Not far,” he said. “This road loops back to where we started.”
We approached a driveway with a wooden mailbox in the shape of a house, and for some reason, it stuck out to me. It was one of those unique handcrafted ones, designed to look like the house it stood in front of. It had miniature wooden shingles covering the roof and an intricate little front porch with dark green shutters. I could have sworn I’d seen it before. Obviously, that didn’t make any sense, but when we got closer I noticed that “EVANS” was painted on the side, and I stopped.
“Dex…” I gestured to the mailbox with a bewildered expression on my face. “That’s my name.”
“What are you talking about?” He looked at the mailbox and then back at me, confused. “Your last name is Mason.”
“Mason was my mother’s last name,” I explained. “I changed it when I turned eighteen because I wanted nothing to do with my dad… his last name is Evans.”
“It’s a pretty common last name. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.”
I shook my head. “I’ve seen that mailbox before and the house… I recognize it. On the other side, is there a tire swing hanging from a big oak tree?”
I knew this place, but I didn’t know why. It was like I’d seen it in a dream, and all I could remember were bits and pieces and a few foggy images that were floating around in my head. I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. For some reason, I recalled swinging on a tire swing, laughing with someone whose face I couldn’t see.
Dex jogged ahead to check the other side of the house, and his puzzled expression confirmed it. “How’d you know that swing would be there?”
“I can remember swinging on that swing, Dex. Why do I know this place?” It was a big white house with a two-story front porch, and there was a huge yard with big oak tree in the front, draped with Spanish moss. It was nothing like any of the places I’d ever lived, and yet it was familiar to me. The more I looked around, the more foggy memories began to surface. “It doesn’t make any sense.”
An older woman walked out the front door, heading in our direction. Her gray hair was cut above her shoulders and her jeans had mud on the knees, like she’d been working outside in the garden.
“Why don’t we talk to her and find out?” Dex motioned in the old woman’s direction. “Maybe you visited this place when you were a kid or something.”
“Can I help you folks?” she called out from her front steps.
I grabbed Dex’s arm and tried to pull him away. “No, let’s just go. I’m sure it’s nothing.”
The woman moved closer, and when her eyes landed on me she froze, shocked.
“Olive? Is that you?”
The nickname tugged at a memory, and I studied her face, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. “How do you know me?” I asked her.
She seemed shaken, staring at me for a long moment before replying. “I’m Rose. I’m… I’m your grandmother.”
My stomach did a somersault, and I took a step away from her. “No, that can’t be. I don’t know you,” I sputtered, unable to wrap my head around what she was trying to say. “This is too much, it doesn’t make any sense. I—I need to go.”
There was disappointment on her face, but she nodded. “I’m sorry for springing it on you like that. I don’t quite know what to say. I’m having a hard time believing that you’re really standing here in front of me. I know this is strange… but if you want to talk, if you want me to explain… you just come by anytime, okay?”
“Are you okay?” I asked Olivia as we walked home.
She was quiet, and I was worried about her. I couldn’t imagine what must have been going through her head. Coming across your long-lost grandmother during your afternoon run? It was a hell of a lot to process.
“I’m okay,” she said. “Just confused, I guess. It doesn’t seem possible… and yet, I remember being there.”
“What made you think that you didn’t have any family left?”
“That’s what my mom told me. She always said that it was just the two of us, but it didn’t matter because all we needed was each other. Why would she lie to me?”
I wondered the same thing. It seemed cruel to keep a child from her family. If Olivia had known she had someone out there, then she wouldn’t have been on her own for so many years. I couldn’t say that to her, though, so I just shrugged. “Maybe Rose can fill you in. Do you think you’re going to go back and talk to her?”
“No… I don’t know,” she sighed, her hands twisting anxiously at her sides. “My mom must have had a reason for keeping her from me, so maybe it’s best if I stay away. My whole life it was my mom and me, she was my best friend. I never had any reason not to trust her before, and now that she’s gone, it doesn’t seem fair to question her motives, you know?”
I didn’t say anything because I knew she was trying to convince herself more than me. Her eyes were full of questions that she was scared to answer because she didn’t want anything to tarnish her memory of her mother. I only hoped that she wouldn’t let her love for her mother stand in the way of finding out the truth about her past and where she came from.
“I hate that I can’t ask her,” she said softly, eyes welling with tears. “She hated my dad for leaving us, and I could see how much it upset her when I talked about him, so I avoided it. I thought that if I waited to ask about him until she was happy with someone else, then it would be easier for her. I never wanted her to think that I didn’t appreciate her, or that asking about him meant that I loved her any less. Now she’s gone, and it’s too late. I just… I really wish she was still here.”
“I know, baby.” I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. “I know.”
