It had been weeks since my last fight. If I didn’t get one lined up soon, I was going to end up picking one with the next jackass who had the nerve to look at me funny. I’d been on edge ever since my parents handed me that letter, which now sat in my living room as a constant reminder of my failure. I was too much of a p-ssy to even open it and get what I deserved.
I was hanging out at Amy’s with Nate and Olivia when I finally got a text that there was a fight for me that night. It was happening in an old commercial building about an hour away, so I would need to leave soon in order to make it there on time.
“You feel like going to a fight with me tonight?” I asked Nate. He usually came along, because even though I was an idiot most of the time, I knew it was better to have someone with me in case something actually happened and I got hurt.
“I can’t. I uh…” He glanced over at Amy. “I have to work.”
“What is this fight you’re talking about?” Olivia asked.
It was a bad idea, but I couldn’t help myself.
“Why don’t you come with me and find out?”
***
I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
After almost an hour of driving, Dex and I ended up in a deserted area surrounded by dark warehouses that appeared to be abandoned. A huge man stood at the entrance to the building, eyeing Dex questioningly as we approached.
“It’s okay,” Dex said to him. “She’s with me.”
He nodded, stepping aside and allowing us to enter. We were met with a huge crowd of people, and I felt completely out of place.
I’d agreed to this because I was worried about Dex and didn’t want him to come alone, but I was also intrigued and wanted to see for myself what this whole thing was about. I’d been expecting some casual backyard fight between a few guys for fun, but this was… intense. It was organized, and I could tell that the people here took it very seriously. I couldn’t believe something like this actually existed outside the movies.
Underneath a spotlight from the ceiling, there was a circle drawn on the floor that everyone gathered around. The air was stale and reeked of sweat, and I kept my head low, staying close to Dex as he pulled me through the intimidating crowd and escorted me to a raised platform that overlooked the big circle where the fight would take place. He boosted me on top of it and ordered me to stay put. Considering where I was and what was going on around me, I probably should have been terrified, but I couldn’t help but feel safe when Dex was around. Even in a place like this. I knew that he would never put me in danger.
“You’ll be safe up there, Liv. Whatever happens, do NOT move from that spot until I come back for you when the fight is over, okay?”
I nodded nervously, relieved to be out of the crazy crowd. Another guy who looked to be around Dex’s age jumped up on the platform next to me.
“Keep an eye on her, Reece,” Dex told him, his eyes threatening. “Keep her safe, and I’ll make sure to put on a good show for you. If anything happens to her, my next fight will be with you.”
“You got it, Porter.” Reece offered Dex a quick handshake before gesturing toward the big circle. “You’re on in five. You better get out there.”
Dex peeled his shirt off and tossed it up to me, leaving him in only his old jeans and work boots. “Enjoy the show,” he winked.
I was suddenly frightened as I watched him walk over to the circle and take his place inside it. The guy who stood across from him was huge—as tall as Dex, but easily about fifty pounds heavier—and the look on his face was chilling. He wasn’t as toned or fit as Dex was, and I hoped that would work in Dex’s favor.
The bell finally rang, echoing in the empty building and indicating the start of the fight. My eyes were glued to the ring, my stomach twisting with nervous energy. For a couple of seconds, they both circled the ring, studying each other and waiting to see who would make the first move. Dex’s opponent moved first, swinging a fist into his side and making him stumble back a step. I expected Dex to retaliate, but he didn’t. Three hard punches later, all landing on Dex, and he still hadn’t done anything other than watch the other guy hit him.
For the next several minutes, Dex continued to get pummeled. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could take it. His nose and lip were bleeding, and each time the other guy’s fist connected with Dex’s body, I cringed, growing more and more concerned about whether or not he would make it out of here in one piece.
Just when I thought the fight was over and Dex was beat, I saw something in his eyes shift, turning dark and dangerous. He straightened up, and all of a sudden, he sprang into action, his powerful body uncoiling with deadly force and lethal precision as he attacked his opponent.
The crowd went wild. The sound of their cheers filled every corner of the huge building. All I could focus on was Dex. He was covered in sweat, his muscles stretching and tensing as he unleashed himself against the other guy, never wavering or slowing down. He was powerful and intense, unlike anything I’d ever seen before.
