This Star Won't Go Out

I’ve always remembered thinking throughout my life (all 15 years, my friend) that you look about 30-something, as well as Mom. But now, as life goes on and you age, you’re starting to look in your forties. But aren’t you, like, 50? lmao. 1 If you can call me Danei, 2 I can forget your age. Agreed?

Anyway, the point of that paragraph was that you’re quite young looking. However, I remember one time in the Aix hospital (I think it was before I was diagnosed); I was resting in bed, kinda grumpy, after having my catheter put in (btw, 3 I’ve decided I like my current cather mucho more than that one . . .), and I looked up at you. You were watching me sleep and I, being grumpy from meds, got annoyed and stuck Mickey over my head. Now of course when I think of that moment I feel really bad, and I also remember how tired your face looked, although you were slightly smiling. Seeing you tired and old-looking makes me feel horrible. And being the cause of that makes me feel . . . horrible. But I know you would never blame me for anything.4

Mom, let’s say, has never looked a day over 23. Right, dad?




Chapter 3: home is where the fam is


In Williamstown, we had a hamster, yeah? Oh, William was his name? Who the heck knows.


But anyway, me and Evangeline used to take building blocks and VCRs and blocky things, and we would build a maze-thing. Then, we would stick William in the maze and run around, playing “tag.” Willy would always cheat5 by sneaking through the cracks in the maze walls, and then he’d bump our feet. Then someone else would be it and . . . yes. Exciting. Why’d I tell you that? Oh I don’t know but there you go. 6


Story #2: Graham is watching a video right now of Doctor Who. It’s an episode where the Doctor (David Tennant) and Rose travel to future London. They encounter nurses with the faces of cats who test medicines on humans (mean!). There is also (subplot, hello!) a woman who is currently “the last human on earth” because she’s the last original human from earth . . . anyway, this woman (Cassandra) has a man/alien who for some reason is devoted to her. So later on, blah blah, the human test subjects are saved, Cassandra’s conscience is inside of Rose, man/alien/Cassandra-devotee is SUPPOSEDLY dead, and Graham says, “I hope that guy is still alive. He was very nice.”


I love his comments on things, seriously. So at the end, Cassandra’s conscience goes into man/alien (which of COURSE Graham had figured out), Cassandra/man/alien goes back in time to past-Cassandra, C/m/a says, “You are so beautiful” then dies, and Graham naively (but cutely) says, “Oh! Maybe Cassandra went into this girl and the nice guy will live!” Graham is so great!


I lately have been just kind of sitting around with him lately. Usually, he asks to watch Doctor Who, but w/e.7 I enjoy his company and he really seems to not get frustrated around me. Yeah, I believe he’ll do alright, honestly.


Abe time. He just went to the dollar store (oh trouble is here) with Mom and came back with gifts pour moi—a tattoo, a plastic, ducking chicken,8 and got himself the whole store.


Abraham is adorable. He just knows how to be cute. He also knows how to be whiney . . . oh, that little butt. But (lol), he’s a great kid. He says some profound stuff. That whole, “but who made him? And who made him? And who made him?” thing makes my head all 9


Some memories I have of him are his first birthday; it was in the Plymouth house, and we made him Mom’s really good chocolate cake. We went out on the porch and Abe sat in his high chair while we occupied the glass table (that wasn’t ours? or something . . .). Next, Abe used his hands and squashed the cake with his mouth. I think it was his first time eating cake, too. It was a cute experience. Oh, I don’t think he liked the cake for very long. lol.


Another memory from not too long after that is when Abe smartly decided to lock himself in the bathroom. And then, the door smartly decided to not have an outdoor lock. And then you freaked out, lmao. Then Abe cried. Then I, not to sound cocky, saved the day with my big, tanned, glistening biceps by climbing through the window and KAPOW! unlocked the door.





Let’s talk about Angie? She’s a character, to be certain. Earliest memory of her is either the whole beetle dumping thing in Saudi or saving the kitty those jerks (in Saudi) were throwing around.


We hid that cat in our closet for 3 days before you found it, you know. Oh yes, we’re good.