Chapter 28
School passed by uneventfully that week. I tried to avoid running into Reece, which was unproblematic since we didn’t share any of the same classes. Lunch was tricky but it seemed that Amber was capturing most of his attention and she was kindly sharing her lunch with him, packing extra goodies like rice krispie cookies and deviled eggs – some of his favorites. For his part Reece paid close attention to anything she said by making great eye contact, and he seemed genuinely interested in her thoughts. Had he always been that way or was I noticing now more than ever?
While laughing at something he said, Amber unwrapped another rice krispie cookie and offered it to me. Her face was aglow and her eyes were sparkling. That is what real love looked like I told myself. I smiled back at her and offered to share the cookie with Tavia but she politely declined. She was too busy being engaged with Adam, so there I sat – the odd one of the bunch. I carefully peeked up through my lashes to watch as Reece took up Amber’s trash and threw it away. I looked down at my half eaten blt and finished off the remainder of my water bottle. I started to excuse myself when Tavia pulled me close and nudged me in the arm.
“Are you okay? You’ve been awfully quiet.”
Summoning a polite grin for her I shrugged my shoulders. “Of course, I’m just going to finish some homework so I don’t have to worry about it later.” I was acutely aware of Reece’s eyes on me as I walked away.
I was sitting in the library trying to ferret out some facts for an assignment when I heard someone pull out the chair in front of me. I looked up to see Reece reclining comfortably, his hands still in his jacket pocket. He was assessing me, but said nothing. Nervously, I turned my attention to the paper before me. The longer the silence continued, the more nervous I became. I bit the end of my pen and pretended to read. I heard Reece exhale and position his arms on the table.
“Is this how it’s going to be?” He asked.
Putting my pen down I raised my eyes to look at him. How could I tell him that if I chose him, I would lose Amber? Love may be hard enough to find and harder still to hold onto, but finding a true friend seemed even rarer.
He was waiting and I didn’t know what to say. I found myself stammering.
“It’s better this way, you’ll see.”
“Better for you or for me?” He challenged.
“For neither,” I answered softly.
“You just contradicted yourself.” He pointed out.
“We’ve already discussed this Reece. I thought I made myself clear.” I bristled at my own inflection.
“If you’re holding out for one person that hurts everyone. Doesn’t she deserve to be loved the way I love you?”
“But you can’t love me, not really. You don’t even know me. I think you’re just attracted to me because I’m the newest face in town, maybe a little different.”
“Don’t try and analyze me,” he said in a low, angry voice. “Give me more credit. I know how I feel and I know what I want.”
He sighed in frustration. “I have been fair with her. I told her how I feel. She knows. We talked about it at your house.”
“Well, I can’t do that to her, I just can’t. I have had very few friends in my life. I know how hard they are to come by. Unless she has love in her life I don’t think I deserve to have love in mine…at least not with the one person she has an interest in.”
“You’re not a martyr,” Reece protested. “She will be fine. She will be happy. She will fall in love with someone else. It happens all the time. She is not that weak.”
“But I am…” I insisted, bringing my hand up to my heart. “Since I’ve moved here the strangest things have been happening, things I could have never dreamed up. I’m still grieving for my dad and I’m trying to adjust amongst all this insanity. I’m worn out.”
I began stacking my books and started to stand when Reece reached out and grabbed my hand. He looked at it with questioning concern and ran his finger across my ring.
“You know why I feel the way I do?” He asked. “You’re a mosaic of emotion and I find you endlessly interesting.”
“I’m not,” I objected. “I’m someone that’s lost and trying to find a place in the world.”
With that I grabbed my backpack, my books and I walked away from him.