I wasn’t someone who condoned violence of any kind. I didn’t watch wrestling, I wasn’t into action movies, and I didn’t think exchanging punches ever actually solved anything.
Yet, I couldn’t help the excitement I felt when I watched Dex. It must have been some kind of automatic female reaction to seeing powerful, bare muscles covered in sweat, because I didn’t have any other explanation for it. I’d had no idea what Dex was capable of. I couldn’t decide if it was scary or sexy, but it was definitely turning me on.
Stupid hormones.
Dex won the fight easily, laying his opponent out completely within a few short minutes. After his victory was announced, he immediately came back over to me, cocky grin in place despite all the damage to his gorgeous face. Seeing it up close, I realized just how bad it was, and I hoped that we would stop on the way home to have a doctor take care of him. But knowing Dex, it didn’t seem likely.
Dex collected his winnings from Reece. My jaw dropped when I saw the huge stack of cash he received. It had to amount to thousands of dollars, but they acted like it was an everyday thing. Did he make that much for every fight?
As I expected, Dex refused to see a doctor on the way home, instead opting to let me drive while he drank whiskey from a bottle he pulled out of the glove compartment. By the time we got to his house, nearly half the bottle was gone, and I hopped out of the truck to help him inside.
“Don’t worry about me, Liv. I’ve had way worse than this,” he mumbled. “Take my truck so you can get home, and I’ll come by and get it in the morning.”
“Can I at least help you take care of these?” I ran my finger over the tender areas of his face, making him wince. “You don’t want them to scar…”
“Are you worried about my sexy face getting messed up?” he teased, but let me follow him inside.
I’d never been to Dex’s house before. It was nothing like the bachelor pad I’d been expecting. It was simple and inviting, and right on the beach, close enough to hear the surf. I caught a glimpse of the view through the glass doors in the living room, and it was incredible.
Amy had explained to me that she and Dex had both inherited property from their grandparents. Amy chose to live in the house that she shared with me, and Dex lived in the beach house. It definitely seemed to me that Dex had gotten the better end of the deal.
I followed him into the bathroom, where he pulled out a first aid kid from underneath the sink. He sat patiently while I gently tended to him, never once taking his eyes off mine.
“Sorry, this is going to sting a little bit,” I warned, dabbing his cuts with an alcohol swab as carefully as possible.
“I can take it,” he said softly, unfazed by it.
“Why did you let him go after you like that?” I asked curiously as I applied ointment. “You’re obviously a much better fighter than he is, so why take that beating when you didn’t have to?”
“That kind of pain is nothing. I’m numb to it.” There was sorrow in his eyes, but he covered it with a grin. “Besides, it makes for a better show if I let him think he has a chance. People don’t want to watch a one-sided fight, and no one would ever want to go against me if I beat them easy every time.”
“So, you’re saying you always win?”
“Always,” he smirked.
The sound of screaming woke me up. Through the haze of sleep, I looked around and realized I was still in Dex’s living room. It had been really late by the time I got ready to leave, and I’d sat down on the couch for just a second. I must have fallen asleep.
I stood up on unsteady feet and began walking toward the front door to leave when I heard more screaming coming from Dex’s bedroom. Rushing over, I pushed the door open and found Dex thrashing around on the mattress, his strangled cries filling the room. He was talking in his sleep, but his words were jumbled. All I could make out was “Teddy, Teddy!” He sounded absolutely terrified, and it broke my heart to see him in so much pain.
Moving to sit on the edge of his bed, I hesitantly reached out and grabbed his hand, whispering words that I hoped would soothe him. “Shh… it’s okay, Dex. I’m here now. You’re going to be okay…”
His body stilled, his cries beginning to ease. I lowered myself down next to him and started rubbing his back in a comforting rhythm, the same way that my mom used to calm me down during a nightmare. Sighing deeply, he pulled me in close and laid his head on my chest, his warm breath caressing my skin.
For a long time, I watched him, stroking his cheek gently until his breaths evened out and he fell back into a calm sleep. I wondered what was haunting his dreams and filling him with so much fear. He didn’t talk much about his time overseas, but I knew a lot of people came back with PTSD. I hated the idea of Dex suffering that way. I held him protectively and continued to soothe him until I too drifted off to sleep.
