Falling for the Lawyer

chapter Five


Alex had a lovely afternoon.

Vera stayed out of her way and she had plenty to be going on with. JP had left a stack of files on her desk adorned with countless yellow post-it notes containing cryptic instructions in his scrawling handwriting.

One thing that did strike Alex as a little strange was that the work he’d left for her involved more drafting and research than she’d ever done before. It was not really work which a PA would ordinarily do. She could only guess that Vera had been left to type JP’s letters, manage his diary and take his telephone calls but Alex wasn’t about to go in search of her to find out.

The afternoon disappeared in a flash. Before long, other PAs were turning off computers and organising their desks for the following day. There was still no sign of JP but Alex didn’t mind. It gave her more time to steel herself for their next meeting. And she’d resolved that once that was over she would find a way to do her job and keep her distance from him at the same time. Some brief exchanges at her desk or in his office were all that were necessary. If she could stick to that then their conversations could be kept short and business like.

With those thoughts churning in her mind she worked into the early evening. By that time she was confident she’d scaled and conquered her fears about the effect he was having upon her, so it was with dismay that she found her pulse leapt out of the barrier as soon as she heard his voice across the office.

He was talking to two lawyers about their working arrangements and current matters. Alex tried to focus on her work but it was useless; she couldn’t help but follow every part of his conversation.

He seemed to be able to walk the treacherous line between authority and equality. She could tell the lawyers were hanging on his every word yet they shared jokes and he listened to their suggestions. If he didn’t agree with them he had a way of putting his views back to them without criticism. Alex was transfixed.

Finally their conversation wound up. She could sense he was moving towards her and got to her feet to meet him in an effort to keep things formal.

“Would we be able to have that conversation about work allocation now?” she asked as he approached.

“No problem.”

Alex nodded and followed him into his office. He closed the door behind them.

“Take a seat.” He moved to sit behind his desk, locking his hands behind his head and leaning back in his chair. “I want you to change jobs,” he announced in a business-like fashion before she could say anything.

Alex knew her expression was dissolving into a running palette of shock and dismay. Studying the change in her in curious fascination, JP withdrew his hands slowly from behind his head and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk.

“Alex.”

“What?”

“I don’t mean leave the firm … or my office. I’m not sacking you.”

Her baffled dark-eyed gaze met his across the desk. “You’re not?”

“No. I want you to change roles,” he explained, smiling at the way she always assumed the worst possible outcome, waiting for the axe to fall on her life. “I don’t want you to work with me as a PA any longer.”

Alex was still looking at him in bewilderment.

“I’m going to offer you a role as a paralegal so that you can start studying law. I’ve looked up your leaving results and quite frankly, with those marks it’s a crime you’re not already through a law degree and working as one of my solicitors. Anyway, we can’t turn back time but we can sort things out now. You’ll have no trouble getting into one of the part-time courses so that you can keep working here.”

Alex gaped at him. She seemed incapable of speech.

“You must have considered this,” he prompted, wondering whether she would ever contribute to the discussion.

Alex shook her head in dumb response.

“You haven’t?”

“Not in such detail … the move to a paralegal position … none of that.”

“How can that be possible? You have raw instincts for the law and there’s no doubt you have the academic ability. Most importantly though the work you’ve done here tells me you’re just downright passionate about it. You couldn’t have applied yourself and acquired the knowledge you have without having done extensive reading. Is that right, Alex? Have you been teaching yourself law in your own time?”

“Not teaching myself exactly, but I read our Counsels’ advices, and I read books from the library here so that I understand the work I’m doing. But I’ve been happy working as a PA. I can’t become a lawyer JP, not now.”

JP rose to his feet and wandered over to the window, keeping his back to her. He needed to have her out of his line of vision to collect his thoughts for a minute.

The conversation was not turning out the way he’d expected because he’d expected her to leap at the fabulous opportunity he was offering her. In fact, who was he kidding? He’d been looking forward to telling her—looking forward to making her happy.

“I had no idea you’d resist this,” he began again in disbelief as he swung around to her. “You don’t seem to understand. I’ve spoken to my partners about it. Every year the firm offers one paralegal a generous grant towards university costs. You’d have to write a four thousand word essay on ethics but that won’t be a problem for you. You’ll blitz it, Alex.”

