A Life More Complete

---Chapter 13---

I rise early and before leaving the bed I peel back the covers. I’m still wearing my underwear and the t-shirt I went to sleep in, so that’s a good sign considering the amount of alcohol that was consumed between the two of us. I quietly find my way into my extra bedroom and hit the treadmill for my morning run. Tyler finds me as my feet are pounding the motorized mat. I’m six miles into my ten mile run, but I nearly slide off the back when he steps in the doorway wearing just his boxers. He’s standing there, a seductive smile on his lips and I want to throw myself at him, in that desperate schoolgirl way. I hit pause as he walks toward me. His eyes trained on me, calling to me, making me long for him.

“Enough of this shit,” he says as his he lifts me off the treadmill.

“What shit?” I say but it comes out all breathy. He smiles at me and it scorches with desire.

“You can’t stand in front of me wearing underwear and a t-shirt and expect me not to want you.” He places his hand on the small of my back and pulls me to him; my chest pressed against his.

“You weren’t supposed to be up yet,” I reply but again it sounds far too seductive. My heartbeat quickens and my body begins to tingle.

“Well I am and since when do you run barefoot? Everything you do is sexy,” he says close to my ear. Goosebumps line my skin and all control is gone. He pulls my shirt over my head, his fingertips grazing my ribs, making my body tremble. I follow him to the bedroom. I know exactly what is about to happen. I understand the risks. I tell myself that he’s married, I remind myself again as he climbs on top of me and for a third time as he enters me. But I can’t bring myself to stop him. I might regret this later, hell I might even regret it in an hour, but I still follow through. I’m done worrying about what’s to come, done with what ifs and definitely done thinking about soon to be ex-wives. Tyler is familiar; he’s my known and my unknown all at the same time. He clouds my vision and makes my thinking fuzzy, yet somehow he makes everything appear perfectly clear. I find myself in the same predicament I did so many years ago. I would do anything for him. Marry him, love him forever, have his babies, you name it. He’s that good...at everything.

As I lay next to Tyler, both of us breathing heavily, he pulls me from my reverie. “We have to meet the real estate agent in an hour in L.A.” He leans over and kisses me gently before leaving the bed to shower and when we’re both ready I follow him out to his car.

We climb into his nice, yes, but completely ridiculous, SUV and I reprimand him again for purchasing such a showy car. He laughs it off and says that he bought it just to mock me. He rests his hand on my thigh as he begins to relax into the seat. I want to ask him what this means for us now. But I don’t. He can sense my hesitation and asks what’s wrong.

“Nothing,” I answer.

“You sure? You seem a little uneasy.” His hand strokes up and down my leg.

“Yeah. Really. I’m good.”

“You’d tell me, right? I want things to be different this time. I want you to tell me everything.” A small sigh escapes me and I smile. It’s the reassurance I’m looking for and he gave it without me even having to ask.

“This time,” I whisper. “It will be different. Better.”

“It took me so long to realize what I really wanted was you. I’m yours.” He looks at me and his perfect smile says it all.

We meet the real estate agent at the first of many amazing properties. Her name is Jordan and of course, she’s strikingly beautiful. Big doe eyes, amazingly straight white teeth, long blonde hair and skinny. Her suit hugs her tiny little body perfectly. No matter how long I live here I’m still in awe of the number of ridiculously attractive women that inhabit this city. Tyler greets her with a handshake, which is completely unlike him. No hug or kiss on the cheek. He introduces me as his girlfriend and I know I have a preposterously stupid grin on my face.

We look at five houses, each one more mind-blowing than the next, the views, the amenities, the houses themselves. On the sixth one I tell Tyler, this is it. The house is a beautiful single family home with deep cherry hardwood floors and the most incredible view of downtown Los Angeles. It’s in the Hollywood Hills and sits atop a cliff overlooking the whole city. I can imagine its beauty at all times of the day, when the sun rises and when it sets. I can picture the city being bathed in an angelic glow. The balcony overlooks it all, as does the gigantic soaker bathtub next to a wall of floor to ceiling windows.