It was then that I realized I wasn’t the only one with ghosts. We were both anchored to the past, haunted by our own regrets and unable to move forward or let go. In a lot of ways, Olivia was still a three-year old little girl, scared and confused about why her dad was no longer there. I was stuck in a desert halfway across the world, watching my best friend die in front of me and wishing more than anything that I could stop it or take his place.
What kind of a future could we ever have together if we were both constantly looking back?
After Olivia went to work that night, I went home and stared at the envelope that Teddy’s parents sent me. It had been sitting on my coffee table for months, taunting me with its presence and daring me to open it. The only way I would ever have a future with Olivia was if I confronted my demons and accepted the consequences, and reading this letter was the first step.
How do you make yourself read a letter that will verify all the worst thoughts that you already have about yourself? Hearing it from people who I loved would make it all the more real, and I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to recover from that. My fingers hovered over the envelope, ready to tear it open and face the truth, but I couldn’t do it. Fear shot through me and I chickened out, as usual.
Instead, I hid in my bedroom, where the letter wouldn’t mock me, and waited for Olivia to finish her shift. Sometimes she would come here afterwards and I hoped that tonight would be one of those nights. When she was with me, I didn’t have to think about the past or worry about the future – all I cared about was the present.
This is it. After months and months of endless training, tactical preparation and pushing our bodies to the limit, we are finally shipping out to begin our first tour overseas. All our blood, sweat and tears have led to this moment, but in a way, it’s only the beginning.
Teddy and I wait to get on the flight that will take us to Iraq, surrounded by our parents who insisted on seeing us off. It’s more for them than it is for us. We chose this, but I know that our parents haven’t quite come to terms with it yet. I can see the fear in their eyes, and I know that my mom is barely holding it together. She’s gripping my dad’s hand so tight that it’s turning white. I’m glad that Amy didn’t come. She’s nearly nine months pregnant and about to pop, and I don’t want to upset her any more than she already is. Teddy’s little sister didn’t come either; she’s too young to deal with this. It’s hard enough with our parents here. They have to watch us walk away and wonder whether or not we’re going to come back on our own or in a wooden box draped with the flag of the country we’re fighting for.
We already had the hard conversation – you know, the one where you sit down and talk about how you want to handle stuff if you don’t make it back. My mom had to leave the room during that one, but my dad sat there graciously while I explained what I want in the case of death or serious injury. It’s a real shitty f*cking conversation to have, but the Corps drilled it into our brains how important it is to have it.
I can see the other men from our unit starting to make their way to the boarding area and I know it’s time for us to go. I look over at Teddy and he nods.
“We better get going or else we’ll miss out on the in-flight cocktails,” Teddy jokes, trying to lighten the mood. He glances sideways at me. “I hope they have those little umbrellas in them, I love those.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Ted.” I scoff, rolling my eyes at him dramatically. “Of course, they have those little umbrellas!”
We laugh, but as usual our parents are less than amused by our antics. My dad steps forward first and pulls me into a hug.
“I love you, son. We’re so proud of you,” he says, clutching the back of my neck and squeezing me tight. “Be safe out there, you got it?”
I nod. “I will, Dad. I love you, too.”
My mom looks like she’s going to burst into tears at any moment, and my dad has to guide her over to me.
“Get over here, Mama Bear,” I smile. “I need a good hug for the road.” I lean down and wrap my arms around her, lifting her a few inches off the ground. “I love you. Take good care of that little niece of mine and send me pictures when she gets here, okay?”
She nods tearfully against my chest. “I love you, honey. Promise me you’ll be careful.”
“I promise.”
I hug Teddy’s parents, too. They’ve been like a second family to me all my life, and it’s almost as hard to say goodbye to them as it is to my own mom and dad.
“You two need to take care of each other,” his mom says to me. “You make each other stronger, you always have, and as long as you’re looking out for one another, I can sleep better at night. You boys keep each other safe, okay?”
“You know we will,” I tell her. “We’re a team. We’re in this together. Always.”
I felt warm arms come around me, pulling me out of my bad dream. Olivia’s comforting smell and gentle touch carried me out of the shadows and brought me back to reality.
As much as I wanted to be the one protecting her and keeping her safe, the truth was that she was the one saving me. She cast light into my life, but unfortunately the darkness was always close behind, knocking on the door with a harsh reminder of my past.
I couldn’t rely on her presence to keep my demons at bay. My only chance at a decent future was to push them away for good, but I just didn’t know how. My nightmares felt like a punishment for my past, and I was afraid that they wouldn’t go away unless I found a way to come to terms with everything I’d done… but that was something I might never be able to do.
***
I was alone in bed when I woke up the next morning, and I could hear the sound of the shower in the bathroom. Dex always let me sleep in after working late, but he usually came back into bed with me. I decided that since I was already up, I might as well surprise him.
He was having a nightmare when I came by his house after work the night before, and while it wasn’t as traumatic as the last time I’d seen it, I recognized the torment he was going through. I knew how much they affected him and I wanted to cheer him up and take his mind off it.