“Thank you, but I can’t accept,” Alex replied, a flat but determined edge to her voice.

Sensing she was in the process of erecting a brick wall between them JP dragged a chair near her and sat down.

“Okay Alex. I’m being frozen out here but I need to know what’s going on in that head of yours.” He was straining to keep his voice from rising in frustration.

“You’ve made me an offer and I’ve declined,” she shrugged. “So I guess that means my position as an Assistant PA has disappeared.”

“This has got nothing to do with getting rid of your position,” JP replied angrily. She was definitely shutting him out and he had to stop that happening before she slipped out of his reach altogether.

“Even if the offer hasn’t got anything to do with the PA position,” she went on in a businesslike monotone. “I know you’re policy on PAs so we may as well sort that problem out right now. Today’s demonstrated there’s no shared role here for Vera and me.”

“You’re right about that. I don’t need two PAs but I do need a paralegal and you’re the best candidate.”

“I’m sure there are other PAs who’d jump at the chance.”

“I don’t want anyone else!” JP almost shouted. He rose to his feet again and began to pace the room, shocked at the passion behind his last outburst. “Why don’t you want to become a lawyer?” he asked, trying to steady his voice and break down her obduracy with a technique he was comfortable with: cross-examination.

“That’s a silly question. Why don’t you want to become a hairdresser … or a vet … or a mechanic?”

But JP heard the tiniest of wobbles in her voice. He had to keep prising her open before she clammed up again.

“Don’t be obtuse, Alex,” he replied slightly more calmly than before as he threw himself onto a chair near hers. “Is it the study you’re worried about?”

Alex shook her head.

“Is it the balance of the fees you’ll have to pay? You’ll be on an increased salary as a paralegal you know. It will cover things. And it doesn’t mean you’re bound to the firm—there’s no pay back if you decide to leave.”

“No, it’s not any of those things!” Alex almost cried out and he knew he’d nearly cracked her open, the strain visible around her eyes.

“Is it the long hours, or the difficulty of the work? I can help you with that …”

“I’m engaged!”

Silence descended upon them both like a blanket.

During his years at university a lecturer had once passed on to JP the age-old legal adage: never ask a question in cross-examination when you don’t have a damn good idea of what the answer will be. He knew he’d just fallen seriously foul of that rule for the first time in his career. “You’re what?”

“I’m engaged to be married.”

Without thinking about the utter inappropriateness of what he was doing JP reached for her left hand and took it in his. Caressing her long fingers he stared in particular at the one where the engagement ring should have been.

He knew he had no right to touch her or speak to her like that but in the short time he’d known her she’d gotten right under his skin. Her commitment to another man wasn’t resonating with the instant rapport, the chemistry, the frisson, whatever you wanted to call it, that had wrapped the two of them up in knots from the moment they’d met.

“Why aren’t you wearing an engagement ring?” Without looking up he let go of her hand. “They do serve a number of purposes you know, one of which is to stop men making complete fools of themselves around engaged women.”

“We haven’t gotten around to buying one because my fiance’s been living in New Zealand but he’s coming back here to live—very soon.”

“How long have you been engaged?”

“Three years.”

“Three years! Why on Earth would anyone become engaged for three years? Who is he?”

“His name’s Simon.”

“Simon. For three years. And you’ve never gotten around to getting an engagement ring, let alone getting married. What does he do, this Simon?”

JP watched on as Alex drew herself up in defensive response. “He manufactures clothing. And it’s not like that … the way you’re putting it … you’re twisting it around … making it sound like I don’t want to get married.”

“Do you want to get married?”

“Of course.”

JP paused before throwing caution to the wind. He needed to see her reaction to the next comment. “Forgive me if I say the signals you’ve put out to me are not consistent with a woman who’s head over heels in love with another man.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Alex threw at him wretchedly and tore both her hands through her hair. JP watched on as a look of sheer agony and despair moved across her face. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I feel sick about it!”

JP wondered whether he’d been with Caroline so long he’d lost his ability to read women but Alex’s reaction told him all he needed to know. She had feelings for him, just as he had for her, but unlike him she was worried about those feelings —very worried.

“When I pressed you about doing law you told me you’re engaged. They don’t bar married women from the law you know so are those two things connected?”