The second blast is bigger, louder and closer. Too close. The sound is deafening as it throws me against the Humvee and pins me to the side while the waves of the explosion unfurl around me. I fall to the ground, disoriented. The only thing I can hear is the sharp ringing in my ear while the scene around me plays out like a silent film of terror.
I’m stuck in a daze for a moment, and then my body kicks into high gear. Maybe it’s adrenaline or maybe it’s just combat training, but it’s something that happens in the most horrible situations. All I know is that my men are out there, and I need to get them to safety.
“The f*cking sweep set off the secondary!” I shout, but I can barely hear my own voice over the ringing in my head.
I move toward the site of the explosion and see one of my men crawling through the black cloud of dust and smoke. It’s Chase. His legs are mangled and his ashen face is twisted in pain. “One WIA, one WIA!” I yell into the radio as I drop to the ground beside him.
There’s so much blood that I don’t know where to begin. I rip a section of cloth from his uniform and tie it tightly at the base of his thigh, doing my best to stop the bleeding, but I need to get him to safety. I grab him below the shoulders and pull him back to the convoy.
“Tourniquet, we need a tourniquet!” I yell to the medic as he takes over. Chase is gesturing frantically to me, but I can’t hear what he’s saying. Finally I make out one word, “Teddy.”
Jumping to my feet, I run back through the smoke and search the area for any sign of him. “Teddy! Where are you, Teddy?” I scream out at the top of my lungs. I can make out faint sounds now and through the chaos, I finally hear him.
“Dex!”
I try to move toward the sound of his voice, but I can only hear from one ear and the other one is useless. I can’t pinpoint where it’s coming from. Every time I think I’m getting close, I lose the sound completely.
“Hang in there, buddy, I’m coming!” I say, but I’m becoming more and more anxious as more time passes. Finally, I make out a shape a hundred yards away and run toward it. It’s Teddy, but he’s not moving.
I collapse next to him, grabbing his hand. “Teddy, look at me. Come on, man.”
My eyes survey his injuries, my heart dropping when I see a large piece of shrapnel in his abdomen. It’s bleeding too much, but I can’t pull it out or he’ll die in seconds.
His eyes flutter open and he looks up at me, full of fear.
“I need a medic! Get a f*cking medic over here!” I scream desperately, tightening my hold on his hand and leaning toward him. “Hang in there, Teddy, you’re gonna be fine. Just hang in there.”
His grip on my hand is so weak, and his body is beginning to tremble as it goes into shock. I almost don’t see it when he shakes his head slightly.
“Don’t give me that bullshit, Teddy. Stay with me, okay? I need you, buddy, stay with me.”
My words are left unanswered when his body stills, his hand going limp in mine, as the life drains from his eyes.
Out of the darkness I hear a voice that doesn’t belong here.
“Shh… it’s okay, Dex. I’m here now. You’re going to be okay…”
I rolled over and opened my eyes to the blinding light of the sun through the window in my bedroom.
What the f*ck?
I’ve never slept long enough for the sun to come through my window. My nightmares usually wake me up well before dawn, and I know I had one last night because I remember every vivid detail, so why didn’t I wake up?
I sift through my memories from the night before and vaguely remember feeling a warm hand in mine. A voice… Olivia’s voice… had pulled me back. But was it real, or was it just part of the dream?
I didn’t want it to be real. I didn’t want Olivia to ever see me like that, but when I saw the cool glass of water and bottle of pain reliever on my bed stand, I knew she had been here. She had tenderly held me and comforted me while I went back to sleep, chasing my demons and protecting me from myself.
She was gone now though, not that I could blame her. She was probably scared out of her damn mind.
“F*ck!” I screamed, knocking the water glass into the wall and shattering it. Olivia had witnessed the one thing in my life that I didn’t want anyone to see.
Normally my nightmares tapered off after a big fight, especially if I drowned myself in whiskey afterwards, but lately, nothing had been able to stop them. I didn’t know if it was because of the letter from Teddy’s parents or because of the date on the calendar, but they had been getting worse with each passing day.
I didn’t need to glance at the calendar to know what day it was. This day had been looming for months, and for the first time ever, it brought me pain.
July 11th.
Teddy’s birthday.
I couldn’t forget it if I tried. This would be the first time in more than twenty years that I didn’t spend my best friend’s birthday with him.
Now it was just another painful memory.
