Chapter 33
Haven parked in front of Anne’s house. I was getting ready to exit the car when he touched me on the arm.
“I know it’s different between us. I felt it every moment I was with you this evening but you need to know that I don’t think it was a coincidence that we crossed paths. I don’t know what the future will bring, but I know you’re here for a reason and while I wish you were with me, I know you love someone else. I can’t say that it doesn’t cut me to the core, but I will give you space.” His hand dropped from where he touched me.
“I have to be truthful, as hard as it is to be so,” I explained. “I can’t be with him but there comes a time in life when you have to do the grown up thing instead of the romantic thing. It’s when you listen to your head and force the heart to wait…I’m going to wait, I’m going to do the right thing and I’m not going to hurt anyone else.”
Haven leaned towards me. “Be careful not to hurt yourself in the process.” He paused for a moment before exiting the car and came around to open my door. I stood on the sidewalk in front of him and took in the sight of him: The golden brown hair, the piercing blue eyes, and the dark shirt that hugged his smooth, chiseled body. He was handsome, but more than that, he was capable of deep emotion. In that moment, despite what I knew, I was certain I was making the right choice. Mutually we reached out and embraced one another. Haven’s steel arms went around me, holding me to him. My arms, frail in comparison, reached around his waist. I breathed him in, remembering how it was the first time I saw him. Even though my heart was set on Reece, I didn’t want this to be a goodbye, but I also knew it had to be.
Relaxing my hold, I pulled away and kept my eyes downcast as I ascended the porch steps. I turned to wave and Haven was still standing there with his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket. I felt a lump in my throat and was surprised to find that I was hurting. In my fear of hurting someone else I never thought that I would be the one to feel it. I raised my hand to wave goodbye and turned to unlock the door. I went to the window and looked outside but he was already gone.
The next three months trudged by in predictable monotony. I had seen little of Reece except for occasional smiles and obligatory waves walking through the halls at school. Little had changed at lunch. Amber and Reece, heads bent together, were always discussing something and every now and then I would catch an intermittent glance from Reece. Amber, to her credit, tried to include me and asked my opinions on issues they conferred over. She never came to lunch without offering something to everyone – so considerate, so Amber. Sometimes Reece would buy soda for everyone and would hand the last one to me where he would linger over the offering as he brushed my finger with one of his. In an attempt to not draw attention to myself I would quickly, and politely, tell him thank you. He never had much to say, which was so unlike him, but would nod or smile and return to Amber who looked at him with adoring eyes. I found that I missed Reece the more he was absent from my life, and the more I missed him, the more I loved him.
Anne and Jericho were still an item, a serious one at that. Some evenings she wouldn’t come home and there were times I perceived, even though they tried to keep it covert, Jericho sneaking out of the house before I came down for breakfast. Thankfully that’s all I heard.
Anne began paying me to work in her bakery part-time and every moment was an uplifting one because of the time spent with Ben. In the spare time we had he taught me how to pipe and decorate. He would usually pat me on the back and on a few occasions would leave me a custom made treat with a sticky note telling me to smile more. I began leaving him notes as well, usually telling him through handwriting what I couldn’t say in person. He never made me feel awkward or insecure. He just accepted me as a real friend would. We also talked and I listened with eager interest to his childhood stories and the love he shared with his beloved Jamaican wife, and the sadness he had because she was no longer with him. He said he kept things just as they were when she had been living and that someday, when and if he was ready, he would date again. In this way he reminded me of my own father.
I had not seen Tristan and I was thankful for that as he was a reminder of things I didn’t want to think about, discuss, or be a part of. All I wanted was to be able to keep and nurture my friendship with Amber and to also be with Reece, but how could I do that when Amber and I wanted the same thing?
It would have to stay as it was…