“No … yes … I don’t know,” Alex’s words scattered in the air around them like pinballs.

“Tell me what’s going on, Alex.” JP heard the imploring note in his own voice but was powerless to stop it. “I need to know what your future is.”

“Simon and I are getting married,” she explained, her eyes wide and dewy. “The plan has always been that when that happens we’ll have children and I’ll give up work. I would disappoint every single person I care about if I turned around now and locked myself into a law degree and a demanding career for years on end.”

“Who the hell are these people who want to keep you from doing the thing you love!” JP barked. Her explanation had hit a nerve. “It’s your life. It’s your decision. You’re not married yet.”

“But it’s not just about me. In my family, we don’t make decisions in isolation from everyone else because they don’t affect just one person. Everyone’s happiness is interwoven with everyone else’s. You probably think that’s silly and old-fashioned but it takes much more than one or two generations to forget centuries of tradition.”

“I know about tradition!” JP nearly spluttered as memories of his beloved mother, crushed by the regret of her own shattered dreams swamped him, making it hard to breathe. He was damned if he was going to sit back and watch Alex give up on her future before she’d even started it, just as his mother had. “And traditions have a place. But Alex, the one thing that’s universal is love and I’m sure your family loves you. So tell them what you want to do with your life. They’ll understand.”

“It’s not that easy,” Alex sighed. He could tell she was already emotionally wrung-out by the conversation and wondered how it was possible to be so young and yet already carry a lifetime of regret.

“Have you ever thought about enrolling in law, Alex? And I want the truth.”

Alex looked long and hard at him before nodding. “I took legal studies at school and was social justice captain too—I would have liked to work with people in need, but it’s not to be,” she added in a hoarse whisper.

“You’d like to become a lawyer then?”

“Yes, but it’s a pipedream, JP. It’s not going to fit into my life.”

“Rubbish!” he handed down his verdict without mercy. “If you want something badly enough you can make it fit in. If your family loves you they’ll see it’s what you want and they’ll support you.”

JP sat back in his chair with a thud and rubbed his whiskery chin thoughtfully before throwing himself forward again. His mind was racing as he formulated a plan.

There was no point forcing her into a decision that night—she was too shattered to decide anything. But he could stall her from deciding against it completely and that would give him time to work on her.

“Will you promise me something then—just one thing?” he asked eventually.

“What?” Alex replied, her voice empty and miserable.

“Will you promise me you’ll think about my offer for at least one week before you give me a final answer?”

“It won’t make any difference. You know what a legal career does to a woman’s life and that’s not the life I committed myself to three years ago.”

“Just promise me, that’s all I ask, yeah?”

“Okay. But what if I decide ‘no’? I guess that means I’m out of a job.”

“I haven’t worked that out yet,” he answered, remembering Adam and Justin were expecting him to resolve his PA issues sooner rather than later. “I was so sure you’d agree to the paralegal offer. It seemed like the perfect solution. I thought it would be what you want and it would be what I need …” But JP caught himself up mentally and didn’t go any further.

“I think I must have misled you about my intentions.”.

“You haven’t misled me. Anyway, I have no right to ask and you’re under no obligation to tell me anything about your personal life—you know that.”

“I appreciate your offer.”

“I’m selfishly motivated Alex, I assure you. I have to lead by example here. If I’ve got two PAs it flies in the face of everything the partners are trying to change. I can’t have one rule for myself and another rule for everyone else. Normally it wouldn’t be a problem to cut back but with you …” JP stopped abruptly in mid-sentence. He didn’t want Alex to know the problem he was having was not solely employment related.

“With me … what?” Alex pressed.

“Never mind.”


Over a week passed.

JP didn’t broach the topic of Alex’s career again. In fact she began to wonder whether he’d forgotten about it. Perhaps he’d even had a change of heart.

Alex heartily wished she could forget it.

The problem was that JP had planted a seed in her mind and tentative imaginings about becoming a lawyer had been plaguing her ruthlessly ever since. Countless times during the week she’d caught herself daydreaming about sitting in lecture theatres, wading through legal books and even making some university friends. Suddenly her dreams had burst out of the confines of her private Alex Farrer world and into the streaming sunlight of JP’s hopes and expectations.