I threw on my sweats and sneakers and went for a run on the beach. I pushed my body to the limit, desperate for the adrenaline, not stopping until I could hardly breathe and my heart was pounding in my chest.
I reached into the back of my bookshelf, pulling out the picture frame that was hidden from view. It was a photo of Teddy and me on our last day of basic training, all decked out in our dress greens but still goofing around with huge smiles on our faces. We were so eager to get out there and fight for our country. There was no fear on the faces of the people in that photograph—a sure sign that we were brand new. We didn’t have the hardened look of men who knew what they were walking into. We were two young Marines, eager to make our mark and be a part of something bigger, completely unaware of the kind of things we were about to face. We had no idea what war really meant. We should have been afraid.
If we had known… would we have done anything differently? If someone had told the people in that photograph about all the things they would be up giving up, would they have chosen a different path?
Deep down, I knew that, despite everything, we wouldn’t have. Just like I knew that if it weren’t for my busted eardrum, I would probably still be out there. It was who we were. Or at least, it used to be.
The person standing next to Teddy in that picture was fearless. He was brave, confident and determined. I was merely a fragment of that person now. I was weak and cowardly. If Teddy could see me now, he would be ashamed of what I’d become.
I grabbed a bottle of Jack and two shot glasses from the cabinet before heading out to my truck. It was time to go somewhere that, up until now, I’d been too scared to go to.
It was still and quiet. Rows of stark gray headstones protruded from the green grass, serving as a reminder of our immortality and the harsh reality of life. It was a surprisingly peaceful place, considering that it was where hundreds of loved ones were laid to rest.
The last time I’d been out here was for the funeral. Normally, I avoided the pain that it brought, preferring to keep myself numb, but for today I would let it have me. My best friend deserved to be mourned, and I deserved the pain.
I kneeled down in front of the headstone that read:
THEODORE C. ELLIS
US MARINE CORPS
Beloved son, brother and friend
A fresh bouquet of flowers had been placed in front of it, and I knew that I wasn’t the only one thinking of him today. I pulled the shot glasses from my pocket, placing one of them on top of the headstone and filling it to the brim before pouring my own.
“Happy birthday, buddy…” I spoke to his grave, as though he could somehow hear me through it when I knew he never would. “We’ve never once spent a birthday apart, and I’m not about to break tradition. If you were still here, we’d probably be out fishing… or, more likely, drinking a lot of beer and pretending to fish. No matter what stupid shit we were doing, we always made it fun. Even during boot camp, which was supposed to be the most miserable time of our lives, you managed to put a smile on my face every single day.”
Hanging my head, unable to face even his headstone, I choked out my next words. “I’m so sorry, Ted. I’m so f*cking sorry. I hope that, wherever you are, you know that I would give anything to trade places with you. I wish it had been me instead.”
I tipped back the shot, downing it easily before I turned and walked away.
***
Aside from the brief “I’m sorry” text that I received that morning, I hadn’t heard anything from Dex since the night after the fight. We usually chatted back and forth all day, even when we were working, and I was worried about him. I got the feeling that whatever he was dealing with wasn’t something that he had shared with anyone. He was so closed off, and it pained me to think that he was suffering alone.
I spent most of the dinner shift at the Seaside checking my phone incessantly, waiting for a response from him. It had been hours since I texted him to ask how he was doing, and if I didn’t hear from him soon, I was going to stop by his house when I was done for the night.
After checking my messages for the one-thousandth time that night, I looked up to see Dex stumbling into the restaurant and taking a seat at the bar. There was a purple bruise on his jaw where he’d received a harsh blow during the fight the night before, but that wasn’t the most shocking thing about his appearance.
I’d never seen Dex look anything less than gorgeous, but tonight he appeared… disheveled. His eyes were empty and unfeeling, and his usual confident smile had been replaced with a dark scowl. He hadn’t registered me when he came in, and he didn’t seem to notice or acknowledge anyone else around him either. There was no sign of his normally charming, funny self. Instead he quietly drank by himself in his own little world. He seemed… lost.
“Hey, Dex,” I said, finally approaching him when I had a break in between tables. “Glad you’re here. I was about ready to send out the search party.”
“Well, no need. As you can see, I’m safe and sound…” His slurred words were dripping with sarcasm, and he barely even glimpsed at me when he spoke.