“I love it,” I tell him.

“Really?” he asks and I nod my head. He takes my hand as we are standing on the balcony. He tells the agent to write up the lease. She has that look of satisfaction on her face. He asks her about a six month lease and she tells him that they’d really like to do a year, but she’ll check. This statement makes me uneasy. Six months, why? Instead of just wondering and letting my imagination lead me to stupid theories and misguided thoughts, I decide to ask.

“Why only six months?”

“Relax, kid,” he says and I don’t cringe inwardly like I used to at his nickname. “I’m sticking around. I know what you’re thinking,” he says as he pulls me to him and kisses my forehead. “I don’t think we’ll want to stay here that long. I know you love the beach.”

“I have a home, Tyler,” I say trying not to sound too demanding.

“I know. I thought maybe you could stay with me sometimes and when you’re ready we’ll move in together.” Geez, he’s moving awfully fast. I’m not sure I’m okay with the direction this is heading, but I go with it. “No pressure,” he says. He tells Jordan to find out about the six month lease before he’ll sign anything and she agrees to get back to him tonight.

“I think you and your,” Jordan hesitates, “girlfriend will be pleased with the property. Did you see the bathtub?” she asks me.

“Yes, I did. Wonderful,” I say.

“It’s an amazing house. I think you’ll love living here.”

And before I can control myself I announce, “Oh, I’m not moving in here. I have a place in Manhattan Beach.” I see the smile fade from Tyler’s face and Jordan perks up a bit. Guilt washes over me. He is trying so hard and I just won’t let him. I lean closer to him and whisper, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he says. “Just try for me. Please.” I apologize again. We get in the car and ride back to my house in silence. I don’t know what to say. It all comes rushing back, unfiltered thoughts of us, old memories of the barriers I put up to keep myself from getting too involved because of what happened in the past. I’m at that point again. I can’t seem to let go. I never thought there would be a time in my life when I would say I’m too independent, but here it is. My biggest failure was somehow the one thing that people strive for. I longed so badly for Tyler to love me, in the end it is me who is keeping it from happening. I reach over and put my hand on the back of Tyler’s neck and he closes his eyes for a moment.

“I’m sorry, Ty. That really came out all wrong. This is all so new. We just got back together yesterday and I know it seems longer than that given our history, but it’s still only been one day. And you’re still married.” I feel like I’m rambling; yet I keep going. “I’ve been living on my own for what seems like forever. I like my freedom. I like my independence, but I also know it’s my biggest hindrance. I’ll work on it. But I also need you to understand that even though things are really good right now, we still have issues. I need to learn to trust you again and given our past it will be an uphill battle. And I want...” He interrupts me, suddenly.

“Krissy, will you just shut up?” I’m taken aback by his abrupt tone and his words. “I love you and I love your independent-I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude. Sometimes you’re hard to take, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. If it were easy all the time I wouldn’t try so damn hard.” He sighs quietly. “My divorce will be final next week.” I, too breathe a sigh of relief. I decide to text Melinda.

Me: I slept with Tyler.

Melinda: You slut. I told you.

Me: Bitch

Melinda: Slut

Me: All name calling aside. He was amazing.

Melinda: Are you surprised? I’m jealous. I need to get laid.

Me: Hahaha. He’s still married. Does that make me a slut?

Melinda: I’ll have to consult Webster’s but I don’t think so. Don’t screw this one up.

Me: I won’t. I want you to meet him for real. No bullshit, got it?

Melinda: What are you talking about? I would never...

Me: Whatever. You busy tonight?

Melinda: Let me check...Nope. Am I ever?

Me: Work?

Melinda: Nothing on the calendar for tonight. Dinner and drinks?

Me: Yep. Mario’s or the Cantina?

Melinda: The Cantina. 7?

Me. Sure. Don’t call me a slut. It makes me self-conscious.

Melinda: K, whore. See you at 7. XOXO

Me: You’re going to make some man totally miserable someday. XOXO