But Alex knew it wasn’t just the law that appealed to her. It ran deeper than that. It wouldn’t have mattered what she did, whether it was an Assistant Legal PA or a High Court justice. What she really yearned for was variety in her life: failures and successes, highs and lows, and vibrant, colourful people. Suddenly JP had lowered a ladder of future possibilities down to her. Now she ached to place her foot on the first rung and begin to climb. But despite what she’d said to JP about the weight of global family expectation there was one mountain of resistance which would be more insurmountable than all the others: Simon.

Simon would not like the idea of her doing further study one little bit. He had plans for them and she’d gone along with those plans for so long that any alternative would be like a bolt of lightning out of the blue.

Nevertheless, JP’s words had filled her with hope. He was right wasn’t he? When you loved someone you supported that person in achieving their dreams. Perhaps she’d underestimated Simon. Perhaps he’d be happy to be talked around to her point of view. All she had to do was explain that their plans for parenthood wouldn’t be derailed, just postponed for a few years.

Yet despite talking to Simon on the phone every other day, Alex had struggled to find the right moment to raise the subject with him. It would simply have to wait until they were face to face. Then she could make him understand how important JP’s offer was to her.

And so she dreamed and stewed and prayed that JP wouldn’t raise the issue again until the road with Simon lay clear. Meanwhile JP swept in and out of the office day after day like a shifting tornado.

He was beside himself with work. Endless streams of emails with long attachments were toppling into his inbox by the hour. Client requests for appointments had blown out to six weeks. She and Vera were both flat out trying to keep on top of his practice commitments. The little spare time he had to discuss anything with them at the end of the day, if he even turned up at the end of the day, was complicating the whole process too.

When he did manage to find a few minutes to go through matters with her Alex was staggered at his ability to focus on one pebble at a time when a whole cliff-face of boulders was coming down on top of him. But business was the strict order of the day whenever they were together. Never again did he allow their discussions to get close to personal. And she certainly wasn’t expecting the call from him that came in late one evening as she was packing up for the day.

“I want you to come somewhere with me, on your way home. I’m illegally parked outside the building so you’ll have to hurry.”

“Where?”

“I’m doing a couple of hours in a community legal centre tonight. I used to volunteer there when I was living here years ago.”

Alex bit her lip. “I shouldn’t. I’m having dinner with my parents tonight.”

“What time are you due there?”

“Seven-thirty.”

“I’ll have you there by then. I can drop you off. No problem.”

“You don’t even know where they live.” She smiled at his easy resolution of all obstacles.

“Where do they live?”

“Inner West.”

“I can get you there. Come on, come with me. You’ll see how the little people need the law as much as the corporate giants.”

Alex hesitated but the problem was she desperately wanted to go and see how a community centre worked. Everything at Griffen Murphy Lawyers catered for wealthy clients and she often wondered about the people who couldn’t afford to pay their senior lawyers over five hundred dollars an hour—who looked after them?

It was not ideal that she’d be alone with JP but how hard could it be to maintain a professional distance, just as they had over the last week? Then in a couple of hours she’d be at her parents’ house and it would all be over.

“Okay. I’ll go with you. I’d really like to.”

“I thought you would. Hurry up then.”

Within twenty minutes of climbing into the passenger’s seat JP was pulling into a side street of the city’s southern outskirts and parking the car. Alex got out and looked around. They were in the middle of one of the most socially disadvantaged areas of the inner city. The legal centre they stood in front of was no more than a run-down shop front.

“What’s up?” JP asked as he came around the car to meet her on the footpath.

“I wasn’t expecting this.”

“What were you expecting? Griffen Murphy Lawyers?” he teased, his mouth lapsing into an amused grin.

“No,” she laughed. “But a little more than this.”

“These places run on the smell of an oily rag. If volunteers didn’t man the joint it wouldn’t open. There’s some funding but it’s meager. Are you ready?”

Alex nodded. JP wandered into the centre to greet a woman behind the front reception desk.

“Jonathan McKenzie!” she screamed, and lifting her wiry physique out of her chair ran into the reception area to throw her arms around his neck. “You’ve come back to us.”

“Couldn’t keep away, Marie.”

“So they finally let you escape their clutches in London, eh?”

“I couldn’t stand another winter there if you want the truth. Marie, I’d like you to meet Alex Farrer. She’s my PA.”

