Chapter 26
Amber and I spent the better part of an hour getting ready. Amber had packed a flattering dark blue dress that set off her slim frame beautifully. While she sat before the vanity I brushed her silky chestnut hair and separated it into sections to curl. She applied a coral lip gloss and while talking, looked at my belongings on the vanity. She caressed a jeweled barrette, opened a compact and smelled some of the miniature lotions and perfumes. She looked into the mirror and spotted the garnet ring on my finger.
“Wow, how pretty. Can I see it up close?”
I set the curling iron down and extended my hand her way. Knowing her feelings for Reece I had attempted to hide the ring, but what good does hiding do? People always manage to find out anyway. As she touched my fingers I said, “It’s my birthstone.”
Then she posed the question I was dreading.
“Who gave it to you?”
I paused as I searched for the right words, the kind that wouldn’t hurt her.
“Oh…well-“
“Amber looked at me in the mirror and gave me a tight lipped smile. “I see. Reece did. Well, it’s just beautiful. Of course he would pick out something so perfect. How come you don’t wear it more often?”
I searched for something to say while her cool gaze returned to her image in the mirror. She didn’t say anything more. Her lovely eyes rested on the reflection before her and her expression was one of control and concern. She was torn, a feeling I knew all too well.
I excused myself to go into the bathroom. I took the clip out of my hair and brushed the waves that fell down my back. I smoothed my hands down the red dress and feeling satisfied that Amber had enough alone time, I went back into my room. Amber was slipping into some black heels and just as we were ready to go, Anne called to us from downstairs. As we descended I smiled at the sight of her. Anne was wearing a simple black dress but the jeweled t-strap heels she had on were anything but simple. Her ginger locks were curled and I saw that she was adjusting an earring.
“Some lucky men await us!” she exclaimed cheerfully.
Amber and I chatted aimlessly on the way to the restaurant but beneath the chatter I was feeling guilty for my friendship with Reece and I also felt responsible for the feelings he had for me. It wasn’t fair. Amber was one of the sweetest, most devoted friends, not just to me, but to Reece as well. She was kind-of-heart and knew what she wanted. I felt like a disloyal friend with too many secrets and I wondered if I deserved a friend like Amber at all.
I looked over at her as she gaily looked out the window. She seemed more content than before. Sitting next to her I suddenly felt as if I were the dark contrast to her superior luminosity. It wasn’t even about appearance - it was about how I felt as a person and as a friend.
Amber wasn’t beautiful in the conventional sense but what she possessed as a person made her surpass others in attractiveness. I truly didn’t know what Reece saw in me or what Haven did either but I also knew it was fruitless to compare myself to anyone else. What I wanted was to be a better person and that started with being a better friend. I didn’t know how to go about doing that except for forfeiting my relationship with Reece so the two that deserved each other were able to have each other.
I felt an ache in my heart but decided that I would probably cause Reece pain so it was better to be frosty with him now rather than hurt him later.
Jericho and Reece were standing in front of the restaurant when we parked. Reece had some long-stemmed white roses and I tensed as I could imagine what Amber was thinking. I looked at her to gauge her feelings but she was unreadable
We were exiting the car when Jericho gave Anne his arm and he kissed her on the cheek. He escorted her into the restaurant as Amber and I lingered behind. Amber reached Reece first and gave him a playful jab in the arm.
“You clean up real nice,” she teased.
He reacted by putting an arm around her and giving her an affable hug. “You look amazing.”
Amber beamed, seeing nothing but him. I dropped my eyes and smiled inwardly.
“Willow,” Reece said in a low voice. “These are for you.”
I looked up and swept some loose tendrils behind my ear. “They’re beautiful. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” His smile was warm and his green eyes were inviting. He held out his arm to escort me into the restaurant but I pretended I didn’t see and brushed past him. He tried to open the door while standing behind me but I got to it first and slipped in, letting the door close in front of him and Amber.
“Willow,” Anne chastised in a loud whisper. “That was very rude.”
I blushed at the rebuke and turned to Reece with an apologetic expression on my face. He looked angry and his eyes were fierce. Amber looked confused. The maître d’ escorted us to a table facing a large stone fireplace. He pulled out the chairs and Jericho and Reece waited until we were seated before sitting down. I purposely maneuvered myself so that I was seated next to Anne and Amber, leaving Reece sitting next to Amber and his father. Reece clenched his jaw and looked up at me through his dark lashes. His eyes, almost the color of teal, reflected his annoyance. Once again, I pretended not to notice. A waitress approached the table with a basket of crusty French bread and sweet butter. While she took our drink orders Reece asked Anne if he could have the keys to her car so that he could leave the roses there. He moved around the table until he bent down next to me and whispered in my ear, “Don’t freeze me out. You will talk to me…later.” He took the keys from Anne. Amber excused herself also and followed Reece out the door. I felt all eyes upon me as I reached for a slice of bread. I looked up and saw Anne staring at me.