Undressing quickly, I snuck into the bathroom as quietly as possible. I could make out his naked form through the textured glass of the shower, standing motionless under the stream of hot water.
“Good morning…” I sang out, sliding the door open and stepping inside.
“Mmmm… morning, baby.” He caught my hips and pulled me underneath the water with him. “When did you get up?”
“Just now. I was lonely in there without you…” Brushing my lips against his, I immediately felt his arousal against my belly. I trailed my hand down his chest and stomach before taking him in my hand and stroking his length.
He groaned, tightening his hands on my hips. “I can’t have my girl feeling lonely… let’s see if we can fix that.”
Grabbing a condom from the vanity, he covered himself in record time, and whirled me around to face the wall. He grazed his lips over my neck and slowly entered me from behind, filling me perfectly and completely. And just like that, all our worries were momentarily forgotten.
It was quiet at the aquarium during my shift that day, which meant there was no one to distract me from all the thoughts that had been colliding in my head since I met Rose. I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said and whether or not I should go talk to her. As much as I wanted to find out the truth, I was scared of what it might mean.
I didn’t want to believe that my mom would hide family from me, especially when we had no one else. I loved my mom more than anything. She was the one who stood by me and was there for me all my life, and I didn’t want to hear something that might tarnish that.
At the same time, there was a whole piece of my life that I was missing. There was so much about my past that I didn’t know and didn’t understand, and I wanted answers. I’d been feeling that void for as long as I could remember, but would getting the answers make it better or worse?
I rested my elbows on the edge of Myrtle’s tank and watched the turtle drifting lazily around in the water by herself. “How ‘bout you Miss Myrtle… do you have a little turtle family of your own waiting for you?” I sighed, “I probably shouldn’t complain since you turtles have it way worse than me. Your mom laid her eggs in the sand and then left you all alone to hatch and find your way into the ocean. You poor little turtle babies have to learn to survive all on your own… that’s pretty brutal. I guess life is cruel that way. It can be a lonely world out there. I suppose that if I have a chance to find my family, I should take it, huh?”
I was talking to a turtle. Myrtle was a cool chick and all, but I was probably starting to lose it.
When Frank appeared beside me, my cheeks heated in embarrassment. I hadn’t even heard him come in and there I was, talking to an animal like a crazy person.
“Myrtle here is a pretty decent conversationalist, isn’t she?” he chuckled, resting his arms next to mine on the tank.
“Busted,” I grinned. “They left me to my own devices down here and look what happened.”
“Hey, I’m not judging. Sometimes the best ones to talk to are the ones that don’t talk back and let us work stuff out on our own instead.” His eyes shifted from me to Myrtle. “You know, turtles are solitary creatures by nature, but that doesn’t mean they’re always alone. A lot of them migrate to the same places, along the same routes and sometimes they even travel in groups. They might not have family, but I like to think that they find some friends along the way.”
I had a feeling we weren’t talking about turtles anymore.
“Do you think that’s enough?” I said softly.
“I guess it depends,” he shrugged. “Family is important, there’s no doubt about that. But not all family is related by blood. Sometimes, the strongest bonds we have are the ones we form along the way. That being said, it’s important to know where we come from. Often times, we have to look back before we can really move forward.”
“You’re a wise man, Frankie.” I turned to him with a questioning look. “Are you sure you weren’t a therapist before this?”
He laughed. “Nah, just stumbled across a lot of life lessons in my time, so I like to pretend I know a thing or two. It’s come in handy around here – you’re not the first person to talk to the animals, and you won’t be the last!” He gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “We’re all just navigating our way through life, Livie girl. Some paths are trickier than others. There’s no harm in making a few wrong turns along the way.”
With that, he turned to go back upstairs, leaving Myrtle and me to try and absorb everything he said and make sense of it. Before I had a chance to sort through my thoughts, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Normally, I ignored it while I was working, but since no one else was around, I pulled it out and glanced at the screen. The call was from a blocked number so I didn’t answer, assuming that whoever it was would leave a message. They didn’t though, and kept calling.
After the third call, I finally gave in and picked it up. “Hello?”
No answer.
“Hello, can I help you?” I repeated, getting frustrated. I thought I heard noises on the other end, but there was still no answer, so I hung up.
I was a little creeped out about who it could be. When I left New York, I got a new, unlisted number, and only a handful of people had it. None of them had a blocked number, and if it was a wrong number, then they would have realized it after hearing my voicemail message and wouldn’t have called back.
For a split second, I wondered if it might be Rose, but then I laughed at the idea. The nice old woman who claimed to be my grandmother didn’t look like someone who even owned a cell phone, so unless she was secretly some kind of tech-savvy computer whiz, there was no way she found my number.
Deciding that it must have been a persistent telemarketer, I brushed it off and got back to work. Phone calls were the least of my problems.