SCARLETT WAS IN a bad mood when I got to hers. I had absolutely no experience with a moody teenage girl. Everyone back home was disciplined so could deal with disappointment well. I wanted to go home and wait for her spirits to lift, but I didn’t want to leave her upset.
I felt like I was constantly battling between what was expected of me and what I wanted. We were in her room because she refused to go downstairs and be anywhere near her parents. The atmosphere in her house was uncomfortable and tense. Since the therapist, things had gotten worse. She blamed her parents for not giving her the answers she wouldn’t ask them for.
Every day I struggled and every day I fell in love with her that little bit more.
She sat at the end of her bed, absentmindedly looking at the TV. I could tell she was elsewhere. She really believed the therapist would be able to help but when she came out of that room looking defeated I knew it hadn’t gone her way.
But she was close to remembering. I watched her look at her parents differently. She might not even need to remember, soon she would probably just put two and two together and realise her parents aren’t Jonathan and Marissa.
It was still a bit too soon. I wanted to hold her off, to steer her from the truth a little longer. But I wouldn’t mess with that. She had a right to the truth and it wasn’t something I was willing to sabotage too heavily.
“Hey, are you okay?” I asked.
She looked up and bit her lip. “I guess. I’m just disappointed that she couldn’t help.”
“Come here,” I said, holding my hands out.
Usually, she would curl into my side but today she climbed on my lap and laid her head on my shoulder. I was momentarily stunned. We hadn’t been quite that close before. I liked it far too much. Everything about her felt right, natural, and she fit against me perfectly. “I’m so glad I have you, Noah. You’re the only one I can trust.”
I bit my tongue. The stress and guilt were going to give me an ulcer. Weaving my fingers through her long hair, I replied, “It’s okay. Try not to let it get to you so much. The mind is a complicated thing. The fact that you’ve remembered this much is a huge step.”
“But is it a memory?” She groaned. “It’s driving me crazy, whirling around in my head all the time. Make me forget it, Noah.”
This was it. We were alone in her house apart from Jeremy, who was in his room with Amie. I had never had sex before and I was sure I wanted my first time to be with Scarlett, but I didn’t want to do this if it was just to take her mind off everything.
“Not like this,” I said, leaning my forehead against hers. She frowned, and I ran my thumb along her jaw. “You mean so much to me but I want our first time to be because you want me, not because you want me to help you forget.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Her arms tightened around my neck. “If you’re not ready that’s fine.”
Not ready. I wanted to laugh. Just because my experience with women was a long list of just her name, didn’t mean I didn’t have those feelings, didn’t mean she couldn’t make me burn with one simple look.
I wanted her, badly, but I could see the indecision in her eyes. It wasn’t the right time; her mind was all over the place and I wasn’t going to give her something else to regret about us. No matter how much I ached to be inside her, I could wait.
“Scarlett, I love you.”
Her dark eyes widened a fraction before they glowed. “I love you, too.”
“I can wait.” A part of me hoped she wouldn’t be ready. I was betraying her and soon she would find out. Could I let our relationship turn physical? I shouldn’t but I knew it wouldn’t be easy once she wanted to.
Tipping her head up, she offered her mouth. I kissed her long and slow, never being able to resist. She melted against me until her whole weight was pressing me against the wall. I wanted more.
Her fingers dug into my neck as I nipped her bottom lip. She invaded all of my senses, threatening to drive me insane. Everything was Scarlett, Scarlett, Scarlett, and I never wanted that to stop.
Was this what it was like to be completely in love? No one back home showed the can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other-stage. I was taught it was because of the over-sexed nation where no one thought anything of walking around with everything on show and we didn’t want that. But I wasn’t so sure. I understood it now; it was the best feeling in the world to be so in the moment with someone, so absorbed in them, that you could explode from being so happy.
She was the first one to break the kiss when she felt something that I thought would make my face burn with embarrassment. But I wasn’t embarrassed with her. It was a physical action showing how much I wanted her.
“Okay,” she said, breathing deeply. “Um…”
I ran my hands up her back, smiling. “I know and it’s fine. Really. You can stop me whenever you need to. No pressure, remember?”