“Alex, really nice to meet you,” Marie cried again, turning on Alex and pumping her hand vigorously for a few seconds, her mass of tight black curls bobbing around her intelligent, fine boned face. “If you’re working with Jonathan you’ll need nerves of steel.”

Alex couldn’t help smiling in delight at the irresistible Marie. She clearly adored JP and didn’t care who knew it. And reading Alex’s expression JP gave her a wink out of Marie’s eyeshot, yet he had no idea his tiny gesture was like a blow to her heart.

“So are you back to stay?” Marie pressed.

“At this stage.”

“Now don’t go committing yourself, will you,” she teased. “You’re a hard one to pin down. Although I hear a certain English princess by the name of Caroline almost managed to do it.”

Almost imperceptibly JP flashed his eyes at Alex before switching them away. But his glance had not been fleeting enough to stop Alex nose-diving into burning curiosity about the mysterious Caroline, mentioned once again as an important part of JP’s life.

Marie and JP chatted about the centre, its funding position, who’d moved on and who was still there. Meanwhile, a handful of lone individuals wandered in uncertainly; Marie would smile acknowledgement and ask each one to take a seat in the waiting area. JP asked Marie whether it would be all right if Alex sat in on the appointments.

“Yes, no worries at all. I’ll clear it with the punters first. If they have any issues Alex can come out and have a cuppa with me.”

There was no need for a cuppa though. None of the clients objected to Alex sitting in on the interviews. And for the next two hours she sat next to JP, transfixed as he probed, questioned, advised, lectured and reassured.

Sometimes he would give them legal advice or dictate letters and file notes for the day solicitors to follow through on. But mostly he spent his time skillfully drilling down to the client’s core problems, and often their problems had very little to do with the law.

Alex was impressed. JP’s extraordinary gift for dealing with his staff at Griffen Murphy spilled over into his dealings with the clients at the legal centre too. He was able to put them at ease at once, meet them on their own level and give them advice in a way they were sure to be able to understand and take away with them. In fact he was so natural she was sure the clients had no idea they’d just received advice from one of the country’s top litigation lawyers.

Alex was still pondering that professional side to JP as she sat beside him in his car. He was heading in the general direction of her parents’ suburb according to her directions but at that moment he turned and caught her looking at him.

“What’s up?” he asked gently.

“That was an amazing experience. Thanks so much for taking me.”

“No problem.”

“You don’t really understand how bad things can get for some people until they start telling you their stories.”

“And unless you’re their lawyer or their priest you’re not likely to hear those stories anyway.”

“But the legal issues were often quite small compared to the rest of their problems.”

“That’s the way it is, whether it’s a mum and dad type client or a large corporation. The legal issues always have to be taken in context. If you deal with them in isolation you can do a lot of damage.”

“You were great with those people. You really helped.”

JP gave out a loud guffaw.

“What?”

“I’ve hardly helped them at all. Those poor individuals are so plagued by debt, addictions and violence that nothing I do will have a lasting impact upon them. All you can do is offer them a way forward in the hope they won’t do something rash instead.”

“That’s very cynical.”

“Not cynical, just realistic. You’ve been cosseted like a princess in a tower. You’ve no idea what real hardship is.”

“Just because I’ve never experienced hardship doesn’t mean I don’t care about people who have.”

“I know that. If you didn’t care you wouldn’t have been social justice captain at school. But it can’t end there. You’re out in the big, bad world now and following up on those early instincts is more important than ever. Take Marie for instance. She was the medalist in her year at law school and could have written her own job description in any law firm in the country. Instead she’s sacrificed a huge salary because she wants to help people in trouble.”

“What are you suggesting? That everyone should be helping the poor and down-and-outs on a full time basis?”

“Of course not. That’d be counterproductive. The best thing for the poor in any country is a strong economy fueled by business and backed up with a strong education and social security system.”

“So what are you suggesting then?”

“Nothing in particular.”

“Yes you are. These comments are directed at me, aren’t they?”

“Should they be?”

“Why are you being so cryptic?” Alex snapped, feeling irritated and undermined. He was goading her and she guessed it was over her resistance to the paralegal offer.

“If you have gifts you should be worn out by using them all up by the end of your life,” JP declared stridently. “They shouldn’t be put in a box and shoved to the back of the cupboard like an unwanted wedding present.”