“What is going on?” She demanded to know. “You can cut the tension with a knife.”
“Did something happen between you and Reece?” Jericho added. “Did he do something he shouldn’t have?”
“Oh no Mr. Anderson, it’s nothing like that. Reece has always been kind.”
I turned to Anne, noticing her disapproval.
“It’s me. I’m a bit overwhelmed tonight, and I’m hungry. I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”
“I expect you to be better behaved.” Anne pointed out.
I nodded in agreement and took a bite of bread.
When Reece and Amber returned the waitress came to take our order. As her eyes moved to mine I closed the menu and said, “I’ll try the winter squash risotto. Thank you.”
While she was writing, Reece leaned forward and said, “You still owe me. We were supposed to split a steak.”
Sensing the apprehension as I smiled uncomfortably, Amber put her hand on Reece’s arm.
“That sounds good. How about splitting the Ribeye?”
Reece looked at Amber and smiled but out of the corner of his eye his gaze flickered to me. I could feel the heat move to my cheeks and I broke the gaze first by reaching for another slice of bread.
Our dinners arrived in a timely fashion and my plate of risotto was steaming before me. I looked to my left to see Anne and Jericho caught up in conversation. Jericho had his hand on Anne’s and she was passing him a bite of her seared salmon. I stirred the risotto and all I could think was that Amber was better for Reece. She had a calming influence on him and all I could do was turn his insides into knots. I stole a quick glance their way. Amber had his undivided attention and I envied their harmony. Not only could they get along but they complimented each other.
I stole another look, this time at Reece. The way he looked at Amber and the manner in which he grinned…Underneath his rugged good looks he was more handsome than I realized and, unexpectedly, my heart fluttered.
Suddenly I felt very alone and surprisingly I wanted to be the one sitting next to Reece.
This can’t be happening.
I made a decision; I need to stick with it. I can’t be so selfish as to come between two people who should be together. I won’t! I will do something right.
After dinner everyone except me chatted lightheartedly. Every now and then I would nod, smile or make a remark. The heat from the fire was making me drowsy and I tried not to see Reece and Amber. If Amber had felt even a portion of what I was feeling I marveled at her generosity of spirit. My eyes wandered to the fire and I gazed dreamily into it. Voices seemed to hush and the room seemed to blur except for the vibrancy of the flames.
As if in a daydream I was staring into another fire, this time in a much smaller fireplace and I was sitting on a comfortable couch in a cozy room. I knew it well and behind me were three tall windows and a door that led to the small deck out front. Above the fireplace and on a homemade wooden mantel that had been carved with great detail and care, were a row of family photos.
My parents were in one, taken on their wedding day. They looked like kids because they were.
In the next photo my mother was in a rocking chair in the living room. She was holding me in her arms. She looked tired but content and was smiling down at me while my father was bent down on one knee next to her, also looking on adoringly. Two had become three.
The next photo showed my mother as she lay sleeping. Her abundant golden hair fanned out and framed the throw pillow she was resting on and a tiny white blanket covered her. My father had told me I had been napping next to her and seeing that she was still asleep, covered her with my blanket before getting out of bed and asking for a snack. In the photo my mother’s lips were slightly curved, as if she were blissfully dreaming.
In the next framed image my mother had taken a photo of my father as he was standing in a field watching the sun go down. He was mostly a silhouette but his strength and character were evident. After my mother died, my father left everything as it was.
While I mused over moments long gone I was barely aware when someone placed a small dish in front of me. I looked up at the waitress and then down at my plate where my eyes became misty. Before me was a red velvet cupcake with a candle in the middle.
“Make a wish,” Amber encouraged.
I looked around at everyone sharing my moment. I closed my eyes and thought of all the wonderful people in my life and the ones no longer living. I wished for belonging and a safe place in the world. I opened my eyes and blew. As I removed the candle the waitress placed red velvet cupcakes in front of everyone else.
“This means so much to me,” I said to Anne. “I also want to thank you for letting me stay with you the last several months.”
Anne looked surprised. “Why Willow, you’re family…not an obligation.”
“I realize that now,” I said. “I wanted you to know I don’t take any of this for granted.”
Anne leaned over for a quick hug and caressed my face with her hand and as she withdrew, a trail of her delicate perfume remained. The mood seemed to lighten and a moment later Jericho moved in close to her and whispered something in her ear. Smiling, she said that she was going to spend some time with Jericho and asked Reece to drive Amber and I home.
“Don’t stay too late,” Jericho said to Reece.
“I should say the same to you,” Reece retorted jokingly.
After the bill had been paid, Jericho helped Anne into her coat. Before leaving she bent down and kissed me. After they left I placed my napkin on the table and reached for my coat.
“I ate so much I can barely breathe,” I confessed.
“You did practically finish off the bread basket by yourself,” Amber taunted.
