Chapter 32
Haven led me to his room, which was at the end of a long hallway. I hesitated before entering, feeling like I was intruding into his personal space. The walls were painted in slate and furniture was minimal. In front of a large window--the only window in his room--stood a desk with several sketches on it. At the opposite end of the room was a black platform bed, low to the ground, perhaps queen sized and covered in dark fabrics and few pillows. Above his bed on a black shelf was something that took my breath away.
It wasn’t a painting. It was a black and white sketch of a girl standing in a field of wildflowers. The girl was wearing a long dress that seemed to tousle in the wind and her long fair hair, flowing free, blew in the same direction. She had an expectant expression on her face and her lips were slightly open. I looked down as I realized I was gazing at a likeness that resembled my own mother. But how was that possible? I looked at the sketch again but couldn’t bring myself to look at Haven who was standing near.
“I know what you must be thinking,” he confirmed.
“What is that?” I finally managed to ask, still not able to look at him.
“She looks like your mother,” he proclaimed. “She looks like you.”
I turned slowly and lifted my eyes to meet the acute sapphire glints gazing down at me. He took a step towards me and tilted his head. I averted his inquisitive gaze and looked to the side. I was pulling away from him physically and emotionally and I didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t know what to do...All I could do was listen as he spoke.
“It’s true...it’s her. She loved no one but your father. I don’t care for you because you’re her daughter. I care about you for many reasons. When you’re around I feel a vitality I haven’t felt in a long time. It’s the most human I’ve felt in decades.”
Suddenly, where once the attention from more than one had placed a burden on me, it made sense. It wasn’t me he loved. It was the feeling he loved when he was with me.
“You,” I began in an oscillating tone. “You must not get out much.”
I couldn’t tell if he was amused or angry. A taut muscle rippled along his cheek and he appeared to be smirking.
“And,” he added darkly. “I’ve never met anyone more frustrating.”
Feeling that the time was right, I also felt emboldened. “I want to be fair to you...I’m -” And all too soon I realized just how powerful admitting the truth could be. “I’m in love with someone else.”
Haven’s face didn’t register a reaction but he looked from me to the sketch above his bed. “You’re more like your mother than you will ever realize.”
I said nothing but heard him chuckle. “You’re also a challenge – a willful, beautiful challenge.”
“It’s not a challenge if I’m decided. I can’t be with him, but if my heart is his, I can’t be yours either.”
Haven’s eyes flickered in shade and intensity as he listened to me. “I could easily, and with great pleasure, eliminate the competition,” he declared with baneful relish. “Then you would be mine.” He shook his head in rueful amusement. “But I wouldn’t do that to you…or myself, because then you would resent me forever.”
He turned his back to me and hesitated before speaking. “Your honesty separates you from most. People are much too afraid to reveal what it is they really feel.” He laughed nefariously. “You know…ones like us are notorious for taking what we want. We are dominant and possessive. What’s to stop me from taking you?”
“Free will,” I answered softly. “You know that much about me…that without free will, love cannot be offered at all, and what you yearn for is to have it offered unconditionally.”
When he turned to face me a grin appeased the pain written across his features. I looked from his captivating blue eyes to his gleaming, sharp white teeth. I felt it was right to say goodbye, but before I could, Haven grasped my wrist with an iron grip and momentarily held me there. With careful deliberation he raised my hand to his mouth. His eyes were on fire and never left my own as his lips brushed against my hand in a kiss. The way he did it almost took my breath away. I could see why it was so important to avoid a situation where temptation could be so intoxicating.
“You’re branded to me now,” he said with a cunning grin.
“Do that again and I’ll bite you,” I retorted.
“I would welcome it,” he said with conviction. His grin morphed into one of expectation and I gently pulled away from him.
Breaking through my thoughts, Haven asked, “Do you believe that life has a way of drawing certain people together?”
“If you’re asking whether I believe in fate or coincidence, I must say that I believe in both.”
“What I meant was you’re being here, in this place, was no accident. You’re more girl than beast, and you feel lost because you have no link.”
I shifted and ruffled my hair with one hand. “I have a hard time believing this,” I said ruefully. “Perhaps I am lost. I once had a family but death claimed them both. I knew a normal life once, a happy one even. I know nothing about this heritage I supposedly come from. It’s completely foreign to me and everyone else seems to know more about it than I do.”
“You fear what you don’t know,” he said.
“I fear many things…”
“You can’t love what you fear,” he stated. “You don’t even know who you are because – “
“But I know what love is,” I interrupted. I turned away from him and walked over to his bookshelf and examined his belongings, noting how impersonal they seemed. I knew he was near me but I didn’t look back at him. “You’ll find another,” I said softly.
“I could search a lifetime and not come across another one like you,” he breathed.
“And you shouldn’t. Everyone is different.’”
I turned towards the door. Before I could take a step, Haven was before me. “You’re always leaving.”
He searched for my eyes but I looked away from him, ashamed for getting myself into this situation to begin with. “Haven’t you learned?” He asked. “Running solves nothing. Instead of running away from others, maybe you should run to them.”
“There is no one,” I claimed with regret. “I will not be a burden.”
“Burdens are obligations. You are neither and you will never be free until you face your demons head on.”
“I don’t have to face them when they’re with me,” I stated.
“You’re right, but you need to let others in and when you do, you will find that they want to take care of you, not because you’re weak or can’t do for yourself, but because they want to.”
I shook my head in defeat. I walked towards the door and reached out for the handle. From where Haven stood I heard him say. “Their prize is your trust…”
“Trust,” I repeated in a soft whisper. “It’s harder to feel than love.”