“There are lots of ways people can contribute. Are you suggesting women who stay at home and raise children are wasting their gifts?”

“Of course not. My own mother stayed at home. Raising a family’s incredibly important. But for some women there has to be more.”

“It’s easy for a man to say. Men are still expected to take on the role of full time breadwinners while women are expected to manage paid work as well as a family. It’s like having two full-time jobs at once.”

“That’s true but it can be done. There are openings for part-time work now. One of our lawyers came to me yesterday and asked if she could drop back to part-time to spend more time at home. We’re going to team her up with another part-timer in a job share.”

“Mmm,” Alex murmured thoughtfully, “I wonder whether you’ll be feeling as socially progressive when your working wife’s getting home late, the dinner’s not on, the homework’s not done and there are no clean socks. Turn right here. It’s just down there on the left near the big tree.”

JP laughed at her grim picture of his domestic future. “Nevertheless, when I get married I hope I’ll support my wife in her choices and I mean practical support, not just moral support.”

“Even when your toddler’s spraying baby food all over your two thousand dollar business suit from the high chair?”

JP swung into the kerb and switched off the ignition before turning to her.

“You know, for a princess in a tower you have surprising flashes of insight into the real world sometimes. Speaking of the real world, have you made a decision about my offer yet?”

Alex couldn’t answer. His closeness was doing her head in again. And she’d been so sure she was past that; so sure his knowing about her engagement would corral those renegade feelings she’d battled during their first meetings.

“JP … I can’t …” she began but couldn’t go on because he was groaning in exasperation and running his hand through his hair. He threw himself back against his car seat and stared blindly out the windscreen, his jaw set rigid. But then he was turning to her again, his voice barely audible.

“Before you say anything more Alex, I want to tell you a story. Will you listen?”

Alex nodded, relieved she wouldn’t have to say anything more to defend her decision straight away.

“An oncology nurse, Annabelle, worked in a Glasgow hospital about fifteen years ago. She’d married very young and by that stage had a teenage son but she was still young in mind and body and incredibly bright and beautiful. She was passionate about her work and kept herself up to date with medical developments in fighting the cancers her patients were battling. The medical doctors on staff noticed her as a nurse who showed great promise academically and they encouraged her to think about studying medicine at university and becoming a doctor. She was incredibly excited about this Alex, it had been a dream of hers for a long time—one she’d never believed would come true. All she’d needed was some encouragement and support to start to believe in herself.”

“So did she do it?” Alex asked feeling strangely on tenterhooks as JP related his simple story. “Did she become a doctor?”

“I remember the night she came in through the door and I knew something incredible had happened to her that day. I’d never …”

JP stopped then, gazing out over Alex’s left shoulder, looking lost and alone as though he’d forgotten she was sitting right next to him.

“You’d never what?” Alex prompted and JP’s gaze returned to hers.

“I’d never seen her look so happy. Anyway,” JP sighed before he went on, “she made the announcement to my Da and I’ll never forget his reaction—jealousy, possessiveness, anger—every ugly motive you can think of within a marriage was going through his head. He’d always been a miserable, violent bully Alex, from as early on as I could remember. But that night she was so goddamn happy that not even he could bring her down.”

“What happened?” Alex asked, feeling a veil of portentousness wrapping around them both as they sat together in the quiet hush of his car.

“He didn’t hurt her that night, not physically anyway, but with the most violent psychological thrashing he could give her he told her she would not get one cent of financial support from him if she went to university. He then walked out of the kitchen, sat himself down on his lounge chair and turned the TV on and the subject never came up again.”

“That’s a terrible ending,” she whispered, swallowing in an effort to get the words out of her choked up throat. “And you?” Alex began again quietly. “Did he beat you too?”

“Oh no,” JP replied with a scoff in his voice. “My Da was solid gold coward. He only hit defenseless women; he had enough brains to work out that one day I might be able to throw a major punch back at him. And he wasn’t the only one to work that out because at fifteen I started lifting weights and pretty soon I was twice his size.”

“And Annabelle?”