“Okay then…” I was at a loss for words. It was clear that he didn’t want to talk to me, or anyone for that matter, so I figured I would give him some space while I finished my shift. “I have to close out these tables, and then I’ll come back and sit with you.”
He nodded tersely. I realized that was the only response I was going to get from him and reluctantly went back to work.
Once my section had finally cleared out for the night, I got started on cleaning up the wait station. One of our regulars approached me. Tony was a heavy drinker and a flirt, but he was mostly harmless.
“What’s up, beautiful?” Tony said, aligning himself next to me at the counter.
“Not much Tony, working.” I shifted my body away from his and busied myself with refilling the ketchup containers. “Can I get you something?”
He leaned in close enough that I could smell the booze on his breath and grinned. “You could get me your phone number.”
“Nice try,” I laughed humorlessly. “But I’m afraid that’s not on the menu.”
“Aw, come on…” He stepped closer and began running his finger lazily along the bare skin of my forearm.
“Tony, no…” I warned, lightly pushing his chest to halt him. Apparently, he’d had a few too many drinks for my usual method of laughing it off to be effective, so I would have to step it up a notch.
“She said no, so take your filthy f*cking paws off her.” Dex appeared behind me, glaring at Tony with a murderous look in his eyes.
“Hey, man, we’re trying to have a conversation here,” Tony argued, gripping my arm possessively.
He finally let go of me when Dex abruptly ripped him away and threw him against the wall, clutching fistfuls of his shirt as he stared down at him. “If you don’t get the f*ck out of here, I’m going to rip your goddamn arms off and shove them up your ass,” he growled through clenched teeth.
“Dex, stop it!” I shouted anxiously, worried that he was going to seriously hurt him. I’d never seen Dex so angry. “What the hell is your problem?”
Dex turned to me and, registering my fear, released his hold on a very frightened Tony, letting him drop to the floor next to me.
“Whatever,” Dex spat out dismissively. He spun around and left the restaurant, letting the door slam behind him.
I stood there frozen in place as I watched him exit, completely stunned by what happened. It was no secret that Dex had a temper, but what I’d just witnessed was something entirely different. He could always rein himself in, but this time his anger had total control.
“Hey, Mel, do you mind if I take off?” I needed to find Dex, whether he wanted to talk to me or not. Whatever he was going through, I couldn’t let him do it alone.
“Sure, no problem,” she said. “We’re done here anyway.”
“Thanks, I’ll see you tomorrow!” I said, grabbing my purse from behind the bar and racing toward the exit.
I headed to the beach first. It was dark, but the moon lit up the sky, reflecting off the ocean’s surface and casting enough light for me to see. I found Dex sitting in the sand, staring blankly toward the water.
“Mind if I sit?”
He nodded but didn’t look up as I took a seat next to him, careful to leave some space between us so I wouldn’t scare him off. For a few minutes we just sat there. The sounds of the gentle surf crashing onto the beach filled the silence between us.
“You know that you can talk to me, right?” I finally said.
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“You probably don’t think that I’ll understand what you’re going through, and maybe I won’t… but I can still listen and be there for you, if you’ll let me.”
“You won’t be there for me if I tell you,” he muttered.
“Try me.”
Dex took a deep breath, dragging his hands over his face. “Today is my buddy’s birthday, or… it would be, anyway. For the first time ever, he’s not here with me.”
He hesitated, and I placed a comforting hand on his arm, silently encouraging him to keep going. I could see his internal struggle, and I knew how hard this was for him.
“Teddy and I were best friends since we were kids,” he said. “We grew up together, joined the Marines together and went to Iraq together. It was what we’d always wanted to do. We were part of a special operations unit doing deep reconnaissance in unfriendly territory, and one night, all hell broke loose. We dealt with chaos every day over there, but this was different… it was one thing after another, and nothing seemed to go right for us.
“That night, our convoy was traveling along a deserted road when one of our trucks ran over an IED, detonating it on the spot. We all managed to get through it with only minor injuries, but while we were sweeping the area for additional devices, one of them went off. This time the explosion was right on top of us. I was on the outer edge of the impact zone so I didn’t get it as bad, but it still tossed me around and scrambled my brain pretty good. My ears were ringing so f*cking loud. I couldn’t hear anything, but I knew I needed to find my guys and get them to safety.”
