This Star Won't Go Out

? there was one time (and before you read the next part remember I love you lol . . .) in the hospital where you and Mom were arguing over spilled coffee (HAHAHA I’m so funny) literally and like, mighta been the morphine, but I cried a little because me being in the hospital was the cause of your stress.



Gosh, I prob shouldn’t tell you this stuff for your Father’s Day gift, I just wanted to . . . tell you things I haven’t before. And those are not constant feelings, just feelings I have felt at one point (s). Still love you.


Chapter 5: Love, hate, feel.


Dad you do realize I’m a human. Which is always good. And therefore I have feelings and thoughts (believe me, I have a lot of time to think . . . ha). Which you realize, thankfully. I’m sure there are many parents who think differently, but you and Mom are a-class ‘rents.


w/e I do not remember what I was going to say but: hey. It’s July 3 (well, it just became July 3 . . . I think it’s like, 12:30? or something?) And guess what? John Green just went to his room to sleep after a full day of . . . J Green. lol. He is the greatest guy and ok I am going to write some stuff that may or 21 not make sense?


Earlier today, John played “fun” ball with us. It was all on freaking hilariously dumb questions like “choco. flavored poop or poop flav. choc?” and “painties color?” But after that, we played “serious” ball and it got quite serious.22 Whenever we got a good question, John would make us pass it around in circles and state our various answers. John and Abby—the—friend filmed the entire thing basically. (Although Lindsay later filled me in that John would film everyone’s answer until they got to me. Then he’d stop ahhhhahah . . .)


Serious Ball turned into hugging—and saying how much love we have—time which was nice. And tear filled. Afterwards we went to nap.


Then we walked into the North End, we got gelato and espresso and John23 was fun to just chill with. My friends Katie and Teryn and I took a cab back but everyone else walked home w/ Mr. Wheelchair.


Once backat the hotel, you guys had the photo flippy thing set up. Slideshow! You guys had the slide show set up! So we all watched it was well done. A little long, but it had my songs and I am so freaking cute.


I’m really enjoying sharing stories but I’m gonna wrap it up ’cause most of this part is stuff you already know.


1 “lmao: laughing my a** off. I’d say lmbs, but it looks too much limbo”

2 “. . . and Abby, and Graham, and Lori, and Abra. . .”

3 btw: by the way. we’re pretty smart, eh?

4 unless, let’s say, I broke a table playing games or something. cough. . . angie. . . cough

5 that dirty, dirty cheater

6 these are my emoticons, btw. emoticons are like smileys

7 w/e: whatever. oOoOo, challenging

8 I really don’t know. . .

9 “blew my mind, basically”

10 remember those?

11 we were wearing shorts and wife-beaters

12 this is a guy laughing so hard that his eyes are crinkling, PAR LE WAY.

13 we being Abb, Ang and I

14 w/ means WITH, btw.

15 MUCH MORE FUN I MEAN

16 Just kidding—clever, eh?]

17 Idk what’s up w/ this face.

18 and you always say I’m never teased . . .

19 “p. sure that it was Luigi’s Mansion great game. . .” *“no, I don’t know how the smileys I’m using work. But they do, OK?!”

20 “this story also includes Angie, shocked?”

21 “or may not . . .

22 hello blue: it’s now . . . July 10 so im memory-relying right now . . . uh?”

23 “and my friends!”




Monday; July 19

9:41 pm


My g-tube is infected. My g-tube is infected and it huuurts. I’m p. sure it’s my fault, too; I put the new Mickey in and—BAM—pain around it. G’job, Est.

I don’t know what I’ve been doing . . . people online are still saying things like, “thank you, you’re an inspiration” “yr amazing” “wow you’re famous” “you’re so beautiful inside and out” But WHAT DO I SAY TO THEM?

“Oh, jgreen mentioned me in a vid along w/ my friends and then he made another vid saying ‘Vote for the HPA WITH ESTHER’ and oh before all that he made hundreds of NFs sign my guestbook. But I’m still Estee & I’ve done nothing else????”

Ya w/e that’s a silly rant but okay look I feel so lazy. I realize I’m sick however how do I connect I guess with Ang? I don’t think I try, tbh,* at least not that hard. It’s just that, dude, to get into Angie’s brain and have a talk where we were both exposed would take a lot of effort. Then I feel lazy . . . BLEH DUMBEST PARAGRAPH~~~

Ok I can’t write right now (write right AHAHA) because I’m tired and like feel really bad/hurting on my tummy. I hope the anti-B we got today helps. Weeee ok. *tbh: to be honest J


Wednesday; July 14 / Early Morning 101….

5:30 pm