Reece looked sullen as he led the way to the door. Holding it open, Amber and I passed in front of him. Snow had begun to fall, taking the place of the odd spring like weather we had been receiving. It was dark but illuminations from the abundant street lamps were casting their glow. When we reached Reece’s truck, he unlocked the doors and turned to Amber, “Want to drive? You always said you wanted to.”
“I don’t know how to drive a standard. You were supposed to teach me a year ago, what happened to that?” She teased.
Reece chuckled under his breath, opened the door, and told her to sit in the back but before she could, I did. I was annoyed at him for favoring me. While I adjusted the seat belt I could feel the tension between all of us. I was such a kill-joy; that much was obvious.
It was nearly nine by the time we walked into the house. I went over and lit the fire and Reece bent down to pet Pandora who had come to greet us. Even with the four of us, the house seemed eerily quiet. I walked across the hall and under one of Anne’s cabinets, I turned on some music. Mahler’s Symphony No. 5, a mournful melody, drifted through the house. I went to the stove and heated up the tea kettle. I pulled down three of Anne’s white mugs and put a couple of tablespoons of spiced tea in the bottom of them. As I waited for the tea kettle to hiss I leaned back until I could see into the living room. Reece was standing next to the mantel where he was supporting one of his arms, and in the other arm he was holding Amber who was cleaving onto his arm with both of hers. She wore a pained expression on her face and her eyes were closed. Reece was looking down, his face was solemn. I felt as though I were intruding so I went back to staring at the mugs in front of me.
After the kettle hissed I poured the steaming liquid into the mugs and stirred the mixture until the scent of citrus and cinnamon filled the air. Grabbing a tray, I walked back into the living room. Reece was still standing by the fireplace and noting my searching eyes, he pointed upstairs. “She went to change into something more comfortable.”
“Make yourself at home,” I said as I placed the tray on the coffee table. “I’ll be right back.”
I opened the door to my room to see Amber in her pajamas. She was sitting on my bed looking at her hands.
“Are you okay?” I asked. I reached out to touch her shoulder. She seemed to be holding back tears.
“I’m not a very good friend for what I’ve been thinking,” she said modestly. Feeling a bit of déjà vu, I bent down before her. “You are a good friend, the best I’ve ever had.” I squeezed her hand. “Besides Pandora that is,” I added in an attempt to lighten the air.
“And you know what?” I asked, “You’re not alone in feeling that way.”
For the first time since I entered the room, she raised her eyes to look at me. Her brows knit together as she briefly paused in contemplation. She took a deep breath and straightened herself.
“Don’t you have enough,” Amber accused as tears welled up in her dark green eyes. “It’s not love if you can’t decide, and why should you even have that option? Some of us know without a doubt what we want!”
Stunned, I stared at her before finding my voice. “I’m sorry Amber. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”
“That’s just it, Willow. You have your own pain. I understand that you’ve been through a lot. You don’t seem to know who you are. You’re hard to reach…I guess guys are drawn to you because they want to protect you and think you are mysterious, I don’t know. What I do know is that you can’t have them both. It’s not right.”
Knowing I deserved her reproach I dropped my head.
“If either one of them was involved with someone, I would not butt in where I don’t belong,” I explained. “This feels more complicated. I do know that you’re my friend and I need you. Reece is a good person, better than I deserve, I’ll step back, okay?”
“Don’t do it for me. Do it for the right reasons,” Amber said as she dabbed at her eyes.
That seemed to settle it. Even Amber agreed. He deserved all that was good, and Amber was good. I was as desolate a person as I felt.
Amber had gone into the bathroom to freshen up before heading downstairs. I could hear her talking with Reece. She seemed much less burdened and I was the one feeling troubled. I pulled off the dress and rummaged around in my drawer. I pulled out a pair of fleece pajama bottoms and a long sleeved top. I grabbed a clip off the vanity and twisted my hair and secured it. I turned and walked to the window. I sat on the bed and pulled my knees up beside me. I looked into the sky to see the snow falling as lightly as before and moonlight streamed down through breaks in the clouds. I tried to lighten my sad features with a reluctant smile. Was I really this lost? Sighing, I stood and made my way downstairs.
“It’s cold now,” Reece said as he lifted my mug. “But it was good.”
“It’s a small matter,” I replied half-heartedly.
While Reece and Amber were sitting on the love seat in front of the window I pulled my knees up and laced my fingers around them as I sat in the chair across from them. Amber seemed happier than before and we agreed to watch a movie. Amber picked “The Notebook.” Perfect…
I tried not to let it bother me when Amber curled up next to Reece underneath a red throw. I reached for another and stroked Pandora’s head as she rested near me.
“Pets are much easier to get along with than people,” I whispered to her.
I vaguely remember Anne coming in the front door and tapping Reece on the shoulder. Yawning, Reece had gently maneuvered himself so Amber wouldn’t be disturbed. He had paused in the doorway before leaving. Anne locked up behind him and came back with more blankets. Once she had placed one on me and the other on Amber she turned the fireplace off and went into her own room. After that my eyelids fluttered and I fell asleep.