Dex turned to me then, his eyes meeting mine for the first time since I sat down. “In war, especially in units like mine, we see this shit every damn day,” he said softly. “Horror… cruelty… mayhem… it’s normal for us. It’s what we’re trained for. There’s no room for shock and emotion in war. It’s our job to focus on getting through it and getting our men to safety.
“I made my way through the smoke, searching for my guys. The first two that I found had shrapnel injuries, they were bad but not life threatening. But the closer I got to where the bomb went off, the worse it got. I found my buddy Chase next, his legs blown to shit. As I carried him to the medic, he kept trying to tell me something but I could only hear out of one ear. When I realized he was saying ‘Teddy’, I forget every safety measure I was supposed to follow and ran straight into the blast zone. Teddy wasn’t supposed to be out there, and all I could think about was getting to him.”
He hung his head in his hands and his body trembled. “I couldn’t f*cking find him,” he choked out. “He was calling for me, and I was running around in circles, wasting precious time because my own worthless body was failing me and my piece of shit ears weren’t working right. When I finally found him and saw him lying there… his bloody, ruined body destroyed by shrapnel… it was too late. He knew it, too. I could tell. There’s this ‘look’ that Marines talk about. It’s a look that you see in the face of a dying man that conveys everything that needs to be said without a single word. That one look says that they’re scared, it asks you to take care of their family, it tells you they love you and it begs you to never forget them. It’s the worst f*cking look you could ever see and that’s what I saw in Teddy’s eyes. I sat there helplessly and watched the life drain from him, all the while knowing that it was my fault. I should have gotten to him sooner. If the roles were reversed, Teddy would have been out searching for me as soon as that bomb went off. Injured or not, he wouldn’t have let anything get in the way of finding me. I failed him.”
Dex turned to me with tears running down his face, and only then did I realize that I was crying, too. Without saying a word, I wrapped my arms around him and held him until his body stopped shaking. My heart ached for him, for everything he’d been though, but I didn’t say that I was sorry or tell him that it wasn’t his fault, because I knew that wasn’t what he wanted to hear. Right then, he needed someone to listen and be there for him, so that was what I was going to do.
I’m not sure how long we stayed like that, but I would have stayed there all night if that was what he needed. We eventually got up, and I reached for his hand, threading his fingers through mine as we walked off the beach.
I didn’t want to leave Dex alone. Since he was still fairly drunk, I walked him home and helped him climb into bed. I lay next to him, neither one of us speaking a word, until I thought he had finally gone to sleep. As I shifted to climb off the bed, I felt a hand on my waist.
“Stay with me?” Dex asked, his eyes pleading with me. “Everything’s better when you’re around, Liv. You push the darkness away.”
I nodded, pulling the covers down and climbing in next to him. Dex automatically pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me. The lines were starting to blur, but I didn’t care. I snuggled in next to him and let him hold me, wanting to do anything I could to take his pain away.
We were still curled around each other when we woke up the next morning. I was relieved that Dex hadn’t had any nightmares. He swept his fingers along my arm, a simple motion that warmed me all over to the point that I felt like I was going to combust.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I don’t usually let people see me like that, but it was a rough day.”
I shifted my head from where it rested on his chest, meeting his eyes. “You don’t have to apologize to me, Dex. Ever. You can always be real with me and talk to me about anything. No judgments.”
“What I told you last night… I’ve never told anyone that before. Not even my family.”
I nodded in understanding. “For a long time after my mom died, I never spoke to anyone about it. It was too painful. When I finally did, though, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I know it’s not the same thing, but I do understand how hard it is to lose someone that you love. It’s still hard for me to talk about my mom, and it still hurts, but it’s easier when you have someone to share the burden with. So, for whatever it’s worth… I’m glad you told me.”
“Me, too,” he said, tightening his arm around me. “Thank you… for being there for me.”
“Always,” I smiled, curling into him further.
Over the next few days, I was determined to put all that shit behind me. I felt better after talking to Olivia, even though it meant completely breaking down and unloading in front of her. I kept expecting her to look at me with sadness and pity, but she never did. When I looked at her, all I saw was understanding. She didn’t push me or try to reassure me with empty condolences. She just listened.