“Once I could take him on the beatings stopped but I stayed at home for a few more years, for her sake. I tried to talk her into going to the police, leaving him; you name it, I tried it. But she wouldn’t do it. As for becoming a doctor my Da had killed the dream within her as surely as if he’d strangled it with his bare hands. She waited on him for five years until she died within three weeks of being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.”

“And your father?”

“Don’t know. Don’t care. I haven’t spoken to him in over ten years.”

“I don’t understand, why didn’t he want her to study medicine?” Alex was confused at a level that went way beyond the simple story he’d just recounted to her.

“It was all about control. People might dress it up as something else but that’s all it comes down to—one person wanting to commandeer another’s life.”

Alex dropped her eyes and began to fidget with the ends of her hair lying across her shoulder.

“I know my mother’s situation was extreme, and I’m certainly not suggesting anyone in your family is a bully. But I do know something about regret and I’m here to tell you: don’t do deals with it, Alex. It will eat your life away from the inside out. In my mother’s case it ended up killing her.”

He’d dropped his head in front of her so that he could see her better in the dim light of his car, bringing his face closer to hers.

“I understand how bitter you are about your father JP, I really do. But you can’t be sure that what he did to your mother was the cause of her cancer. Thinking that way will only end in misery for you.”

“There’s not a doubt in my mind that the two are connected.”

She didn’t reply as she studied the hard, male angles of his face and the unrelenting light emanating from deep within his dark eyes. Suddenly a hand was cupping that face and drawing it closer to hers. In a haze, she recognised the silver watch around the slim wrist in front of her but it took several more seconds to register that the silver watch, the wrist and that hand were hers.

In the next moment that same wrist was resting on her lap, enclosed in his firm grip.

“If you ever kiss me Alex, I can promise you it won’t be out of pity.”

“I was not going to kiss you!”

JP guffawed. “I’ve been kissed by enough women in my life to know when it’s about to happen and when it’s their idea.”

“That’s it, I’m going!” Alex snapped at JP with sharp, shocked finality, horrified at the intimacy of the gesture she’d just shown him—not even wanting to think about what she might have instigated straight afterwards.

“Wait a second. Alex!” JP objected as he firmed his grip around her wrist to prevent her from opening the car door and fleeing into the night. “Can I come in and meet your parents?”

She gawked at him in disbelief. “No way! That’s a terrible idea!”

“Why? Will I embarrass you?” he asked with a provocative smile playing at the corners of his mouth as he released her arm.

“I don’t want to take you in there,” Alex answered in exasperation. “And what’s more, I don’t want to be cross-examined by you about why not.”

JP gave out a short laugh. “Okay. But you haven’t answered my question yet.”

“About what?” she threw back, completely flustered. She was still trying to work out how she could have reached out and touched him like that without even knowing she was doing it? And was he right about the kiss thing? She didn’t think so, but a niggling doubt was eating away at her even as she denied it to herself.

What kind of strange power did JP hold over her? Whatever it was there was one thing she knew for sure. She had to get out of reach of that power as soon as possible before she did something much more serious than caress his cheek.

“I want an answer about the paralegal offer—now.”

Alex felt herself slump as she dropped her face into her hands but JP wasn’t having a bar of it. Taking each of her hands in his he prised them away.

“Look at me Alex, straight in the eye and give me a straight answer,” he demanded.

“I’m going to talk to Simon but I have to be honest JP, I can’t see how your offer will work for us.” She was surprised at the steady calm underpinning her voice. “I appreciate what you’ve tried to do but the bottom line is that Simon and I made plans long ago. As I said before, I won’t make everyone I love unhappy by turning all those plans upside down now.”

JP stared at her in outraged disbelief. “So if you’re diagnosed with a terminal illness tomorrow and a month later they find a cure would that be your response? Sorry Doc, Simon and I have made too many plans towards my own demise—hold on to your cure because I refuse to turn things around now?”

“This is not about a terminal illness! This is my life and my choices are going to affect other people, not just myself!”

“Goddamn it! I wash my hands of this!” JP declared and tossed his hands up in the air for emphasis.

“I wish you would wash your hands of this!” Alex countered immediately in hot rebuke. “I never asked you to involve yourself in my life in the first place.”

With that she grabbed her bag from the floor of the car, wrestled with the unfamiliar door handle to get it to open and in the next moment was rushing down the footpath towards the safe haven of her parents’ home.