I could feel something shifting inside me; in the way that I looked at her and the way I felt when she was around. I’d always been attracted to Olivia, but now it was something more. I could feel myself falling, and I didn’t know how to stop or how much longer I could remain just friends and hide what I was feeling.
After our long, emotional night, Olivia and I had decided that we needed to take our minds off the misery and have a little fun. We made a plan to get our friends together and head into Charleston for a night out. Nate and Amy both came, as well as Olivia’s friend Nora, her fiancé Jake, and their friends Susie and Ethan. Despite having just met Olivia’s friends, they seemed like a cool group, and we all got along really well. By the time we were halfway through dinner—and a few drinks in—we were all laughing like we’d known each other for years.
I wasn’t in the mood to lose control, so I stayed away from hard liquor and stuck to drinking beer for the night. By the time we got to the club, everyone else had a good buzz going, and even I felt pretty good. That was in mostly because of Olivia. She was being more affectionate toward me than usual—sitting close to me at the table, whispering in my ear, resting her hand on my thigh. I didn’t know if it was because her feelings for me were also changing, or merely because she was drinking. Regardless of the reason, I couldn’t help but sneak in the extra touches and flirtation… since she was actually flirting back for a change.
It was Friday night, so the club was packed by the time we got there. The girls immediately went out on the dance floor, dancing together in their own little circle and giggling with each other like teenagers. I loved seeing Olivia let loose. She looked so happy and carefree. With those bright blue eyes and dazzling smile, I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
“How long have you and Olivia been together?” Jake asked me.
“We’re not. I mean, not like that. We’re just… friends.”
“Well, you could have fooled me. Maybe you won’t be ‘just friends’ for much longer,” he said, tipping back the rest of his beer. “Now, if you’ll excuse me… I gotta go join my girl on the dance floor.”
Jake made his way through the crowd, coming up behind Nora and wrapping his arms around her waist. Her eyes lit up when she saw him, and he nuzzled his head into her neck, whispering something in her ear that made her smile even wider. They seemed so… happy. I wondered if I would ever have something like that—have someone to look at me like I was the greatest part of her day.
Ethan and Nate eventually joined them, and I was relieved that Nate had taken pity on Amy and was dancing with her. Only Olivia was left, and I could see a few guys nearby watching her like vultures, waiting to make their move.
Hell no.
I gulped down my beer and pushed off the bar, weaving through the crowd to get to Olivia. I came up behind her and gently placed my hands on her hips, careful to leave some space between us. I held her loosely at first but when she leaned into me, my grip tightened, and I pulled her close, enjoying her sweet, sexy smell.
She placed her delicate hands over mine, and I drew her in further, completely enveloped by her. The way she was moving her sexy little body against me had my dick stirring to life within seconds, but I couldn’t help it. She felt so f*cking good. With each swing of her hips and shake of her ass I was growing harder, and I knew she could feel me pressing into her. I expected her to move away in disgust, but instead my obvious arousal seemed to encourage her, making her dance more seductively and push her body even more firmly against mine.
I groaned into her ear, causing her to shiver slightly, and I felt like I might explode. She wanted me to want her. I could tell she was turned on by it, so I decided to let go and enjoy it. When I spun her around to face me, she didn’t hesitate to drape her arms around my neck. Dropping my hands to the curve of her ass, I dragged her against me, pressing myself into her and letting her feel exactly how badly I wanted her. She let out a sexy moan, running her hands up my abs and over my chest, and I wasn’t sure how much more I could handle. Everything about her drove me wild… Her smell, the way she touched me, her sexy giggle, the bead of sweat running down her neck that I wanted to lick from her skin… if there was even the slightest chance that she wanted me the way I wanted her, I knew I had to take it.
All of a sudden, she looked up at me, murmuring something about needing to get some fresh air before pulling away from me and turning to the exit. I thought she might be running away from me, but then she tossed a flirtatious smile over her shoulder, locking eyes with me as she walked away.
Was that an invitation?
Before bolting through the door after her, I paused. Now was the time to decide if I wanted to go for it, risking our friendship in the process. I’d never wanted anyone the way that I wanted her, but I didn’t want to lose her as a friend. Despite my feelings for her, I wasn’t sure I was ready to do the “boyfriend” thing. Could I really handle being there for her that the way she needed? The way she deserved? What if I failed her like I’d failed everyone else?
***